Rubbish week, confidence nose dive :(

[katymay]

I was really beginning to see a difference in my confidence last week, happy hacking alone, schooling and even popping a little jump, basically despite a recent PIPD diagnosis I was determined to keep him fitter and the weight off.
Then I had the sad news that a very dear friend had died suddenly, only 49 just coming to terms with that when my OH uncle died from cancer on Sunday, happy release for him but still a shock, Monday I came home from the school run to find OH home from work sat me down and told me our work colleague had died on his stag do over the weekend spent the day in a daze, popped up the paddock to do the ponies in the evening and took the two dogs, one of which is a 14 week old puppy, puppy is very aware of ponies and he always stays very close to me, he was sat by me when I opened the track for Jester to come through, next thing I know he had run off with Jester in hot persuit who was attempting to get to the new grass as fast as possible, right in front of my eyes Jester ran straight over puppy who was now lying motionless on the track, ran straight to him, he had a nasty cut to his head and couldn't get up, I picked him up as gently as I could and moved him to safety, called OH who came straight down and we rushed him to the vet, it was touch and go the first night but thank goodness he made it, xrays revealed a broken growth plate on his back leg so we transferred him to another vet an hour away for his op today, I'm pleased to say he is on his way home I keep getting hideous flashbacks and the guilt is eating me up, it's totally my fault, I couldn't go to the paddock the next morning so asked OH to do the duties, and he accompanied me that evening as I was petrified. Once I knew Cookie was ok I knew I had to get back riding again and planned to go with a friend today, so many times I wanted to cancel and was shaking with fear when she arrived, luckily she is one of those just get on and do it types which was just what I needed and although Jester was full of it we had a good ride.
I know this is probably a totally pointless post but I needed to get it off my chest so thank you for reading.
And please I know I was irresponsible and it's totally my fault I am beating myself up about it every second so please please don't make me feel any worse than I already do ( impossible anyway)

 

[Pearlsasinger]

You have had an a dreadful week!

The pup's injury was an accident, you thought, based on previous experience, that he would stay at your side. Don't beat yourself up about it, you will never let anything similar happen again. 99 times out of 100, he would have got away with it, just scaring himself (maybe) and you but unfortunately, all the wrong things came to ether at the wrong time on this occasion.

Very often loss of confidence on a horse has little to do with the actual horse and much more to do with life experiences. You have had a lot of reminders in a very short time of how fragile life can be, no wonder if you are beginning to have 'what-if' thoughts.

<<<Vibes>>>> for Cookie's continued recovery and a speedy return of your confidence.

 

[Spanny]

After all of that I think you did amazingly well to get on and ride at all. Seriously, that's an achievement. Be proud of yourself for going for that ride and focus on the fact it went well! Hugs and heaps of positive vibes. Next week will be better

 

[southerncomfort]

Just want to send you a huge (hug). That's an awful lot to cope with over a short period of time and it's no wonder you're feeling a bit fragile. Just be kind to yourself for a while and do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

The thing with the pup was just an accident, don't beat yourself up over it.

 

[katymay]

Thank you all, I feel so much happier today, Cookie is home and although on cage rest he is doing brilliantly, he is so happy to be back and doesn't seem to hate me too much! He is managing well on the lead for wee breaks but trying to keep him calm is hard as he is such an excitable pup x

 

[Tobiano]

Poor you! So glad Cookie seems to be improving. Horrible as his accident is, it may have a benefit in that he will always keep a safe distance from horses from now on.

It really was an accident - please don't blame yourself. My dog comes with me to the yard and she has had some reasonably narrow escapes. You can't have hands and eyes everywhere.

As others have said, I think you have done incredibly well to get back on again after such a horrible shock. Hugs and hope things look up for you from now on.

 

[Spotsrock]

Accidents happen, otherwise they would be called 'deliberates'!

Hugs to puppy for healing, my boy got trodden on as a pup and broke a front leg, healed good as new so there's good chance.

Now get out there and enjoy your horse without the 'what ifs' in your head x

 

[Barnacle]

I'm really glad the pup is ok. I don't think you should blame yourself for it. Things like that happen and it's hardly something you could have predicted. So just try to forget about it - there are plenty of more predictable things to worry about without dwelling on an accident!

It does sound like you've had an awful time recently but I think it's important to realise that none of these things are anything to do with your horse or your riding so try to use those latter things as an escape instead of linking the bad things to them. It sounds like you have a handle on things though and I'm sure you'll be fine with time