Should I feel this bad after criticism??...

bonbeau

bonbeau

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I am getting my mare back into work after a few months off over the winter, she had gone on loan for 5months and came back in terrible condition. We have only hacked in the past couple of years with the odd bit of schooling, she had an injury and was off for 4 months, and I also had to have a break from riding for a few months before she went on loan so we havent done a lot recently.

So now I am trying to get her (and me!) fit again with the goal of doing some local jumping shows, she's 16 this year so it's not going to be anything major I just want to go out and have some fun with her after our run of bad luck!

I have been doing some flat work with her in the manege, just basic stuff, I want to get her listening, forward going and transition work, get a bit of flat work done and then get onto the jumping (which she's done a lot of in the past)

Somebody commented on my riding and told me I was *****. Now I don't claim to be a fantastic rider, I've never done anything to a high level and I'm not planning to head out to the olympics! The comments were also contradictory to what had been said previously so weren't at all helpful and just confused the whole matter, and they weren't asked for.
Now I'm feeling really unconfident in myself and my riding, I want to have some lessons which I'm going to get booked and hopefully I will feel better but I don't know why 1 persons comments have made me feel so crap and now I'm questioning my abilities which isn't helping my riding as I feel like I don't want to do anything in case I'm doing it wrong.

Am I over reacting??!!! or have you been made to feel like this before??
 
Ahhh don't give a stuff about an insensitive remark! Some of the best riders in the world, ride in their own style and not conventional! Try not to let this get you down xx
 
Oh please ignore - what sort of sane normal person would make such a comment????
Were you strangling the horse?? Sawing at its mouth - no i bet you werent else you woudl tn be so upset - please ignore this horrible person
Do book lessons, not because your a horrid rider but it will help your confidence - omg people amaze me, you enjoy your horse xxx
 
horse people are generally really b*tchy, always ready with snide comments solely designed to hurt and upset.Only advice i can give is try to ignore it and have a backup of replies for the most common comments. Be prepared to have a nice collection of knives in your back and comfort yourself with the fact tht nearly all b*tchiness is derived from jealousy......
Keep smiling :)
 
Thank you :)
I didnt really think about it all till afterwards then i was really annoyed!! Hasn't happened since but I'll be prepared for next time, I'm not a very confrontational person and keep to myself (its too easy for bitchyness and falling out at livery yards!)

My husbands really annoyed coz all of a sudden I'm questioning myself and its all down to that, though he asks how hard is it to sit there and go round in circles??! hopefully some lessons will boost my confidence and I'll hear some positive things..I dont mind criticism if its constructive!
 
bonbeau said:
Thank you :)
I didnt really think about it all till afterwards then i was really annoyed!! Hasn't happened since but I'll be prepared for next time, I'm not a very confrontational person and keep to myself (its too easy for bitchyness and falling out at livery yards!)

My husbands really annoyed coz all of a sudden I'm questioning myself and its all down to that, though he asks how hard is it to sit there and go round in circles??! hopefully some lessons will boost my confidence and I'll hear some positive things..I dont mind criticism if its constructive!
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you enjoy your lessons - i love mine - come out grinnign like a cheshire cat!!!! A good instructor will praise you and give you helpful comments whilst encouraging you and "gently" pointing out any problems xxx
 
bonbeau said:
I am getting my mare back into work after a few months off over the winter, she had gone on loan for 5months and came back in terrible condition. We have only hacked in the past couple of years with the odd bit of schooling, she had an injury and was off for 4 months, and I also had to have a break from riding for a few months before she went on loan so we havent done a lot recently.

So now I am trying to get her (and me!) fit again with the goal of doing some local jumping shows, she's 16 this year so it's not going to be anything major I just want to go out and have some fun with her after our run of bad luck!

I have been doing some flat work with her in the manege, just basic stuff, I want to get her listening, forward going and transition work, get a bit of flat work done and then get onto the jumping (which she's done a lot of in the past)

Somebody commented on my riding and told me I was *****. Now I don't claim to be a fantastic rider, I've never done anything to a high level and I'm not planning to head out to the olympics! The comments were also contradictory to what had been said previously so weren't at all helpful and just confused the whole matter, and they weren't asked for.
Now I'm feeling really unconfident in myself and my riding, I want to have some lessons which I'm going to get booked and hopefully I will feel better but I don't know why 1 persons comments have made me feel so crap and now I'm questioning my abilities which isn't helping my riding as I feel like I don't want to do anything in case I'm doing it wrong.

Am I over reacting??!!! or have you been made to feel like this before??
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dont worry im sure they are just really jelous...im sure your a great rider :)
 
Echo Bravo said:
Agree with the rest. But something must have hit a cord, for you to respond as you have.
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OP ignore this one too - Echo B you have not even seen her ride and I am pretty sure that if someone called your riding sh** you would be feeling down too. If you don't have something nice to say then don't bother!

OP get yourself a few lessons with a nice instructor and show that bi*c* what you can do at the local shows!
 
I wasn't doing anything horrible to her, she wasn't misbehaving either. When she doesnt do what I ask I get frustrated with myself more and think I'm not asking her properly rather than her not responding, though she's very lazy with flatwork so it can be hard work! I haven't got the most confidence in myself at the best of the times (generally) and i havent had lessons for a very long time, each time I have found an instructor and booked lessons something bad has happened like her injury, then I broke my wrist and then I was unwell last year, bad run of luck! My ***** riding was (apparently) after things like not maintaining enough rein contact (I've always ridden very light handed and was being told to take more contact which I find strange-nto saying that its wrong/right) not being able to get her going forward enough and maintain a regular rythym in trot, her spooking at something and me continuing to ride her towards and past the 'scary area' rather than turning her away and distracting her. Little things, thats probably why I'm so annoyed about it. It's hard to explain all the details of the situation as it would be very long!!
 
I had a conversation about a week or two ago with someone who had exactly the same thing happen to them, I will say the same to you as I said to them ignore the unrequested comments book a lesson and chin up the equestrian world can be super bitchy. You had some set backs I dont know how you ride but sounds like you need constructive comments more than nasty ones at the moment. Good luck and hope you reach your goal
 
Piccy said:
I had a conversation about a week or two ago with someone who had exactly the same thing happen to them, I will say the same to you as I said to them ignore the unrequested comments book a lesson and chin up the equestrian world can be super bitchy. You had some set backs I dont know how you ride but sounds like you need constructive comments more than nasty ones at the moment. Good luck and hope you reach your goal
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Echo the above their opinion of you is none of your buisiness ;)...what does yourhorse think?That's all that matters.
There's nothing worse than someone who tries to destroy someones confidence
 
bonbeau,

you and I are in a similar situation, My mare is 17 and I have a 2yr old youngster that I have known since he was 2 weeks old. Ignore the nasty comments, you know your mare and it is true, there are a lot of people in the horsey world that are just plain nasty! I will never confess to being the prettiest of riders or the most talented. but I get the best out of my mare, and many people can't and just take a look at some of the dressage riders on tv, sometimes they look blooming awful to me but they still get the job done. Enjoy your mare, enjoy your lessons, and sod 'em all ;)
 
Thanks guys :) I don't know why I've taken it to heart so much but you can't help the way you feel.
Queenbee - that is very similar, I'm assuming you saw my post earlier about my 2yo? or we're even more similar! She mentioned my youngster in her comments which also made me feel bad as though I shouldn't have him (seeing as I'm not a superduper dressage rider!) as my riding wouldnt be good enough for him. Not that I'll be riding him for another 2 years, and he is also my other motivation for having lessons and improving.

jinglejoys - my horse is probably thinking 'I'm bored mum, I hate going round in circles, why is this woman shouting at us and making you pull on my mouth??!!!!'

I'm going to get some lessons booked and I can let you know what the instructor says about my awful riding!
 
When I moved to my current home with my horses, I got to know a young woman up the road who said she loved horses but she didn't ride very well and was pretty useless. Anyway, eventually I got her on one of my horses and couldn't believe that in fact - although she had no confidence - she was actually a very nice, quiet rider. As I got to know her more she too had been treated like you OP, by various so - called horsey people, and she had been totally shattered by this. I talked her into having lessons on one of my horses with my RI when she came here, and the upshot of it is that she and one of my horses now make a fabulous little team and thoroughly enjoy each other. So you see, if you allow nasty individuals like this to impact on you, you will lose out. Just shove their ill advised comments back over to them and get on and enjoy your horse.
 
I'm pretty sure none of us on here are gods when it comes to riding, there is always something you can improve, no matter who you are (that doesn't exactly come across very nicely, but I mean it in a nice way! :) ) How many olympic medals has your critic won?! :D

I was told in the first 5 mins of a lesson that I rode like S***, and I really should have left there and then, thats what I was having a lesson for, to get better ffs! Still, I know the instructor, and ignored her, then never went back for another lesson. I am by no means a great rider, but I don't need to pay someone to say that! ;)

Ignore, they are likely jealous of you. :)
 
Ignore, ignore, ignore. I'm never going to be the worlds best rider but I have a fantastic horse and is he bothered NO! I bet yours isn't bothered either.

I also have a fantastic instructor who is fun but very good at explaining things, I love my lessons xxxx
 
You really shouldn't let such a rude person drag you down, for them to actually say that in such words to a fellow livery is lowest of the low.

Tell them to get some lessons in how to conduct themselves in public.

Enjoy your lessons and crack on with your head held high.
 
oh sweetheart join my club - i will not ride at yard - ride at daughters happy as larry - but my yard is vent with spite - i have ridden worked free lanced schooling and brought the worst back to enjoy a life for 42 ( jesus was 41) yrs- so easy to say but turn back on them - how you describe what you were going to do and expected truellly perfect - mmmmm thinks of mad ridden jumping at mine - hun do nt give up like i did - trust in what your doing - which sounds damn fine - but please do not let them make you give up x
 
I'm curious, not about how you ride, but how the 'critic' rides. Would she be a wanabe 'serious' local RC rider by any chance ? Does her horse spend so much time doing 20 metre circles that its shaped like a banana ?

If so, laugh long and hard, then pick yourself up, get back on your horse and kick dirt in her face.
 
Look I wasn't having a go at OP, agreed she should ignore the spite, just wondered what bit of the spite she suddenly got upset about. Most of us are not the perfect riders we would like to be.
 
We all question our riding skills at some point; if we didn't, how would we improve? Or want to? The key is to bear in mind from whom the criticism comes. Telling you you're '*****' is neither constructive nor necessary. If that's the best they can do, then their opinion is not worth having and I would SAY that to them if they venture an opinion again ;)
 
Thank you all, its nice to hear some positive comments, I was feeling crap about it but it has spurred me on (excuse the pun!) to get some lessons and start enjoying my horse, I just hope we dont run into any more bad luck!!

Kenzo - it wasn't actually a fellow livery but the YO!!
She does dressage, I've never seen her ride as her horse has been on box rest since I moved to the yard 3 months ago, when I first went I asked if she did lessons (as I know some YO's do) and she said no she doesn't as she gets frustrated with people. Which clearly showed! I wouldnt mind so much if I had asked for help but I didn't want it! Maybe I'm just sh *t because I don't know any dressage!

PF - I agree and I'll be ready if there's a next time to politely say bugger off!!
 
The thing to remember is that even if you were Laura Bechtolsheimer YO would still have trashed you.
I'm old and decrepit and when I get in the saddle I'm just happy to be there and I don't give a rat's bottom what anybody thinks. And if I don't have to make an unscheduled dismount I consider that a result.
Don't be too quick to ask for advice from other liveries and ENJOY IT WHILE YOU'RE YOUNG
 
Fellewell said:
The thing to remember is that even if you were Laura Bechtolsheimer YO would still have trashed you.
I'm old and decrepit and when I get in the saddle I'm just happy to be there and I don't give a rat's bottom what anybody thinks. And if I don't have to make an unscheduled dismount I consider that a result.
Don't be too quick to ask for advice from other liveries and ENJOY IT WHILE YOU'RE YOUNG
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Ditto this - good sentiments Fellewell!!!
 
I had my horse on agistment at a dressage persons place, i had just got my horse back from the trainers and lets us say that some of the riding was a bit messy, concentrating on going forwards and not bucking etc.. i also do not claim to be a great rider, I think i was doing the right thing. She made some nasty comments to me and to others that had horses there about me.

I did not let it bother me but nevertheless, i wonder what her motivation was ... did it make her feel better about herself? My horse was at least as good as any of hers... was she jealous? My horse liked me a lot better, than any of hers did. Again was she jealous of that? I do not know... but I figure there must be something very wrong with her life, is making nasty comments about me made her feel good.
 
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