Really not coping

Ahh, thank you that's really kind Jesstickle.

I really don't want to PTS but I'm beginning to think it may be the only answer. I can't afford retirement livery yard prices, I'm a single parent working as hard as I can but it's way out of my league. I do indeed feel ready to snap. I was trying to be positive before she came back thinking it would do me good and it would be nice to have an interest outside work/my daughter but the reality is it's too much. If I'd have had a gun on Wednesday I think I'd have done away with her then me, I was just that stressed out. And this is summer, winter is going to be worse.
 
tye_bo said:
Ahh, thank you that's really kind Jesstickle.

I really don't want to PTS but I'm beginning to think it may be the only answer. I can't afford retirement livery yard prices, I'm a single parent working as hard as I can but it's way out of my league. I do indeed feel ready to snap. I was trying to be positive before she came back thinking it would do me good and it would be nice to have an interest outside work/my daughter but the reality is it's too much. If I'd have had a gun on Wednesday I think I'd have done away with her then me, I was just that stressed out. And this is summer, winter is going to be worse.
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Aw hun :( Things seem so much worse now because it's all the stress and everything mixing togther...where abouts in the country are you, I'm sure somebody would be able to help, even for just a few months whilst things pick up for you? PM me if you want x
 
Thanks I'm in North Derbyshire. I don't think a few months would help, I've been in the purgatory situation of getting divorced for the last year. I may loose the house, it's all going to court, because I work I don't get legal aid so it's going to cost a fortune. It's a nightmare, an absolute nightmare.
 
Hi

I put a link to this on one of the rescue facebook pages.

There were a lot of offers of help for someone in a similar situation last week. Both long and short term offers too.
 
tye_bo said:
If I'd have had a gun on Wednesday I think I'd have done away with her then me, I was just that stressed out. And this is summer, winter is going to be worse.
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Well, you are more important than any horse. If it is getting to you that much, and you are comfortable with the decision, there is no shame in having her PTS quietly at home. You don't owe her anything and I think we can all agree that your life, and your daughters well being, are more important. Anyone who dares to disagree that a young child is more important than a horse will have me to deal with!.

Do you have time off over the bank holiday? If not can you take some annual leave from work. At least try and have a few days where you aren't run off your feet. As meesha said already some proper rest would probably make it seem a little bit more bearable. Obviously it isn't going to magic the problem away but if you're anything like me being over tired just makes everything seem 100x worse. I really wish I could take her for you for a while. I would in a heartbeat if I could.
 
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jesstickle said:
Well, you are more important than any horse. If it is getting to you that much, and you are comfortable with the decision, there is no shame in having her PTS quietly at home. You don't owe her anything and I think we can all agree that your life, and your daughters well being, are more important. Anyone who dares to disagree that a young child is not more important than a horse will have me to deal with!.

Do you have time off over the bank holiday? If not can you take some annual leave from work. At least try and have a few days where you aren't run off your feet. As meesha said already some proper rest would probably make it seem a little bit more bearable. Obviously it isn't going to magic the problem away but if you're anything like me being over tired just makes everything seem 100x worse. I really wish I could take her for you for a while. I would in a heartbeat if I could.
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This...... that's also a good suggestion from Rocky's mum, but if that doesn't work, ultimately you have to think about yours and your daughter's wellbeing x
 
tye_bo said:
Thanks I'm in North Derbyshire. I don't think a few months would help, I've been in the purgatory situation of getting divorced for the last year. I may loose the house, it's all going to court, because I work I don't get legal aid so it's going to cost a fortune. It's a nightmare, an absolute nightmare.
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I'm really sorry to hear this, and, people might shoot me down for saying this, a horse is the last thing that you need added to the mix to worry about :(
 
jesstickle said:
Well, you are more important than any horse. If it is getting to you that much, and you are comfortable with the decision, there is no shame in having her PTS quietly at home. You don't owe her anything and I think we can all agree that your life, and your daughters well being, are more important. Anyone who dares to disagree that a young child is more important than a horse will have me to deal with!.
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For a totally different reason, I have to agree 100% with Jess here... A horse, any animal in fact, can never be as important as ensuring the wellbeing and future of your child...

Sweetie, 20 mins a day with your little one just isn't right... Being so stressed out you can't properly enjoy those 20 mins just isn't right... I'm not a pill popping pusher but sometimes, you need to see the doctor and spill your guts and see if they think you need some help... Is there a Sure Start branch near you? They offer a great befriending and support service to parents/carers... Make sure you speak to a welfare officer at the CAB or via Sure Start, GP or whoever and get a benefits calculations check done to find out exactly what is your best financial option regarding work hours...

I do agree that this might not be the right time to consider putting your mare to sleep if you're not thinking clearly... But if it comes to it, there's no shame in that decision... Ask around for help though - perhaps a new yard, some suggestions for retirement livery, an inexpensive farm offering DIY or someone willing to pop her in a non grassy corner of their field for a while... Sometimes, when the going is really tough, people will amaze you with the offers of help they will make - I've experienced that somewhat humbling situation myself... Good people are out there...

Check in and let everyone know how you're doing...

:)
 
Thank you all. Yes I'm off till Wednesday pm, I still have my self employed work to do but I'm leaving it a couple of days so I get a rest.

My parents are great and will have my daughter, I have lovely friends who are supportive. I don't get benefits as I work, I would actually be better off not working as then I'd get legal aid but I also need to show the courts that I can afford to take the house on if I want to keep my home. Plus in all honesty it's been good for me to get out of the house and meet new people and have another focus in my life. It's given me some confidence back.

Thanks again all. x
 
Wiz201 said:
Hi
I work full time and get working tax credits. You should be able to get child tax credits.
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Yes I do get tax credits but because I'm not on benefits (job seekers/income support) then I don't get legal aid, I have to pay for my own legal costs.
 
Wagtail said:
To be frank, and please don't take this the wrong way, it sounds as though you are depressed. You have a lot on your plate, but so do many other people. Try viewing going to do the horse as going to the gym, to help you keep fit. Seriously, I would go to the doctors and tell him/her how you are feeling totally overwhelmed, and what you are going through. Sounds like a course of anti-depressants could turn your life around and get you over this hurdle by supporting you for six months or so.
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Totally agree. Have been there . You really need to go and speak to someone. You need to see your horse as respite from the situation not another chore.
 
So sorry to hear of yor situation OP, and I have to say as hard as it would be in your situation if you can't find an alrternative for your mare soon I would pts.

You have a horse that you have little time and money for and that horse is aged and has requirements that mean it will need a specific type of home which is hard to find. There are far worse things that can happen to your mare.

It will be one less stress for you and personally I feel it should be your child who gets your attention devoted to them, not leaving your child to go and do a horse when your time is already so limited. :(
 
Sorry I only read the first page but I agree with wag tail , view your horse as time out if your parents will look after the child for an hour while you see to the horse use that hour as a chill out from your hectic schedule

I understand that may not be easy to work into your day but I'd try as it sounds like you need to take a break and the horse might just be an excuse for "me" time

Good luck hope you sort something out
 
:( sounds like a difficult situation. In your situation I would seriously consider pts. The horse very obviously isn't your 'me' time, she is your 'not with with my baby' time. Sometimes this forum seems to be frequented by do it all wonder women who tell people that because they managed (often in different circumstances or I suspect with exaggerated problems) you should too. Fwiw its ok to be stressed, upset and anxious without having depression. This is a stressful, upsetting and anxious situation. Strong emotions are normal and healthy, not necessarily a sign of clinical depression.

Maybe someone on here can offer help, you never know, sometimes people can be wonderfully kind. Or perhaps advertise saying you have a horse suitable as a companion for another laminitic and that you're willing to pay costs up to x amount?
 
Maggie this is it totally. I don't feel like I've got depression, it's simply a horrendously stressful situation on top of everything else. I had hoped (in my trying to make the best of a bad situation) that it would be my 'me' time but you sum it up perfectly as it's more like my 'not with my daughter' time. I am seriously considering PTS, I've had my trust broken in the past with loaners/sharers that unless I know them or they come by word of mouth, I just don't trust them. At least if I PTS I'll know she's not being mistreated etc.
 
tye_bo said:
Maggie this is it totally. I don't feel like I've got depression, it's simply a horrendously stressful situation on top of everything else. I had hoped (in my trying to make the best of a bad situation) that it would be my 'me' time but you sum it up perfectly as it's more like my 'not with my daughter' time. I am seriously considering PTS, I've had my trust broken in the past with loaners/sharers that unless I know them or they come by word of mouth, I just don't trust them. At least if I PTS I'll know she's not being mistreated etc.
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It's what I would do for everybody's interests, including your horse's. (((hugs)))
 
I know you didn't want to loan again.

But my post on the rescue Facebook page has brought up an offer from a lady who needs a companion for her 28 year old. She can offer restricted grazing together with a track system which keeps them moving.

She is in Leeds though, near the Hope Pastures santuary
 
rockysmum said:
I know you didn't want to loan again.

But my post on the rescue Facebook page has brought up an offer from a lady who needs a companion for her 28 year old. She can offer restricted grazing together with a track system which keeps them moving.

She is in Leeds though, near the Hope Pastures santuary
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Sounds really ideal. I hope the OP considers it. :)
 
OP - Have the rules on legal aid changed? it used to be about how much you earn (over 30k or something) not the type of benefits you receive.

Hope you get something sorted...hope one of the companion homes works out.
 
rockysmum said:
I know you didn't want to loan again.

But my post on the rescue Facebook page has brought up an offer from a lady who needs a companion for her 28 year old. She can offer restricted grazing together with a track system which keeps them moving.

She is in Leeds though, near the Hope Pastures santuary
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I've seen that offer... It might be a perfect option to take some pressure off the OP at the moment...

:)
 
It's not about what benefits you are on as such, I just meant that if I was on benefits then you get it free. I'm not so it goes on my savings, earnings and assets - I don't qualify (and I earn no where near £30,000!!!). They are scrapping legal aid this year anyway so no-one will get it anymore.

Thanks for the facebook offer. I am just so not sure about loaning her out to someone I don't know. I loaned her before and had such a bad experience of doing it I swore never again. I've had sharer who have mistreated her right under my nose. The only reason she went to the last lady is because I knew her. I'm not sure I could let her go miles away to a stranger. I hope that doesn't sound insane.
 
tye_bo said:
It's not about what benefits you are on as such, I just meant that if I was on benefits then you get it free. I'm not so it goes on my savings, earnings and assets - I don't qualify (and I earn no where near £30,000!!!). They are scrapping legal aid this year anyway so no-one will get it anymore.

Thanks for the facebook offer. I am just so not sure about loaning her out to someone I don't know. I loaned her before and had such a bad experience of doing it I swore never again. I've had sharer who have mistreated her right under my nose. The only reason she went to the last lady is because I knew her. I'm not sure I could let her go miles away to a stranger. I hope that doesn't sound insane.
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Sounds perfectly rational to me! Would there be someone on here from that area that you could trust to go see her regularly and take photos etc?
 
tye_bo said:
Thanks for the facebook offer. I am just so not sure about loaning her out to someone I don't know. I loaned her before and had such a bad experience of doing it I swore never again. I've had sharer who have mistreated her right under my nose. The only reason she went to the last lady is because I knew her. I'm not sure I could let her go miles away to a stranger. I hope that doesn't sound insane.
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I totally understand your concerns... I loan a gorgeous horse (her mum came for a visit and cuddles today) and my daughter has had a pony on loan for a year - her mum has a young baby, toddler and was returning to work and in a slightly stressed out (understandable) meltdown...

Both ladies have had their mares for 15yrs or so and were terribly worried about loaning... But loans can work.. We care for them as if they were our own and are very grateful for the privilege and trust these ladies have placed in us...

It's just an option to think about... Not feel forced into in any way... :)
 
LD, I do understand what you mean. I've loaned a horse for 5 years and he was treated like royalty! I know it can work very well but I also remember how it can go wrong and how then it's the horse that suffers and the heartache that brings.
 
tye_bo said:
LD, I do understand what you mean. I've loaned a horse for 5 years and he was treated like royalty! I know it can work very well but I also remember how it can go wrong and how then it's the horse that suffers and the heartache that brings.
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Be honest. Which do you think your mare would choose? Do you think she would rather take her chances with what sounds like a fabulous offer? Obviously you would go and vet the place. I know what you are saying, but TBH, not many people get this kind of help in rehoming their horses. That is why they end up having to PTS.
 
Depending on whereabouts in Derbyshire you are i could try and lend a hand, it may only be at weekends but thought it is worth a mention. I have experience looking after an older horse (my loan horse was 30):D
 
cobmum said:
Depending on whereabouts in Derbyshire you are i could try and lend a hand, it may only be at weekends but thought it is worth a mention. I have experience looking after an older horse (my loan horse was 30):D
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Thank you cobmum but I'm not allowed anyone on the yard, it's a private house and they won't allow it.

Yes Wagtail I know what you're saying. x
 
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