Selling due to Covid

SpringArising said:
You say that you 'can't afford many of the things life throws at you' which suggests to me that it's always your husband having to pay for these things. If that's the case I can see why he would suggest selling the horse if things are always tight and you can never afford to contribute. I wouldn't be very happy if my BF had a mega expensive hobby and couldn't afford his share of the bills because of it.
Click to expand...

Often (not always) men are higher earners and they don’t take career breaks to bring up children. So if you take that view many women shouldn’t have anything over and above what their husband “allows” because they’re not contributing equally financially. To boil down a relationship purely to what each person can afford is not a relationship in my view just an economic agreement. A lot of men ime are pretty controlling of women and controlling money is one way they achieve this. Whilst this may not be the case here it would nevertheless make me uneasy.
 
I kinda feel sorry for the poor bloke after reading through all of the replies ??
Just because someone suggests selling a horse doesn't necessarily make them selfish or controlling.....sometimes it's just down to practicality. OP, it sounds to me as though your hubby is fretting about the "what ifs" that no-one can really answer right now. You probably need to sit down, talk it all through and possibly come to a workable compromise.
I hope it works out for you x
 
SatansLittleHelper said:
I kinda feel sorry for the poor bloke after reading through all of the replies ??
Just because someone suggests selling a horse doesn't necessarily make them selfish or controlling.....sometimes it's just down to practicality. OP, it sounds to me as though your hubby is fretting about the "what ifs" that no-one can really answer right now. You probably need to sit down, talk it all through and possibly come to a workable compromise.
I hope it works out for you x
Click to expand...
Thank you, I kinda feel sorry for him too and he’s my husband!? he is a fretter and a plan-ahead kind of guy, which on the whole makes me a very lucky girl. I realised my horse obsession late in life, after I met him and partly because he encouraged me to look for a hobby. He might be regretting that move now!!? Hopefully it won’t come to having to sell, for me or for anyone else. But he came before horses, and even it ends with me having to make a sad decision he will always come first.
 
If he’s so worried about the future and money I suggest having no children. I’d say the horse will go if he gets the snip ...... then offer to do the snip ..... Of course I’m jesting.... or am I?? ?
(Disclaimer- please take this in the light hearted way it’s intended) ?
 
Cozzabelle said:
Thank you, I kinda feel sorry for him too and he’s my husband!? he is a fretter and a plan-ahead kind of guy, which on the whole makes me a very lucky girl. I realised my horse obsession late in life, after I met him and partly because he encouraged me to look for a hobby. He might be regretting that move now!!? Hopefully it won’t come to having to sell, for me or for anyone else. But he came before horses, and even it ends with me having to make a sad decision he will always come first.
Click to expand...

Well you did come on here for opinions ?. It’s great that you do have a supportive husband. However I would say that you are not a “lucky girl” you’re a grown woman and should take responsibility for yourself. Too many women still defer finances to their partners/husbands it’s the 21st Century and women have fought hard to have the same rights as men. I’ve seen too many friends end up in very difficult circumstances when their husband has bogged off with another woman or decided he just doesn’t fancy family life anymore. My mum struggled too having been widowed twice and she did a good job drumming into me the importance of financial independence as much as one can and taking part in any financial planning.

Sorry for the sermon but it’s a subject close to my heart.
 
This thread makes me feel very lucky. My OH would rather go without than ask me to sell my (mostly old and useless) horses. It’s not that he’s particularly caring, but he’s worked out that the secret to a happy marriage is for his wife to be busy worrying about other things, rather than what he’s doing! ?
 
Sussexbythesea said:
Well you did come on here for opinions ?. It’s great that you do have a supportive husband. However I would say that you are not a “lucky girl” you’re a grown woman and should take responsibility for yourself. Too many women still defer finances to their partners/husbands it’s the 21st Century and women have fought hard to have the same rights as men. I’ve seen too many friends end up in very difficult circumstances when their husband has bogged off with another woman or decided he just doesn’t fancy family life anymore. My mum struggled too having been widowed twice and she did a good job drumming into me the importance of financial independence as much as one can and taking part in any financial planning.

Sorry for the sermon but it’s a subject close to my heart.
Click to expand...

100% agree with this, seen more than one women left in a devastating place, because it suited them to be in a situation where the man paid for everything, but has now buggered off. The loss of the relationship and realisation they can't afford their house etc anymore is a lot to deal with. They didn't even have children so I truelly don't get it!
 
ester said:
But I know how much a horse means to me but if it were that or dire finances I would consider selling?
Click to expand...
yeah, there's a bit of belt-tightening and full on "lost your job can't afford the rent" problems.

The OP has already said the OH comes first on the list of priorities, so it's a bit irrelevant if others feel the other way round ;)
 
What an interesting thread, it seems there are so many different opinions!
Our finances have already been significantly affected by Covid. My OH is now not working and not eligible for any of the government support while I have been forced to take a significant pay cut and could still be furloughed to even less money. In the space of just a few weeks our household income has been almost cut to one THIRD! We have some savings and have already started cut backs so will be ok for now but if this goes on for more than 3 months we will have to make some hard decisions. We have already discussed the horses as part of this. I am lucky that one of mine is only on loan to me and, if push comes to shove, he will have to be returned to his owner who I appreciate will not really want him back right now but if I have no choice he will go. I have already informed his owner that this is a possibility. However my older boy who we have had for 10 years and is on retirement livery is not going anywhere! I probably could find someone to take him on as a light hack and he'd be fine. BUT... he is our family pet, the kids grew up with (and on him) and he will never go anywhere.
Have a proper conversation about all the finances and possible strategies but in my mind his bringing this up as topic of conversation is not grounds for divorce!
 
abbijay said:
What an interesting thread, it seems there are so many different opinions!
Our finances have already been significantly affected by Covid. My OH is now not working and not eligible for any of the government support while I have been forced to take a significant pay cut and could still be furloughed to even less money. In the space of just a few weeks our household income has been almost cut to one THIRD! We have some savings and have already started cut backs so will be ok for now but if this goes on for more than 3 months we will have to make some hard decisions. We have already discussed the horses as part of this. I am lucky that one of mine is only on loan to me and, if push comes to shove, he will have to be returned to his owner who I appreciate will not really want him back right now but if I have no choice he will go. I have already informed his owner that this is a possibility. However my older boy who we have had for 10 years and is on retirement livery is not going anywhere! I probably could find someone to take him on as a light hack and he'd be fine. BUT... he is our family pet, the kids grew up with (and on him) and he will never go anywhere.
Have a proper conversation about all the finances and possible strategies but in my mind his bringing this up as topic of conversation is not grounds for divorce!
Click to expand...
good post, but sorry you're in that situation.

I think this is really relevant, it doesn't have to be about financial control by the husband (have also had experience of that so I understand why it rings alarm bells for some people). It can be just as simple as being a couple you are stronger together but when the poo hits the fan, horrid decisions have to be made. I know I couldn't hope to run my house and my horses on my sole income now so if my OH said to me that finances were getting dire and some would have to go, then I'd accept that rather than just get rid of him! I'd be a lot worse off without his support.
I hope that the OP finds it's just hypothetical worrying on his behalf, because IMO that's fine so long as it's dealt with in a grown up and kind way :)
 
I know I'm one of the lucky ones in all this - both OH and I are in the public sector, busier than ever and still getting paid.

Just before lockdown started we used half my new horse fund to go towards OH's new car. We had a separate fund for that but it wasn't quite enough just yet. I could see the way it was going and knew I wouldn't need the money for quite a few months whereas he does a 50 mile round trip for work and his car was starting to be unreliable We didn't want him breaking down and not able to get help. As far as I can see it's not his money and my money, it's our money. We discuss and prioritise according to what's needed at the time and if nothing's needed we save it - which hopefully means we'll never be in a position to make a choice between keeping the horse or our home.

I've been in the position where paying the bills and for the horse meant all my money was gone and it made me very uncomfortable but I knew it was short term while I was starting out and I would earn more every year. I definitely sacrificed holidays and nights out to stay on an even keel. I would do the same again to keep my horse and every inanimate object would go before he did - OH would agree with this as he appreciates the relationship between me and Archie isn't the same as him and his off roader.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top