Should I just give up :(

P

Popos

Well-Known Member
Joined
1 January 2014
Messages
141
Visit site
I've just attempted to hack my boy out, but he spooked as we left and I just got off and brought him back in. In fairness there are tree cutters just up the road. I knew he wasn't 'right' as soon as I got on.

We are currently swamped in mud. We cannot afford a school and the fields are too boggy to ride. My only option is to hack.

He does okay when hacking, but I wouldn't describe him as a 'happy hacker'. He naps at times, jogs home and has his head up in the air and on high alert the entire time. I find this unnerving. I'm not the most confident of riders, even less so on hacks after some difficult experiences.

He is a big boy. 17hh ISH. He is generally very sweet, but I believe he has become head shy. I put this down to some weird parelli stuff I did when I first had him and the trainer kept smacking him in the face if he got too close. He now turns away as soon as I lift my hand to stroke him.

He's been here nearly 6 months and I'm still yet to find that real bond with him. I am at times anxious when handling him, mostly because of his size. I've seen him go nuts around the field/yard, although not in a nasty way, but seeing this makes me more nervous of what he is capable off.

Honest answers, have I bitten off more than I can chew? Should I have just got a smaller plodder to hack on? It would pain me to let him go as he probably will be PTS and I had hoped to provide him a forever home. Feeling pretty low just now :( Feel like I keep taking 1 step forward and then several back.
 
Why would he need to die if he can't stay with you ? And yes, It sounds to me like you are overhorsed and if you want a horse to hack he's maybe not the right one .....
 
Sorry you feel this way but I'm sure you wouldn't feel quite as bad if it was summer and you had a paddock to ride in too. Have you got a local instructor who could come out with you with her/his horse? You might feel that having an instructor with you gives you the confidence you need to tackle a hack. I know it's not the cheapest option but if you have to spend a bit of money getting yourself back on track then it might be worth it? x
 
Do you have transport that would allow you to take him to an instructor for regular lessons? That may help build your confidence and working relationship. If you aren't 100% about him there is no shame in selling him for something quieter- why would he probably be PTS if you let him go? Alternatively, forget about riding for now until weather improves, and go from there.
 
I'm afraid It sounds like you've over horsed yourself. It sounds to me like it might be time to sell him on to a home that could get more out of him and find something a bit more suitable or go for some lessons for confidence building. I'd probably work on that head shyness first though do you know anyone who can help you?

He doesn't sound like a dangerous horse by any stretch to me so why would he be put to sleep? Just not so happy hacking alone and in need a confidant experienced rider. Most importantly his lack of confidence out hacking will have a huge amount to do with your nervousness.
 
You sound like you are overhorsed, not nice. Why not sell him (not everyone who buys a horse is bad) & buy something more fitting for you & your lifestyle?

The other option is to put him on livery somewhere where you will have access to a school, help & good instruction to help you work through his issues
 
A few options from me, 1)kick him out in the field until the better weather, no-one says we must ride. Bring him in to handle in the stable, just groom and feed, no need for any "groundwork". When the weather gets better, pick a good day, sunny and calm, pootle off on a ten minute round or lollipop hack, having had some rescue remedy yourself.
2) Find a local confident teenager who will hack him out for you
3) Sell on
4) PTS at home, if for some reason he is unsalable.
BUT do none of these, except perhaps 2) until the spring when we all feel better and more able to cope.
 
He was rescued prior to coming to me as his owner was going to have him PTS after he became lame.

To be honest, I'm not fussed about hacking, I've had some horrible experiences out hacking. I would love to school him and don't think I would feel half as nervous, if at all, doing this. I ride regularly at schools and don't feel nervous then.

What do others do in the winter when you don't have a school to ride in?

An instructor to come out and hack with him would be a good idea I think.
 
Could you maybe give him a month or so off as the weather has been so bad and if you don't enjoy hacking him? Take some pressure off yourself and spend some time getting to know him better try some desensitisation and then start up again when the weather improves with a decent instructor to help

It could take a month to find a new horse so you really have nothing to lose
 
There must have been something you liked about him to have bought him.
Has he been like this since you have had him, or has it got worse?
Have you hacked out with anyone else?
Have you a friend that could ride him, to see what he is like with her?
 
Thank you. Sending him back would be a knee jerk reaction I know, I do love him dearly, I'm just sick of feeling bloody nervous around him.

The upside to this is that when I ride another horse now that's smaller I am far more confident than I was.

I may do just that, give him some time off and try again in the better weather. Sorry to be so down in the dumps, just feeling pretty fed up just now.
 
I think you'd have more joy on a more suitable yard however, it does sounds to me that you have over horsed yourself. It's not 'normal' to have to worry what your horse might be capable of. Why do you think he'd be PTS if you sold him on?
 
I school out hacking. wouldn't hurt to give him time off plus if you did decide to sell it's always easier to sell when spring comes around.
 
Popos said:
Thank you. Sending him back would be a knee jerk reaction I know, I do love him dearly, I'm just sick of feeling bloody nervous around him.

The upside to this is that when I ride another horse now that's smaller I am far more confident than I was.

I may do just that, give him some time off and try again in the better weather. Sorry to be so down in the dumps, just feeling pretty fed up just now.
Click to expand...

Most of us are feeling fed up now, January and February are the worst months, you're not alone.
 
ameeyal said:
There must have been something you liked about him to have bought him.
Has he been like this since you have had him, or has it got worse?
Have you hacked out with anyone else?
Have you a friend that could ride him, to see what he is like with her?
Click to expand...

He has been gifted/loaned to me from the local school as they could not use him because of his previous injury. They do high level dressage and he is just not up to it. I had him here because he is a lovely horse, not horrible and I hoped it would help with my confidence. They rescued him and kept him out of work at their yard as his previous owner was having him PTS due to lameness (which has now resolved).

No, if anything he is generally better on hacks than he was. He used to be a sweaty mess on the way home, but now he is much calmer.

Yes, I always try to hack with company if I can, although not mounted company. I've yet to do that. I've been bucked off on a hack before when alone among other similar experiences, so as you can imagine I'm not a very confident hacker alone!

I often ride him out with a friend. He is much the same with her. I think it might be helpful to have someone hack him out regularly who is more confident.

Today just feels like a huge step back. He seems uneasy today anyway. There are tree cutters near where we come out off so I'm pretty sure that's what spooked him, but having seen him go crazy galloping across a field recently I did not feel I could sit it out and so brought him back in. I hate it but when I'm out on him I'm always worrying about what could happen :(
 
OP you are clearly having a bit of a confidence crisis. it sounds like you prefer schooling to hacking and anyway hacking alone just with someone on foot is almost as bad as hacking alone. The weather has been foul - it must afftect not only our mood but the horses too.

Can you not move to a yard with a manege come the spring? That would be my advice - stop scaring yourself now. If you are nervous handling him then get some groundwork help and give yourself time and take the pressure off yourself to gain some confidence and bonding with your horse over the next few months.
If you can move to a yard with a manege then you can get some proper instruction and find someone to hack your horse. Maybe hacking is something for you in the future. If you then find he is still not the horse for you look at selling him.

Good luck - everyone gets confidence issues from time to time.
 
Popos said:
No, if anything he is generally better on hacks than he was. He used to be a sweaty mess on the way home, but now he is much calmer.



Today just feels like a huge step back. He seems uneasy today anyway. There are tree cutters near where we come out off so I'm pretty sure that's what spooked him, but having seen him go crazy galloping across a field recently I did not feel I could sit it out and so brought him back in. I hate it but when I'm out on him I'm always worrying about what could happen :(
Click to expand...

My horses are uneasy today - I think it's the stormy weather, they can sense the weather much better than us and it can affect them especially storms (I can feel the pressure change today so they must e sensing it even more). Once the storm has gone through you may find he's a lot better - they don't think about stuff like we do - if the combination of conditions that have made him worried are not there in a couple of days then he won't react the same. I'm 'sitting it out' for a couple of days - all my ponies want to do today is to stand at the back of the barn out of the wind and rain.
 
Is he kept on his own, OP? Horses kept alone are often much more jumpy and lacking confidence as they are always on high alert and get very little sleep. If so, I would move him to a livery yard.
 
He is kept at home. He loves out 24/7 with a shelter/stable in a yard area that he free access to from the field. We desperately need to concrete this yard area as it's mud soup just now, but can't do it until it dries up a bit as can't get the digger up. We looked into putting a school in, but it's just too expensive
 
I think many of us without facilities are finding this winter difficult. I am having different issues with both of mine & feel very fed up. It doesn't matter if you don't ride for a bit, just spending time with him will help you both, once the weather has settled, try again and find yourself a riding buddy.
 
As others have said I think many of us with a similar set up are struggling, myself included :(

Dont make any decisions right now, Id give yourself until summer. My horse is only 14.3hh at a push and has become a complete pain to hack in the winter. I dont have a school either and have been at my wits end, wanting to ride but not being able to as the fields are too wet to school in and I know if we go out she’ll be a pain in the backside. This time last year was exactly the same and I ended up going to a livery yard with a school about 20 mins away. I brought my horse home again in April and she was back to normal and we hacked out fine all summer and autumn! I cant afford to do that this year so I just have to suck it up, ride when i can get to a school or give her some time off. I have 2 shetlands at home as well so she isnt on her own but in the winter she just gets more spooky and nappy and always wants to run for home.
 
Its so easy to focus on the negative experiences but you say he has got so mcuh better at hacking etc with you - youve only had him 6 months and this sounds so positive. Ive had a bit of a crisis of confidence with my mare - broke my leg about 9 months ago after a fall on a hack, which isnt actually what did it, it was the handlng on the ground when i wasnt fully mobile and having to handle her at home for the first time at the same time (cast and ill mannered horse doesnt mix well). When i was back and rding i was already not 100% around her and she then had a saddle issue which resulted in a couple of bronking episodes. I almost sold her.

I gave her some time off to settle, disassociate saddle and pain and focussed on handling her. I then did ground work, lots of lunging etc and then got back on. By that time, whilst i wasnt 100% confidence wise i was on the up and we settled into a nice routine and she came on really well. Whilst i wouldnt say i was a happy hacker we were getting there (and doing really well in the school). A month or so ago she started to be a PIA to mount and hard work to push forward, which resulted in my confidence taking another knock. As im only able to ride her at weekends as i work in the week, i found i put so much pressure on myself to ride her and get over it (which was actually counter productive). Another new saddle and physio has helped (as i know there are no pain issues) but what has helped even more is getting someone really confident taking her out a couple of times a week for me (during the week). She's as good as gold for her and i get so much confidence from hearing this - she hasnt put a foot wrong for her and together the other rider and i have sorted the mounting issue. I also feel less pressure to ride her a lot at the weekend and sometimes if the weather is really grim just bring her in and give her a good groom.

Ive also done some other things to help - i have a back protector and an RSTor for my saddle, both of which help with the brave pants. On Sat i hopped on in the school (she buggered about a bit to be mounted) and it felt ok. Im now looking forward to riding at the weekend.

Im not suggesting that its easy or straightforward but i think confidence comes and goes with horses and if you set yourself little goals rather than say "i should be more confident", it comes as you meet those small goals. The weather is rubbish so perhaps use the time to take a step back and break down what you want into little steps, give him some time off and start again with a plan. And as lots of people here have said, get someone to ride him for you - if you can see how he can go for someone else it will give you confidence to take things forward. Best of luck.
 
Popos said:
He has been gifted/loaned to me from the local school as they could not use him because of his previous injury. They do high level dressage and he is just not up to it. I had him here because he is a lovely horse, not horrible and I hoped it would help with my confidence. They rescued him and kept him out of work at their yard as his previous owner was having him PTS due to lameness (which has now resolved).

No, if anything he is generally better on hacks than he was. He used to be a sweaty mess on the way home, but now he is much calmer.

Yes, I always try to hack with company if I can, although not mounted company. I've yet to do that. I've been bucked off on a hack before when alone among other similar experiences, so as you can imagine I'm not a very confident hacker alone!

I often ride him out with a friend. He is much the same with her. I think it might be helpful to have someone hack him out regularly who is more confident.

Today just feels like a huge step back. He seems uneasy today anyway. There are tree cutters near where we come out off so I'm pretty sure that's what spooked him, but having seen him go crazy galloping across a field recently I did not feel I could sit it out and so brought him back in. I hate it but when I'm out on him I'm always worrying about what could happen :(
Click to expand...

If he has got better hacking then try and take a bit of confidence from that! I know it's difficult when you feel like you're getting nowhere and getting more tense - I lost my confidence after a bad fall and OH used to be so scared of horses he refused to go near them but now has his own and is starting to compete

It might be worth just handling him on the ground and getting to know and trust each with grooming and in hand work until the weather gets better, it's vile trying to ride atm and I am only doing it to keep my sicknote horse fit and out of trouble! Our school floods so we end up working in hand as it gets too boggy to ride and it really does help, it also helped OH when he had a huge confidence crisis - he did 2 months on the ground before he got back on.

Do you have a friend to help you or even keep you company as it can be a lonely place on your own when you feel rubbish about horses even if you can't get an instructor?
 
Another here who's struggling with mud and water. I had a horrible hack on Monday on a 17h mare and it's a long way up when they start playing up. So to make you feel better and maybe laughter at today, we had;

Stallion in paddock by bridle path charged at my horse and boy did she jump, then squared up to fight him followed by lovely piaffe work! he was all of 11h of fiery ambition lol. Lucky for him there was a fence there 'cause Madam would have pasted him.. Oh how I hate that little stallion :o
Then got to village..bin lorry double decker bus and road works..lots of prancing! And just as I though whew..safe, an ambulance arrived siren blaring...luckily we were just a few meters short of our turn off and ambulance switched off siren.
So yes, we all have bad days it's not just you and I don't ever go out alone so you brave.
I watched Madam run across her paddock the following day when she was having a strop and I could not imagine anyone being able to stay on her..( I did have an EeeeK ! I was riding that! moment as I watched her ) I've seen all the horses behave the same but I've never yet seen any of them do it when they're being ridden..luckily. So don't worry his paddock gymnastics..they all do this :D
Your horse sounds really nice and as others have already said..these are the worst two months of the year! Hugses and don't despair.
 
TrasaM said:
I watched Madam run across her paddock the following day when she was having a strop and I could not imagine anyone being able to stay on her..( I did have an EeeeK ! I was riding that! moment as I watched her )
Click to expand...

This is EXACTLY how I felt as I watched him bomb across 5 acres like a total loon! It scared me to think that I get on him and he is capable of doing that. It just looked like he was running away full pelt, thankfully he spotted the ditch the other end of the field just in time. I was so frightened he was going to end up in it.

He is generally a sweetie and I'm definitely getting better at handling him. I've had moments of him bucking about the yard while I'm in the stable, things like that then set me back again. He doesn't ever seem to do anything nasty, but I feel it's just the sheer size of him which makes these situations knock me so badly.

When you talk about in hand work, can you please tell me what I should be doing with this? I tried some Parelli stuff before and it ended up with him rearing up and going crazy and not wanting to be caught, which is very different to how he is usually.

I believe he is happy here, he has 3 minis living with him who he adores and we do care for him as best we can and he is looking well. He has not become lame since being with me which was the main concern as he had been in such a bad way before.

I know I don't want to give up on him. I just wish I could shrink him a bit!
 
Popos said:
When you talk about in hand work, can you please tell me what I should be doing with this? !
Click to expand...

Have you tried long reining? I do this with my 17hh nutcase TB when i can't face getting on. Sometimes i make the goal of the day just to get on and then anything else is a bonus - i can judge his mood as soon as i sit on him. For what it is worth i would have turned and come back from a hack too if i felt him getting into 'tightly wound spring' mood. It makes you feel like a failure but try to think of it as avoiding a negative experience rather than giving up.
I hate January and Febuary - my horse is like Tigger on speed. I'm sure it is the weather. He has never never misbehaved on a sunny afternoon - but we don't get many of them in Scotland so this might be a coincidence! Good luck and don't make any big decisions until Spring xx
 
""I know I don't want to give up on him. I just wish I could shrink him a bit!"""
Exactly how I feel about Madam! There is so much of her ( height and weight IDxWB) and I'm only 5'5" lol. She's not mine by the way but I'd happily buy her if YO ever sells her.

The ground work I was taught to do is based on teaching then to lead nicely; staying slightly behind and an arms length from you to avoid being knocked over. Also to back up and move away. As I said I was shown how but hopefully someone will know of a book to recommend you. Perhaps there is someone in your area who can help you out. In my opinion though it's an absolute necessity for all horses. The only horse I've done it with on the yard is my friends cob. He can be led quietly and never ever pulls even when all hell breaks out around him unlike YO's horses who will frequently tank off when being led. Grrr...
 
Ive been known to take mine for walks round the block in hand (I know that isnt everyone's cup of tea and it wont work for some horses), doing my hacking route and just yabbering to her (which my OH says i do very well and that he felt sorry for her!). I would focus on getting her stand, back up and walk on, on voice command. She is now an angel to handle and will stand in the field on a halter even if i let her companion off and she hoons off in the distamce. If you dont want to take him out just doing this in your yard is a start - get him to listen to you and do as you ask.

I get the Eeeek thing watching them in the field (it completely freaks out my OH) - its realiisng what they can do when they unleash their energy. My mare reared and did some very funny bunny hop type bronking when i put her on the lunge in a school and it put me right off getting on her (though i did calm her and get her working well - i think tacked they should behave and not let off steam!). But what thye do in play in the field etc is very different to how they are under saddle. MIne will double barrel her companiosn if thye get between her and her food - she wouldnt dream of doing this to me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top