Sad day considering hanging up my boots!

[EllenJay]

I am so sorry to read about your sister and your friend.

I don’t think you need to make any decision about riding. If, when the weather gets better yiu want to jump on, tgen do so, otherwise just continue with your current routine and enjoy bring with them. Xx

 

[Trouper]

What a dreadful time you have had. I always think that when you are grieving and getting over a shock like that that it is not the time to be making any final decisions so perhaps you could just carry on with groundwork as you are until the better weather and you have had time to process things.
It is always such a fine balancing act to continue with the things we love and make life worth living or to feel that we have to be responsible to the people in our lives to keep ourselves safe for them. Only you can judge that and I hope the picture becomes clearer over time.
Just one thought - Is there any way, when you feel up to it, that you could box out to ride somewhere safer and avoid the road bits?

 

[MereChristmas]

So sorry to hear this.
Take care of yourself

 

[babymare]

What an awful time you have had. Don’t put pressure on yourself. If you enjoy your horses on the ground just do that. If you fancy a potter then do it. The important thing is to do what makes you happy. Take care of yourself x
PS I hold my hand up that in the decades of horses I was happier on ground 90% of times and really only rode because I think it was expected - if that makes sense

 

[Haniki]

So sorry to hear about your sister and friend. A difficult time for you.x

 

[Rumtytum]

So sorry for the tragic loss of your sister and also for your poor friend.

 

[dogatemysalad]

Im so sorry to hear about your sister and friend.
Even the most pragmatic person would be feeling like you after two people so close to you had such catastrophic falls.
To stop taking risks is a prudent reaction to tragedy, and one that makes us check our own behaviours to ensure our wellbeing.
After the initial shock, people mull over the questions about why it happened and what steps can be taken to reduce ( not eliminate) the risks. The answer will never be black and white. It depends on your own personal variables.
The choice you make today, does not have to be the choice you make tomorrow.
Just enjoy your horses in whichever way is best for you. Don't feel regret or guilt about your time with them, they are already living a good life.

 

[SilverLinings]

It sounds like you have had a truly awful time, with your friend's serious accident and then the tragic death of your sister, that is a huge amount of sadness in a relatively short space of time. Whatever you decide in the long run (and whether that decision changes or not), I hope that you are able to get enjoyment and some wonderful memories from the time that you spend with your horses. Hopefully as you have a wonderful set-up at home you won't feel pressure to make a decision about whether or not to ride until you are ready.

I realise that this sounds like a silly thing to say (and premature) given the difficult time you are going through, but I really do hope that things start to feel better for you soon x

 

[Dexter]

Honestly, and I know its devastating and tragic for you, but I would love to die quickly in my 70s while doing something I loved. From a selfish point of view I think its the best way to go that I can think of. Far preferable to a long drawn out death from cancer or similar.

I'm not sure if it had been my sister, if my nerves wouldn't get the better of me though. Do what feels right to you.

 

[twiggy2]

That much be such a shock about your sister and your friend, I completely understand why your feeling how you do.
It wouldn't hurt to have in your head that your hanging up your boots but that it may not be forever, I would think you will find your emotions are all over the place for a while, you can always change your mind either way.

 

[rabatsa]

Condolences on the loss of your sister.

In your position I would just enjoy your horses in the way that your are already doing. Riding is not always the aim of the game. I have equines but no longer ride.

 

[Fjord]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister, are you OK? I hope your friend is coping with her injuries, it's so sad the accidents that can happen with horses.

There's nothing wrong with taking a step back and just enjoying groundwork, and if you fancy getting on board for a pootle at some time, that's fine. It's also equally fine if you don't, your horses won't care.

 

[Finlib]

Honestly, and I know its devastating and tragic for you, but I would love to die quickly in my 70s while doing something I loved. From a selfish point of view I think its the best way to go that I can think of. Far preferable to a long drawn out death from cancer or similar.

I'm not sure if it had been my sister, if my nerves wouldn't get the better of me though. Do what feels right to you.

It's easy to think that when you are young but I am ,71 and feel I have many years ahead of me enjoying my dogs my country life and trips away .I know my friend is really struggling with her situation her life has been turned upside down.
I love my life it's so precious and just feel I want to stay safe.

 

[eahotson]

So sorry to hear about your sister and I completely understand how you feel. I had a freak fall on the road in January 2022 and I thought I had just fallen flat on my back but my head hit the ground and I got a bleed on the brain. I was 75 and taking blood thinners, I didn’t realise how serious it was but the hospital doctor told me if I hadn’t gone to A&E that evening I may not have woken up in the morning as they had quite a bit of trouble stopping the bleed..I was in hospital for 20 days and after talking to my family I decided I had to give up . I really miss it. Luckily you have horses that you can do things with so I would say do what you feel comfortable with and enjoy them. I haven’t had a horse of my own for a while and was hacking someone else’s horse so I don’t have that horsey fix at all ..

It's easy to think that when you are young but I am ,71 and feel I have many years ahead of me enjoying my dogs my country life and trips away .I know my friend is really struggling with her situation her life has been turned upside down.
I love my life it's so precious and just feel I want to stay safe.

I understand. I am elderly too but also have more years to enjoy I hope.I am sorry for your loss.

 

[Wizpop]

So very sorry for the sudden loss of your sister❤ and also for what has happened to your friend. Our own mortality is made so more real in these tragic circumstances. Remember, you know your horses well and you are minimalisino risks already in the way you ride. Sadly, bad accidents can, and do, happen to riders of all ages. That hasn’t changed. As someone else has said, don’t let fear stop you. Allow yourself time to get over the shock and grieve- then you will know what to do. Sending love. I am older too so I understand, but don’t let your age be a barrier to something you enjoy.

 

[TheOldTrout]

So very sorry to hear about your sister and about your friend.
A lot of us seem to lose our riding mojo around this time of year. If I were in your shoes (or in your riding boots), I wouldn't make a definite decision to stop riding, I'd just stop for a while and then see how I felt. A beautiful spring day might make you want to get back on board.

 

[Sealine]

I am so sorry to hear of the tragic, sudden loss of your sister and your friend's accident. Lots of good advice hear from other posters. You don't need to make any fast and hard decisions about riding. Give yourself time to process what has happened and be kind to yourself.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

I am so sorry to hear about your sister.

There is no right or wrong answer, just two different courses ahead of you. Whatever you choose, your horses will be ok and you can have a rich life with them, ridden or unridden.

 

[Snow Falcon]

Having the raw grief of losing people close to you is bound to have some effect. Horses weren't born for us to ride, they are happy with stimulation, food, shelter and water.

Sorry for the heartache you have experienced. Do whatever makes you feel secure and content.

 

[nagblagger]

Sorry for your loss of your sister and your friends situation.
Just look after yourself both mentally and physically, taking time out from any decisions. Quality of life is precious.

 

[PurBee]

I’m sorry to read about your sister and friend. I’d feel exactly the same in your situation. That’s a sudden shocking loss and change you’ve had and witnessed of your friend and sisters journey with horses, it’s natural it’s causing you to review your own life with your horses.
As has been said, there’s no wrong choice anyone can make whether to ride or not for whatever reason, and that choice can change. It’s us who have to be happy to make that choice ultimately.

 

[Skib]

I love my life it's so precious and just feel I want to stay safe.

I am so sorry for what has happened to your sister and friend.
My own situation was just about the opposite. We knew that riding was a high risk activity including a family death and so when we married in our twenties I agreed not to ride.
However, by the time I reached retirement age, normal life presented some risks, with 9.11 and terrorism. I decided that I did not want to die going to work in London without ever riding a horse again.
It is true that no riding is absolutely safe and never can be. But I would ask more about pleasure. No one should ride unless they feel happy being on a horse. If at some point next summer you feel it might be a pleasure to ride, then that might be your answer. My first RI told me I would die out hacking but in the mean time on safe horses and safe bridle tracks I have had the greatest pleasure from my 20 years of riding.

 

[poiuytrewq]

I’m so sorry.
Your horses won’t mind being field ornaments, they have no ambition, just take it day by day.

This. Horses need their needs met. Just take your time, however much you need then decide. You may or may not miss riding. You e had a seriously massive blow and need time to try and recover. Huge hugs

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

I’m so sorry for your loss and for your poor friend.

 

[Esmae]

So sorry for the loss of your sister and your friend. Tragic in both cases. I totally get where you are coming from. I had an accident last year and have reluctantly decided to stop riding. However I still do my my horses and 3 others every day and that keeps me sane. It was a hard decision at the time but the best for me. The older we get the less we bounce. Only you know what is best for you. All the very best.

 

[MyBoyChe]

This must have really brought it home to you, we all know the risks but sort of put them away in a box and just hope for the best I suppose. Im also seriously thinking about not riding any more, Im 10 years younger than you, have 2 ponies and love looking after them. Last year I think I rode 3 times and so far this year, havent been tempted. Its mainly due to just not feeling safe out hacking, and that is the only thing I do. My pony is as good as gold but there are just so many hazards out there, its not even just the traffic, its cyclists, dogs, out of control kids on bikes, skateboards, hover boards etc. Even the bridleways are littered with rabbit and badger holes, not to mention dirt bikers and mountain bikers. The horse may well have right of way but knowing that wont help once youve had an accident caused by someone else being in the wrong! Hacking out is never relaxing now and like you, I dont want to risk serious injury and ruin everything else. I thoroughly enjoy pottering around at my little livery yard, fresh air and a bit of exercise always make me feel better. The boys are both 18 and neither are really "ground work" types although I might try a little bit this summer. I would say if you feel in the slightest bit worried, dont get on, its not worth it and you obviously just enjoy doing all the work and being with your horses, same as me x

 

[billylula]

I would feel exactly the same and I don't think I'd hesitate to call it a day tbh.

I am so sorry about your sister ,what an awful shock that must have been.

 

[ROMANY 1959]

I am so sorry such tragedy has struck your family twice , your beloved sister and a friend. Do what makes you feel safe. I gave my big 17:2 Irish D x away several years ago to my young friend, and my son sold his polo horses when he went to uni. I had horses in my life from age 6. Now I have serious commitments at home with infirm parents in their 80’s so I can’t risk being hurt..
I compromised by getting into dogs, now have 4 spaniels, not the same but I feel ok about it. Do what you’re happy with. two loved ones to a riding accident in a short span of time is enough to make anyone re evaluate life choices

 

[Finlib]

The boys are both 18 and neither are really "ground work" types although I might try a little bit this summer. I would say if you feel in the slightest bit worried, dont get on, its not worth it and you obviously just enjoy doing all the work and being with your horses, same as me x

Look at clicker training and on the ground agility if you have a school or small field to work in it's not like conventional ground work and my horses love it.
I've taught them to walk with me trot with me pirouette bow and Spanish walk and they absolutely love it and they work totally free by my side.
My sister's death has now gone to the coroner and potential inquest so everything delayed and up in the air!!!
Feel helpless (and hopeless)
Thinking of looking at planting a tree as a memorial that way at least I feel I've done something to commemorate her life.

 

[pistolpete]

I’m so sorry for all the sadness you’ve gone through. Truly life changing events. No surprises you feel as you do. Agree with all the others. Sounds like the choice is simple. Keep yourself safe enjoy the horses on the ground but do what brings some joy into your life. If you miss it dreadfully then ride. Sending love.