Pushy Parents.....

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equitum

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We went to our first competition of the year this weekend, only a fun unaffiliated one, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves despite the cold weather.

When, into the warm up arena, in marched a woman in a full competition outfit (hairnet included) followed by a small child on a Shetland.

She stood in the middle of the arena barking orders at this little child who couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 and berating him for anything he did wrong at the top of her voice. She was getting in everyone's way but clearly didn't care at all, just glared at everyone who passed by. She was still shouting at him when he entered the ring.

He actually ended up doing quite well but I felt sorry for him, all the other children were laughing and enjoying themselves and I didn't see him smile once all day. :(

Why do some parents think it's ok to act like this? it makes me feel so sad for the kids to feel that amount of pressure at such a young age, so stressful for them. Winning is great but surely it should also be fun too?

And why do some of these parents feel the need to have all the riding gear on themselves when they aren't riding??? Talk about living your dreams through your kids!

no point to this post at all really, just a mini rant/observation :)
 
There is every point in posting something like this! Even if just one parent reads it and thinks 'am I like this?' It could make a difference to a child somewhere.
It is parenting at its worst IMO and happens all the time, in all sports and life in general.
There's a mum at a primary school my kids went to who's behaviour was quite beyond words. If her 6 yo, a very bright child, did not do her homework to her mums standard she would have to do it over and over again until it was good enough. Nothing this child did was ever going to be good enough. So sad.
 
Lol- reminds me of the lady who taught me to ride (properly). She was of undeterminable age, took everything extremely seriously, and scared the hell out of me. She was fabulous...although at the time, I was very glad she wasn't my mother!

Seriously, hate it when parents do that. Poor kid. And the whole riding gear thing even though she wasn't riding?! Really odd. I wonder if anyone was brave enough to say anything to her. Doubt it would have gone in, never does with that kind of person, but worth a try all the same.

Sad, isn't it. :(
 
I've worked as a riding instructor in various places over the years and this was one of the main reasons I gave it up. The main part of my kiddie lessons was for them to have fun - safely - surely that's what it's all about? I loved seeing them laughing their heads off at silliness and the big beams of pride on their faces when they made achievements, but what killed it was the mothers.

I have had to ask several parents to leave the viewing area because they would be barking orders over me at their kids. Then I would get cornered after the lesson for a vigorous 'grilling' over their kids' abilities and what their prospects were...
One mum was jumping about from foot to foot and firing questions at me so as a joke I said "I think we will concentrate on learning rising trot just now, leave entering into the Olympics for a couple of years yet!" daft old bat took me seriously then took great pride going round all the other parents declaring that her little cherub was going to be ready for the Olympics in the next couple of years!

It's horrible though, I've had kids in tears in my lessons and confiding in me that they don't enjoy horse riding but their mums make them do it. Nine times out of ten it's a mum who rode as a child and for whatever reason doesn't any more, so is determined that her kid will in her place.
 
The number of pushy parents who were in my pony club.

Due to them, I can totally see why some kids get to 18, move out and barely come home again!
 
I went to a fun local show in the summer as was absolutely gob-smacked by the pushy parents. One couple were swearing at their child as he was sobbing his way around a SJ course! I thought it was all about having fun....
 
It isn't just horsey parents that can be pushy. I used to be a football coach, and helped out at a local primary school, managing the football team. One match the children got beaten by several goals by a rather good team. The fathers in particular were telling my players off all the way through the match, and had another go at them as they left the pitch. The children were in tears :( I asked the children if they had played their best and enjoyed it, to which they said 'yes'. I told them that was all that mattered, if they had tried their bests and enjoyed it then I was very happy with them. There are many more stories I could tell you (including me being spat at, bullied, harassed...), it was just a shame for the children who enjoyed playing but had so much pressure piled on them from their parents.
 
Sadly there are parents who go too far in all sports, they want their child to achieve or do what they could not in most cases.

Too often some of these children end up as adults with low self esteem and all the emotional problems that go with having your self worth destroyed instead of being nurtured and developed.

So very sad.
 
I heard a mother berate her small child when she came out of a dressage test (having made an error of course) with "You have let the whole family down." Social Services could do with attending a few Riding Club, etc. shows and issuing warnings to these parents (e.g. "we will ask your child's teachers to monitor them and if we hear anything untoward, we will take them in to care.").
 
There's a lot of it about! Just go to affiliated junior SJ, I'd seen parents berating children for falling off, not winning, not going fast enough etc etc Parents who put huge pressure on their kids by buying really expensive ponies with a fab record but not really understanding that these ponies still have to be ridden, they are not machines! However, it's not just PC parents or showing parents etc, it's everywhere in every area of life and it does put so much unnecessary pressure on children and even talented ones, just burn out. So sad!
 
Sadly, I don't think there is any getting through to parents like these and agree you do see it in all walks of life, especially where there is an element of competition to it.

It's a lost childhood in my opinion. I'd imagine most children grow up completely resenting their parents for this sort of behaviour.

Maybe show organisers should clamp down and not allow any kind of abusive behaviour towards competitors? Not sure if it would work but surely there must be some way to shut these parents up??
 
Im another who hates pushy parents totally. my daughter competed from earlier age but it was about fun fun fun. she says she as wonderful childhood memories of ponys and her and me. Now 24 she still as passion for horses. i never tried to relieve my youth through her. pushy parents should think of the memories thier children will have in adult hood.
 
Perhaps you should!

Actually I'm pretty sure I know the lad and must say he is a nice little rider and does seem to have lots of fun doing hunting, jumping and such like. But horses is the mum's livelihood so perhaps thats why they take it pretty seriously (and why she was in riding gear).
 
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Hate them however I had a heated exchange at a show couple wks ago when mini me fell off and I Put her right back up despite tears and made her jump 2 more fences, after which mini me was smiling and fine. was told that I shouldnt have put her back on and should have let her sit down????

On the otherside when mini me was competing in lead rein class at quite a prestigious show one child had a meltdown in warm up and tried to get off pony ( who had been lunged for an hr to take energy out of him) father proceeded to rant and curse at the child and forced them to go in.
 
I don't mind pushy parents if the child is still enjoying it.
My mum was the best at shows, she knew when to give tips, knew when to stay quiet and knew when to give me a shoulder to cry on or a kick up the bum. She always said just enjoy yourself that's the main thing. When I have kids they will be told the same :)
 
In a way although its always annoyed me that mum and dad funded ponies as a kid they weren't note rested and never really have been interested, mum came to shows until. Was old enough t hack there but neither were interested, glad now that they weren't pushy parents as I still love my horses , still allowed to keep them at home and mum helps me with them but they probably wouldn't notice if I was at rio haha
 
There is the odd time when you know that the child needs a bit of firm encouragement. Mostly, though, I have learned to keep my mouth shut completely and let them get on with it. And it is so so rude for parents to give their children instructions when they are having a lesson. I have a friend at pony club who does this to her daughter. Apart from being confusing for the child, it's completely disrespectful to the instructor!
 
You see it at chicken shows too - birds entered in the junior classes but the kids are under strict instructions by the parents not to even touch the bird :( I've been to shows where juniors entered in the junior classes arent even at the show! A lot of these things are about the parent's glory
 
I don't often see pushy parents actually, what annoys me on a similar level is kids on extremely generous ponies who are putting up with shrieking, flapping, kicking children who have an absolute paddy if the pony refuses a jump. They then turn and scream at their mothers in tears about how they hate the pony! While still in the ring... If I had behaved like that my horse would have been sold by my mother to a child more grateful!
 
Totally agree!
Megibo said:
I don't often see pushy parents actually, what annoys me on a similar level is kids on extremely generous ponies who are putting up with shrieking, flapping, kicking children who have an absolute paddy if the pony refuses a jump. They then turn and scream at their mothers in tears about how they hate the pony! While still in the ring... If I had behaved like that my horse would have been sold by my mother to a child more grateful!
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I know this lad you are talking about and I can tell you he enjoys every minute of his horsey life! He has been hunting for most of the winter and asked if he could attend the dressage today. He is the first one too be on the yard playing with all the ponies and would be the first one to tell you that he is never "pushed" into anything he does! The photos I have prove it! And as for his mother, she competed too, so surely she needed to be dressed in her gear???
I feel this thread might have been uncalled for...........
 
scottvitler360 said:
I know this lad you are talking about and I can tell you he enjoys every minute of his horsey life! He has been hunting for most of the winter and asked if he could attend the dressage today. He is the first one too be on the yard playing with all the ponies and would be the first one to tell you that he is never "pushed" into anything he does! The photos I have prove it! And as for his mother, she competed too, so surely she needed to be dressed in her gear???
I feel this thread might have been uncalled for...........
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I was simply making an observation based on what I saw, it's not about having two sides to a story, it's just about highlighting something that goes on in the competition world which isn't necessary. I just felt sad for the young boy being shouted at and I was not the only one there to comment on it either! Being a fun show, it's meant to be fun.

He may well enjoy it and that's really good if he does but I have a little boy myself and what I saw made me feel sad, you can still be a serious competitor without all the ranting and raving.
 
I haven't read all posts but at that age riding should be fun. As A RI in past I hated teaching kids that were pushed by parents to ride it made teaching hard as I was teaching someone who didn't enjoy it and if they didn't enjoy it how could I make it fun for them? My LO at the moment loves being round horses and if she wants a pony when older then I'll do my best to get her one but I would want her to have fun so she enjoys it and wants to do it
 
What I think is a shame is people judging others after watching that person for 5 minutes. The 'poor little boy' that you are all feeling so sorry for has the best horsey life. He shows/competes at county level both in flat and working hunter classes he attends pony club and goes out hunting regularly. As for the pushy mother 'living her dreams through her child, hairnet included...' If you had of stayed around long enough she did actually compete herself at the dressage. There is a big difference in being a pushy parent forcing your child to do something the child doesn't want to do and pushing your child to do the best you know they can do. As was this situation, why would you not want your child to do the best they can do, if you have ever stood in the middle of a warm up arena you do have to shout to be heard if it was as bad as your saying (enough to warrant this post) why didn't you challenge the situation or at least approach the show secretary?
It's not about winning either its about doing your best and I can guarantee that if the 'poor boy' came last but tried his hardest his mum would be the proudest parent, she does earn her living through horses and so has the knowledge and expertise of how the pony should be going and how to get the best from her child.
And for everyone who is about to say anything, I'm not related nor a close friend what I do know, this is nonsense and although entitled to your own opinion maybe you should judge someone so quickly next time???
 
Working as a teacher I find it great when parents want to support and help but wow.... My child is doing BTEC she won't be able to get to a good university( chid year10) ..... Hmmm your daughter even though she is a lovely girl can hardly read... University - no not for her.....

Best I have seen is child on pony with ear piece and mum warming her up talking 24 to the dozen about posture, legs , graceful darling..... Poor kid!

Agree parents can be pushy some children need this ! Agree that ever child should have fun! See 1000s of pushy ones mainly in showing.... We always seem to park next to them.... Pony lunged for hours or mum gets on it before dumping cutiz on with perfect dress.... Poor kid nearly faints as 100 degrees and in tweed!
 
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