Rant about unsupportive HHO'ers

Flame_ said:
How can you be supportive if you think someone is being a div?

Why would you, how is that helpful?

I swear I'm from a different planet to other people sometimes. This thread is totally baffling to me.
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If you think someone is being a 'div' then either don't comment or express your opinion in a kind but honest way. The person posting may not deliberately be being a 'div' they may not know any better and be asking for help or advice. Perhaps you think this forum should just be for professionals that already 'know it all'?

Think this thread is perfectly clear and reasonable
 
Flame_ said:
How can you be supportive if you think someone is being a div?

Why would you, how is that helpful?

I swear I'm from a different planet to other people sometimes. This thread is totally baffling to me.
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Don't you think that if someone has asked a question, even if it is obvious to you they deserve a polite response. I am sure when I put my first post on here regarding my little mare that there were experienced breeders out there that thought ' what is she doing having a foal knowing so little' but everyone has to start somewhere and as I said I had a lot of good advise and support when all went wrong. Very few people are being a div as you put it and we all have to learn, you weren't born with your knowledge of horses you have learnt from other people who have obviously been willing to teach you and share their knowledge. Surely we all want anyone showing an interest in horses to learn to look after them as well as possible and that can only be achieved for a novice owner with the help and advise of more knowledgable horsey people. No harm in giving that advise in a nice polite way surely.
 
Flame_ said:
How can you be supportive if you think someone is being a div?

By helping them become less of a div.

Why would you, how is that helpful?

It might help reduce universal divness.

I swear I'm from a different planet to other people sometimes. This thread is totally baffling to me.
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...
 
Anglebracket said:
There is a difference though between being blunt and being rude. I don't think there is a need to insult someone (often referred to "as telling it like it is") in order to influence their behaviour. In fact I believe that this is counterproductive. When a person feels under attack they will focus their energies and attention on defending themselves rather than on the factual information that is being imparted.
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wise words, :) it is the same in real life too, I've known people who will use the 'bluntness' excuse to try to hide the fact they are just rude.
As you say , once someone feels defensive they are no longer open to advice, no matter how good it is , on a forum that then results in people getting frustrated and i think that's when you get what appears to be a 'gang' trying to get their point across. i think very few people deliberately gang up on someone, it just looks that way when they are all of a similar POV:)
 
You dont have to agree to be supportive! x

I have a friend who is dying of cancer and has refused treatment, i dont agree with her thats its the answer but its her choice and i will support her! I guess if she was your friend she'd be a 'div'....glad i'm not your 'friend' x
 
I think this place is massively supportive - but as someone who can be a rather blunt at times, and has a very good b8llsh7t detector, I can understand that I may sometimes come across as less than so.

However, you only have to read some of the threads on here to see how much value it is to people. Reading Queenbee's tale about her beautiful mare and her subsequent loss proves the forum's worth time and again. The amount of support she received was fantastic. As has the support that others have received under similar (and dissimilar) circumstances.
 
I am sure that some folk think I am an arse at times, also that I am rude at times.
The problem is when some posters agree with others who's views they tend to share, it looks like your all ganging up on someone. That's not usually the case.

With so many people on a forum you're always going to get differing opinions and ways of responding. You have to be pretty thick skinned to be on here.
Luckily for me I have very tough skin, it's like leather, I often shower using a good saddle soap. Works wonders
 
lcharles said:
You dont have to agree to be supportive! x

I have a friend who is dying of cancer and has refused treatment, i dont agree with her thats its the answer but its her choice and i will support her! I guess if she was your friend she'd be a 'div'....glad i'm not your 'friend' x
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Oh come on, a personal decision about someone's life isn't the same as making reckless decisions which affect the welfare of another animal - which is really where threads get contraversial on here.

A more appropriate example might be if someone posts photos of a horse which is clearly an extreme condition score in either direction - who is benefitted by "supportive" comments? An honest, though reasonably polite response is far less likely to cause any confusion in the mind of the OP, who clearly need to address their management.
 
amymay said:
However, you only have to read some of the threads on here to see how much value it is to people. Reading Queenbee's tale about her beautiful mare and her subsequent loss proves the forum's worth time and again. The amount of support she received was fantastic. As has the support that others have received under similar (and dissimilar) circumstances.
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it would be a very brave/stupid person who dared to be unsupportive at an emotive time like that!! :eek:
 
I am a blunt person. I am also an honest one: if someone doesn't like my advice they are completely free not to take it.
 
MrsMozart said:
I don't think it will ever change on here.

There are some excellent, knowledgeable people who are kind enough to share their long earned experience; but as Wagtail says, it won't always be sugar coated.

As it's an unmoderated forum, people will and do say what they will. Sometimes someone will report the extreme (and sometimes the not so extreme) comments and the relevant poster will go on 'holiday', but other than that, there isn't a check mechanism in place.
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Agree with this Mrs M although alot of those with no knowledge do jump on the band wagon of those that do and it all makes for passing popcorn and wine (mines merlot by the way):). The thing is not to take it to heart the written word can come across a lot harsher than it is meant.
 
JFTD, I just meant that you can be supportive without agree-ing. Supportive in a way by giving advice which has been asked for, without running someone down.

People can ask for advice and then decide not to take it but i just think that things can be spiteful on her at times. As someone said, some posts are lovely and I find quite moving and its wonderful how everyone does support the poster even if its just with a short 'good luck' message.
 
lcharles said:
Why can't people come on here to ask for help/advice/support without being bombarded with nasty, sarcastic, unkind people having their say! If you don't agree with the OP then at least put it in a nice/helpful way to get your point across.

Everyone has their own opinions, thoughts and ideas but to attack someone you don't know, that is only asking for support of some kind is disgusting!

If you don't have anything nice or productive to say then pipe down and let the kind, helpful people assist with the query. It is nothing more than bullying and is totally uncalled for.

Not very encouraging to newbies or people that want to ask a seemingly harmless question, post a picture etc without being attacked.
Everyone has a right the to their opinions but no-one has the right to belittle someone else.

Rant over x
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Agree with you
 
This forum was massively supportive to me last year when the foal I was expecting turned out to be twins, one of which we lost after a couple of days. I posted in 'Breeding' for help and advice - I was overwhelmed by the response and it helped me through a very difficult time.

I think it can get unpleasant with those who post looking for support for their position when it's a 'this person's said this' kind of situation. If you're asking for opinions, you're often going to find people saying things you don't like. And many of us are going to question a story which seems one-sided - there are always two sides to everything and some posters get pretty snippy if they're questioned about the other side of the argument.

I'm still learning about posting on here - by and large I think the advice is good, but I think you have to know how to phrase your question and how to interpret the responses!
 
I have read some really interesting threads and some very supportive ones too, I find alot of answers to trivial questions on HHO...I think everybody needs to ask a silly question now and then ;) .

However I have often found myself reluctant to post incase of a nasty reaction. I am not as thick skinned as many on here! Alot of the time this probably wouldnt happen, but the odd thread can turn nasty. Dont get me wrong, I would glady listen to other peoples opinions and veiws, but on an open forum like this we do run the risk of an uncalled for slating! Some I have witnessed have not been plesant and I have not got involved in (due to being a massive wuss!).

I do not doubt for a second that there are many VERY knowledgeable and experienced people on here whose advice I would listen to and appreciate greatly. I also think there is nothing wrong with blunt honest advice, however I have seen the odd instance where a poster has been jumped on and almost 'attacked' and the whole thread tumbles downhill from there!
 
I know that on certain subjects, HHOers can be opinionated and sometimes this is not seen as supportive, but my recent experiences would lead me to say that when the chips are down, there is no foundation for this criticism, the folks on here have been so supportive for me, I couldn't have asked for more:)
 
If people come on here asking for opinions I dont know why they are surprised when other members dont agree with their views. If you ask for an opinion you expect both sides.

If people post asking for help they usually get it. Others only seem to get angry when the OP states they are going to do something people think is wrong, and a horse will suffer.

If they come on here wanting everyone to take their side in a petty livery yard arguement, then they get what they deserve :D

If all people want is hugs and sympathy then they should say so. Plenty of people on here are really good at that.

And if you post that your horse has colic and you might get round to ringing the vet tomorrow, after you have done your shopping and washed your hair, what do you expect :p

That said you do need to be able to stand up for yourself
 
Balanced and objective responses are more helpful,and there are many ways to assert a point without being rude.If i dealt with my patients in a subjective manner i would soon be in trouble,even if i felt they needed a reality check.Some people just need gentle advice and guidance without being made to look and feel stupid and inadequate.We all need help and compassion at times,whatever our status and experience,and there is nothing wrong with asking for advice and information.I have seen a lot of kindness,support and advice in this forum,but also note there are some posters who are the antithesis of altruism.I can only conclude that the seriously rude and critical members are themselves inadequate in dealing with their fellow humans needs and emotions and have no other way of putting across a point without causing offence.There is never going to be a point when everyone agrees,but a good,productive healthy debate where differences of opinion are accepted would be the best outcome.This happens regularly in my working life(Psychiatry) where there is no universal way and everyone has different perpectives and experiences.It is only with the sharing of these differences that we can move forward and accept each to their own,as long as no harm is done.
 
amymay said:
I think this place is massively supportive - but as someone who can be a rather blunt at times, and has a very good b8llsh7t detector, I can understand that I may sometimes come across as less than so.

However, you only have to read some of the threads on here to see how much value it is to people. Reading Queenbee's tale about her beautiful mare and her subsequent loss proves the forum's worth time and again. The amount of support she received was fantastic. As has the support that others have received under similar (and dissimilar) circumstances.
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Amymay, although you have some good advice a hell of a lot of the time, you can appear very cold. I don't know what you put on the other forums but in the New Lounge I never see any sense of humour like the other members. Perhaps a lot of people take this as being rude although you are obviously just blunt! ;)
 
rockysmum said:
If people come on here asking for opinions I dont know why they are surprised when other members dont agree with their views. If you ask for an opinion you expect both sides.

If people post asking for help they usually get it. Others only seem to get angry when the OP states they are going to do something people think is wrong, and a horse will suffer.

If they come on here wanting everyone to take their side in a petty livery yard arguement, then they get what they deserve :D

If all people want is hugs and sympathy then they should say so. Plenty of people on here are really good at that.

And if you post that your horse has colic and you might get round to ringing the vet tomorrow, after you have done your shopping and washed your hair, what do you expect :p

That said you do need to be able to stand up for yourself
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This ^^^^
 
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