Sat here in tears and don't know what to do

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Ginn

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For the last hour and a half I have been sat up the yard with Tilly, giving her a cuddle and balling my eyes out. On arriving at the yard this moprning I met my YO who basically asked me to find somewhere else to keep Tilly.

She said she thinks Tilly is both depressed and is becoming increasingly bulshy and dnagerous and she thinks I may end up with big problems with her. She also said that she feels that I do not have enough time for her and perhaps I ought to consider selling her and getting something that will happily stand in a field until Im want top ride it!!

Apparently Tilly needs other young horses to play with and is likely to damage herself or someone else and therefore, with a footpath running through the field she is too much of a liability because she has no respect for anyone or anything, has a "F**k you" attitude and only ever wants to play.

I have seen none of this behaviour other than the usual playing (runing around, having a buck and a leap in the field). She is always a complete poppet with me, my family and a few very non horsey friends who have met her - she certainly isn't bulshy or dangerous, just a typical full of life 2 yr old when out in her field being a horse!

And apparently Im neglecting the fact that it is muddy and she is very likely to get mud fever as I don't bring her in every night as she hates being in her stable for more than a few hours. Despite wintering all my horses, including 4 tbs, over the years I have never had problems with mud fever - only one who has is mickey, a sec A who only has 6 hours turnout a day!

My YO and I have always got on really well so I really don't know where this has come from. She is my friend and neighbour who has 6 acres and 2 stables and offered my grazing when I got tilly 18 months ago.

I can see why she feels Tilly is unsettled - she is! 6 months ago both her 2 companions were pts leaving her alone for the first time in her life with me out the country. Then 3 days later my YO borrowed a cob to keep her cpmpany until I got back and 2 weeks later she went home. Tilly was then fne on her own for about 2 months but my YO felt she needed another horse so she got Chelsea on loan. Start of december chelsea went back as she turned out to be a bully to Tilly and a danger to us! And so for the last month Tilly has once again been on her own, with the idea that my YO would get another but this time take her time in finding one.

All along Ive been wquestioning with my YO, instructor, horsey friends and mum if this is best for her and everyone has said yes and that a few months living on her own would b very educational for her and would help her prevent nappiness if taken out on her own once broken. So despite my doubts I have taken their advice and done just that.

But now it would seem I have a neglected horse, that I don't have time for, is too much to handle, is buslhy and potentially dangerous and I feel awful about it. Last month was bad enough as between working 40 hr weeks at work, full time hours at uni and everything else I admit I have been very rliant on my mum at times, but I have always still made it up atleast 2 days in every 3 and my mum has been brilliant in giving her cuddles, checking her over, making sure she is well watered and fed etc and helping me muck out every few days (rather than every day as I haven't had the light or the time).

What do I do - I love my horse to bits and would go to hell and back for her but I now feel like Im failing her and being a terrible mum and I just don't know how to deal with this. Earlier she was such a poppet - as gental as always, beautifully affectionate and when I looked at her it broke my heart.

Well done for making it to the end, a much in need of hugs Jen xx
 
Hun, Id find another yard with a YO that has a better understanding of horses.
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Oh Jen, massive hugs!!

I have no idea why she's saying this but it isnt up to her to decide how you should keep YOUR horse. If she seriously is going to kick you out or make life hard then I'd look around for new grazing.
Stick by your guns, you know your horse best and you know whats best for her
 
Find another yard for sure, and somewhere where you can get a bit of help. I work full time, single mother (although have a partner, I do the child care!) 3 horses, but only able to manage because everyone helps each other on our yard.

Also need YO who understands youngsters!!!
 
Oh Jen, you listen here girly, you are a fantastic mother! Everyone on here can see how much you love and care for Tilly. Youngsters will be youngsters, mine are 3.5 and 4 and they still love a good run around and a buck!
Unfortunately in this day and age a lot of us have to work full time to keep our horses but that doesn’t mean they are neglected!!!

I think you may need to find yourself somewhere else to keep Tilly but please don’t sell her! I wish you lived closer as I would have offered you our land!
 
Oh and forgot to say in last post, HOW you keep your horse is UP TO YOU. It may not fit in with what other people think but it is your decision and to some point horses have to fit in with their owners! You shouldnt have to pussy foot around because of other people.

I am very sure your horse is not neglected and just feeling very well and happy, thats when they get bolshy!!

My 25 year old saint, buggered off up to his field this morning whilst being tied up ready to hack!! All of them seem a bit narky at the moment, sure its the mild weather.

But do find another yard, dont let someone else decide this for you!!
 
Poor you. I think your YO is just worried about your horse being on its own - understandably as I really don't like seeing horses kept on their own either. Perhaps she feel obliged into getting another one of her own to keep yours company and doesn't really want the time or expense so is feeling guilty? Or maybe there are other things going on that you don't know about... maybe people have been saying things to her about your horse being on its own?

Personally, and with the hours you are working, I'd move your horse to a proper livery yard that can do part livery and has lots of other horses. That way you won't have to rely as much on your Mum, you won't feel as guilty not being able to spend so much time with your horse and there will be lots of company for her when you're not around.
 
She doesn't sound neglected to me. I agree she could do with some company either equine, sheep etc. However, if she is looking well and you are having no handling problems there doesn't seem to be an issue.

I agree with the comments above and try to find another yard, that can give you a bit of a hand. Otherwise chin up, the spring will be here soon - although with the rain currently lashing down it doesn't feel like it.
 
I'm so sorry - I know how you feel... In my experience people sometimes have very unrealistic expectations and it sometimes takes very littlen(of completely normal and even well behaved horse behaviour) before a horse unsettles them...
 
Will definately be looking for a new yard, hopefully somewhere bigger so that I can see if I can get help when I need it as getting up early on weekends is a non goer for me as Im rarely back from work before 1am! And YO is kicking me off striaght away but basically implied that I should look elsewhere and until then Tilly will either have to be stabled or stay in the top 3/4acre paddock as she would have her anywhere near the foot path, which isn't fair on Tilly.

Biggest problem is though that it really screws up mum and kiri with Mickey as atm they are kept 1/4 mile apart so its no inconvience for one of us to do both but thetre is no way tilly is going to mickeys yard (for reasons I won't go into right now) and so it looks like that may be a problem.
 
Oh hugs to you.

Why get so upset over it though, is Tilly happy? Healthy? (she sure looks it). I wonder what your YO would think of me! My 2yo has been turfed out in a field which in places is very muddy, she has no rug, she never comes in, I see her once in a blue moon (she's on livery with a friend who goes out and checks her over once a day though other people can see her so if something's wrong we know) an she's plasterd in mud!
Brush it off and find a new yard, your YO sounds like a c**T!
 
Sorry to hear about your troubles. Put her on a new yard and I'm sure things will improve. You dont sound like you are neglecting her but she will be happier with other horsey pals.

Good luck with finding a new yard. I hope everything works out for you. Dont give up though!

Karen
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I think your YO is just worried about your horse being on its own - understandably as I really don't like seeing horses kept on their own either.

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Possibly but she was the one that kept telling me that she would become too attached to another horse and to hang in there. I hate seeing her on her own and never wanted it from day one but have trusted the opinion of more experienced horse people
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Personally, and with the hours you are working, I'd move your horse to a proper livery yard that can do part livery and has lots of other horses. That way you won't have to rely as much on your Mum, you won't feel as guilty not being able to spend so much time with your horse and there will be lots of company for her when you're not around.

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I'd love to but I really can't afford it - it would have to be DIY. My salary is about £300 a month and each month I like to put a little money away for emergencies etc and also for my own personal use, which isn't a lot but it is nice to treat myself every now and then. Atm I pay £15 a week for a stable and grazing, already I know that livery (with stable, grazing hay and straw) is going to set me back £33 a week so I really can't justify part livery costs.
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Every new beginning starts from another new beginnings end...

You said it yourself chick!...Im in a very similar situation, at a yard where the YO doesnt understand youngsters, my lad is 19mths old and obviously is playfull...but not bad manners...I got him a pal for cmpany and since then he is being really silly if we take her away...
I caught the YO hitting him when he was in the stable, to try and get him to calm down...we had a big row as the YO said its bad manners...i said its not manners its anxiety....a big difference...as soon as you go in the stable with him he calms down and is a softy..unfortuanately you cant stand in with him all the time...hes got to learn....I have been looking for a place that takes youngsters his age, and cant find anywhere within 45 mins drive.....far too far when we are a one car family...so im a bit stuck really...
Maybe try putting an add up for a nanny pony for her...used to kids but dont take the crap...lol...they are out there and would do her the world of good...but she is a baby and needs to play....Its funny cos my lad is only ever a demon when im not there to see it too??? makes me wonder if any of its true..I thought i would do him good to go onto a really busy yard for a while to get used to comings and goings a bit..but i'll never stop him being a baby and wouldnt want to for a couple or few years yet so why even try......try having a chat with the YO, if you were friends try and talk it through and come to some sort of agreement and look for a nanny...everyone has there own opinions on how you should look after horses...but point out to her she is happy and healthy...what more would anyone want??? but chin up hun...every new beginnning etc...you will get it sorted.
 
Please have all the hugs you need!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I've got this right, YO hasn't really cottoned on to the fact that youngsters play - and sometimes roughly and if there is no company for her to do that and let off steam, then people are Tilly's playtoys cos it's all she's got. Does that sum it up in a nutshell?
I think you have been doing a great job with her so far and will continue to do so regardless of the YO imo but I do see her point in that she needs company. It's been a real upheaval for her to lose friends left right and centre for the last few months; in fact, you, your family and home have been her only constants for a while, no wonder she is unsettled. If there is a chance you could find someone else in the same boat with another youngster, that would be one answer but I do also see the point about the footpath running through her field (I would have nightmares if we had one with my youngsters; young horses and clueless people just should not be mixed imo and we would have fenced off the footpath from them but as it's not your property you don't have an option) Are there any studs around you that take in boarders where she would be able to mix with other youngsters, that's another answer even if it is a few miles away, she would be more settled and you would have peace of mind to get down to your studies; it wouldn't hurt her to become a herd animal for some time, would help her grow up in fact and the tosh about seperating her now so she doesn't become nappy is almost laughable. Don't those people believe in her being properly broken in where nappiness (if she should be inclined to it) is the last thing she'll be allowed to be which will stand her in good stead all her life?

The comment about mud fever, is I feel, your YO ploy to get rid of her, nothing more than that. It's a fact of life horses can and do get mud fever, it sometimes can't be avoided if you want them turned out as much as possible; I can guarrantee most of mine get it most years but it's not the end of the world and my vet says unless you are going to keep horses in 24/7 which I can't else there'd be explosions of manic proportions, then they are almost better left alone to get on with it than mess with washing all the time as that will spread it further. If you can get her legs dry, brush them off well and smother with a barrier cream, keep the cream 'topped up' and that should help a lot. Better for her to be out and happy, stressfree with a bit of mud fever than for her to be a manic depressive in a clean stable IMO.

Don't take it to heart, Tilly isn't the spawn of Satan, she is being a normal two year old in abnormal circumstances; it's a pity your YO can't see that.
 
Horses play! Goodness only knows what your YO would have made of our lot the other day, two eleven year olds charging round the field to the extent that the 17hh ShirexClydesdale fell over! She only narrowly missed the dry stone wall. The two old ladies (one in her 30's) joined in running about, all from high spirits and high wind. If you can, move yards and maybe your YO is not quite as knwledgeable as she pretends?
 
Can Mickey not come down to your yard temporarily until you get something sorted? And then move them both together to a new yard?
It sounds as though your yard owner has had some comments made to her about Tilly playing (probably from some unhorsey person) and she is worried from a personal liability point that she may get sued if Tilly were to hurt someone on the foot path. Which I can understand, however there are lots of ways round this - like running fencing around the edge of the field to provide a path for walkers or splitting the field in half so Tilly can't get to the footpath. Whilst I don't think Tilly is unhappy, personally I would prefer my horse to have some company and this might be a good incentive to get you both onto a better yard with more helpful and knowledgeable people that can support you rather than upset you (I seem to remember another incident where she was mean to you). Tilly obviously adores you and you her and it would be a shame to sell her after all the hard work you have put in. Good luck, there must be lots of nice yards near you that will understand her needs better. Big hugs. xx
 
I AGREE, with every1 else, don'yt u listern 2 a word she saids, Tilly is only doing what all other young horses r doing, u should move 2 another yard asap, somewhere, where u can get lots of help & advice, & not made 2 feel this way, she is very wrong & out of order 4 talking 2 u like that ( i would have punsh her in the gob) LOL.
Look after YOUR horse the way u thing is best & right 4 u both, youngesters should be out in the field more not locked in a stable 4 hours on end, that is when real problems start.
She should find something worth moaning about
 
Thanks Pat,

And yes, you've pretty much got it right! I think more than anything else Tilly scares my YO as she is only about 5ft and tilly is now a big 16hh. But she is the most respectful horse I know, regardless of her age. I was able to knock bad behaviour on the head from the start as I cannot abide ill mannered bulshy horses and I really cannot see where my YO is coming from with it. If Tilly sees us then she comes flying over for a cuddle and yes, if you ignore her then, in the field, she'll have a run and a jump and then come over again. If you aknowlege her and give her a pat then the worst she'll do is walk behind you and nuzzle you if you stand still. If she hears another horse go along the road then she gets a little anxious but thats it and she stresses a little if the horses over the hedge suddenly disappear and will then p[ace the hedge a little and throw in a few bucks but that really is it - hardly playful even for a 2 yr old! And yes, I agree - she does need company but as the idea always was for my YO to get another over the next month or so and everyone had been telling me that it would do tilly no harm to be on her own until then, I'd trusted them.

As for the footpath, for the reasons you mentioned it is always kept fenced off, on both sides to people stay on it! with 5'8 electrified fencing, which provided it is electrified Tilly doesnt touch and is the only fence she doesnt jump! Its not ideal but a lot of the grazing around our way is the same so I don't really have that much choice
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And mudfever - Tilly doesn't even have it and wintered out last year without so much as soft skin, let alone any mud fever. Yes I keep an eye on her legs but I'd rather her out and happy and have to adress it if the need arises then bring her in at night just in case. Does that sound unreasonable?

I think you're right - I just think that for whatever reason my YO has had enough and doesn't want us up there anymore. She is a huge worrier (she hates my mum feeding Tilly a carrot, let alone handling her in anyway for fear she may get hurt!) and so maybe that is a contributing factore. I don't know! There is a farm 1/4 mile from my house where the owners let out the land and stables to a local breeder (Foxdale Orthello is her stallion) and although the breeder perhaps does things differently to me it may be a fair compromise as she has mares, youngsters and the owner of the place has a horse of her own too. I'll pop down and have a chat and see if they can offer me some grazing. Otherwise there are some nice livery's a few miles away which cater for all horses.
 
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Can Mickey not come down to your yard temporarily until you get something sorted? And then move them both together to a new yard?

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Unfortunately not as Mickey's owner and my YO had a major agrument and neither horse is allowed on the others land! However, Mickey's owner may be prepared for him to go on livery whereever I put Tilly but would rather get her sorted first.

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running fencing around the edge of the field to provide a path for walkers or splitting the field in half so Tilly can't get to the footpath.

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Already done - have always had the footpath separated from the field. YOu are most probably right though about the liablity and someone saying something to her as she did mention liabilty several times this am.
 
So sorry to say this, but your YO sounds like she is talking out of her bottom! She obviously has no understanding or is not interested in trying to understand young horses.

Perhaps she has had complaints from walkers on the public footpath and now she feels it isn't worth the risk?

Your young horse being in a situation where she is living alone is one HUGE plus for her. You are teaching her something that she will have to deal with at some point in life, and one which I firmly believe should be taught at a very young age to every horse.

How does the YO know that Tilly is becoming bolshy and dangerous? Does she have dealings with her and does she have to handle her? Could it be that she is not perhaps the horsewoman she claims?

So what if you can't get up to do the horse at set times every day? Tilly is out in a field and so long as she is being checked on by someone once or twice a day then I can't see the problem here at all. Could the YO be miffed that the field is maybe getting poached?

I have read with interest your reports on how you and Tilly are coming along. I've looked at all the piccies you have posted to show us how you are getting on and I have to say I have been impressed! You both look like you have a fabulous relationship. She looks like a very calm and intelligent youngster who is being given every opportunity to become a valued member of the horse world.

I know you must be upset by what the YO has said, I think anyone in your situation would be......but please try to think rationally. You KNOW what is truth and what is not - you know your horse is a good girl and that you are giving her the best start in life. All you need now is a yard where they are knowledgeable enough to understand that what you are doing is right by your horse.

Find another place to keep her or look for a farm where you can just rent a field to tide you over until you are fully riding Tilly and can make use of facilities. Perhaps you could find someone who enjoys working with youngsters, who would be happy to interact with you and her and give her some extra special time when you are out there working hard.
 
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Unfortunately not as Mickey's owner and my YO had a major agrument and neither horse is allowed on the others land!

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How ridiculous are some people? Tilly is your horse not your yard owners and unless Mickey's owner has a gripe with you then it seems very silly not to let Tilly be there until you get yourself sorted. It may be worth asking now the chips are down, you may find that Mickey's owner is willing to accommodate you if she thinks she can get one up on your current YO.
Failing that the lady with the youngsters that you mentioned may be a good stop-gap till you can find a decent livery yard.
 
It is a sad fact of the horse world that everyone thinks they know better than a horse's owner how that horse should be cared for. There is also a tendency among older people to think that young people don't know about horses, or care about their own. If you are happy with your horse's behaviour, and the amount of time and attention she is getting, then I don't see how it should be a concern to anyone else. This may be a blessing in disguise, as your present YO may well try and interfere more and more. I wish you luck in finding a new, happier yard.
 
Have you tried the Bakers at Berkley, they do fairly cheap livery - y friends youngster wa sthere as a 2 yr old, and basically lived happily in a fiedl with a bunch of old brood mares.
I would deffo want her out with company, but I would not want her stabled at all if she were mine. She'll be more resilient for a bit of a change of circumstances ATM, don't worry too much, Sienna was in a range of different yards at that age as she was too much of a handful for my mum to cope with, she is so chiled now, I'm sure it was because she wasn't molllycoddled. She also has a real bond with me as I was alwasy around for her, you'll have the same thing with your mare.
PM me if you want some people to try as alternatives.
 
Ditto everyone else - find a new yard with lots of company, so you dont have her bonding too strongly with just one other horse. Sounds like the YO is just making excuses. Babies play (so do oldies) and it is so much better for horses to live out.

Things may look bleak at the moment, but forcing you to make a move may open a gateway for something much better.

Good luck
 
Poor you, I do feel for you.

Find a new yard and keep your horse, your not a bad Mum, we all have committments. Find a more understanding YO.

Good luck x
 
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