Saying no when someone asks to ride your horse

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poiuytrewq

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How do you do it nicely?
Id be gutted if I asked to ride someones horse and they said no (not that I would ask to ride anyone elses horse!)
The lady in question is a total beginner, which to be fair my horse would be ok with safety wise as long as I was walking alongside and just in the field but I don't want a beginner on him jabbing his mouth or sitting heavily on his back.
She's also a fair bit heavier than me. He's a fairly big horse so could cope with the weight but he is semi- retired with a bit of arthritis so I don't want weight on him either.

So pretty much the reason I don't want her to sit on him is that she's too heavy and might hurt him.....The friend (actually a girlfriend of my o/h friend, not an old friend I'm close to) is VERY sensitive and we have noticed reacts badly to "NO"! I mean in a slightly weird not quite normal kind of way.

Last time (she's asked several times) I got a bit flustered and said "no I'm sorry he's lame"-Then remembered her boyfriend stopping to say hello whilst I was riding him earlier that day.....Woops!

He's a special horse, Im lucky to have him and I want to look after him and keep him ticking over as long as possible, in my eyes this doesn't include letting other people learn to ride on him.
What would you say
 
I would just state exactly what you have just said, that he has arthritis and is semi-retired and you don't really want him doing more work than he needs to. I think it is quite rude to ask to ride someones horse.
 
Just say no. If she has hang ups about it then tough, they are for her to deal with not you. Your horse, your decision, job done. Saying no isnt always easy but its ends a conversation, thats it, no is no so you dont have to keep thinking of exuses!

I had a similar situation and im the first to admit that im precious about my horse and only like myself and his sharer riding him and I knew i should have just said no but I kind of laughed off the question and went about my business but then did have a loud conversation with my sharer a few days later for all and everyone to hear that I'm not letting anyone ride him other than the two of us ... Sheepishly I hope that got the message across but if i do get asked again it will be a thanks for asking but no thanks.
 
You would in theory be giving a lesson, money may not be changing hands but you will still be responsible for her safety and your horse's behaviour, so just say that your insurance does not cover other riders. If she is that novicey a RS would be best placed to teach her, although she will actually have to pay for that.
 
Have you seen the other thread currently running re a similar problem?

You'll just have to say no. It's her problem if she's funny about it. If you makes excuses, even well meaning ones to spare her feelings, you will get caught out. Just 'I'm glad that you like him but I'm sorry I don't let anyone else ride him these days' type of thing.
 
I would just say "sorry, but I don't really want other people riding him", which is fair enough. I don't see why people would expect to be allowed to ride someone's horse. If it wasn't offered, I wouldn't ask!

Having people ask if they could ride mine was never a problem, I kept them at home. I gave neighbours' kids/grandkids a few laps around the field (in walk, with me holding the reins) a few times, and always got lovely thank you cards. The most I had was when the house next door was lived in by a lovely family with two youngish (9 & 11) year old girls who were learning to ride. At first they just looked over the gate longingly, so I invited them in. It ended up with them coming out every day, and they did ask if they could take her to a show. That was easy to get out of, as she was 35 and I only rode her because she enjoyed it (I say "rode". I sat on her and she decided our route) and that I didn't let anyone else on her. They also had no form of transport. In the end, lovely as they were, they were driving me a bit nuts (they were coming out every day and evening), so I said I'd like some time with Misty on my own before I went back to uni.

I don't really see the issue with saying no. It's entirely fair to say no- your horse is there for you to enjoy, no reason you have to share!
 
Tiddlypom- I have just this second seen the other thread... Feeling silly!

Yes, I guess it would be like a lesson basis, which is another thing I find weird, her mum is an instructor working at a RS, surely learn there?!

Ok, Next time this comes up I will explain the arthritis thing and apologetically say that no one else except me and, when I allow it my daughter ;) are to ride him anymore.

Let her boyfriend deal with the tantrums afterwards!
 
Isnt it funny how whenever anyone knows you have a horse, its their absolute liberty to come a ride it!? I just say, you are more than welcome to come and say hello but I don't let anyone ride her as we have our own language and shes ridden bitless and she can be flighty and Id feel awlful if she ran off with you. That usually works. If they persist then I just say Im sorry its a no. Im not very good at saying no but when it comes to my mare then Im really good. Lol!
 
I seriously don't understand this . . . why on EARTH would anyone feel they could even ask to ride someone else's horse - much less take offense if told no? If you want to ride someone else's horse, go have a lesson at a riding school.

Very confused!

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Luckily no one ever asks to ride mine, they've seen the way she can get at the drop of a hat. Just say no, I dont see why you are worried about offending her? tell her to go to a riding school as you dont give lessons and are not insured if your horse decides to be naughty......that should put her off, I agree with the other poster that said it's a cheek that she's asking you. It's amazing how people are quickly put off if you tell them your horse is unpredictable.
 
Someone asked me this before, she was a heavy lady, I had to think soo quick, but in the end I spun a line that she has damage to her back, and without sounding rude, I couldn't allow her to ride her and she looked too heavy, lady was very understanding, knew she wasn't a small lady, so accepted and didn't ask again.

I now just tell people I don't allow people to ride her unless I know they are capable of handling her if she has a fit, although, not many people do ask to ride her once they get to know her! haha
 
Im sory but i would (and i have ) just say no and i wouldnt make excuses either. Its your horse so no reason to feel bad .couldnt have cared less if someone was sensitive to the answer no esp if not so sensitive that they dont mind asking
 
I pay for him his my horse no your not riding him please don't ask me again... is what you should say. - I don't let anyone ride my horse for this very reason and I never feel mean, if someone wants to ride, they should either save up as long as hard as I have to buy their own or go to the local riding school!
 
OK - getting back to the original question, which was how do you tell someone nicely that they can't ride your horse . . . in my case, I would say (and have done so) that he is rather sharp and unpredictable and I couldn't live with myself if something happened and person in question got hurt.

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So let her know NO-ONE else rides your horse( so she knows it's not personal).

You don't need to give a reason, ( isn't that some business leader thing, never apologise, never explain, it makes you look weak?) but good ideas offered are the lack of insurance, and / or horse is unpredictable and you would feel bad if rider got hurt.

If woman is overly sensitive, then mention of bad backs / weight might be best avoided.

But totally agree with others- what bloody cheek! Go to a riding school!
 
If I don't want someone to ride Ned, I usually show them (if I can) old videos of him and say he can be like that with new people. They often say no thanks!!

However, I'm pretty good with letting others ride him, especially my friend "J". She's a great rider and has known him as long as me. I am ALWAYS there though, I don't think I'd even let Mary King ride him alone.

In your case, I would say what Tiddlypom suggested "I'm glad that you like him but I'm sorry I don't let anyone else ride him these days"
 
PolarSkye said:
OK - getting back to the original question, which was how do you tell someone nicely that they can't ride your horse . . . in my case, I would say (and have done so) that he is rather sharp and unpredictable and I couldn't live with myself if something happened and person in question got hurt.

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I would have been truthfully been able to say that about one of mine. However, the trouble with justifying the reasoning behind declining someone's request to ride your horse is that it can then become a matter for debate. It really is simpler just to politely and firmly say no.
 
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Tiddlypom said:
I would have been truthfully been able to say that about one of mine. However, the trouble with justifying the reasoning behind declining someone's request to ride your horse is that it can then become a matter for debate. It really is simpler just to politely and firmly say no.
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You know what, that's a great point :).

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Lol, I always say sorry but mine aren't suits for novices.......then I got a reply but what about the little old one, old horses are safe, 14.3 welsh 18 yr old (at the time) who thinks she is two and a tb,


My response sure come up and see her being ridden........after the third spook across the school because of the imaginary leaf in the sand they got the idea that just because she is older does not maker her safer....:D
 
Insurance wont cover it normally works withnon horsey people, like a car. With good friends I tend to be honest and say that's a bit like me asking to take ur partner out for dinner
Did have 1 acquaintance who doesn't ride and hasn't since riding school as a kid offer to come and ride while I muck out to 'help me' but only at weekends!
 
Don't beat me up, but I had a good giggle at your post OP. :)I hasten to add though not at your problem but at your asking for a solution on HHO.

You have just inadvertently waved the biggest red rag at the bull you possibly could of done. :mad:I'm guessing we will see mild excuses offered which will be held between clenched teeth, on up to........."'NOW WHERE DID I PUT DADS 12BORE!!"...........and beyond.:

Overweight, unbalanced, a learner, friend of a friend, girlfriend of the OH Besty?....trot on! :D
 
OP I think you've already given enough good "reasons" for friend not to ride your horse, i.e. she's a beginner, you don't want his mouth sawed around, and most importantly, he has health issues and you don't want his back hurt with a beginner up there flopping around like a sack of ferrets.

IF your friend can't accept that you don't want her to ride your horse, who's undoubtedly very precious to you and you love him to bits and want the best for him; and takes her @ss in her hand about it, then basically IMO I would consider her "friendship" worth FA TBH.

If she wants to learn to ride, go to a riding school, pay up and look sweet, and be prepared to learn properly there. And no...... she CAN'T ride yours when she's "learnt to ride"!!!!
 
Another livery once asked me if a friend of hers could have a few lessons on my horse as he was going on a riding holiday and was a bit rusty. She said, oh have a think about it first! Didn't offer him her horse, did she! It took me two seconds to consider it before saying a flat 'no'. Cheeky cow.
 
I'm amazed that someone would ask. Would they ask to walk your dog or take your car for a spin? Stunningly rude, IMO.

A flat but polite no is sufficient. No comeback, no further questions.
 
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