Pushy Parents

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I popped along to a local show this morning to see some friends. Whilst there i kept half an eye on the WH ring. There was a pretty little pony stood outside waiting to go in, smallish child on board. Pony and child went in and pony stopped at every fence, couldnt work out from where i was stood if it was naughty or babyish, child rode determindly and got pony over every fence, she retired nearish to the end after nearly coming out the side door. As me and my friends walked back through the showground we past said child and pony, with father hanging off ponies bridle, child with tears pouring down her little face saying over and over again 'I'm sorry daddy, i'm sorry daddy i promise i'll do better next time and jump them all......
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My heart went out to this poor kid, this was only a local show and was meant to be fun.
Sorry for mainly pointless post, but i just dont understand how any parent can do that to a kid, i can maybe understand slightly more if there was something big at stake like a HOYS qualification, but a local show where all there was on offer was a rossette
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god i am so lucky my mum is not like that!
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i have seen so many kids being pushed and then pulling the ponies out at fences coz theyre too nervous! :O
 
Had out first local show yesterday, sad to say i saw it happen there too.
Little girl jumping a triple, horse went through the wing on the last jump, fell onto ponies neck, horse went to eat grass and poor little girl slid down the horses neck, into a headstand then flipped onto the ground. Mother shouted at the girl for crying!
The worst thing was it wasn't even a class...it was clear round!
 
In what way was that fun for the child? Father should be ashamed of himself. I pity the poor child and pony. Its another reason why I do not like horse shows.
 
I couldnt believe it, i was all for going and slapping said father and stealing child giving her a big hug and using her as my jockey!!
She rode so determindly the whole way round, i think she only retired because as pony ran out she hit her head on the wing, but i was standing down from the ring and couldnt really see
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My dad used to be bit like that nowhere as bad though and I would just tell him to shut up
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But he'd say things like "what you want to do is give it a good kick, really ride in to that fence, do this, do that"

Hmmmm yes Dad, and you sat on a horse when? Oh yes thats right, never
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Reminds me of my nasty mother who walked home and left me with my pony at a show cos I did'nt win, I was only 11, needless to say we dont get on, such a shame children are ment to have fun at any level of showing.
 
Oh it breaks my heart to see things like that.

I always try and make an effort to say well done to children who have tried really hard or done well. My Dad is the same. Sometimes it just makes their day and puts a grin on their face.
 
I have seen 1 mother chastise a small child for "Letting the whole family down" by doing badly.

1 mother last week SJ'ing (seniors and juniors go together and get separate prizes) yelled instructions at her son across the CR. Just before he went to the jump off, she grabbed his bridle, looked him in the eye and asked "Alfie, what is your game plan?"

I am quite happy to name the venue and parent publicly!
 
i know its awful, i went to xc with my friend today to groom for her and i was watching her round and a little girl fell off, her mother was standing next to me. she goes (half to me) for gods sake girl get back on (the fall had been on a bank so she could easily have been hurt) the fence judge was talking to her and from what it looked like, reassuring her, and the mother said stop bloody talking to her and make her get on, im not coming over to get her stupid girl. and i just thought, do you not care that she could be hurt or maybe she doesnt feel her pony is up to it and wants to retire?

and then when my friend had finished her round, we were walking back to the collecting ring and i heard a mother, father and son talking and son said he was very frustrated that his pony had run out but it was ok he'll do better next time and mother said bl00dy little devils aren't they and father said yes we should've put Nelly on it to beat the hell out of it
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needless to say i was truly shocked
if i ever have that mentality, do kill me
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Arghhh I hate to see pushy parents.

On the opposite side, we watched a kids SJ class at a local show the other day. There was one boy on a brill little pony who popped everything. He had one pole down and that was because the kid had the most appalling line to the fence, he practically rode a serpentine to it!! He was lucky the pony was honest enough to jump it. Anyway after they got out the kid dumped the pony on his mum and came over to his dad in a foul mood cos the pony had knocked the fence and he wasn't gonna get to the jump off. Think he was expecting sympathy and a pony blaming session. He didn't get it!! Dad was brilliant, he stayed nice and calm and positive but explained to the kid that the pony had only had the pole cos he had given him such a bad line to the fence. He showed him the line he should have had, and said how well they'd done at all the other fences (where he had ridden really well) and told him that if he wanted get to jump offs he needed to ride every fence accurately. I was well impressed with dad
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it makes me sick when i see people like that if i was there i would have gone up to him and told him. cheeky person how deare he speak to his child like that i get so angry with them.
 
poor kid.
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my parents never pushed me to do anything, but they were never very interested in the small clear round jumping shows I did when I was probably...9 or 10 at the RS I helped at. Kind of wish they'd supported me, and maybe pushed me a bit...so at least I would have felt compelled to try a little bit harder
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I couldn't agree more. There is nothing worse at any level of show than parents berating child/pony for something they have done/not done.
I often wonder if the parents could hear themselves would they carry on in this manner.
There are 2 posts below which beautifully illustrate the different extremes of good & bad 'show parenting'.
It absolutely amazes me that some parents can't see that their attitude puts their children off competing (or even riding) faster than anything.
 
why oh why do they do it it is meant to be fun, yes as parents we get stressed by what they do, but for god sake it is so stupid. these parents scare the hell out of me, i am if my three get to that stage i will be in horse box to scared to look!!!
 
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One of the reasons im glad no one else in my family is in to horse riding
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Yup, me too. Though the second time my dad came to watch me ride K (had horse a year at this point) was for a jump clinic that was up to 2'3" my dad said "Oh, I thought you were going to jump bigger!" It seemed pretty darn big at the time!

Poor little thing. It is all about winning now though isn't it, less about the taking part and having a bloody good crack at it.
 
I felt sick when I read that. I have a 5yr old daughter who rides and my heart goes out to that poor little mite - she must have been feeling terrible and had some bad telling off in the past to say that kind of thing to her Dad. Ohhhh if I had seen that I dont think I would have been able to contain myself. How dare any parent put that kind of stress onto a child!!!!!
 
I hated going to watch my neices at PC camp/rallies etc - with parents giving out good advice like 'Smack it bloody hard' 'Pick yourself up and give it a kick' - funny how all the ponies belonging to people like that are called 'it'.
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The other ones are the parents who are living vicariously through their children and have bought them completely inappropriate ponies and the children are sitting on them looking terrified....
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I was once accused of being a pushy parent, and that it was about taking part and having fun, not winning. To a point, perhaps. But when exactly did winning become a bad thing? The reality on this occasion was the child had asked my in my capacity as her instructor to come to the show to help her because she wanted to do well. I walked the course with her a few times, talking about strides between fences, where to turn, change legs, etc. Interefing woman was stalking me around course. Before the first class, which we saw as a warm up get used to the environment etc, I gave her some more advice. Pony didn't jump super, wasn't focused, child wasn't giving him the right approaches, one down because she dropped her reins on him. When she came put I told her this, and she went off to cool down. Interering bat came over and screamed at me for 'living my dreams through my child', 'being a pushy mother', and how bloody good child did with me fence down etc. Child returned so I left it. After next class, with first place rosette firml attached I went up to bat and told her that if her (several fences down and sulking) child ever needed lessons they could find me at x riding school.

Child was over the moon thanked me profusely for coming with her and coaching her and cleaned my tack to say thank you! Just an example of someone not seeing the whole picture.
 
There are some horrors out there. Also seen the parent who said 'Never mind, we'll get you a better jumping pony so you can win'. Sadly the child hadn't the technique of the rosette winners (looked scared, looked down at the jump, was right out of the seat and came crashing down after, made me think it was no wonder her pony refused)

I must be the least pushy parent though, had been listening to daughter enthuse about doing a clear round in the jump off - having put in a lot of hard work at home - then I thought they'd left her out of the results as I'd not paid attention to the later jump-offs so didn't know how many went clear, and thought perhaps she'd made a mistake or not gone through the finish - but had thought she'd perhaps done better than 4th or 5th as 6th had a pole down and she was faster than some - but she wasn't 5th or 4th or 3rd or even 2nd and was saying never mind you really enjoyed doing it that's the main thing when I discovered she was actually 1st in her (and pony's) first competition.
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I regularly see the same parent tell his boy he "rode like a div" when he comes out the ring, and the little boy cries and runs off and puts the pony on the trailer crying his eyes out whilst the father shouts and mouths off to his cronies about how the boy rode it all wrong etc. it is just disgusting. the kid is riding a huge pony for his size and rides it extremely well too which makes it all the more sad. I really have to bite my tongue as you can tell he is the sort of person who think he is right about everything so telling him what he is doing to his child is demeaning and just totally out of order is pointless.

on a positive note it does teach me something - i'm not a horsey mum, but i am a horsey Aunt, and i always make sure im as supportive but constructive as possible - its supposed to be fun and if you cant control your own behaviour in an appropriate manner how on earth do you expect your child to learn how to behave / grow up properly.
 
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