Slightly terrifying instructors for kids...good or bad?!

[Kat]

It depends on the child (or adult, as the same goes for adults too). Partly on their personality and personal confidence. Also on how keen a rider they are, how confident on the pony they are, how ambitious they are, what stage the pony is at, how settled the pony/rider relationship is etc etc.

The right instructor for now might not always be the right instructor.

The right instructor for child A might be the wrong instructor for child B.

Many very strict shouty instructors are very marmite, they have some who love them and others who can't stand them.

At the end of the day listen to your daughter if she is happy and keen go with it.

Does she have other lessons too? Perhaps at pony club? It wouldn't be a bad idea for her to see someone else from time to time too. They don't have to be overly positive and fluffy, just a different approach so she gets the best of both worlds.

 

[lottiepony]

I do think it's really hard for parents, after all you wouldn't be a very good one if you weren't protective! Great that you spoke to your daughter and asked and what a fab answer she gave!

I teach my niece to ride (she's only 5) and I'm completely honest with her when she could do things better, shes gets praise when praise is due. She can be a right madam but clearly I have the voice of authority as even in family situations she pays attention lol! I do think kids are a bit molly coddled these days, I'm forever telling my sister and her husband to step back and let her figure things out or I'm telling my niece that no she can do it herself when she instantly calls for mummy or daddy to help. Maybe I'm just mean though although I do see all the same traits in my friends and their kids. I am no huge fan of kids (don't have any myself) but they appear to like me, my friend, who has very shy twin boys, thinks it because I speak to them in a normal way, her 2 love me and the fact I made them work hard with wheel barrows poo picking?!? go figure!
I shouldn't comment as cannot speak from any experience however I know myself I prefer 'harder' instructors as makes me strive for perfection more.

 

[PurBee]

There were 2 instructors that were strict at my RS.
1 was a woman, she’d say what you were doing wrong, you could correct and improve, and she would tell you plainly when you got it.
The other was a guy who also would also say what you did wrong, but then would throw in a personal demeaning criticism like ‘dont be an idiot...dont be a baby if you’ve fallen of, get on again” etc
He even liked making animals suffer: one indoor school lesson he said “its a baking hot day so we’ll take it easy so the horses don’t get over-heated.” Only to proceed with a lesson of mostly cantering and fully sweat-sodden horses! ?


I much preferred the straight-talking no-nonsense woman to the narcissist. She made me feel like a crap rider, who’s she’s happy to help improve, but never a crappy person, like the other instructor!

 

[Gingerwitch]

For me it always depends on how the instructor is with the horse. If they bully the rider I can cope but if they bully the horse it teaches the rider nothing. I remember being traumatised as a child by a very dominant instructor who would get frustrated if I didn’t smack the pony when she told me to, and would come over, grab the reins, grab the whip and give the pony a hiding. Pony and I were both terrified and not one adult ever spoke up against her. The only thing it taught me is I don’t ever want to treat an animal that way. The instructor should set the example for how a horse should be treated, everything else after that just depends on the child’s personality.

Was the pony yours or the riding schools ? Not that it should make that much difference. I had a farrier once threaten to hit my horse with a hammer, I told him if he did I would kick him in the balls. I was 7, he just laughed at me, but never threated to hit him again, I think it was the fact the other adults at the forge burst out laughing at this kid with a 12hh pony calling him out on crap behaviour.

 

[Winters100]

It sounds like your daughter is doing just fine, and to be honest an instructor who just told her how good she is will not really help her improve.

I am still in touch with the lady who trained me between ages of around 6 and 18. She was absolutely no nonsense and if it wasn't right told you so without mincing her words. Because of this it really meant something when you came out of the ring and heard 'you did well'.

For my own I always look for instructors who will push them, and to a certain extent teach them to develop a thick skin, whether it is riding or any other sport / instrument. Of course self esteem is important, but what I see as a bigger problem in general among their friends is a lack of tenacity, self control and the ability to obey instructions. If their feelings are hurt by some criticism they need to learn to deal with that, because they will face this in life later on. I did not look for especially 'soft' schools for them for the same reason, the teachers are not their friends, they are there to impart knowledge and maintain discipline.

To me the instructor can be as terrifying as s/he likes, but they must be fair and consistent. I think if you have this then most kids will cope with the criticism and will flourish when they see how they can improve. Sounds like you have this, and your daughter sounds like she is a gutsy kid who responds well, so I would not worry.

 

[Pedantic]

One thing that has always stuck in my mind from doing Ki Aikido for 6 years, was that no matter how bad anyone was at something, the instructor always left the individual with a positive feeling for their efforts, and encouraged working on and spending more time on what they weren't doing very well at.
My Boss's son failed his driving test twice, turned out his driving instructor was the bawling shouting type, when Dad he found out, he sacked him, got another driving instructor, passed his test the next time.
Our yard owner is a proper instructor, no bawling shouting from her, everyone enjoys the lessons and learns something whatever the age.

I tend to think the "old school" is really an excuse for someone with no people skills to bawl and shout their way through lessons, not something I would pay for, and would be tending to tell them where to go and multiply.

 

[mariew]

I don't know, i wouldn't like someone who only ever talked down on your ability, especially if she is digging away on every lesson. Constructive criticism fine, but hearing every thing you do is rubbish wouldn't be my idea of fun! Even that positive comment wasn't really positive in my eyes. Just keep an eye on lessons and be open with your daughter.

 

[Caol Ila]

Like BBP, the best lessons I learned from the instructor I mentioned were in what NOT to do. One of the school horses -- her personal horse, actually -- was tied at the hitching rail, and he was dancing around a bit and pawing. Instructors goes ballistic, unties horse, and beats the crap out of him with the end of the lead rope. Not sure how that horse ever made the connection between pawing and the thrashing he received. But I was horrified.

 

[BBP]

Was the pony yours or the riding schools ? Not that it should make that much difference. I had a farrier once threaten to hit my horse with a hammer, I told him if he did I would kick him in the balls. I was 7, he just laughed at me, but never threated to hit him again, I think it was the fact the other adults at the forge burst out laughing at this kid with a 12hh pony calling him out on crap behaviour.

As you say it doesn’t matter, but it was her own pony. It was an American show barn and the pony either won everything or stopped 3 times at the first fence as it was pretty sour. I have some incredible memories from my years there, and I did learn to ride pretty well but when she was in that mood she was just cruel. I used to fake being sick so I wouldn’t have to go to my next lesson. I broke my arm one day falling off and was made to get back on and do the last 20mins of the lesson (grid work with no stirrups).

I found US show barns to be odd places, where everyone rode under a trainer and the trainers were treated like gods, no one spoke against them. Some 10 years later I was grooming at HITS Indio (a big 8 week show series where everyone basically lives in Southern California for 2 months) you are at the whim of the on site pro’s, and one farrier hit my horse with a rasp as it wouldn’t trot up. I tried to stand up to him but he was shouting at me in front of all the other farriers and calling me a ‘stupid f’ing English bitch’. Not one person there including my boss stood up for me. The guy was an incredible bully but treated as god, same as the trainers.

Sorry, completely diverted off topic!

 

[Caol Ila]

As you say it doesn’t matter, but it was her own pony. It was an American show barn and the pony either won everything or stopped 3 times at the first fence as it was pretty sour. I have some incredible memories from my years there, and I did learn to ride pretty well but when she was in that mood she was just cruel. I used to fake being sick so I wouldn’t have to go to my next lesson. I broke my arm one day falling off and was made to get back on and do the last 20mins of the lesson (grid work with no stirrups).

I found US show barns to be odd places, where everyone rode under a trainer and the trainers were treated like gods, no one spoke against them. Some 10 years later I was grooming at HITS Indio (a big 8 week show series where everyone basically lives in Southern California for 2 months) you are at the whim of the on site pro’s, and one farrier hit my horse with a rasp as it wouldn’t trot up. I tried to stand up to him but he was shouting at me in front of all the other farriers and calling me a ‘stupid f’ing English bitch’. Not one person there including my boss stood up for me. The guy was an incredible bully but treated as god, same as the trainers.

Sorry, completely diverted off topic!

Yeah, the US Hunter/Jumper scene is f&*(cking nuts, without putting too fine a point on it.

 

[Gingerwitch]

As you say it doesn’t matter, but it was her own pony. It was an American show barn and the pony either won everything or stopped 3 times at the first fence as it was pretty sour. I have some incredible memories from my years there, and I did learn to ride pretty well but when she was in that mood she was just cruel. I used to fake being sick so I wouldn’t have to go to my next lesson. I broke my arm one day falling off and was made to get back on and do the last 20mins of the lesson (grid work with no stirrups).

I found US show barns to be odd places, where everyone rode under a trainer and the trainers were treated like gods, no one spoke against them. Some 10 years later I was grooming at HITS Indio (a big 8 week show series where everyone basically lives in Southern California for 2 months) you are at the whim of the on site pro’s, and one farrier hit my horse with a rasp as it wouldn’t trot up. I tried to stand up to him but he was shouting at me in front of all the other farriers and calling me a ‘stupid f’ing English bitch’. Not one person there including my boss stood up for me. The guy was an incredible bully but treated as god, same as the trainers.

Sorry, completely diverted off topic!

I think that post has finally cleared up why the treatment of twh continued to be so abborant.

 

[Caol Ila]

I think that post has finally cleared up why the treatment of twh continued to be so abborant.

Kinda, but totally different worlds. The Tennessee Walker people are completely insulated from the rest of the equestrian world, like their own weird-ass horse abusing cult.

Hunter/Jumpers can be pretty nuts, but it's a bigger, more porous discipline; it has everyone from adult amateurs who want to hop around an easy course of showjumps at the equivalent of an unaffiliated show (called unrecognised over there), to pros riding for big purses. You get barns like the one BBP described, but plenty of 'normal' barns as well. Some weird stuff can go on at H/J barns (like anywhere), but abuse hasn't been institutionalised in the same way as it has with the Tennessee Walkers.