Sorry - feeling down RE the horses thread.

Meowy Catkin

Meowy Catkin

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Earlier this month my TB was PTS and I'm really struggling and still feeling very down about it. The Vet bill came today and it's set me off feeling very low again (I also keep thinking that in hindsight we should have said 'enough' the day before we did - so I feel pretty guilty too).

I can't face sorting out her things, so they are all around as if she was still here. I know that it's still raw, but I'm also worrying about anything happening to the others. I had to make myself check them tonight because I was scared that I might find a problem.

I just want everything to be OK.
 
It is still very early days and you have every right to be feeling down.

Don't worry about sorting out her things yet - there is no rush.

Have a big hug
 
So sorry for your loss but that is what it is a loss and it takes time and several stages of grieving to get through it the time will come when it gets easier. You will never get over it but will learn to live with the loss. You shouldnt feel guilty the choice you made was the right one at the time and guilt is a normal reaction to the death of a loved one so dont beat yourself up about it. Take it easy and take care of yourself the time will come when you can smile about your horse again but there is no timescale for such things

Remember that no one dies until the last person left to remember them is gone She will live in your heart and mind forever
My favourite saying it has given me great comfort for a lot of years and a lot of losses
 
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Just a hug. I had some very bad times in the months after I lost my boy. Just felt like it got worse and worse for a while. Still have sorted some of his things xx
 
It takes a long time to heal, and tbh, not sure I am entirely healed even now, my late mare meant the absolute world to me and I miss her still now and would love to have her back with me now. I would have loved for her to be nannying Nell my young mare, she was the perfect horse for me and I had hoped to have her in retirement teaching my new riding horse how to behave, but it was not to be. It is s hard and it is scary, I worry that I could suddenly lose Nell, not sure how I would cope, she has helped me heal since losing Seren.
I am rambling on here but I am trying to say, do not expect too much of yourself, it is such early days, I miss Seren every day almost a year and a half later, I will always miss her, they will always have a place in your heart. Try keep busy and let the emotion out *big hugs* to you x
 
The most heart breaking part for me, when my cat was PTS was actually finding one of her food bowls (an empty plastic takeaway box) under the sofa. The dog used to steal them, even if there was no food left and hide them under there.
It was a good few months later and it felt so raw again :(

I'm so sorry about your horse *hugs* It will take a long time, but eventually you'll be able to remember all the good times you had together :)
 
Try not to beat yourself up I went through the same thing a few years ended up with a £1000 vet bill for colic call outs and treatment in one day, I feel the vet dragged it on when in hindsight it was only going one way, at the end of the day we just want to save them, yet I have a friend who feels she didnt give her horse enough of a chance, you will always feel like you could have done this or that but when its happening its difficult to have a clear mind, I am sure you did everything you could and what you thought was right at the time and thats all we can do, it does get easier so sorry for your loss x
 
Tough times. Lost my lovely girl last April and can't believe it'll be a year soon. Paid vet bill today after my 15 year old border collie was PTS last Saturday. Brings it all back.

Understand where you are and it does get better.
 
Bless you as I posted earlier we lost one of ours in horrible circumstances this weekend and to be honest I am not over loosing my 4yo in october partly due to vet cock up, I am pretty horrible to everyone at the moment as I feel so angry and am grieving.

They are a huge part of your life and It is very hard to loose one in any circumstance, I am not ashamed to say it makes me feel bereft and I have that sick feeling in my stomach most of the time, even my teenage son is showing me sympathy so you know it must be bad.:o

I think you need to grieve however you need to and sometimes things will just creep up on you that get to you, you can only take comfort in the fact you did love and did your best for them, my heart really does go out to you, I am sending kindest wishes to you and hugs, do not beat yourself up for feeling down, I have shown myself up so may times wailing and crying at the most inappropriate times, usually to the alarm of people who know me as I am not an emotional person. Hope you feel a bit better about things soon but it is ok to feel down it just makes you caring and human.
 
Time really does heal. Its been five years since my lovely mare went. Only now can I go to her place and have lovely thoughts and not cry (not too much anyway). I have since got a wonderful little mare she cant replace my mare but she will also be irreplaceable. You will heal take care.
 
Oi you. Don't you dare be feeling guilty. I know for a fact that you do the absolute best by all your horses.

There's no rush to sort out her things. Just wait until your ready. Big hugs. x
 
Be kind to yourself, if u aren't ready to sort his stuff - then don't until you are ready. They are a huge part if our everyday lives and that's what makes the whole thing so blooming difficult. Big hugs, so sorry for your loss xxx
 
Faracat said:
Earlier this month my TB was PTS and I'm really struggling and still feeling very down about it. The Vet bill came today and it's set me off feeling very low again (I also keep thinking that in hindsight we should have said 'enough' the day before we did - so I feel pretty guilty too).

I can't face sorting out her things, so they are all around as if she was still here. I know that it's still raw, but I'm also worrying about anything happening to the others. I had to make myself check them tonight because I was scared that I might find a problem.

I just want everything to be OK.
Click to expand...

I know how you feel faracat as you know I lost my mare of a lifetime at the beginning of Dec. I am still grieving - still trying to get things sorted/ investigated with the GEBS company who are not all they are cracked up to be. I too have not changed anything her stable still got dropping in as they were done on her last day. Water bucket haynet rugs where I left them. It makes it more lived in. I will not sell ANYTHING of hers either. Her saddle will join my first mares in the loft when I have courage to go up there where her ashes are resting with the rest of them. Don't do anything that makes you feel more uncomfortable.


It will take as long as it takes for you to move on. I like knowing her stable is as she left it. I try not to look in, or see to many pictures or her memorial video and I have put a screen around me thinking about her having left me as I cannot deal with it also as its to raw - I start crying very soon after


I have bought my mare a lovely apple tree which I will plant in the spring and some liveries will buy a plaque for the tree.

Why not plant something somewhere where your TB loved to play or stand or lie down???

Sad as it seems I brought these and will hang one on the tree in the spring and keep the other one with me as a token of my love for her.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/220936396443?ssPageName=STRK:MEWNX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1439.l2649
and a chain in silver with her picture on to wear all the time .

Some more ideas here if they are of any help. I have done most of these. Cannot wait for my wheel cover

http://horse-care-and-advice.weebly.com/in-memoriam--cremation-of-your-horse-or-pony.html.

In any road don't rush take your time to grieve your not alone :(:)
 
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You've got me thinking... when I'm ready I might make a sculpture, painting or drawing of her. I'll wait for the right time and for inspiration to hit me.
 
I'm so sorry. x Time is a great healer. Try to focus on the happy memories rather than things you can't change.
hug.gif


Buddha, said it better than I could.
"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly"
 
It took me more than a month to take Jazz's saddle out of the tack room. I kept picking it up to take indoors and then putting it back down again.

Sorry it hurts right now, but it does get better, it really does.
 
Don't apologise for feeling perfectly natural emotions! When I lost my old neddies and last week when I lost my wonderful dog, I found comfort in putting together photo books of them, and looking at them in their prime - we all do whatever helps. Huge hugs xxx
 
Faracat said:
Earlier this month my TB was PTS and I'm really struggling and still feeling very down about it. The Vet bill came today and it's set me off feeling very low again (I also keep thinking that in hindsight we should have said 'enough' the day before we did - so I feel pretty guilty too).

I can't face sorting out her things, so they are all around as if she was still here. I know that it's still raw, but I'm also worrying about anything happening to the others. I had to make myself check them tonight because I was scared that I might find a problem.

I just want everything to be OK.
Click to expand...

Dont feel guilty, you did everything you could.

I had my boy Boo PTS at the end of November, i miss him everyday, shortly before we made the decision, I took on a youngster and Boo went to my friends for a holiday, thats how im handling the bad times, my youngster gives me something to foucs on, despite me still having my 26 year old pony to look after as well. My old pony has Boo's stable, but i cannot face sorting his rugs or other things out either, and don't want my youngster to wear his bridle or any of his other things as they were his.

Just take your time and do things your own way, whatever suits you best, time will come when your ready.
 
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Diamonds saddle is still in tack room ( green with mould) but i cant take it out yet seeing it there is better than seeing an empty saddle rack :(
 
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