Telling someone they can no longer use your horse

Pearlsasinger said:
"I am disappointed that you allowed other people to ride my horse, so I'm sorry to have to say that I don't want you to ride him again. "
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I agree with Pealsasinger. I think I'd say you were happy for her to have the occasional ride whilst her horse is out of action but to let other people ride your horse without even asking you first is beyond taking the pee!
Just explain he's your horse and you would be held responsible if someone got hurt or even worse hurt him.
Is she young? I can't get over the brass cheek of some people!

You sound lovely OP but you defiantly need to put your horse first over someone's feelings on this occasion.
 
Red-1 said:
I am sorry, but this arrangement is not working for me. I now realise how much I enjoyed being the only person seeing to and riding my horse. I hope you really enjoyed riding him, but from now on I want to go back to him being just my responsibility.
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I think this is how I'd approach it too. It's honest, it doesn't cause any arguments, but it still gets the point across.
 
I’d personally go for Red-1 suggestion too. It’s honest and focussed on how you feel and what you need.
Hope you can sort this - remember he is YOUR horse and it’s your rules. Nobody but you has to like them!
 
PaddyMonty said:
You have the start in your opening post.
"I'm starting to feel like the sharer so I've decided it's time to take back control of my horse" If she questions why you feel like the sharer then tell her what you originally thought vs what is now happening.
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This. I was not happy when my sharer allowed someone else to ride my horse. Only 2 people are allowed to ride him.

Does she do jobs for you? You don’t want to be in a position where you need her help and you’ve totally cut her off. Perhaps allocate her two days but be very firm that on the other days she doesn’t go near. Regardless, you will need to be ultra clear and firm. No need for a confrontation, just don’t let her overwhelm your decision. Decide what you want and keep repeating it if she tries to change your mind. No confrontation, no worries. :)
 
I have had to end a couple of shares over the years for a variety of reasons and I know how hard it is, especially where someone has become overly attached to your horse and doesn't understand the boundaries of a share arrangement.
My key tips would be polite about it and as honest as is reasonably possible - that doesn't mean giving her every thought you've had about it but do be clear and don't tell lies, it will come back to bite you. Expect some awkwardness for a little while, she's only human and has probably being having a great time without realising that she's overstepping the mark so will probably be miffed to lose 'her' lovely horse to play on.
Ultimately he is your horse and your hobby and if this arrangement is limiting your enjoyment with no major trade off then it is time to end it.
 
Thank you all for your replies. You've all been so helpful.
I've just seen that she is off up the yard all day today so no doubt will be bombarded with pictures of my horse being fed junk and "cute ickle fluff ball" pics :/
I've decided to speak with her over the weekend and explain what I originally thought the arrangement would be, and what it has in fact turned into. That I feel pushed out and like he is no longer my horse and therefore I feel its best to discontinue with the arrangement.
 
Gallop_Away said:
Thank you all for your replies. You've all been so helpful.
I've just seen that she is off up the yard all day today so no doubt will be bombarded with pictures of my horse being fed junk and "cute ickle fluff ball" pics :/
I've decided to speak with her over the weekend and explain what I originally thought the arrangement would be, and what it has in fact turned into. That I feel pushed out and like he is no longer my horse and therefore I feel its best to discontinue with the arrangement.
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Please don't let her try and talk you round. Be straight and honest, and I really think you need to mention that you did not agree for her to let other people ride your horse, and it is not acceptable to do this without having checked with you first. I would also be taking my tack home as a precaution. Good luck OP, be strong!
 
AandK said:
Please don't let her try and talk you round. Be straight and honest, and I really think you need to mention that you did not agree for her to let other people ride your horse, and it is not acceptable to do this without having checked with you first. I would also be taking my tack home as a precaution. Good luck OP, be strong!
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Will be sticking to my guns 100% he has been brought in again today. Ive locked the tack away so he hasn't been ridden. However has bern brought in on a gorgeous sunny day and fed hard feed; all without my permission. This isn't happening anymore xx
 
Gallop_Away said:
Will be sticking to my guns 100% he has been brought in again today. Ive locked the tack away so he hasn't been ridden. However has bern brought in on a gorgeous sunny day and fed hard feed; all without my permission. This isn't happening anymore xx
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How frustrating that this person continues to act this way. Let us know how you get on!
 
I would like to amend my original advice as it was given based on the assumption that the other person was acting fairly reasonably, just a little over keen, so best use a little white lie/half truth to let them down gently and maintain good yard relations. With the new info that they appear to be trying to take over your horse I would be a lot more firm and forthright.

"Thank you for all your help with my horse, I hope you have enjoyed him but it's time for our arrangement to come to an end. I need to be back 100% in control of his care so I can get the most out of him for myself. Thanks again."

Obviously you still want to maintain good relations but given the way they are acting you probably just need to be really clear and firm while remaining polite.
 
When you first posted it just sounded like this person had got a bit carried away and was trying to be helpful but from your further updates what she is doing isn’t normal.

No ‘normal’ person would think it’s ok to let others ride someone else’s horse nor bring it in on a sunny day without permission and a specific reason. Is this person an adult?

You definitely need to deal with this clearly and firmly. Remember it’s ok to tell people it’s not okay to do things with your horse. It’s not up to you if they don’t like to hear that, you’re not responsible for that.
 
I once allowed a teenager to occasionally ride. I ended the agreement instantly when I discovered the girl had jumped higher than I had said she could. She apologised and said the pony was fine jumping higher and there had been loads of other kids putting pressure on her. I said I appreciated the apology and hoped in future she would learn how to resist pressure. But the arrangement stayed stopped. She now loans another horse and is 100% reliable and trustworthy. So I think it was a useful lesson for her to learn. I would not bother with white lies. I would be clear that she has allowed others to ride without permission which is unacceptable and therefore the share needs to end. Now. Kids learn from consequences not lectures and you don't have to be rude or confrontational.
 
You are always better served by being more nice than you need to be (which doesn't seem to be a problem for you - how nice to let someone else ride your horse) so get a thank you card and maybe say thank you for all the time you've spent with ***** but I no longer want anyone else riding/using him. And maybe add a box of chocolates. Job done.
 
Ranyhyn said:
You are always better served by being more nice than you need to be (which doesn't seem to be a problem for you - how nice to let someone else ride your horse) so get a thank you card and maybe say thank you for all the time you've spent with ***** but I no longer want anyone else riding/using him. And maybe add a box of chocolates. Job done.
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definitely not. this is way OTT. just tell her she cant use the horse anymore. ever. end of.
 
Ranyhyn said:
You are always better served by being more nice than you need to be (which doesn't seem to be a problem for you - how nice to let someone else ride your horse) so get a thank you card and maybe say thank you for all the time you've spent with ***** but I no longer want anyone else riding/using him. And maybe add a box of chocolates. Job done.
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That just gives mixed messages. The OP is not happy and that is OK. She doesn’t need to be rude or nasty just clear and decisive.
 
Ambers Echo said:
???? Do you mean she fed the correct feed but without asking if you were riding/feeding or do you mean she is feeding your horse feed you don't want him having?
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I mean feeding when I don't want him fed! He is a ridiculously good doer! He is currently living out 24/7 unrugged and is a very good weight for this time of year. He will live on fresh air. Ive explained that I am strict with what he is fed and how often due to my concern with his weight. He will only have a tiny handful (and I do mean literally a handful) of low calorie hard feed after hes been ridden. The rest of the time he is just getting the grass in his paddock, which obviously this time of year isn't a massive amount but enough that he has grass to pick at without gorging himself 24/7.
She has been bringing him in almost every day, giving him feed, and or taking feed/treats up to the field to him. She is aware of my concerns for his weight but obviously feels she knows better.
For those who asked her age she is in her late teens.
I will be having a conversation with her over the weekend. As much as she is a lovely girl and isn't doing anything out of malice, I need to put my horse first.
Will let you know the outcome everyone. Again many thanks for all the replies
 
Sorry but that's just ridiculous! It sounds as though you have let a few things slide in an effort to keep the peace so what she can/can't do may not be totally clear to her, but she's acting like he's her horse and doing whatever she wants. Even knowing it is against your wishes. It's up go you how you address it but personally I'd be honest and say she has made decisions that you are very unhappy with such as feeding him unnecessarily, bringing him in for no reason and letting others ride him and so you are no longer happy for her to part share. Good luck x
 
Gallop_Away said:
I mean feeding when I don't want him fed! He is a ridiculously good doer! He is currently living out 24/7 unrugged and is a very good weight for this time of year. He will live on fresh air. Ive explained that I am strict with what he is fed and how often due to my concern with his weight. He will only have a tiny handful (and I do mean literally a handful) of low calorie hard feed after hes been ridden. The rest of the time he is just getting the grass in his paddock, which obviously this time of year isn't a massive amount but enough that he has grass to pick at without gorging himself 24/7.
She has been bringing him in almost every day, giving him feed, and or taking feed/treats up to the field to him. She is aware of my concerns for his weight but obviously feels she knows better.
For those who asked her age she is in her late teens.
I will be having a conversation with her over the weekend. As much as she is a lovely girl and isn't doing anything out of malice, I need to put my horse first.
Will let you know the outcome everyone. Again many thanks for all the replies
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So if he got laminitis would she be prepared to pay for the vet? She needs to get a reality check, plus there is the issue of other people riding him.Remember the court case where the teenager sued her boyfriends mother??
 
Ambers Echo said:
???? Do you mean she fed the correct feed but without asking if you were riding/feeding or do you mean she is feeding your horse feed you don't want him having?
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It does sound to me as if the OP has an odd system for feeding her horse. I was always taught to feed consistently, the same thing every day to protect the gut bacteria. The old saying "Feed after work" isn't to be taken literally but means that you should feed for the work that the horse is doing, not for what you hope he will do.
I wonder if this has confused the teenager and she is feeding the horse every time she (or someone else) has ridden him.
Either way, the horse belongs to OP, she is understandably disappointed that the teenager has taken advantage of her kind offer to ride him occasionally and OP isn't happy. She needs to end the arrangement politely and firmly, as soon as possible.
 
Let the bad news tell itself. Just say it straight and plain and short. No need for apologies, politeness or explanation.

"Thanks for the care you've given recently but I no longer need any additional help with X. Goodbye"
 
Pearlsasinger said:
It does sound to me as if the OP has an odd system for feeding her horse. I was always taught to feed consistently, the same thing every day to protect the gut bacteria. The old saying "Feed after work" isn't to be taken literally but means that you should feed for the work that the horse is doing, not for what you hope he will do.
I wonder if this has confused the teenager and she is feeding the horse every time she (or someone else) has ridden him.
Either way, the horse belongs to OP, she is understandably disappointed that the teenager has taken advantage of her kind offer to ride him occasionally and OP isn't happy. She needs to end the arrangement politely and firmly, as soon as possible.
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Different ways. I wouldn't say it is odd as I know many people who also do this system. He isn't a horse that needs constant feeding so he is not fed every day. However a small amount of low calorie feed after work does him no harm. I personally have been taught this approach is fine.
As I have said previously she is aware he is only to ne fed a small amount after work. I have said this several times to her. However she has been bringing him in on days she hasn't ridden and fed him and has also taken feed up tp him in the field. She is not confused, she is just ignoring my wishes.
 
If it's not too late I think the most tactful way is to say something along the lines of: with all this grotty weather I've been doing some thinking and planning for the spring,.So I need to look after and ride the horse myself, especially as I'm really concerned about the possibility of him getting lami when the new grass comes through, and also not knowing exactly how much work he's done. I realise you've treated him in the way you do your own but I need to do it all now. With luck somebody else may have a horse you could ride from time to time.

That way you can rest easy that she isn't overly upset and if the need ever arises you can use her again.
 
I must admit I was very surprised when I read this thread that the OP had not intervened when the borrower overstepped the riding once or twice a week mark.
 
Just be careful about telling this person that you want to be the only person riding your horse. You may want other friends or an instructor to ride. They need to be aware that you specifically do not want her riding the horse - that’s the message that needs to get across.
 
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