So tired....

[Remi'sMum]

Not really sure if I'm after a kick up the bum or sympathy or both, or something else...

I am struggling...

My daily routine, Monday to Friday
Alarm 4.45am
Out the door 5.30am
On yard 5.40am - 7.15am. Muck out, ride, leave everything ready for the evening etc. I try to ride every day or at least 6 days a week, she is better this way.
7.15am - 7.45am drive to work
7.45am - 8.15am walk dogs (they come with me to work)
8.30am - 5pm work. An hour for lunch, the dogs get walked rain or shine, and I eat a sandwich while we walk.
5pm-5.40pm drive to yard.
5.40pm- 7pm ish put horse to bed and walk dogs.
7.15pm or a bit later I get home.
Shower, eat, get stuff ready for the next day. I'm usually in bed by 9. I rarely go out.

The weekends are spent in a similar fashion but with housework, laundry, shopping etc, and every 2-3 weeks or so, a trip out with the horse for a lesson or a clinic or a jolly. I try and do as much as possible to prepare for the week ahead to save time on the weekdays.

I live alone (divorced, lol, I wonder why?!), no kids (thank god!). Recently split from a boyfriend (he slotted in quite nicely but other life stuff got in the way. Feeling a bit down about that)

My job is reasonably high stress but I mostly enjoy it and it pays the bills.

The dogs are a source of anxiety. Both are rescues and have issues. I have to be extremely careful with 1 in particular around other dogs, he is very unpredictable. This makes dog walks less of a relaxation than they might otherwise be. Both are generally anxious. We have had input from a behaviourist and I'm doing everything that has been suggested but I believe their issues will likely persist. They are both young and I feel my responsibility towards them very strongly - rehoming isn't an option in my mind.

I just feel like I've got too much on my plate but I can't figure out where to make things give. The horse is on DIY livery with paid help from someone when I have to go away for work. Help during the week is a possibility but I'm reluctant both from a cost point of view and because I prefer to do things my way - she's a sensitive flower and especially in winter with needing to take good care of her legs etc, I really do prefer to do it myself. I live for this horse and we are making huge progress with our ridden work. I literally cannot imagine life without her.

I am in awe of those who manage horses, jobs, kids and probably a whole bunch of other stuff I don't have, but I'm perpetually exhausted and more or less skint.

Green&Blacks chocolate for anyone who got this far! No idea of the point of this post. How do others manage their time? Do I just need to accept that this is my life??

 

[AmyMay]

I'd be exhausted too. Can you cut down on the riding?

 

[meesha]

I agree why not ride every other day so never a long break .... e.g. Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Sat. Seems long time spent at yard each end of day, my 3 only take 30 mins to do eachh end of day (they are out though so feed, poo pick) but I do throw Frisbee for dog as do horses, if school it's 5 mins tack up, 30 mins school in week

At your rate you will run self into ground!! Is horse not out at moment, could you move yards so more turnout less mucking out?

 

[wills_91]

Could you maybe cut down to riding 2 weekdays and have someone fetch her in on those days?

 

[Wagtail]

Crikey, you are going to collapse at the rate you are going. My immediate reaction is like amymay; could you cut the riding down to 3-4 times a week?

Personally I would leave the riding until after work then you can do it only if you have enough energy left. Horses really don't need riding 6-7 days a week.

 

[Echo Bravo]

laundry put in each morning before you go out, food shop order in, sounds like you are run down mentally and pyshically can you get a week-end away go spoil yourself. You don't have to accept this is your life can always get rid of horse or dogs. Just pick out stuff that can be put on the backburner so to speak could also be you are not sleeping well

 

[TuscanBunnyGirl]

You're eating the wrong chocolate for a start...its all about dairy milk!! Jokes aside, sending you massive hugs I haven't really got any advice as I don't think I could even run around half as much as that without having a breakdown but massive massive hugs for you xx

 

[Lexi_]

You're at the yard for quite a chunk of time per day - if you're doing all the jobs in the morning then do you need to spend so long there in the evening, or is that time mostly dog walking rather than yard work? If everything's ready for her to just come in and go to bed, can't you find someone you trust to bring her in (even if only a few nights a week)? That, combined with maybe riding once or twice less a week would make a significant difference.

Here's where I admit my shameful ignorance about dogs: do they have to be walked three times a day?

 

[MrsMozart]

Goodness me. That's a lot of stuff lass.

Take a day at the weekend to get food prepped for the week, for both you and the horse. With practice this will come down to half a day max.

Stop ironing (in case you do!) - get clothes that don't need ironing (it's saved my sanity with four hour daily commutes).

Lunge or long rein the horse twice a week - takes less time.

Are your rugs indoor/outdoor type? Think how you can cut the horse prepping time.

Can you pay someone else to to a day a week for the horse and / or dogs? I see that you have a cost and control thing about this, but might be worth a shot.

Have a morning where you don't ride, just spend time with your horse, do a bit in hand, groom, chill.

Do your dogs need three long walks a day? You say they have issues - we have two who can be interesting (one has a noise issue, and the other has little dog syndrome!) - do you walk them on a long lead or loose? We walk both the iffy two on extender leads now. It's reduced the stress factor considerably! They've had behaviourist input and improved to probably their best possible.

If you don't make a change lass you're going to be ill, which won't help anyone *swings gentle boot*

 

[rifruffian]

I see the advice written so far as missing the point. Why not revise and revolutionise your work status to work less and ride more ?

 

[texel]

Crikey I have to say I feel worn out reading your schedule.

Have you thought about:

1. a livery with more turnout and less stabling ? if not finding someone to turn your horse out in the mornings so you focus on evening stables? this will make a big difference
2. sharing your horse ?
3. ground work/in hand training instead of riding
4. just do the basics every other day to cut short your visit to the yard

it is a question of making compromises in some areas and prioritising what you can and can't do.

I am a working mum and have owned 2 ponies and 2 horses for many years. They live out so I do not have to muck out just poo pick and so I do not need to attend twice a day and not in the mornings, I have a neighour who lives near the field who keeps an eye out for them. I also have a sharer and a horse mad teenager helping at the weekends with me and is good company. I don't ride everyday and yes I would like to go to the odd local show but that is on the back burner for now as I don't have the time for that at the moment. I just love being with them and I ride when I can and I enjoy the great outdoors really whatever the weather.

All the best hope you find a solution

 

[meesha]

If you have a drive to yard it will be cost effective to pay for care, may cost less than the fuel. Obviously doesn't help if yard between work and home and u r passing it anyway.

 

[chestnut cob]

Honestly, I'm the most OCD person about my horse's care but find yourself the right part/ full livery yard & you will soon quite enjoy someone else doing the yard duties! In your situation I would look for a yard with a YO you can really trust & hand over some of the care to them. You will end up collapsing from exhaustion otherwise. I'd also reduce the amount you ride. I'm sure horse won't mind.

 

[SEL]

I see the advice written so far as missing the point. Why not revise and revolutionise your work status to work less and ride more ?

I went part-time & if you can afford the cut in money I recommend it for regaining your life.

Could you pay someone to do some bits like mucking out? I've learnt to live with people doing things not quite to my standard if it means I get some breathing space. Mucking out, poo picking & the odd turn out / bring in all go on my list.

 

[KittenInTheTree]

Right, clearly something has to give here, so I have some suggestions.

Firstly, if your mare has daily turnout, then consider leaving the mucking out and other jobs until the evening. This could free up a bit of your morning and let you have a little longer in bed, or at least time to relax with a proper breakfast, whilst still letting you ride if you want to. But it won't hurt to take the occasional day off from this - it's supposed to be fun!

Secondly, the dogs. That's three walks every day - personally I'd cut that back to two. Ditch the hour long walk at lunch, and take them out just long enough to do their business. It's not as if they're left unsupervised; they're with you at work. They will adapt. Relax, enjoy your break, and try to have something more than a sandwich.

In theory, you'll now have far more energy left for the evenings, and should be able to manage all the yard related chores then. Muck out first, sort everything else once horse is in bed! Finish up with a nice long walk to relax you and dogs - you aren't as likely to meet other people and/or dogs when walking at night, so there should be less to worry about.

Consider hiring a cleaner to take some of the pressure off at weekends. Also, batch cook if you don't already. Slow cookers are also great things for ensuring that you have something ready to eat whenever you get home. Meal plan and order your groceries online/have them delivered wherever possible to save time. Not sure what you feed the dogs, but sometimes diet can cause behavioural issues, so maybe look into this too.

Good luck

 

[scats]

Is there any opportunity for assisted livery? Maybe to do mucking out/turning out etc?

I'd reduce your morning stuff to the minimum and allow yourself a little longer in bed. I don't think that that sor of early start on a daily basis does anyone any good, especially if they then have a long day ahead. Could you get up at 6am and just do the mucking out in the morning and see how you feel in the evening with regards riding?

I've had horses for over 25 years and I go into every winter with a wonderful plan and, without fail, it turns into a muddle-through-best-I-can! As long as my horses get daily turn out and keep in some sort of exercise throughout the winter months, that has to do for me.

 

[chestnut cob]

Also you say you are particular about you horse's legs being washed etc - you can still do that. Pay someone else to muck out, fill hay nets etc & bring in. You can wash/ brush off legs when you arrive. I would put her on livery where they t/o, muck out, and do other jobs. You can still be involved over which rugs you want her in & how you like her looked after.

I actually think that once you get more sleep and are less stressed, you'll be more chilled out about your horse's routine. I love my FL yard - YO looks after my horse better than I do & cost isn't that much more than DIY when you factor in less fuel (only go 1x day, 4-5x week now), not having to buy own hay, shavings etc.

 

[Micropony]

Another one suggesting you give some thought to a livery package that offers more assistance so you only have to go to the yard once a day. If it's the right yard it will be fine. You can still do the bits you want to do but it would massively take the pressure off, and I promise you your relationship with your horse won't suffer - quite the reverse if anything if it means you're not exhausted all the time!

My life is not unlike yours except it starts and finishes about 2 hours later and involves a lot of commuting in place of your dogs (think I would prefer the dogs!). Doesn't feel as relentless though. I think the difference is because my horse is in livery where I choose to do some of the routine care myself and am very much in control of the things that particularly matter to me. But if I decide I want a night off or work is particularly busy then it doesn't cost me any extra and it's very easily arranged. Yes there are compromises, for example his bed isn't as immaculate as I'd like, but it's perfectly adequate really and it's the price of being able to fit everything in without losing my sanity altogether!

 

[honetpot]

Long time ago when I was younger and a lot more motivated, I worked full time, had a horse which in winter I rode five days a week, and was doing up a house with my husband, stripping every wall of three layers at least of wallpaper and had a rescue dog that had to be walked and taken every where with me or it destroyed what bit of the house we had completed. It's so long ago so I can not remember if I was knackered, I just can not believe I did all that now.
What have learned after 30 years, is you do not need to do everything every day. You strip out all the stuff that is not essential. Ride for four days and take three days off and pay someone to muck out and do. Go deep litter, get a yard where they turn out more. Do not change rugs. Give the dogs a bit less of a walk, or cut one out. Even my hyper rescue collie managed with one walk a day as long as she was with me. Get a cleaner in, take the laundry to the launderette and get it a service wash.
I always say I do a lot of things badly, I concentrate on essentials, but do enough so as not to be a complete slut. My horse had to be stabled full time in winter so I gave myself lots of time off in the summer months, when my children were small and we had ponies they we mothballed after Christmas and not ridden till March.
I can not believe there can be any enjoyment if you are so tired, and life should be enjoyed.

 

[mytwofriends]

Long time ago when I was younger and a lot more motivated, I worked full time, had a horse which in winter I rode five days a week, and was doing up a house with my husband, stripping every wall of three layers at least of wallpaper and had a rescue dog that had to be walked and taken every where with me or it destroyed what bit of the house we had completed. It's so long ago so I can not remember if I was knackered, I just can not believe I did all that now.
What have learned after 30 years, is you do not need to do everything every day. You strip out all the stuff that is not essential. Ride for four days and take three days off and pay someone to muck out and do. Go deep litter, get a yard where they turn out more. Do not change rugs. Give the dogs a bit less of a walk, or cut one out. Even my hyper rescue collie managed with one walk a day as long as she was with me. Get a cleaner in, take the laundry to the launderette and get it a service wash.
I always say I do a lot of things badly, I concentrate on essentials, but do enough so as not to be a complete slut. My horse had to be stabled full time in winter so I gave myself lots of time off in the summer months, when my children were small and we had ponies they we mothballed after Christmas and not ridden till March.
I can not believe there can be any enjoyment if you are so tired, and life should be enjoyed.

This ^^^

As the years have gone by, I've done away with the faff and have tried to streamline down to things which are essential/mean a lot.

Even though your horse "is your life", OP, it shouldn't dictate it. Clearly the job is important, your dogs need walks (maybe not three ...), and your horse needs care. Does it need riding as much as you do? If yes, would you consider a sharer to alleviate your load? Or a part loan on your yard, so you can oversee proceedings to begin with? The monetary contribution would surely be a welcome bonus too.

Unless you are super human, how can you possibly go on the way you are? Something has to give. You need some time for you to keep your health/sanity?

 

[Sussexbythesea]

OP no wonder you're tired you're trying to be too perfect and do everything - you'll drive yourself into the ground and won't be doing anything eventually.

To my mind you just need to let go a bit, your horse will be ok. (I know I've been there) I'm at an unassisted DIY yard but now pay another livery to do him Mon-Fri primarily as I need work flexibility for travel but also I'm less exhausted and have more time for doing the fun grooming and riding. I have to compromise a little but as I'm not doing the mucking out and going up twice a day every day when I am there he gets a good groom, a fuss and I've more time to enjoy the riding.

Other than that at weekends I used to do hay nets for the whole week and make up feeds in bags for the whole week. This meant I also didn't need to worry about the wrong feed or amount being given if someone else did him. When on rubber matting with a small bed I used to split bags of shavings into bin bags and chuck one in a day.

At weekends my friend and I help each other out so both of us have a day where we only go up in the morning. This allows us to go off in the afternoon shopping, going out or catching up on household jobs. It really makes a difference especially in winter. We also do weekends for each other when we want to go away.

I don't have dogs now because of the work and time issues you're experiencing but when I did the main walk was in the morning and a short "go to toilet" walk in the evening, the rest of the time it was the garden unless I had time and particularly wanted to go for an extra walk. They were boxers and were all fit and healthy with no hang ups on that routine.

As to work, do you have to take an hour lunch break? Can you do a shorter break and finish earlier? Is flexi-time an option or occasional working from home?

I hope you get back to enjoying your horse as that's what it's all about and if you're not then something's got to change! 😀

 

[chaps89]

Op you have my sympathy- minus the dogs I'm in a similar position and realising something needs to give but am a control freak and also not wanting to hugely increase costs either. That said, feeling constantly tired and drained is takings it's toll. There's a lot in this thread to use with horse. But at home, try batch making meals and freezing them so you have healthy ready meals to go to, if your washing machine doesn't have a delay function buy a time switch and set it to come on in the day whilst you're at work so you can hang it up when you get in. Don't iron! Maybe spread cleaning too, a bit each night might be easier than 1 day at the weekend. Or vice versa! Best of luck op.

 

[HeresHoping]

Oh dear. I've been there... I also get up at silly o'clock - but in my case it's 5:45. I used to get up at 4:45 and be absolutely exhausted. I'd be asleep in my supper at 8:00. You are breaking your sleep cycle early, by doing this, I am led to believe, which adds to the tiredness.

As others have said, if getting some help isn't an option:

- 7 haynets filled on Sunday.
- 7 bags of food made up on Sunday
- 10 mins to muck out max - leave water for the evening. It takes me 7 minutes to do a straw stable. I don't deep litter and I do pile up the straw.
- lunge one morning a week. 20 mins on lunge = 40 mins ridden work if in school, roughly.
- drop riding to 5 x per week, with two rest days. Perhaps make your lunge day the day after rest in middle of week
- if rugging, leave on overnight - you are going to take off to ride, anyway. Although it takes 3 mins max to change a rug on a well behaved horse.

Dogs:
- yours get A LOT of walking! I have three labs. They get 1 45 minute brisk walk/run (depending upon my own energy levels and to do list) per day and they get 2 x 10 mins of ball throwing other times. We use one of those throwers - ball goes far. None of my labs are fat or restless.

You:
Are you eating appropriately for the amount of energy you use? A sandwich for lunch is not the most nutritious thing on the planet. You need slow release energy for such an intense day, not something carb laden which will give you a spike for an hour about 40 minutes after you've eaten it. Lots of protein and fresh fruit and veg would probably give you more energy. And do you drink enough water?

Invest in a slow cooker. Let it cook (double batches) whilst you are out. Freeze half for bunging in later in the week. There are tonnes of slow cooker recipes that take 10 mins to prepare and can cook all day.


Good luck and slow down, just a bit.

 

[Sealine]

Bless you, I'm exhausted just reading your schedule. Your daily schedule is not dis-similar to mine in some ways:

6:00 Get up, let dog in garden whilst I make a cup of tea to take to stables with me to drink while I muck out
6:30 arrive at yard, muck out, ride, prepare evening hay net and feeds, turn out my horse and friends horse
8:45 Arrive home, start work eating breakfast at desk
12:30 Walk dog for 45 mins in lunch break, eat lunch at desk whilst working
17:30 Finish work

The dog gets a 20/30 minute walk in the evening dependent upon weather and time of year. I don't go back to the stables in the evening. The friend who I turn out for in the morning brings in and feeds for me in the evening (both our horses stay in their turnout rugs overnight). This gives me evenings to do chores and spend time with my husband.

The main differences compared to your schedule are less dog walking and not going back to the yard in the evening which is a godsend. I have an active, young german shepherd dog who is quite happy with his routine.

Review your schedule bearing in mind the saying 'you create your own pressure' which I think is particularly true if you're a perfectionist. Most importantly, look after yourself first because if you get ill you won't be able to look after the dogs or your horse.

 

[milliepops]

You're at the yard for quite a chunk of time per day - if you're doing all the jobs in the morning then do you need to spend so long there in the evening, or is that time mostly dog walking rather than yard work? If everything's ready for her to just come in and go to bed, can't you find someone you trust to bring her in (even if only a few nights a week)? That, combined with maybe riding once or twice less a week would make a significant difference.

Here's where I admit my shameful ignorance about dogs: do they have to be walked three times a day?

^^ this.

OP you have described my life when I still had a commute - minus the dogs but I had an additional horse on hunting livery, and for a while, a second job in the evenings. I was at my best riding in the mornings and absolutely determined to ride 6 times a week - it matters to me as the riding is about 90% of the reason I move mountains to keep my horses. might not matter to other people but I see it matters to you too.

It's hard going. You basically have 2 options - continue as you are, consciously acknowledging that you are trying to be superhuman, and then getting on with it without feeling sorry for yourself (I know you're not whinging but a change to your state of mind if it's a CHOICE is helpful)

, OR making some changes. Lots of good ideas upthread, I know I was struggling with funds at the time and paying someone else to do the horses would have crippled me. But maybe look into Mrs M's suggestions, try to find ways to make the dogs less demanding, become super time efficient in the evenings, and make sure you are getting proper kip.

What is your job? That might make a difference to further suggestions. I changed jobs and no longer have a commute, which has absolutely changed my life. I could do a third horse reasonably well now, time wise, and even see my OH every day!!

 

[Maesto's Girl]

I get my weekdays down to a fine art....no dogs but 4 hours of commuting each day.

My prep starts the night before. I get all my stuff ready for the next day - lunch, clothes and yard gear...

5:25 - wake up
5:30 - out the door (easy to do when all your stuff is ready)
5:45 - at the yard & turn out (occasionally poo pick if she isn't being a complete mare turning out)
6:10 - leave the yard
6:25 - home
6:50 - out the door to work
8:30-5:30 - work, run for 30 mins twice a week at lunch
5:30 - 7:05 - commute
7:15 - out the door
7:30 - at the yard
8:30 ish - leave (8pm on non riding days)
Home at 8:45pm, cook dinner, shower whilst dinner is on and prep the next day - bed at 9:30

AAAAAAAND breathe!

My mare has a HUUUGE field that she runs around in like a nutcase so I don't need to exercise her every day

If there is nothing you can give up/change then you will need to consider changes in your livery option, or a sharer as you will burn out carrying on like this x

 

[Wagtail]

I get my weekdays down to a fine art....no dogs but 4 hours of commuting each day.

My prep starts the night before. I get all my stuff ready for the next day - lunch, clothes and yard gear...

5:25 - wake up
5:30 - out the door (easy to do when all your stuff is ready)
5:45 - at the yard & turn out (occasionally poo pick if she isn't being a complete mare turning out)
6:10 - leave the yard
6:25 - home
6:50 - out the door to work
8:30-5:30 - work, run for 30 mins twice a week at lunch
5:30 - 7:05 - commute
7:15 - out the door
7:30 - at the yard
8:30 ish - leave (8pm on non riding days)
Home at 8:45pm, cook dinner, shower whilst dinner is on and prep the next day - bed at 9:30

AAAAAAAND breathe!

My mare has a HUUUGE field that she runs around in like a nutcase so I don't need to exercise her every day

If there is nothing you can give up/change then you will need to consider changes in your livery option, or a sharer as you will burn out carrying on like this x

I feel tired just reading that!

I never even considered doing DIY whilst I was working full time. It was knackering enough just going to ride after work. I really don't know how some of you do it. My job was the kind where I often had to stay late though. I had to be seen to be working extra hours even when we weren't that busy. It was just the culture of the place. I would not have been able to stand the stress of also having a horse that needed attending to. But even if I had had a 9 to 5 job, I would have found it too much. My OH would not have liked it either, even before the children came along.

 

[Maesto's Girl]

I feel tired just reading that!

I never even considered doing DIY whilst I was working full time. It was knackering enough just going to ride after work. I really don't know how some of you do it. My job was the kind where I often had to stay late though. I had to be seen to be working extra hours even when we weren't that busy. It was just the culture of the place. I would not have been able to stand the stress of also having a horse that needed attending to. But even if I had had a 9 to 5 job, I would have found it too much. My OH would not have liked it either, even before the children came along.

I'm lucky in that I rarely have to work late, however my OH does so he doesn't notice
He also benefits as I can pick him up from the station on my way back

I'd prefer to work closer to home (I actually am starting on the bHS qualification train next year so I can eventually work full time with horses) but, right now, that's not possible so I have to make do knowing it won't be forever.

 

[milliepops]

I feel tired just reading that!

I never even considered doing DIY whilst I was working full time. It was knackering enough just going to ride after work. I really don't know how some of you do it. My job was the kind where I often had to stay late though. I had to be seen to be working extra hours even when we weren't that busy. It was just the culture of the place. I would not have been able to stand the stress of also having a horse that needed attending to. But even if I had had a 9 to 5 job, I would have found it too much. My OH would not have liked it either, even before the children came along.

Depends how much you want something though, IME OP says that her horse is coming along well with her work so she doesn't want to step it down at the moment - therefore something else has to get more streamlined to allow it. If finances are tight then it's DIY or nothing. If you are getting a buzz out of training your horse and seeing the progress, then it can carry you along quite a bit I found.

I'm lucky now I don't leave house until 6.30 in the morning unless I'm travelling away for work, but virtually always work one before and one after work, am back home to see OH by 7ish (usually about the same time as he finishes doing stuff so everyone is happy ) I so don't miss my commute though, sitting in the car is a massive time-sap.

 

[ester]

yup funnily enough plenty of full time jobs do not pay enough to keep a horse on full livery and a roof over your head

If I were you OP I think it would help if you could get home earlier in the evenings, 1hr 20 seems like a long time to be at the yard when you have done most of the jobs already and the dogs have already had 2 walks. I would also be really tempted to get someone to do her just a couple of nights a week if you can. I had a sharer who rode two weekday afternoons and even though I lived there it meant I had those two evenings of not rushing about, getting in late, eating rubbish etc.