Selling due to Covid

[Cozzabelle]

My husband suggested the same thing to me. I didn’t talk to him for two days. It hasn’t come up since we made up and agreed to compromise. If it comes to me losing my job we move him but don’t sell him.

When you say you move him, you mean to different livery that costs less?

 

[Cozzabelle]

Could your husband just be genuinely scared of the future? From what you say about the practical help he has given you so far he does not sound opposed to your having a horse. Perhaps you need to sit him down and tell him much your well-being is linked to your horse and that you cannot contemplate selling him before you are sure there is no other way for both of you to survive financially. Non horsey people find it hard to understand how much we invest in our horses. Many people are very scared at the moment and it is understandable some are trying to plan for the worst eventualities.

Yes he’s definitely worried about the future and in his mind is just thinking of what’s best for us both, the kind of person who is always planning ahead, thinking of what might trip us up and is able to be unemotional when making decisions, which I am not! I’m sure a lot of people are having similar worries and having to make much harder decisions at the moment.

 

[Cozzabelle]

Thanks for your input and comments, sometimes it’s just good to vent to people that understand horses and how they make you feel! I’ve only had mine a couple of years and always said that I would be grateful to be able to own one at this time in my life without assuming that I would always be lucky enough to - it’s amazing how quickly they become such a huge part of us. My thoughts are with everyone who is struggling at this time, wishing you a safe lockdown and speedy recovery xx

 

[CMcC]

Could your husband just be genuinely scared of the future? From what you say about the practical help he has given you so far he does not sound opposed to your having a horse. Perhaps you need to sit him down and tell him much your well-being is linked to your horse and that you cannot contemplate selling him before you are sure there is no other way for both of you to survive financially. Non horsey people find it hard to understand how much we invest in our horses. Many people are very scared at the moment and it is understandable some are trying to plan for the worst eventualities.

was trying to formulate a reply and then read Planete’s which said what I was thinking!

This is a very worrying and uncertain time, no one knows what the economic situation will be in 3/6/12 months. Your husband may be a chronic worrier who sees the worst outcome in any situation (my late husband was). I certainly wouldn’t agree to sell horse now. Discuss with him, acknowledge his worries and assure him that should the worst happen you are open to considering all the options. You don’t need to commit to selling horse (keep your fingers crossed behind your back if you need to). Just be a bit kind to him and let him know you will get it through it together.

Then go and listen to Tammy Wynette, Stand by Your Man!

 

[Archangel]

There are many things you can do to ride out a storm and cut costs - plan to get a sharer, turn away for the summer, get a new husband.

Years ago the man I was engaged to said he would never marry me while I had two horses.

The number of horses grew to five and I can honestly say none of us ever missed him.

 

[MuffettMischief]

He actually sounds like hes just a very pragmatic person. Men can be like that they are good at putting emotions aside and thinking things through rationally which isn't always a bad thing. It does just sound like hes trying to think of all avenues so that you both come through this well, it doesn't sound as though any malice is intended after you say how much he has helped etc. Maybe suggest that you would like to see how things go first before making any rash decisions

 

[Ambers Echo]

If finances are genuinely precarious, it is not unreasonable to look at all household expenses and see if anything needs to change. In some households selling the horse would just never be an option. The house would go first. But that's not the case in all families and only you know where your horse sits on the 'member of the family - family pet - luxury hobby' line. But in any case it should be a joint decision not one imposed by your husband. As others have said, is he worried enough to downgrade the car? Put home improvement projects on hold? Agree to cancel next year's holiday? If he has already cut his own spending to the bone and still cant see a way to keep the family afloat then that would make me seriously question the viability of a horse at the moment. The economic impact of the virus is very real and often devastating.

But if the horse is affordable then I would strongly resist being steam rollered into an unnecessary, or at least premature decision. It is ultimately up to you. Your money, your horse, your choice.

 

[CanteringCarrot]

At the end of the day, horses are a luxury pet. Unless they are your source of income, no one needs a horse. As much as we say we can't live without them. I can see why a non emotionally attached person would see a horse as a financial burden in uncertain times.

However, I would seek out other options before I went into full blown horse sale mode. I'd see where I could cut costs. Cheaper yard, turning away for a year while things sort out, only getting by with essentials, no extras. Put your budget/expenses on a spreadsheet. Really see what you have to work with and play around with scenarios. Have a sit down about it. Look at all areas of spending, not just the horse. If he's not willing to do this, then I question is motive a bit.

I'm not going to write your husband off as an arse, as he may truly be experiencing a sort of panic and non horse people don't understand our level of attachment.

 

[KittenInTheTree]

If he's genuinely worried about finances due to the potential risk to his job, then he should be focusing his energy on lining up another job. In the event that he gets worse, can you afford to live alone (perhaps in a smaller property, etc.) and keep your horse? I'd base my decisions on that if I were you.

 

[meleeka]

Do you have something you are actively saving for? It’s all very well saving money, but not if it affects your enjoyment of your life now. Your OH might lose his job so surely he needs to look at where he can economise first, since your income will be unlikely to change.

 

[Trouper]

In the early days of our marriage a very wise friend said to me "ride the storms lovingly" - and these times are some storm! I am sure he is very worried about the situation and the future and how you are both going to come through this. BUT - there are some things that some men just don't get - and the bond between a woman and her horse is often one of them. Animals are not just things - they are members of the family and only if starvation came knocking at the door would one of mine go. It always amazes me though that things like this often have to be pointed out to men who seem to always have their practical heads on. You need to talk it through carefully - and lovingly.

 

[FFAQ]

Oh my gosh, what a horrible argument to have! I'm so sorry for you. I have no solution, only want to say I hope things work out well xx

 

[tristar]

At the end of the day, horses are a luxury pet. Unless they are your source of income, no one needs a horse. As much as we say we can't live without them. I can see why a non emotionally attached person would see a horse as a financial burden in uncertain times.

However, I would seek out other options before I went into full blown horse sale mode. I'd see where I could cut costs. Cheaper yard, turning away for a year while things sort out, only getting by with essentials, no extras. Put your budget/expenses on a spreadsheet. Really see what you have to work with and play around with scenarios. Have a sit down about it. Look at all areas of spending, not just the horse. If he's not willing to do this, then I question is motive a bit.

I'm not going to write your husband off as an arse, as he may truly be experiencing a sort of panic and non horse people don't understand our level of attachment.

i need a horse or several.

 

[southerncomfort]

When we went through a time that was very tight financially I offered to sell my ponies.

My husband was horrified and said absolutely not, and that their were lots of other things we could cut back on before doing anything that drastic.

Honestly, I'd wait and see.

Imagine if you sold your horse and then neither of you lost your jobs and you were financially OK.

You'd resent him forever for it.

 

[Reacher]

May be he is genuinely worried. As others have said can you look at ways to cut back horse costs and to the basics and make other savings ? Work out a plan as to how long you could afford the horse if you lost your job . Explain to him how much you get from your horse in terms of enjoyment, stress relief etc which is especially important at the moment. Hope you can find a way forward x

 

[milliepops]

May be he is genuinely worried. As others have said can you look at ways to cut back horse costs and to the basics and make other savings ? Work out a plan as to how long you could afford the horse if you lost your job . Explain to him how much you get from your horse in terms of enjoyment, stress relief etc which is especially important at the moment. Hope you can find a way forward x

this is a good plan I think.

I've also made plans to sell or PTS my horses when funds were incredibly tight and my OH stepped up and was having none of it. He knows how important they are to me and also that I make other sacrifices to keep them.

If the OP's OH is concerned about the future then it's probably natural to look at the big expenses in their lives and consider how important they are and whether they can be reduced - so doing a bit of research or planning *in case* things take a downward turn is quite sensible and may help to reassure him if she can show that there's an emergency plan in place to reduce costs quickly should it be needed.

I think lots of us horsey folk have been put in that horrible position where a partner (mostly exes now I would guess ) has said something like "it's me or the horse" and we've given them the boot. I don't think the OP is necessarily in this position yet, hopefully just a bit of rational discussion is all that's needed

 

[asmp]

We used to have a joint account. My husband used to moan that all our money went on my horse so we opened separate accounts & used the joint one for household expenses putting in the sane amount every month. We paid for all other ‘personal ‘ things out of our own account. He was trying to prove I couldn’t afford my horse but I could. However I couldn’t afford the type of holiday he wanted us to take (I was happy to stay at home with horse) so if he wanted me to go on holiday with him then he had to pay for me. He now earns a lot more than me & whilst this system is still in use he regularly buys me horse things I’d like but wouldn’t buy for myself Eg jump poles & blocks. He also pays for the medication my homebred veteran needs now.

if he’s a veteran as you mention in the last line above and on medication, I would imagine he’d be even more difficult to sell at this time.

 

[Shilasdair]

I have a number of (now happily single) friends who were given the 'it's the horse or me!' ultimatum by their then husbands.

Happily my partner knows exactly where he ranks in the pecking order.

 

[SpringArising]

You say that you 'can't afford many of the things life throws at you' which suggests to me that it's always your husband having to pay for these things. If that's the case I can see why he would suggest selling the horse if things are always tight and you can never afford to contribute. I wouldn't be very happy if my BF had a mega expensive hobby and couldn't afford his share of the bills because of it.

 

[Dusty 123]

I would be very careful op he could be using it as a way of getting rid of the horse . I would keep the horse and wait and see what happens he might not lose his job.

 

[Horsekaren]

some people are worriers, we are in very strange times. As long as you think you can manage then it’s a topic for discussion not an order to obey
I worry about a lot of horses out there, I’m sure some will be dumped, some will be sold on with issues that perhaps shouldn’t be. People will be taking advantage of the situation. I agree this isn’t the time to be selling horses, although I’m sure there will be some sold from field cheap which will turn out to have many issues.

there are ways to save money, moving livery, turning away, loans ect

from a purely selfish me right now on furlough point of view I’d love nothing more than to receive a full loan of a sane, sensible , ploddy type, or a young horse that wanted ground work to keep me amused whilst I’m waking up dreading what an earth I’m going to do with my days. I can say that because I know I’m sensible, I’d never neglect thought processes Or do anything on a whim.

I’m sure as the human race suffers animals will ultimately end up suffering. I worry about all the dogs that have been brought on a whim, will have gotten used to people being home all the time and when things go back to normal will be left alone for hours stressing themselves silly.

 

[peanut]

Now is not the time to make any decisions as you can't do anything about it anyway. Wait until this virus is over and all is back to normal, then see how you feel ..... you not him.

I split up with my partner not long ago. Part of the reason was that he wanted me to get rid of my beloved cats. The right person for me would never ask me to do something that he knew would break my heart.

 

[Meowy Catkin]

I split up with my partner not long ago. Part of the reason was that he wanted me to get rid of my beloved cats. The right person for me would never ask me to do something that he knew would break my heart.

Now that is beyond the pale...

I'm glad you kept the cats and 'lost' the partner who was wrong for you.

 

[alexomahony]

If this virus has highlighted anything to me it's that life is short so live it. If that means having fun with your horse and saving less then just enjoy your life!

This is what I was going to say - savings are important... but enjoying your time right now is even more important.

Keep the horse, maybe look at alternative ways of keeping it to make it more affordable/less of a financial burden.

 

[Orangehorse]

This is exactly what we’ve done and I pay my way and my horse is well looked after but I can’t afford overseas trips and many of the unexpected things that life throws at us. He’s also been very supportive of my dream to own a horse and bought me jump poles and things to make my yard easier to manage like a hay feeder and has made me drying racks for my rugs.

The way I see it, owning a horse and going out and about with it are INSTEAD of having an expensive holiday. Some holiday, yes, but not an expensive one like skiing or going away to exotic locations, especially plural holidays.

Now if you are rich, you can afford horses and holidays and someone to look after it while you are away. It comes down to how people like to spend their money, once the household expenses, long term savings, car, etc. are paid for. After that it is why we go to work, so we can fund our livestyle, the one we want.

 

[SBJT]

When you say you move him, you mean to different livery that costs less?

Yeah he’s on a higher cost at his current barn so the idea is to move him to a no frills place temporarily that would work within a budget if I had to take the UK equivalent of EI. It would suck but we could afford it. Thankfully so far it hasn’t come to that.

 

[thefarsideofthefield]

When my sisters fiancée suggested that she sell her horse , who she had owned for 10 years , to put money towards a deposit on a house , she said that she would sell the horse if he sold his dog . He was absolutely furious that she could even think he would do such a thing .
They broke up soon after .

 

[SBJT]

He actually sounds like hes just a very pragmatic person. Men can be like that they are good at putting emotions aside and thinking things through rationally which isn't always a bad thing. It does just sound like hes trying to think of all avenues so that you both come through this well, it doesn't sound as though any malice is intended after you say how much he has helped etc. Maybe suggest that you would like to see how things go first before making any rash decisions

My husband is just like this. He didn’t mean anything bad by it. I just don’t think he was realizing what having a horse means to me. I agreed with him up front when we got together no kids and this was what I wanted instead. I felt like he was saying I couldn’t have the one thing I wanted. We ended up talking and saw each other’s opinion. He wasn’t saying no he’s just risk averse and doesn’t like debt. Which I agree with.

 

[ester]

I also thought him pragmatic and it's practical decision making and the current situation is just bringing a whole load of 'what if' red flags to the table.

There's times I have done either depending on the situation, I have kept the horse when I could only 'just' afford it, but that was always going to be a time limited thing (he was getting older). Now my priority is more the security that having some savings has when it comes to keeping the house I never thought I would be able to have (and didn't save for, see point 1!)

 

[Sussexbythesea]

Now is not the time to make any decisions as you can't do anything about it anyway. Wait until this virus is over and all is back to normal, then see how you feel ..... you not him.

I split up with my partner not long ago. Part of the reason was that he wanted me to get rid of my beloved cats. The right person for me would never ask me to do something that he knew would break my heart.

I went on a date with a lovely guy - he told me he was allergic to cats. There was no second date ?