Taking horse back off loan

[The Bouncing Bog Trotter]

So hard, but put on the brave pants and have a face to face conversation. She won't like it but he is your horse. You say she has been great about you being able to ride when you can so, if you are able to, offer the same and say she can ride at agreed times (but only if you think this will work for both of you - don't offer it if you feel it won't work).

 

[Leandy]

I'm a bit confused by your question to be honest. If you are good friends then broaching the subject shouldn't be difficult surely? Both your circumstances have changed significantly so now is a good point to reassess the arrangement. Do however sort out in your own head exactly what you want and be clear and consistent on that in all communication about it. The arrangement was a loan, you are perfectly entitled to have your horse back. No need to feel guilty about it. Your friend has had a good deal already. You need to act in accordance with the original agreed terms of the loan (unless you both agree something else now) as regards notice etc. If your friend ultimately wants to keep him then if I were you I would offer to sell him to her. The price would be significantly negotiable as the friend has spent the time and expertise to add to his current value but a sale would be the only way I would let her keep him if you now want a horse to ride of your own. Then you can go out an buy yourself another if that makes in easier for all concerned. I would not just allow the loan to continue indefinitely whilst you move on and buy another. That way you retain the risk of your current horse and acquire the risk of a second also whilst your friend continues with her lovely free gift. That is not fair on you. In these circumstances you need to be firm about your own interests and wishes. You owe it to your friend to be clear and decisive on this. If you aren't then it is highly likely the friendship will suffer. If you are and you are both sensible and grown up then all should be fine.

 

[canteron]

I personally would give her some thinking time to work it through before meeting face to face - she will possible be emotional enough if pregnant, so message along the lines of

would you be around next week so we can have a chat about x’s future.

Obviously include a ‘hope all is going well’ bit as welll!!

and allow her to react a bit offended at first - we all need time to process change?

 

[MuddyMonster]

Have you hinted that you want him back? I like canteron's suggestion, as it gives you both some space before broaching the subject.

At the end of the day, he's your horse so you are more than entitled to take him back. I'd take him back in your position too

However, I'd be prepared for the potential that you may need to keep him elsewhere if it doesn't work out amicably.

 

[Lois Lame]

Some are suggesting that you sell the horse to your friend, but I don't see why you should contemplate this. A good horse is hard to find.

 

[Caol Ila]

I hope your YO understands that loan = not permanent and owner might want their horse back. This seems like a no brainer to me (and the reason I've never been a loanee), but I've heard so many tales of loanees/sharers freaking out when an owner takes the horse away. My sharer was pretty bummed when I moved my horse. She was gracious and understanding, but according to our mutual friend who employs her as a dog walker, she hasn't been on a horse since mine moved in October. Covid hasn't helped, but she didn't want to go back to the yard before that. Did I feel a bit bad? Yes. She was a lovely sharer, and she was very attached to my horse. But at the end of the day, it's my horse and the buck stops wth me. The advantages of loaning/sharing are that you can give the horse back to its owner if your life circumstances change, or if the sh*t hits the fan with the horse. It doesn't carry the same level of responsibility as owning a horse. The disadvantages are that it's not your horse. If its owner wants to move it or sell it or take back full control over riding/care, you're SOL. That sounds obvious on here, but a lot of people seem to miss that day in class.

Good luck, OP. I hope your friend is gracious and sensible about it.

 

[Buster2020]

The problem is when people have loaned a horse for a few years they think that the horse is on forever loan. I seen it in my previous yard lots of people have horse on loan and they said they said they owner will never look for the horse back because they had the horse for 2 years . Be careful op things could turn nasty very quickly. Since she is a good friend maybe offer to share the horse than you take the horse back from her when the baby is born . It will soften the blow that why I will never put my horse on loan .

Sorry that didn’t make much sense autocorrect keeps adding the same words . I wish you the best of luck there is a chance that you could be told to leave that she doesn’t want you there’s because she can’t loan the horse .

 

[bouncing_ball]

I hope your YO understands that loan = not permanent and owner might want their horse back. This seems like a no brainer to me (and the reason I've never been a loanee), but I've heard so many tales of loanees/sharers freaking out when an owner takes the horse away. My sharer was pretty bummed when I moved my horse. She was gracious and understanding, but according to our mutual friend who employs her as a dog walker, she hasn't been on a horse since mine moved in October. Covid hasn't helped, but she didn't want to go back to the yard before that. Did I feel a bit bad? Yes. She was a lovely sharer, and she was very attached to my horse. But at the end of the day, it's my horse and the buck stops wth me. The advantages of loaning/sharing are that you can give the horse back to its owner if your life circumstances change, or if the sh*t hits the fan with the horse. It doesn't carry the same level of responsibility as owning a horse. The disadvantages are that it's not your horse. If its owner wants to move it or sell it or take back full control over riding/care, you're SOL. That sounds obvious on here, but a lot of people seem to miss that day in class.

Good luck, OP. I hope your friend is gracious and sensible about it.

I’ve moved yards a few times with sharers and to my surprise they all came with us, even when I doubled their travelling difference. Was your sharer not able to drive further?

 

[Caol Ila]

The horse now lives at a yard on the opposite side of Glasgow (near where I stay.. the old yard was very much not). Sharer lives about 40 minutes from it, and she has a lot of anxiety about driving through the city. She certainly wouldn't cross it. She also seemed very anxious about riding at any yard that wasn't my old yard. She felt comfortable and happy there (I sure didn't). My first attempt at moving took the horse to a yard even closer to where sharer lives, and when I told sharer that's where we were and she could still ride, sharer responded with, "I'll think about it, but I'm just not sure about riding somewhere that isn't Old Yard."

Tbh, it kind of worked out -- at my end anyway -- because I don't need a sharer at New Yard. I actually like being there, and so does my horse. Having a sharer allowed me to avoid Old Yard around three days per week while making sure the horse was still ridden and cared for. We had an unusual share arrangement where sharer didn't pay to ride -- payment was essentially her being at my beck and call to bring my horse in from turnout before she started fencewalking on days I wasn't around or couldn't make it to the yard in time. For a couple years, I had the stereotypie somewhat contained under this system, but then sharer had to pick up a job delivering for Hermes, and she wasn't able to be as flexible nor reliably rescue my horse on days I couldn't be there. Among other issues, the fencewalking was spiralling again.

That has nothing to do with OP, of course. Just a digression. I feel sorry for my sharer, who's shared a few horses at Old Yard and lost the rides due to people moving horses and her reluctance to ride at other barns. But my horse and I are in a much happier place.

 

[blondetraveller]

He is a loan, not a gift. Still your horse!

Obviously she's likely to be attached and perhaps telling you of plans for her future with him either to stop you worrying to to try and let you know she'd like to keep him on loan after the baby.

Either way, it is very much up to you, if you're more comfortable having him back then you should tell her face to face with an approximate time frame that you can both agree on. Depending on her personality maybe arrange a time to talk to her privately, that way it won't be at all shocking, not that it should be if you've said you'd be interested in having him back.

You could share, but it sounds like you might struggle setting boundaries for this. Or if you don't mind which horse, she could buy him from you and you get a different horse (just a thought).

Good luck!