Sorry, another rant. Am even more cross this time. *REALLY, REALLY, STUPIDLY LONG*

Cash

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*Firstly can i please apologise for this being probably the longest post in HHO history, it is in fact several rants crammed into one post, for your, erm, convenience*

Ok so following my rant earlier about not being allowed to use the school at the moment :mad: I now have another rant..on a slightly different topic.
A little while ago I posted this thread http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=384187&page=2 about letting a girl who shares a horse at my yard have a go on my horse. Please have a look as it might help you understand the following grumpy rambling without me having to type that whole post out again here :o :p
So because we are not allowed to use the school til it rains due to compacted surface (due to not enough management :mad: ) I told the girl via FB this afternoon that she wouldn't be able to ride my horse tonight. I would have told her earlier but couldn't get her mob. no off anyone, as no one had it, what with them not particularly warming to her and all. I told her the situation with the school and said we could reschedule.
She replied 'Can't I take him over the cross country jumps instead?' (we have some home made jumps at the top of the fields). I said (very politely, I thought!): 'No, I think you should ride him in the school first before you consider taking him in the fields. Besides, the ground is too hard at the moment, as well as reiterating that I am happy to reschedule riding in the school. I said she should ride him in the school because whereas I am pretty certain that he will be quiet and sensible in the school (as he finds it a bit dull ;) ) especially as he will be doing little jumps, with me close at hand, out in the fields it is a different story. He is after all a fit ex racer, and can get high spirited and throw some bucks/get strong, especially when going over XC jumps.

Anyway, to this she replied 'ok :/ ' and went offline.
I then went down to the yard later to ride (just schooling in walk and trot round the tracks, too hard for anything else and obviously can't go in school, still :mad: about that!), feed and put to bed etc, and she was there riding her share horse. Her mum was watching her go round from the yard. I waved hello then turned to talk to my mum who was dropping me off. My mum looked over my shoulder to the girl's mum, who was a short distance away, and whispered 'why is she giving you such nasty looks?!' I turn round, and the girl's mum was indeed giving me proper evils, sorry to sound like Vicky Pollard :rollseyes:
I ignored this, went out to field to get C, smiled at her on the way past- just got more stony looks. My mum stayed for a min to try and make conversation with her, to no avail I assume. Pass the girl on share horse on way to field. She looks at my horse, who was galloping round his field after she had passed on her share horse, and says in a grumpy way, 'does he always do that?'. I said yes, mostly, he does get quite excited when it's bringing in time and he sees me coming.
By the time I got back to the yard with C, she had untacked and was putting share horse away. She and her mum proceeded to ignore me (didn't realise at first, as I was busy with C, but it became quite clear when I passed them in at feed room and they didn't acknowledge me at all) and left without a word once they'd finished.
I was then told by a couple of other liveries that the girl's mum had been saying proudly how her daughter was going to be jumping my horse (which is fine), and had seemed put out when I said she couldn't tonight.

So that's basically left me being made to feel BAD for offering my own horse for her to jump. :mad: :mad:

I have also recently helped one livery get her confidence back on her horse (who she hadn't ridden in about eight months before I helped her) by riding with her every week, encouraging her, escorting her round the paddocks, etc etc, and I also help another fairly novicey lady who rides a pony at the yard once a week with getting on and off said pony (and also occasionally with tacking up, leading etc) as he is naughty and she is not firm enough so I've lent a hand on several occasions, and always stressed that she should be firmer and learn to do this by herself as i won't always be available
. Both of these arrangements have been fine up until the last week or so: firstly, I couldn't ride with the nervous livery this week as I was at a competition when she wanted to ride on Sun- I was made to feel bad for this by her saying she had really been looking forward to it, oh well, sigh sigh, etc. With the lady who I've given a hand to, I arrived on Wed morn (when she rides), called 'hi' across yard. I was in a rush that morn as had to get home to sign for Tesco shop as mum working. Lady calls back 'Hi. So you're helping me this morning yes?' I say no, sorry, I'm in a rush and can't this morn. She looks crestfallen and surprised and says 'ohh are you sure you don't have time....?' I say NO. And again feel like I am being guilt tripped, even though every time i've helped her i've stressed that I won't be there all the time and she can't rely on me weekly!

I am not a pushover (although this post makes me sound like one :( ), but everyone just seems to be taking advantage. Several liveries told my mum how nice it was to have someone pleasant and helpful on the yard when I first arrived (sorry to sound arrogant but hey, that's what they said, and my mum was proud.) as from what I can gather there's not generally a huge feeling of 'community' on the yard, though I like everyone, there can be a bitchy feel (not a problem though, I have been to a private all girls' school ;) ). I have just tried to be helpful by doing favours, and feel like I am being sh@t on. :mad:

Sorry, I know this is a really really long and, again, whiny post. Please tell me if I need to grow up/learn to appreciate favours/be less of a pushover/anything else. Just feeling fed up.
P.S Anyone who reads this, and, even better, replies, genuinely deserves a medal. :o
 
Is this another whine, or the same whine as earlier, but not the earliest whine???

:eek::rolleyes::p:D

:o :o :o They are both the same whine. Thought my computer had eaten the first one but it hadn't, have deleted the first one's contents now. Sorry sorry sorry :o :D
 
If you can do without her and the cash (if she pays), get rid. The ground is way too hard to jump and the reason for the school being out of use is clear and not your decision. Silly girl. Is she one of these types who can ride but knows nothing about management of a horse?

What kind of medal do I get?
 
I have helped many people in the past only for it to be thrown back at me (even verbally abused and threatened once!). I am now more careful who I help and am quite selective. Keep my head down and am pleasant, just don't go out of my way exceot for close friends.

It's sad, but after what happened the last time, I'm just not doing it again
 
I think they are taking advantage of you - if I had someone as nice as you on my yard, help once in a blue moon would be ace, never mind weekly! Next time Sunday rider starts to moan, tell her she can ride with you at the competition - should put her off. Tell Weds novice that if she is unhappy, you can offer her details of several people who will come do the same as you do but charge her by the hour. That should shut her up!

And as for pathetic girl and mother - don't ever let her near your horse. If she asks, say to her that she was so put out and rude last time that you assumed she would never want to ride your horse again, and that you have other plans for him now. Lesson learnt for her and mother....

God, I sound like a right b**ch
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Massive hugs. Dont really know what to say re situation apart from you are not in the wrong in ANY of them so dont feel bad. Other peoples problems not yours. You are clearly just far too nice :p :D
 
So sorry to hear you are having yiur good nature taken advantage of.
This is exactly why i now have stables and fields rented just for me, mum and our 3 horses.
Keep smiling chick and rise above it all :O)
Teresa
 
Will put it in here too ... :p
No course not I'm totally with you on this.
I'd go ballistic if anyone did anything with Kelly tbh without our permission...but this might be over protective 2nd mum syndrome
You don't need to feel silly for feeling like that - I'm sorry but you're giving your time, knowledge and even your horse to people who need help or just the odd jumps (I'm totally with her on that too btw as I'm currently jumping my YO's horse with Kelly being out of work, I miss it too much) BUT if ever YO turned round to me and said sorry Kerry's not available today, it'd be a case of okay fine no worries maybe next week, I wouldn't even ask for a reason why. Its YOUR horse, your decisions and you don't want to be risking injuries because this other girl wants to ride. I take it her share horse doesn't jump?
Mayb you should send her an email and say I didn't mean to cause problems, just that I don't want to risk injuries with my horse and he's NOT an easy ride over XC - and say you're happy to reschedule in the school and just reiterate everything you said - maybe leave it a few days until she's calmed down and then send it?
Other than that and not feeling bad yourself, the ball's in her court I think...you've been polite enough and handled it well. aybe put that you understand if she doesn't want to ride your horse now as her current attitude has given you that impression? As for the woman who needs help with her horse - like you said you aren't going to be there everytime!!! She knew that, you knew that, don't feel bad - if she wanted to ride she'd have had to learn to be strict there and then (I know it sounds harsh but she can't expect someone to be there and help her everytime)

Just to add...I've been riding for 12 years now and YO said on my first lesson with Kerry we'd only do a few tiny jumps as I needed to learn how to control her and ride her to my advantage first off! She surely can't expect to get on your horse and go??
 
I would try not to worry yourself - you have been very generous and kind and they are simply taking you for granted and not appreciating the time and effort you have put in to helping them.

At the end of the day, you are the one doing them favours and you have nothing to feel bad about (though I know it's not that easy when people start to expect things of you). If they have any sense then they will work their way back to you and will ask politely for your help. If not then you have freed yourself of a lot of extra effort without doing anything wrong... ;)

If the girl is that eager to jump your horse then hopefully she won't let her pride get the better of her and will ask if there's another time that she can do it. If you really think she got the wrong end of the stick then perhaps in a few days (or when it has rained), you could simply mention that now the school is softer she would be welcome to jump your horse when you are there.

As for the other ladies... it might be good for them to manage on their own for a while. :)

Have a hug and a cookie and try not to worry! *hugs and gives cookie of chosen variety*
 
Well...you did warn us that you were going to have a rant lol.

Go have a nice relaxing bath and drink of wine/ hot chocolate!

You are not superwoman and as you say, you will not always be available - they need to get on with it and toughen up a little - it will do them no harm. It's good to do favours for each other but they should be returned once in a while!

I wouldn't be that happy about lending my horse to someone, not because I don't trust him. I just wouldn't want to be asked all the time if they can lend him. I don't like to share haha ;)

You've not been unreasonable and the girl and her mum should be mature enough to see that the ground is hard. Yes she was disapointed but you didn't say never, you just said another time!

Argh...I feel like your rant is making me rant lol!

I had an evil giggle earlier mind.. I've noticed that my food has been going walkabout. Each time a specific person seen me on the yard, they ask for a favour and to lend a scoopfull of food which 'will be returned' which led me to think it was the same person taking it when I wasn't there. They would also use my lead ropes, brand new feed bucket (which I actually wanted to use for water but it's covered in food now) etc so have hidden everything :(

They've since bought some food which I've taken the odd handful back (bit evil) and she commented that she thought hers was going missing too! - I was looking after her horses over the weekend mind and fed them..

Also brought her horse in earlier in the pouring rain to dry off...so I'm not that bad..am I?
 
If you can do without her and the cash (if she pays), get rid. The ground is way too hard to jump and the reason for the school being out of use is clear and not your decision. Silly girl. Is she one of these types who can ride but knows nothing about management of a horse?

What kind of medal do I get?

Ooh sorry for not being clearer; she's not my sharer (i don't have one!) she shares a horse on the yard. Asked around (very politely at the time, I might add) for a horse to have a jump on, as the share horse doesn't really jump, and since she's started sharing him she can't afford lessons any more, and was really missing jumping. I offered my horse for her to have a go on the once, as everyone else on the yard had been quite rude to/about her because before getting the share horse she's only ever been at a riding school, and also because I think it's good for my horse to have a different rider once in a while.
She's actually a competent rider, and not bad at the stable management side either, but still has stuff to learn due to having been at an RS before now. Therefore I think she's got a reason to not know about riding on hard ground etc- I know I didn't know everything before I became an owner! :o


Any medal you choose. :cool:
 
I'm too thick skinned to let that kind of thing affect me but I know exactly what you mean, having been in a very similar situation.

Don't let it affect you or even change what you do because all it will do is make you miserable. Behave and act in the exact same way as before , offering the same help as before, and just let it pass.

It's very easy (and perfectly understandable) right now to go storming off in a huff and refusing to help again, but it's obviously not part of your nature and whilst you will breifly feel satisiaction from 'sticking to your principles blah blah blah', it won't make you happy in the long run or make your life easier.

They are dissapointed with you not helping them probably because they esteem your help more that you think and they NEED you. But most people are petty and selfish and won't admit it. The girl was probably bitterly dissapointed she didn't get to jump and not everyone is big enough to swallow that.

You help them because of the type of person you are: you enjoy seeing them progress, like to share and are generous with your time, property and knowledge. Don't let a blip like this ruin it for you in the long run or lower yourself to their level.

On a more selfish note, taking a stance and sticking to your principles etc will just make the yard an unpleasant place for you ;)
 
Ooh sorry for not being clearer; she's not my sharer (i don't have one!) she shares a horse on the yard. Asked around (very politely at the time, I might add) for a horse to have a jump on, as the share horse doesn't really jump, and since she's started sharing him she can't afford lessons any more, and was really missing jumping. I offered my horse for her to have a go on the once, as everyone else on the yard had been quite rude to/about her because before getting the share horse she's only ever been at a riding school, and also because I think it's good for my horse to have a different rider once in a while.
She's actually a competent rider, and not bad at the stable management side either, but still has stuff to learn due to having been at an RS before now. Therefore I think she's got a reason to not know about riding on hard ground etc- I know I didn't know everything before I became an owner! :o


Any medal you choose. :cool:

You're way too nice. I offered a girl I knew some rides, she was OK, then started hanging on his mouth, so it was an immediate and firm goodbye.

I want a very BIG medal, cos I've replied twice now!
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^^ That is me, accepting my medal! Honestly, my hair is so similar!
 
Thanks for replies everyone. :o

Galaxy23- That's sad that you've learnt the hard way :(

Fjordhorsefan- Your reply made me :D lol. Sunday rider has actually expressed a wish to come with me to some competitions :o and, although I am really thrilled for her as it shows how much her confidence has improved, I am afraid I may not be a good companion as I can get very competitive and am not normally nice to people I am with! :o :D
Lol, I will consider your ways of dealing with the other two. Though I'm not sure it would help yard harmony :o

bay_beasty and Teresagarsden- you have both made me :o :o Thanks :)

KellysHeroes- yes, email sounds like a good idea. I'm not desperate for her to ride my horse at all (I too want to be selfish! :p ) but i remember how rubbish it was not having my own a few years ago.
As for getting on my horse and going..well..she is confident, which is good, but I have a feeling she could get un-confident quite quickly, were C to misbehave :o


HollyWoozle- Thanks for the advice, kind words and cookies. :o

LaurenM- Thanks. :) I don't PARTICULARLY like sharing lol (he's so lush I wanna keep him all to myself :D ) but like I said I remember wishing someone would lend me a horse when I didn't have one, lol.
Rants are good. ;) Hahaa I like your evil ways. ;)


Kallibear: Yep, you are right, much as right now I want to have a hissy, I know that won't be good for anyone in the long run. And after all, they are all nice people who I like, and all the liveries have made me feel welcome from the start.
As for the girl being disappointed, I understand that, but surely waiting a few days isn't such a big deal? :confused:
Thanks :)
 
As for the girl being disappointed, I understand that, but surely waiting a few days isn't such a big deal?

But not every one can be as grown up, mature and level headed as us :p

No, she should have sucked it up and dealt with it like an adult but hey......

Also, it's quite possible she thinks you're just stalling and trying to get out of it. Or she may well have been looking forwards to it for ages. If it really means a lot to her she WILL be massively dissapointed. Sounds like she was very much looking forwards to it as she's been talking excitedly about it. Not nice or grown up to to sulk now it's not happening, but as I said before, they can't all be like me and you :p ;) I, of course, would NEVER have a stroppy hissy fit over being dissapointed :o ;)
 
Fjordhorsefan- Your reply made me :D lol. Sunday rider has actually expressed a wish to come with me to some competitions :o and, although I am really thrilled for her as it shows how much her confidence has improved, I am afraid I may not be a good companion as I can get very competitive and am not normally nice to people I am with! :o :D
Lol, I will consider your ways of dealing with the other two. Though I'm not sure it would help yard harmony :o

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Perhaps I am not the best person to take suggestions from! I am old and bitter now, and have little patience with numpties
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. This girl who wants to ride your horse - she has one to share, and she should be thankful! I had to wait 27 years until getting my own horse, tell her how lucky she is!!!!
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I don't think they are going out of their way to guilt trip you. I think they were just upset even though they had no right to be, but hey, it happens when you are looking forward to something. They will deal with it, and you will too. Maybe they should have tried to hide their dissapointment better, maybe they did try and obviously failed. No need to feel guilty, it didn't sound like anything malicious though.

Apart from that spoilt kid, but that's how it goes. Her mum is being a smashing example to her, so it's no way she has turned out to be a brat.
 
I don't think they are going out of their way to guilt trip you. I think they were just upset even though they had no right to be, but hey, it happens when you are looking forward to something. They will deal with it, and you will too. Maybe they should have tried to hide their dissapointment better, maybe they did try and obviously failed. No need to feel guilty, it didn't sound like anything malicious though.
Yep see what you mean totally, I would be gutted and although I think i'd hide it better, i guess she is a couple of years younger than me (and therefore doesn't have my wisdom... ;) :p lol I have none :p )

Apart from that spoilt kid, but that's how it goes. Her mum is being a smashing example to her, so it's no way she has turned out to be a brat.

Yep, her mum has definitely gone down in my estimation. I don't think the girl meant to be a brat, she has generally been fine apart from this incident.
 
I just realised that made no sense- 'it's no way she turned out to be a brat'... i meant 'no surprise'. Maybe give her another go, and explain in person that you don't want to risk your horse, or her until she is used to him. It might come across better in person too.

Don't feel guilty anyway, feel proud that you are being so helpful that they miss you so much even for one week :) But that doesn't mean you have to be there. You won't always be.
 
Lol, it's ok, i knew what you meant- didn't even notice you'd made a mistake lol.

Think i'll speak to her again about it next time I see her. But I'm certainly not going to apologise or anything like that- I maintain that her riding my horse is a favour. I'm not asking for undying gratitude ;) but acknowledgement or even a 'thank you' for offering would be nice at some point..!
And no they certainly won't be able to rely on me forever- and as i'm going away in a couple of weeks I will be calling in a lot of unreturned favours I think :cool:
 
Life's too short to have jerks in your life.

Your horse deserves better than her on him.

If she wants to jump, let her move barns or buy her own horse.

Once her mum gave you the evil eye, say bye for now.

Remember, she's not doing you a favour by deigning to ride your guy.

We've got some of these darlings at my yard...they keep giving their opinion on what horses they'll be riding and how they'll make them go better than the owners can. None of these brats can ride well, just obnoxious cretins with mothers who feed their delusions of adequacy.
 
Is your horse insured for her to ride?

Anyway I agree with the others, its your life and if they dont like it they can pay for a riding instructor to help them.

You cant nurse maid them forever.
 
Thanks for the reply. :)

If she wants to jump, let her move barns or buy her own horse.

I think that is a bit harsh on her TBH. She obviously can't buy her own horse, hence sharing one.



Remember, she's not doing you a favour by deigning to ride your guy.
Yea, this i totally agree with. I am certainly not desperate for her to ride him, jus thought it'd be a nice treat for her..!

We've got some of these darlings at my yard...they keep giving their opinion on what horses they'll be riding and how they'll make them go better than the owners can. None of these brats can ride well, just obnoxious cretins with mothers who feed their delusions of adequacy.
Well, I wouldn't say she is one of those. She is a reasonable rider, hasn't really shown any obnoxious or arrogant behaviour before now, and certainly hasn't claimed to be able to ride better than anyone else.
Her mother has been childish, as has she, but she hasn't done anything really awful and i'm not planning on bearing a grudge. :)
 
Is your horse insured for her to ride?

Anyway I agree with the others, its your life and if they dont like it they can pay for a riding instructor to help them.

You cant nurse maid them forever.


Yep, he is insured to be ridden by others.

Thanks for the advice, v true.
 
I think they are taking advantage of you - if I had someone as nice as you on my yard, help once in a blue moon would be ace, never mind weekly! Next time Sunday rider starts to moan, tell her she can ride with you at the competition - should put her off. Tell Weds novice that if she is unhappy, you can offer her details of several people who will come do the same as you do but charge her by the hour. That should shut her up!

And as for pathetic girl and mother - don't ever let her near your horse. If she asks, say to her that she was so put out and rude last time that you assumed she would never want to ride your horse again, and that you have other plans for him now. Lesson learnt for her and mother....

God, I sound like a right b**ch
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If you sound like a right bitch - that makes me one too!
I offered a girl to hack my beastie out and she did pretty much the same thing....
^^^as above - stay polite (To a degree)and civilised but offer no more than your smiles...please reply as above if asked by anyone for your help

Look at it another way - you are wasting time on other people, who it seems dont care, when you could use it for extra time with ponio :D

But if she approaches you and makes the effort to ask why your offer no longer stands and actually have an interactive conversation with mother and daughter rather than dirty looks - by all means - let her ride/jump...
Its a nice thing for you to offer and do but im not too sure they see it that way - if it was me and i had no pony/horse i would have become your next best friend...
"I'll muck out for you" - something along those lines :)
 
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Mollya- I am pissed off with reading your post now! People treated me like this at one point, but don't be scared to take no ***** from no one. Its disgusting that you help in your spare time and still you are treated like this. Tell them straight, that is was not possible as you were busy/ground hard in a polite way and if they are rude to you, give them as good as you get!
Btw, no wonder no one like the sharer girl who wants to jump, she sounds like brat, and if she is going to act like that I wouldn't let her near your horse, and if she asks, tell that she is being brat to her face. It is compleatly understandable why you don't want her riding the xc for the first time on hard ground, especially as it is an ex-racer, which can be different on grass, mostly for her own safety.
 
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