Should I have kept my mouth shut? And what should I do now?

Omarkiam

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Okay this is going to be long so I do apologise, I have even got up extra early to allow myself a good half hour to type it up!!

Was going to cut it short but for once I will give you the full story!!

I left my livery yard and took over my own, 12 acres of land 2 stables and forest hacking (twas perfect :D) but then I was asked too leave by the land owner as she had decided after 2 weeks I was too young!

So she gave me 6 days to find a new livery, (I hadn't had a chance to sign a contract yet, lady is elderly and in her 70's and had spent nearly everyday at court since I had moved there for drink driving and illegal mushroom picking!), so I had no ''months'' notice as it were. She sent me an email threatening to release the horse if I were not to stick to aforementioned agreement and move within that time.

So as a result I got on with the search to no avail, and on the last day before the agreed move date, I found a 5 acre field, I was allowed up to 2 horses, and the grazing is terrible but luckily neither of mine actually need great grass, both living on fresh air, there is 1 lockup, 3 other horses in the field and no stable or school, for £80 for one horse or £100 for two, but there is direct forest hacking which is lovely, so I took this on without giving it a second thought as I didn't have much choice! Livery is so hard to come by in my area unless your prepared to pay minimum £250 a month.

I moved in straight away and the lady I am sharing with is lovely however... there are 3 other horses in this field, there is a yearling new forester, an almost 2 year old cross bred (no idea what breeds), and a SUPPOSEDLY 2 year old forester, who is just rising 2, but is 15hh already (Even from her face its fairly obvious she has tb in her!)

I came to do the feeds for the very first time yesterday, I have a hectic day to day schedule and I can't get down everyday too feed, and because they all need feeding together (yearling and 2 year old crossbred difficult to catch), some days I just cant do it at the right times.
So the sharer does it some days.

And oh my god it was HORRENDOUS, and I don't want to do it again, took me about half hour just to get a feed to each horse, with constant kicking and fighting, and feed stealing. The main route of the problems is the 2 year old ''new forester'' (x tb), I may be young but I have never in my time come across something so resiliant to any form of scaring. She is not bothered atall by a whip even if its used directly on her, she is not bothered by any form of ''scary stuff'', tarpaulin, loud noises, stamping the floor and growling, or waving arms about, she just stands there as if its not happening, and will happily walk all over you to get what she wants. She also is not bothered by electric fencing and stands against it whilst its on completely ignoring the fact it hurts, she walks through it when its on, time and time again.

That was bad enough, but then she kicked the 2 year old cross bred in the face, and then ran at her full speed and sent her flying, poor little mite rolled straight over on her back, and I was just stood there horrified, unsure what I should do other than check aforementioned pony was ok.

The problem is, my tb has been lame due to missing a shoe and a fall he had, but is now almost better, he gets pushed out by that mare quite alot, and he hasn't fought back to gain his place in the herd because he has been lame, but now he is almost better when she goes for him he really kicks, and I am waiting for the moment when she pushes him too far and gets a kick in the face, and I get landed with a vet bill.

I cant afford too section it off as it means buying alot of fence posts, and on top of that the 15hh nf x tb doesnt actually go for my two very often, its more the little one that belongs to them.

So last night after feeding I text her, I said in the kindest way possible '' I really dont mean to upset or offend you but I think you really should start teaching some basic groundwork respect with Daisy, I have never had such a hard time feeding, and she knocked Willow clean over onto her back''.

Was I wrong too have said that to the owner?

I have seen first hand recently what a kick over feeding time can lead too, my poor friends pony was put to sleep.

I explained that I have first hand experience of the consequences and that if she doesn't learn respect she will become dangerous, she has admitted not having a youngster before but refuses to get on and start some light work with her, other people have said to her about it but she seems too blank them. And now she has said she will just move the nx x tb, leaving me too afford a 5 acre field on my own, so once again I am stuck in a rut and not sure whether I was right too say something and what I am supposed to do now!

I have sent a total of 6 text messages apologising profusely and explaining that I do not want to see any horses get hurt :(
 
No you shouldn't have to keep your mouth shut, this situation needs sorting.

Sounds like the three other horses need a lot of training regarding feeding times. You cannot loose feed in this situation and they all need tying up and under some control when they are fed.
 
No you shouldn't have to keep your mouth shut, this situation needs sorting.

Sounds like the three other horses need a lot of training regarding feeding times. You cannot loose feed in this situation and they all need tying up and under some control when they are fed.

I have explained this and actually headcollared the yearling myself and started working on him for them but they stated they knew nothing about parelli so did not want me using it on the eldest to try and sort her respect issues out. The first months rent for sole use of this land is due on the 1st which is sunday I believe, she is leaving sunday and not going to pay a penny leaving me with 0 days and 0 time too sort it out :(

Her reply too my texts this morning was ''That text upset me because Diasy is not dangerous she is just a baby'', I repliesd saying she may not be very dangerous now but when shes 16hh with no respect she will be!
 
That woman needs to have those ponies confiscated - she hasn't got a clue!!!

You've done the right thing and stop apologising to her. Why isn't she feeding her own horses????
 
No you were right to say something. The young horse (regardless of how it's bred) needs to be taught some manners NOW, before she gets any bigger or seriously hurts someone. And feeding horses loose like that is just asking for trouble. Is there any way to get them tied up away from each other before you feed them? My yard has a rule that every horse must be fed in it's box. We are not even allowed haynets on the yard. It's just not worth the risk. I appreciate you might not have stables but something needs to be done. Oh I forgot, if you can't get them all tied up could you even just tie the youngster up?
 
While I don't think you were wrong to say something, I think it was inappropriate to do it by text. Imagine someone sent you a text saying you needed to teach your horse manners - how would you feel?

It would be much more sensible to arrange to meet the woman at the field, preferably at feed time and to look at the problem together. Then you can have a sensible discussion about how you can manage feeding.
If she's not prepared to do any ground work with her horse, you can't make her so maybe her moving is the best solution and you can look for someone else to share with.

Stop texting her and actually speak to the woman.
 
Morning! If those were my babies and you came to me saying all that was going on, not only would I be mortified, but I would do my utter best to work with you to sort it out, not just have a tantrum and leave.

Bit blunt but my point is you have done nothing wrong! :) As for not saying anything by text, in an ideal world I agree but we don't all have time for that.. I think perhaps you should have called her, but either way you were right to say something. I have to agree that if the text was as blunt as you say I probably would have cried. But I am a wimp! I share private facilities with one other girl who I adore, but we made a pact that as soon as something peed one of us off, we'd just come out with it. That way, no misunderstandings and no built up tension.
 
I don't think you were wrong to say something, it sounds like a very dangerous situation, but it would have been more tactfull to have a face to face discussion, especially if you had called her over to see the problem for herself.

As for her leaving, why would you be responsible for the whole rent? Surely it's the owner's responsibility to replace any liveries that leave, not yours.
 
While I don't think you were wrong to say something, I think it was inappropriate to do it by text. Imagine someone sent you a text saying you needed to teach your horse manners - how would you feel?

It would be much more sensible to arrange to meet the woman at the field, preferably at feed time and to look at the problem together. Then you can have a sensible discussion about how you can manage feeding.
If she's not prepared to do any ground work with her horse, you can't make her so maybe her moving is the best solution and you can look for someone else to share with.

Stop texting her and actually speak to the woman.

I have already tried speaking to her! I have phoned her and spoken to her face too face but she just blanks and ignores what I am trying to explain, but last night it was quite late and she has young children so didnt want to phone her but felt it only right she knew what Diasy had done to willow, incase come morning willow was unexpectedly lame! And secondly I did not say it in the manner you have suggested, I actually just suggest teaching her some respect, and I said it in a very nice way, not just teach your horse some respect, shes dangerous. I tried so hard to talk to her properly face to face as did others, its not easy!

I want to take them out but she wont allow me too touch her horses, and because willow and daisy are theirs I cant take even just one out. If I took Daisy out (the nf x tb) the problems would stop I know it! The little youngsters are terrified if she even moves they run away :(
 
I don't think you were wrong to say something, it sounds like a very dangerous situation, but it would have been more tactfull to have a face to face discussion, especially if you had called her over to see the problem for herself.

As for her leaving, why would you be responsible for the whole rent? Surely it's the owner's responsibility to replace any liveries that leave, not yours.

There is no contract or anything, so its just sole use of 5 acres, I will have a word with landowner and explain the situation in the hope it helps
 
Morning! If those were my babies and you came to me saying all that was going on, not only would I be mortified, but I would do my utter best to work with you to sort it out, not just have a tantrum and leave.

Bit blunt but my point is you have done nothing wrong! :) As for not saying anything by text, in an ideal world I agree but we don't all have time for that.. I think perhaps you should have called her, but either way you were right to say something. I have to agree that if the text was as blunt as you say I probably would have cried. But I am a wimp! I share private facilities with one other girl who I adore, but we made a pact that as soon as something peed one of us off, we'd just come out with it. That way, no misunderstandings and no built up tension.

I find it hard to try and be assertive in these situations and as explained text was best at that time last night. I keep trying to arrange to see the lady and she is always busy, I text her nearly everyday to try and arrange being there at the same time, I have even waited around all day long just too see her and she didnt turn up, I can't do anymore than I am doing, I don't even drive but I manage to get there nearly everyday to check all is okay.

I nearly got knocked a mile last night trying to hay them after their feed, daisy walked straight through me as if I wasnt there.

I would love to have just 1 very nice sharer like you have!
 
I would have said something too. Sounds like you've tried to be as tactful as possible and she isn't listening. You're probably better off if she does go. Have a word with the owner of the field they'll probably just find someone else to replace her and hopefully the new sharer will be a bit easier to deal with.
 
Morning! If those were my babies and you came to me saying all that was going on, not only would I be mortified, but I would do my utter best to work with you to sort it out, not just have a tantrum and leave.

Which she may well have done if she'd been approached in the right way.

Bit blunt but my point is you have done nothing wrong! :) As for not saying anything by text, in an ideal world I agree but we don't all have time for that..

Actually a phone conversation or face to face meeting could have saved time as the OP might not be having to sort out this mess now. When you share facilities communication is key - and sometimes that means a 2 way discussion, not a text.
 
Actually a phone conversation or face to face meeting could have saved time as the OP might not be having to sort out this mess now. When you share facilities communication is key - and sometimes that means a 2 way discussion, not a text.

Why are you hijacking my thread just too be negative? Please leave if you have nothing helpful too say! I have tried all 3 ways of communication, text, phone and speech!
 
I have already tried speaking to her! I have phoned her and spoken to her face too face but she just blanks and ignores what I am trying to explain, but last night it was quite late and she has young children so didnt want to phone her but felt it only right she knew what Diasy had done to willow, incase come morning willow was unexpectedly lame! And secondly I did not say it in the manner you have suggested, I actually just suggest teaching her some respect, and I said it in a very nice way, not just teach your horse some respect, shes dangerous. I tried so hard to talk to her properly face to face as did others, its not easy!

I want to take them out but she wont allow me too touch her horses, and because willow and daisy are theirs I cant take even just one out. If I took Daisy out (the nf x tb) the problems would stop I know it! The little youngsters are terrified if she even moves they run away :(

Sorry - cross posted!
If she won't take any notice of your concerns you are better off rid of her before you or one of your horses gets hurt.
Talk to the land owner and see what you can work out. I'm sure you will find someone more reasonable to share with.
 
Why are you hijacking my thread just too be negative? Please leave if you have nothing helpful too say! I have tried all 3 ways of communication, text, phone and speech!

I was actually trying to be constructive by suggesting a better way to communicate. As I explained I cross posted, not having seen your other post.
However, if you throw your toys out the pram whenever someone doesn't say what you want to hear then maybe you should think twice about posting on an open forum.
 
TFH Hullabaloo you have criticised the texting and the OP has explained twice that she has tried other means of communication before you commented fairly bluntly. I can see why she was a little irritable to be attacked again for texting when she had allready explained.
 
TBF I didn't see the OPs post about trying to contact the woman before I posted my second response (hence saying I was sorry I cross posted!).
 
Edited because I've gone back and had a slow re-read.

She's leaving on Sunday, so end of problem. Until then why not tell her that you will feed your own horses every day and she can do hers. Go up, take yours out, feed them, put them back.

If she's going without paying her rent then that's the landowner's problem, not yours. Can you afford the field on your own? It sounds as if you will need to look for someone else to share with, in which case I suggest you set up a safe feeding arrangement with them from day 1, rather than trying to feed loose in the field.
 
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OP You were wise to say something.Maybe its better she leaves and you have the field to yourself. Believe me I have a field to myself and its brilliant. Years ago I was sharing same field (in the late 70s-80s) had ponies then and two other girls were sharing said field,then I noticed food going missing,so mentioned it to the owner and he booted the pair of them off. Now Im back and the son owns field now and I tell you,theres only me there and I wouldnt change it.
I can see why you get upset,no need for neg comments as you have tried every way possible to sort the exisiting problem out. Hope everything works out for you!!
 
Why not take your 2 horses out of the field to feed them? Tell her you are unhappy feeding her horses as they are dangerous so just sort yours out seperately?
 
I'm not sure we have all background. U have been asked to leave 1 place wkth no notice and now upset the new place. To be honest if u started using parelli on my youngster I would go mental. I wound move my beloved young animals to get away from someone interfering using a technique I disagree with if she wouldn't leave them alone. I also think it depends on ur level of experience and bravery as to ur perception of the situation. These horses should not be fed loose. I have 4 lovely well mannered horses who all get on but I would not be able to feed them loose without squabbles. Maybe u were right to mention it before someone or a horse gets hurt but ur text sounds very abrupt and critical. Stop texting her. I would be peeved to keep being hounded by someone who has interfered with my horses and criticised them to such an extent that I wanted to leave the field.
 
Well, being Devil's Adocate here but IMO (for what it's worth LOL :rolleyes:) when sharing a field with other people's horses I take MINE OUT whan I feed mine. Even if it means having to stand there for half an hour holding the leadrope outside the field gate whilst the horse eats its ration in safety. Boring, but safe.

Attempting the feed an unsettled group of loose horses in the same field is just nigh on impossible without what you've complained about happening. It's got little to do with the horses' manners or training! If you cannot get down to see to your horse yourself everyday to feed and check on him personally, you shouldn't atually have one ATM. Remember, you've just introduced your BOY to an established herd (of mares, or at least one mare) so are bound to encounter dominance issues and squabbling when the mare/s come into season. Asking the other field livery, who you've only just met, to check on and feed your horse for you on certain days of the week is assuming rather a lot. Especially if she's experiencing the same aggro as you.

I also would not want to be responsible for tying up someone else's untrained two year olds in a field, let alone a yearling! Especially if they get het-up during feeding times. That would be an accident just waiting to happen, and is their owner's responsibility to take (if she choose to) - not yours incase something goes wrong. Let's face it, you've said the grazing is rubbish and there are few horses (especially hungry young ones) who won't mow you down when they associate your visits with feeding time and are fed loose in a field and able to vie for food.

As it is, the other livery is leaving so the problem wont persist much longer but if you do go on to get another field livery sharing with you, try and go halves on some electric fencing posts and tape. Even if it's only to make a small area where you can safely feed and handle your individual horse/s without interference from the other/s. You probably wouldn't even need a battery pack (expensive part) if it's just an area for feeding in.

Edited to add: It concerns me that you said you waited at the field all day for her on an occasion and she didn't turn up. I assume that was a day you expected her to 'do' the horses. Could this mean that on some days no one comes up to check the horses? That would concern me a lot and if you cannot get up to feed your horse everyday because of your busy day schedule, who's going to be checking your horse for you when the other person's left?
 
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There is no contract or anything, so its just sole use of 5 acres, I will have a word with landowner and explain the situation in the hope it helps

How much is the rent if you were there on your own ? could you afford it ? I'd prefer that, although not much good if you want to ride one and one stays behind, is there a stable to put the one left behind in ?
 
I agree with some of the comments above. I think you're on a hiding to nothing trying to feed 5 in the field, especially when grazing is poor. I feed 3 amiable horses in the field, but even then I have to be on my toes if one suddenly fancies a change of diet. Recently I've been taking one out before I start because he needs more food.
Also, you should never take it upon yourself to start working with someone else's horse without their permission.
I think you need to be looking for your next place to be honest. If the landowner thinks this field supports 5 equines he might bring more in, and you're short of grazing now, imagine it will be hell in the winter. I have about 5-6 acres of well drained grazing for 3 living out and it's only just enough.
 
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I think you need to sit back a bit here, if you expect to keep horses you need to visit every day to check them out, ok if you have made friends with the others and the horses are in a routine then it would be ok to ask them to do something, in my experience it can be impossible to feed one horse while expected the others to stand back, and feeding five horse all at one time, they are all going to finish at different times. Do they all need to be fed at this time of year, probably not if they are doing nothing. You can't tell others to train their horses by text!....... tact and diplomacy are needed, just take your horses out by the gate and feed them there. If grazing is in short supply put an ad in local tack shop and get someone else.
 
Try not to deviate from fact when discussing sensitive issues. The horses behaviour was fact, but what you said about her needing to train was your opinion. As soon as you do this or become accusatory, people become defensive and communication fails.
 
It doesn't matter how much 'ground work' you do. If you are feeding horses in the field, with some not getting any - you will have trouble.

So lesson learnt, and hopefully next time you'll take yours out of the field to feed in future.
 
I have explained this and actually headcollared the yearling myself and started working on him for them but they stated they knew nothing about parelli so did not want me using it on the eldest to try and sort her respect issues out.

She is not bothered atall by a whip even if its used directly on her

I would advise anyone to move if another livery started "training" their horse (especially a youngster) with Parelli, it is a cruel and abusive system. And if anyone used a whip/carrot stick on my horse (as you have implied you have done) I would be out of that yard/field instantly and s*d the other liveries.

You are with in reason to have approach the youngster's owner about her horses behaviour, though personally I wouldn't ever advise doing this by text, a letter would have been far more constructive if you could not say it to her in person.
You are on the other hand completely out of order to "train" the horse without her owner's permission.

Just feed your horses out of the field it is safer and far more sensible.
 
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