Separation Anxiety Advice!

[Spirit3106]

Hi!
I am part loaning an 11yo mare. She lives out with a herd, or is stabled at night with other horses. All this to say that she is a very social horse, and she's extremely bonded to the herd that she's turned out with. And it's very hard to work with her when she's on her own.

She's actually very good to catch from the field, but if you bring her onto the yard and there's no other horses there (or even just none of the ones she's friends with), she is very anxious, pacing if she's in a stable or pulling if she's tied up. She will constantly call out and can be difficult to groom/tack up. Out hacking alone she's generally been ok, but I've only ridden her alone around the fields/tracks on the property, so she's always been close to other horses. I did try her once on a track that leads off property and she was very nappy, so I turned back but did the other route that she's comfortable with so it didn't mean just going straight home again (it was up a very steep, slippery hill so I wasn't willing to try and force her up it if she was in spinning and backing-up form).

Going out in company, or working in the stable if she has a companion with her, she's very good. It's a night and day difference. I've been loaning her 2x a week for a month now, and I've tried different things to help her enjoy spending time with me even if it's away from the others. Last week I didn't ride either day, the first day I just pulled her out and groomed her for a while, and the second day I did walking in-hand up the path away from the other horses. I hoped that it would've helped her to have spent some time not having any work expectations. Today though I rode again and she was actually napping a lot even on the farm route that we normally do, spinning and trying to turn and backing up really quickly. She napped going out past the paddock, we did the route and was good going home (I also practiced getting her to halt, turning and facing backwards or going a few steps), but passing the paddock again she napped even going *back* to the yard, really stroppy and throwing mini bucks/kicks even, we got back ok and we pushed through it but it was so discouraging that she was worse!

Often it feels like, she's capable of being fine and can actually relax and enjoy herself once she's focusing on what she's doing and what you're asking, but then all of a sudden she remembers that she's away from the others and gets very anxious, and can't concentrate on anything other than trying to get back to the others. I had her loose in the arena the other day (I'd been planning to start groundwork), and she was so frantic and she actually jumped out of the arena and ran back to her paddock.

She's a really lovely mare when she's got company or when you can get her focused on something else, but I don't know if I'm getting anywhere with her. Does anyone have any advice? Ways to help her settle or what I can work on with her? Most horses I've loaned/ridden had been on individual turnout, didn't mind being on their own etc, so even though I can completely understand why a social/herd animal might have difficulties leaving the others, I'm definitely finding her to be a bit of a learning curve. Thank you!

 

[Caol Ila]

What does the owner say? Do they have the same problems?

Some horses don't do hacking alone, either because they haven't been trained to, or it's not a thing they can deal with. When I was looking for a sharer for my gelding, I was very, very, very clear that he. does. not. hack. solo. So no one would write a post like this on HHO! Among other things.

Yard geography is definitely a issue for some horses. My old horse did not like yards where you were completely separated from all horses, all sight and all sound, when you brought them in. My current mare, who was at a yard like that for a wee while, could not care less. But again, this should be a thing -- if it's a thing -- that the owner should be aware of. So either it isn't a problem for them - in which case, you should ask them for help - or it is, in which case it's not an ideal share if you had no idea the horse would be quirky before you got into it.

My gelding is a very complicated character, but my share advert was a novel, so anyone who responded to it would be perfectly aware that he's a sensitive little weirdo.

 

[Spirit3106]

What does the owner say? Do they have the same problems?

Some horses don't do hacking alone, either because they haven't been trained to, or it's not a thing they can deal with. When I was looking for a sharer for my gelding, I was very, very, very clear that he. does. not. hack. solo. So no one would write a post like this on HHO! Among other things.

Yard geography is definitely a thing. My old horse did not like yards where you were completely separated from all horses, all sight and all sound, when you brought them in. My current mare, who was at a yard like that for a wee while, could not care less. But again, this should be a thing -- if it's a thing -- that the owner should be aware of. So either it isn't a problem for them - in which case, you should ask them for help - or it is, in which case it's not an ideal share.

Yep the owner has been very helpful, I've asked her about it and she's told me that she found that the mare is generally ok with people that she's comfortable with - other people who've ridden her on the yard have said the same thing, that when she gets familiar with people she's fine solo hacking. So her owner has been helping me with it but I'm just looking for any other tips anyone else has on things to do.

 

[Caol Ila]

Well, there is no magic, unfortunately. Only the owner will know if you need to ride or handle her differently in order to build more confidence. No one on the internet will know that. If she thinks whatever you're doing is fine, then it just takes time, and you have to go as fast as the horse is willing to go. Hack in company and try wee walks and things. And the beauty of a share is that if it's not right, you're not stuck with it forever.

You are riding two days per week. Does anyone else ride? Is the owner riding at the moment? Is she having issues with it throwing bucks and kicks?

 

[Spirit3106]

Well, there is no magic, unfortunately. Only the owner will know if you need to ride or handle her differently in order to build more confidence. No one on the internet will know that. If she thinks whatever you're doing is fine, then it just takes time, and you have to go as fast as the horse is willing to go. Hack in company and try wee walks and things. And the beauty of a share is that if it's not right, you're not stuck with it forever.

You are riding two days per week. Does anyone else ride? Is the owner riding at the moment? Is she having issues with it throwing bucks and kicks?

Thank you. I think maybe the owner rides the odd time but it's mainly just me. The horse is out basically all the time unless the weather is terrible, so I don't think freshness is a factor really. When I went out on a hack with her owner riding with us, the horse did do one or two little similar bucks/kicks (because I wouldn't let her pull down a path towards home, kind of what happened today on a smaller scale), but she didn't worry about it. Her owner had mentioned that she used to buck occasionally going up into a canter but I haven't had that issue with her.

 

[Jenko109]

Honestly, sounds like more hassle than its worth.

If she is only coming in twice a week and the owner is doing nothing much with her the rest of the time, then you're going to struggle to overcome this. Plus she surely can't be that fit, so it isn't like you can do much on her.

I would just find something else to ride twice a week. Something already established in a riden routine.

You won't get the most out of this mare with the existing arrangement.

 

[Foxglove]

This may sound harsh, but this just isn’t your problem.

Riding and horses are supposed to be enjoyable, and it doesn’t really sound like you are getting a lot from this arrangement. It would entirely different if the horse was yours and you had to work through the problem, but it isn’t and I’m sure you’ll find something that better suits your needs

 

[Burnerbee]

Sounds to me like she maybe hasn’t established enough bond with you, yet, so she doesn’t trust you enough to be her leader when you’re out. Horses aren’t machines as I’m sure you are fully aware. Spend more time with her on the ground - what’s the equine version of dog agility called again? Try stuff like that? ….and perhaps things will change. Or maybe it won’t and you have to accept that’s how she is with you .

 

[Spirit3106]

Sounds to me like she maybe hasn’t established enough bond with you, yet, so she doesn’t trust you enough to be her leader when you’re out. Horses aren’t machines as I’m sure you are fully aware. Spend more time with her on the ground - what’s the equine version of dog agility called again? Try stuff like that? ….and perhaps things will change. Or maybe it won’t and you have to accept that’s how she is with you .

Thank you. This is what I'm hoping, I have a 3 month agreement (so 2 months left) and either way I want to keep trying with her. I've been doing lots of grooming, some hand walking, also practicing things like getting her to back up and walk forward, yielding her hindquarters and circles etc on the ground, so far.

 

[Burnerbee]

Thank you. This is what I'm hoping, I have a 3 month agreement (so 2 months left) and either way I want to keep trying with her. I've been doing lots of grooming, some hand walking, also practicing things like getting her to back up and walk forward, yielding her hindquarters and circles etc on the ground, so far.

I’m always banging on about Clever Cowgirl on YouTube - but with great reason - she spends 99% of the time on the ground, just looking after her horses, making sure all their emotional and physical needs are met. Zero pretentiousness. Have a look - many of her most recent vids are with Sparkler, the wild mustang filly she’s gentling for some ideas (I realise your situ is very different but in terms of establishing bond).

 

[Spirit3106]

So a bit of an update. Despite my determinations of my last post, I went up today and the mare was an absolute nightmare. Tied her up in the yard, she was fine for a few minutes with another horse there, but then she just completely switched back into Anxiety Mode, tugging at the lead and pawing, not at all focused no matter what I tried to do to settle her. I got the bridle on after much head swinging, and at that point I was actually just fed up and took it back off and threw her back out. I think @Foxglove and @Jenko109 are right; it's been a month and I feel like I'm just going up there to receive a headache. It's been over a month now and I feel she's getting worse with me.

I met another woman on the yard today at the same time, and by coincidence, she has a mare she's looking for someone to loan. She offered the mare to me outright, she can't visit a lot and wants someone to help get her back into work (I don't mind if it's a safe horse that is willing to cooperate, I must get more details from the owner). However, I still have 2 months left on my contract with the mare I have, who belongs to the yard owner. Would it be worth going for this new mare, if I check her out and she sounds worth pursuing? I don't think my current mare is ridden other than me, and I've fully paid for the 3 months, but I'm wondering if it's worth approaching the YO and asking about it? Any opinions on this?

 

[Herewegoagain]

I think it’s really crap of the owner to take 3 months payment up front before she even knows if you get along with the horse. I don’t think that is standard practice for loans, I can’t help but think she knew exactly how much trouble you would have with the mare and wanted to get a few months cash out of you.

I started a loan in November and agreed a monthly price but she didn’t ask for payment until I knew I liked him. I had to chase for her bank details in the end because I felt so cheeky that I kept riding her horse without paying!

Speak to the YO and tell her it’s not working for you. See what she has to say and go from there.

I would be very careful with this other mare. I wouldn’t loan a horse that wasn’t already in work, you will struggle to get her back in work only doing 2 days a week and it sounds like the owner has no time to help.

I would look for someone who actually has time to spend doing a bit of a ‘hand over’ at first - like when you start a new job. That what my cobs owner did with me for the first couple of weeks.

Sorry you’re having a hard time, you seem really nice, I hope you find something more suitable soon.

 

[Spirit3106]

I think it’s really crap of the owner to take 3 months payment up front before she even knows if you get along with the horse. I don’t think that is standard practice for loans, I can’t help but think she knew exactly how much trouble you would have with the mare and wanted to get a few months cash out of you.

I started a loan in November and agreed a monthly price but she didn’t ask for payment until I knew I liked him. I had to chase for her bank details in the end because I felt so cheeky that I kept riding her horse without paying!

Speak to the YO and tell her it’s not working for you. See what she has to say and go from there.

I would be very careful with this other mare. I wouldn’t loan a horse that wasn’t already in work, you will struggle to get her back in work only doing 2 days a week and it sounds like the owner has no time to help.

I would look for someone who actually has time to spend doing a bit of a ‘hand over’ at first - like when you start a new job. That what my cobs owner did with me for the first couple of weeks.

Sorry you’re having a hard time, you seem really nice, I hope you find something more suitable soon.

Thanks for your kind words and insight. Yeah with the first loan I did, even with the initial 3mo contract I only paid monthly at a time. I tried the mare out once beforehand and she was very good because I rode out in company. Now compared to most loans around my area the current place is considerably cheaper so even the 3months was only 160ish more than a month at my old places, but I feel like the owner knows her horse and how difficult she can be.

Don't worry, I'm definitely not going to rush into anything with the other horse, I'm sussing the owner out right now. I'd love to try and find a nice solid confidence giver but the only problem is that loans are very few and far between in my area, I'm getting a bit desperate (although maybe not so desperate I want to stick with a horse that keeps trying to squash me). I don't think my current mare's owner will be surprised if I tell her how I'm feeling, as she knows I'm struggling, but I'm worried about burning my bridges with them at this yard!