Relationships with YOs

[paddi22]

Just spinning this off from the other thread were the yo was offended her liveries didn't ask her out hacking. This isn't about her case but just in general to have a theoretical discussion on it (not about that case in particular)

Reasons I would not ask my old YOs out on hacks would be
- Its my time off and i'd prefer to go with a close friend and have a personal chat about marriage issues, personal issues etc
- I'd be wary of making too close friends with the YO and possibly falling out down the line and messing up livery arrangements or causing at atmosphere
- i am paying for a service and don't want to blur lines. As someone said, you don't invite the hotel manager to lunch
- I mightn't like the yo, or just not have much in common
- i'd be wary of other liveries thinking i was favourited in some ways, and imaging there was preferential treatment going on
- i would assume she has enough of her own horses to ride and wouldn't be bothered
- i never realised she wanted to
-i'd be terrified it would turn into a regular thing and i'd be tied into it and feel like i couldn't say no with offending her

Saying that the last yard I was at i'd consider myself good friends with the yo, but i find it much easier since i moved the horses home to grow our friendship

But i can understand 1200 reasons why someone wouldn't ask their yo to hack

 

[Mahoganybay]

I have been on 5 different yards in my time, on my first yard the YO was very horsey, and she rode out with all the liveries, quite often there would be a group of us. Never was an issues, she had set rules on the yard and you knew about it if you didn't follow them. However, her bark was worse than her bite and she didn't hold a grudge if she had to have a 'word' with you. She was very very experienced so you did respect her.

3 of the yards I have been on, the YO were not horsey i.e. dairy farmers and therefore were hardly seen on the yard. 2 of those were only small, so it was ok, but 1 was a yard of 40+ horses and there were no rules, at times it was havoc and at other times it sort of worked.

The 5th and yard that I am on now, the YO is very horsey, experienced dressage rider and a AI instructor. I have had lessons from her but never hacked out, although she does but only with one other lady from the yard.

I go to her for advise but keep our relationship on a business level, as does she with all the liveries. On this yard there is very strict rules, all in the best interest of the horses and keeping the yard clean & safe.

 

[Sussexbythesea]

I've always assumed YO are running a business and don't want to spend time with liveries particularly.

Yard 1 - big livery and riding school yard, YO a show jumper hacked with partner and had one or two livery friends but not in a cliquey way. Not interested in being buddies with liveries. Ruled strictly and mostly fairly. Used to have a yearly Xmas party for liveries.

Yard 2 - smaller family yard where they bred a few jumpers and competed them. They socialised more and the YO was lovely although her husband could be a bit Jekyll and hide. She sometimes hacked out with people but it wasn't a regular thing. Still friends on FB as she emigrated to Oz.

Yard 3 - nutcase YO who didn't hack but had yard favourites and was a nightmare. She's always advertising for liveries and staff as they soon leave when they find out what she is like.

Yard 4 - small - 13 liveries owned by a private estate. No horsey YO usually daily onsite cattleman / maintenance person or we just ring the estate office to get stuff sorted.

 

[pansymouse]

I have polite friendly relationship with my YO but we are not buddies. She drives, usually with three dogs running all over the place, so hacking together is not on the agenda. We're both pretty solitary so the arrangement suits us both fine.

 

[milliepops]

Have been on yards at both ends of the spectrum. I spent 14 years at a very informal yard where I became part of the family - often hacked out with the YO then, often riding her horses, there really was no professional boundary and I stayed in their house as a teenager on more than one occasion when my parents went on holiday.

I spent some time at another yard where the YO was very distant, tbh I could have done with going out with her once or twice to learn some hacking routes! but it was almost like she couldn't quite cope with having people on her property that she had to interact with, most communication was via text or facebook.

Current yard is a nice happy medium. The YO will hack out with liveries, everyone is quite friendly. I tend to hack alone because I am usually riding and leading but I know I could tag along if I wanted to. There is a definite boundary between liveries and YO but it's very amicable... probably the best place I've found for having a good relationship that works as rules are enforced but there is no hard feelings.

 

[cowgirl16]

There is an old saying that goes "there are no "friends" in business", and I believe this to be true. It's tricky managing a yard. You need to be enough of a friend for your liveries to feel they can come to you for help and advice and discuss things they are concerned about - but at the same time, still be distant enough to remain the boss and instil the rules. It's a fine balance, and takes considerable skill to achieve. As many of you are already aware - as a YO/YM not only do you need to be a first class horsemaster, you also need to be a flippin good psychologist as well! I don't think it pays to get too close to your clients, for reasons already mentioned in previous posts here. Shame really - a YO/YM's life can end up a bit of a lonely one. Anyway - I don't have that problem any more - I'm just another irritating livery these days. We don't have any relationship with our YO - he's a farmer, and thinks we're all a bunch of annoying nuisances!

 

[indie1282]

My current YO is lovely. She is horsey but will happily admit she is not the most experienced. Her parents actually own the yard who are ex farmers and again are very good at sorting water, fencing or any other issues.

She doesn't ride much as she does not have a lot of confidence but I do occasionally hack out with her and sometimes I ride her horse for her. We are a very small yard and there are no real rules but we are all respectful.

 

[9tails]

For all the reasons paddi22 lists above, I wouldn't hack out with the YO. Apart from the first one, I don't talk to anybody at the yard about personal stuff because they're all without exception massive gossips!

 

[abbijay]

This is why I love my yard! The yard owners don't own horses, they run it as a business (efficiently) and they don't socialise with their customers as a matter of course. They are polite and friendly and when we both have time I really enjoy talking to either of them but I'm not paying them hundreds of pounds a month to be friends!
My last yard (and the only other one I've been on) was run as an extension of the YO's social life. I did hack out with her a bit but it was only here and there if our schedules coincided, I didn't mind occasional company but most of my hacking is solo anyway - I want peace and quiet with my horse not to babysit someone out or to have a good gossip. I don't mind taking someone with me on a longer ride - 2 hours plus - but not many people on my yard go for rides of that length. Strangely, that YO tended to end up falling out with most liveries as they left or shortly after - she always took it very personally when they moved off. I had to have a pretty solid reason in a bid to stay amicable and even then I got an unceremonious facebook unfriending down the line!

 

[SEL]

I've had a mixed bag of YO over the years. I tended to find I preferred the ones who had a clear set of ground rules and put the horse's welfare first. Theres only been one I actively disliked - & i moved yards in the end - but I'd be more than happy to go down the pub with the others.

I'm quite a self sufficient livery though so maybe that helps. I can understand getting frustrated with the crowd that never clear up or pretty much abandon their horse for the field to look after.