Tears before bedtime?

I'd only had 8 lessons when I bought my first horse. I was a total beginner. Worse still, I was keeping mine at home, not on a yard.

I asked a good friend to come and show me how to tack up which took her ten minutes. I never needed to be shown again. I knew about picking feet out etc.

I'd bought a head collar that wasn't made up. Took my friend and me about 20 mins to work it out. I still laugh about that now!

We do all have to start somewhere. I knew I was an idiot and I read everything I could and only rode with my instructor initially. Over time I became more confident and things got easier and more natural.

I cope very well now and I don't think myself or my horses have been put at any real risk. Wouldn't recommend buying one this way again.....but I have thoroughly enjoyed the experience....steep learning curve that it was.

I'd offer the person some tips. Wouldn't take much time in a day to just offer to help her with tacking up once or twice and I'd certainly advise her about the perils of having the dealer's vet check the horse over. I was very naive a couple of years ago and didn't realise the extent of "dodgy-ness" within horse buying/selling etc.

I wish her all the best and I hope she enjoys her horse.
 
I too can remember how excited I was when I got my first horse (tender age of 19) and I also remember how I paniced at the slightest thing. I didn't have the luxury of other people to help either, I rented a paddock in the middle of nowhere. She was a 4 year old arab x. I went through hell and back with her but it came right in the end and I had her for 18 years till she was PTS last summer. The difference was, I had spend my childhood cycling to the local RS (9 miles each way acutally
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) "working" for rides, then I left school, did my BHS stages, worked in a showjumping yard and had ridden anything I could get my hands on for years.
 
But how to people learn then? Doing courses and riding at riding schools is never the same as owning your own horse.

If she has a good instructor to help her with her riding in the early days, then I don't think there can be those many serious issues.

I do accept it's strange she didn't know how to put the head collar on, but it's hardly going to take an age to just show her once.
 
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But how to people learn then? Doing courses and riding at riding schools is never the same as owning your own horse.

If she has a good instructor to help her with her riding in the early days, then I don't think there can be those many serious issues.

I do accept it's strange she didn't know how to put the head collar on, but it's hardly going to take an age to just show her once.

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I agree that everyone has to learn at some time. But she does'nt have a clue. This isn't someone who just needs advice, this is someone who has basically no knowledge of horses at all with no instructor in sight. Would you go to the petshop and buy an igunana with no idea on what to feed it, how to handle it etc etc?
 
I do think that is a bit silly of then to be honest.

I knew I was over my head, it was the hubby who bought me a horse - famers eh? - I did make sure I had private lessons twice a week. I only rode in those lessons for the first couple of months.
 
I must admit I would feel much happier with the situation if the horse was on full livery at a riding school or something similar. Not on a private very small livery yard on a DIY basis.
 
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I suppose at the end of the day, what I'm saying is, yes I will offer advice when asked for it, yes I will help when I can, but I don't want to be a babysitter. Thats probably a very selfish attitude to have, but this is my hobby a very expensive one at that, one which I want to enjoy and spend what little time I do have with my boy. Am I wrong to feel like that?

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In no way are you wrong! I fully understand. I think the fact that you made this post shows that you care and are concerened and although you may think you need to help you just do not have the time or space avail to give.

I would try your best to stay out of it if that's truly NOT something you want to deal with. You are in NO WAY responsible for this situation and are not obligated to be "mommy" to her

say...did I read you mention that her father moved nearby and has some experience? That right there could be her suppot person. He bought the horse after all for her.
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I suppose at the end of the day, what I'm saying is, yes I will offer advice when asked for it, yes I will help when I can, but I don't want to be a babysitter. Thats probably a very selfish attitude to have, but this is my hobby a very expensive one at that, one which I want to enjoy and spend what little time I do have with my boy. Am I wrong to feel like that?

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In no way are you wrong! I fully understand. I think the fact that you made this post shows that you care and are concerened and although you may think you need to help you just do not have the time or space avail to give.

I would try your best to stay out of it if that's truly NOT something you want to deal with. You are in NO WAY responsible for this situation and are not obligated to be "mommy" to her

say...did I read you mention that her father moved nearby and has some experience? That right there could be her suppot person. He bought the horse after all for her.
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I'm hoping so. She also said that her father was considering buying himself another horse and if he did would be keeping it at the yard. So fingers crossed. I hope it does work out - she really does seem like a nice woman.
 
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Would you go to the petshop and buy an igunana with no idea on what to feed it, how to handle it etc etc?

[/ QUOTE ] I imagine MOST people that buy Iguanas and other reptiles for pet purposes have spent little time near them
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I would assume more have been near horses at some point
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I think keeping any animal like that in an artificial enviroment and being generally "unknowledgeable" about the creature is prob unhealthy. I imagine thats just the situation that it becomes in most cases, but that is a whole different debate
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I feel for this lady. When I got my horse on loan I felt out of my depth but having good friends round me made all the difference. I hadn't been round horses for 20 years and got mine on loan sooner than expected. I even went into the shop for half chaps and put them on the wrong way
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But things have worked out and 2 years later we are getting on fine and I wouldnt change things for the world. At least you are there to keep an eye, even if you dont really want to, to keep her on the right track
 
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Would you go to the petshop and buy an igunana with no idea on what to feed it, how to handle it etc etc?

[/ QUOTE ] I imagine MOST people that buy Iguanas and other reptiles for pet purposes have spent little time near them
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I would assume more have been near horses at some point
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I think keeping any animal like that in an artificial enviroment and being generally "unknowledgeable" about the creature is prob unhealthy. I imagine thats just the situation that it becomes in most cases, but that is a whole different debate
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Perhaps I am just very niave then. I would not consider owning an animal of any description without handling one, and finding out everything I could about it. I have a macaw, an unusual pet. I have every parrot book known to man. I spent hours and hours at the local breeders handling her birds and gleaning as much knowledge as I could about them. There is no way I would have just bought one without knowing as much about them as possible.
 
My sister in law bought a horse a couple of years ago and like this lady knew absolutely nothing. The horse used to take the p!ss out of inexperience. But they persevered and are now going from strength to strength. She has learnt so much and now goes hunting and jumping. Just shows it doesnt always go wrong.
 
she want's locking up for her own safety.

ETS...and other's on the yard!!

some people are irresponsible.
 
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I feel for this lady. When I got my horse on loan I felt out of my depth but having good friends round me made all the difference. I hadn't been round horses for 20 years and got mine on loan sooner than expected. I even went into the shop for half chaps and put them on the wrong way
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But things have worked out and 2 years later we are getting on fine and I wouldnt change things for the world. At least you are there to keep an eye, even if you dont really want to, to keep her on the right track

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I must be honest. I don't "feel" for her. Knowledge is out there, available to everyone if they look for it.
 
You think if she WANTED to learn, she'd get some books? I knew what the skeletal frame of the horse was even before I first sat on a pony... I read every horsy book I could get my hands on!!
 
maybe she has

or

maybe she is like many people who find learning from books very unhelpful

some people have to do things "hand on" I am one of those people


I LOVED hosey books when I was a kid though!
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I could name you any part of a saddle when shown on a diagram

Putting an actual one ON however took just plaing doing it
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Hi

In my opinion this should be illegal. Too many people think horses are "cute" they, in fact need a lot of care and training to be fun and safe.

So she intends to pay DIY but use other peoples knowledge and services as she doesn't know a thing? I wouldn't have it on my yard if I had one, Full livery or nothing.

Diana

[/ QUOTE ] I think that is harsh
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The problem with not knowing enough, is that you don't know what you need to know. Yes people are often stupidly nieive about when to get their first horse and about how difficult it will be, but people are falible and will be nieive about all sorts of things in life.

She will, as another poster said, learn the hard way. It will probably prove quite distressing for her
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It sounds like she is trying to learn and do the best for her horse - chances are she will get hurt before the horse does.

To the OP - totally understand about you not wanting to babysit. I think what you are prepared to do is enough. Maybe explain how full livery works though in case she doesn't know.
 
I can see why this situation worries you/is tricky. My first thought is that we are all 'learning along the way' with horses. I have been around them for 27 yrs and I learn all the time.
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The problem is that in order to own a horse I believe you should ALREADY have a certain level of knowledge. Otherwise lack of knowledge/experience could inhibit your ability to be a responsible owner caring for your horse to a good standard.
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So, first off, I think it is foolish of this person to have bought a horse without a good level of experience or someone alongside that will help her/carry a proportion of the horses care.
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I think she will have to learn fast. And I do believe that she needs to get in there and get on with it. (She doesn't have much choice about that one!) She will definitely benefit from having anyone guiding her in the right direction/offering an ear.

Really I think she should be getting some dedicated help from an instructor though. I agree you should not have to carry this weight.

Hopefully she will learn quickly. If she is obviously finding DIY difficult, I wonder if she could change the arrangment to part/full?
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To compare it to a "slightly" related subject

Most mothers of first born children, although never having one before ,seem to cope well when thrown into it

far more serious situation there as well


I knew NOTHING about babies when my daughter came to me. Boy did I learn quick! Never spent 15 years around them or learning their skeletal system first either
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I have a plan for you....a cunning plan.
Arrange to go to horse ownership classes with new lady (they are towards BHS Horse Owners Certificate)...go to the first one...then accidentally double book yourself/forget to go...leaving her to learn and you to ride ?
S
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The main concern here is the horse. Yes, the woman has made a huge mistake in fast forwarding her horse ownership, and yes, you feel, as an experienced horse owner, fed up, frustrated and worried. But probably not half as the mare, who is probably thinking what the hell is going on here. And as a horse owner and presumably horse lover, and as much as you wish this situation was a million miles from you, I think it's up to you to take the upper hand for the horse's sake. Smile, be nice, be patient, teach her the basics, pass on your knowledge as people did once for you, whether it was first hand or through books. Call it Horse Karma, what comes around goes around.
 
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A newborn baby will hardly cause injury or damage to its owner or others!. There are also prenatal classes.

[/ QUOTE ] Have you heard one in full cry at 4am?
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A newborn baby will hardly cause injury or damage to its owner or others!. There are also prenatal classes.

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I do agree with you about the difference in injury statistics (although I like the response above better
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)
however,
I was speaking in the sense of "the poor horse" and how she may not be able to care for it or tack it up (etc)

If she hurts herself that is her problem as she sounds to be an adult that has put herself in this situation.


As far as her causing injury to other riders/yard goers I suppose I have little sympathy there either. All people that choose do be around horses in any fashion know they are dangerous and that things can happen. An experienced person knows this even more. They could have a terrible accident anywhere that horses are....a show....a group ride...etc even if ALL the riders(horse people) around are at the highest level of experience.

also....if you choose to be around horses there are going to be many times that you will encounter "beginners" and be "put in danger"
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by them.
If there were no beginners where would tomorrows riders come from?
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I truly understand the concern here by all, I just feel like siding with this lady for some reason today. I just know that everyone has to start somewhere.

I hope for the best for her,the horse and their future together
 
also....forgot to add!


"prenatal classes"
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BIG help when they toss that tiny thing at you on the day you leave the hospital!
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I HAD NO IDEA what it was all about until I had to Do it!
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I think maybe everyone is worried about the basic care side of things and vetinary worries more than anything which is understandable.
Now that she's got the horse, lets hope she has a good support network of people willing to give her time and patience and help her out - if not for HER benefit, then for the horses...
 
If I was in your position I would enjoy helping this lady but that's just me I guess. I wouldn't want to help someone who was arrogant and felt that they already knew it all when, in fact they knew nothing, but if she is nice and freely admits her lack of knowledge then it would be a pleasure for me to help. Obviously you may not have time so I quite understand that that may prevent you spending too much time with the new lady.

Another thing to consider - is the new lady possibly a bit shy about asking for help and could this be contributing to her lack of knowledge? Not everyone has the ability to learn practical stuff from reading books in my experience. When I got my first horse last Autumn I kept him at full livery because, despite having ridden for most of my life, having had two loan horses and done my BHS stage one, I still felt incompetent when it came to taking on full responsibility for a horse. I kept wanting to ask questions about worming/vaccinations etc to which I couldn't find the answers in any books but I didn't want to "bother" anyone on the yard as I knew it wasn't their job to help me. It made me quite miserable. I am sure that this lady will welcome any advice which you have time to pass on to her.
 
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