The annoying child - How to deal with this ? Calling all parents

[el_Snowflakes]

Is it only me that finds this post rather sad? I was once that 12 year old, as was my daughter, and we both found lovely people who were very patient and kind to us.

Why not tell her that you don't want her there every day but she is welcome on specific days when she can 'help'? A little bit of patience and kindness might change that childs world.

It is a bit sad, yes. But I can sympathise with OP. OP works hard to to keep her horses & for some of us it's the only luxury of time time to ourselves. I would suggest to the the grandparents/ parents that they take her to a riding school where she can learn to ride or even just spend time helping out with the horses. Meanwhile she is welcome to watch them over the fence. A private yard is not the place to so this. I keep my horse on private livery for this reason. I would explain that it's not safe for her & her brother to be there & that you don't have time to supervise these children when you are busy with your horses. Hopefully they will understand. TBH I think it sounds like she is just curious & likes to see what you are doing rather having a genuine interest in the horses, if this is the case I'm sure she will get over it.

Just to add: if I were the parents/grandparents I wouldn't be letting a 12 yo & 6yo hang around someone who i didn't know. Do they know the kids are there? If not it's really quite irresponsible.

 

[Prince33Sp4rkle]

It wouldn't bother me.

Sorry, I think the op is quite frankly, mean spirited.

and i think you are picking an argument for the sake of it.........................

just because it wouldnt bother YOU, we are all different, have different stuff going on and sometimes actually cant cope with any more than we already have on our plate.

just to use a personal example, on the face of it, ive got it made, nice horse, nice house, nice yard, lots of support from family and friends etc.
under the surface we are currently going through an absolute nightmare with a very ill family member who cannot be left to her own devices. Each and every one of us is having to compromise and accomodate other stuff to help look after her.
its stressing everyone out to the absolute max and for me (and NMT if she reads this) the yard and the horses are our/my time, my headspace, my relief.

i wouldnt want and could not cope with someone elses kids putting any more onus on ME to do one single more thing to help someone else. Thats not mean spirited thats stress, and life.

This situation would drive me to tears and im afraid id be telling the parents or grandparents not to let her come and pester me-if i wanted to be responsible for the physical and mental welfare of a child, i would have my own.

it sounds like the OP just doesnt want, need, or to be forced to cope with this so why the heck should she feel obliged. The Op doesnt have to explain why to the great HHO, she s already made it clear she doesnt want the intrusion.

ridiculous.

 

[MotherOfChickens]

It wouldn't bother me.

Sorry, I think the op is quite frankly, mean spirited.

really?

my attitude towards kids has softened with age but I wouldn't want a random kid hanging about constantly. I didnt have kids for a reason! So certainly don't want other people's hanging about. So if being polite, then setting boundaries didnt work Id be paying the guardians a visit.

 

[weebarney]

This is one of the downsides to having your horses near civilisation. I'm glad there is no one living near my horses as I really wouldn't want to be in this awkward situation either.
I too was a pony mad child who would get into the field of any equine I could find and pretend it's my own.
It could be worse, a field we used to have came with a village of weirdos and one in particular who was very creepy would follow me round the field and turned up one day with a shot gun, me and my mam thought we were going to die!

 

[Tiddlypom]

It wouldn't bother me.

That's the difference, then. It wouldn't bother you, so you wouldn't mind this child knocking about, but it DOES bother the OP, who doesn't want the hassle/responsibility of having her about the place.

Each to their own. FWIW, I would be driven bonkers by an incessantly chattering girl, too. I have two sons, now 18 and 19, who luckily always preferred to devise their own play and activities, rather than needing to be 'entertained'.Worked out well for them and me!

It doesn't mean I'm a child hater, but my patience would rapidly be exhausted by a child such as the one in this case.

 

[Patterdale]

I was once a pony mad kid desperate to hang around with ponies too - but I was never THIS child, because I wasn't brought up to impose on others.
If she's desperate to help and learn then she can go to a riding school like countless other children do, or find someone who enjoys looking after other people's children for free.

I really don't think that OP should be vilified for not wanting to give up her enjoyable time with her horses (which she presumably works to pay for) in order to provide a free child are service.

 

[Mince Pie]

OP where in the country are you? Perhaps one of the posters who would be happy to take this girl on are near you and can help her?

 

[twobearsarthur]

I will openly admit I don't like children and will avoid them at all costs often to gasps of horror from friends, family & strangers.
And yes I was that horse mad chattering child.
However my mum & dad were responsible for me, not some random woman at the end of the street who happened to have horses and honestly could be anyone (no offence OP).
To work with children you need an enhanced DBS (previously CRB) and would be covered my your own or your employers liability insurance.
Why the OP would want to in effect babysit this child for free even one day a week is beyond me. Never mind the consequences if something were to go wrong (the same reason so many riding schools can't afford to run now due to the high risk of litigation & insurance costs)
My horses, my time is my rule.
If I wanted bread snappers I would have had a litter of my own
Now I'm sure people will think I'm mean spirited etc etc well so be it I'm the grinch and I'm comfortable with that.
I would be very polite to the grandparents and explain the dangers of allowing their little darling to wander around chatting to strangers unsupervised as well as the not being insured to have their grandchildren involved bit.
I would even give them the number of the local riding school.

 

[niagaraduval]

It wouldn't bother me.

Sorry, I think the op is quite frankly, mean spirited.

Ok, I get that I am a very mean person, I'll send the kid to you.

Now - Back to the point of this post.

I have spoken to the grandparents, who seem totally un phased by the whole thing, so obviously that's why I would like to find another way, which preferably doesn't include letting her have one day a week with my horses. I am not a baby sitter and I only have a limited amount of time to give to my 2 horses and I don't want to be bothered by a child that has no understanding of the word 'no'. In fact, it feels like I spend more time watching over and keeping an eye on what this child is doing than with my horse. I constantly have to go and check the gate is closed (as she has already let herself in once and left the gate open when she was in the field), every time my back is turned I feel like something disastrous will happen.

And finally, I admit, I just hate having someone yapping at me non stop and following me about and asking questions, which no answer you could possibly give is satisfying, I can't even tie my horse up and pick out his feet without her getting in the way. Is that really that bad ? Is it really that terrible for me to want to spend some quiet quality time with my horses after a long stressful day at work ?


I'm really starting to dislike posting on HHO.

 

[putasocinit]

Poor lass, what an introduction to the horsey world. Maybe this is the only equine and human interaction she gets, not all grand parents, guardians are chatty people to children otherwise she wouldnt be looking for something to fill that hole. Agree OP wants to get on and do her horses without being interrupted, and i am the same.

I have found when children of this age have come to be in my presence i have enjoyed explaining to them why we do the things we do with horses and explaining the dangers and setting the rules and they have been more than grateful for the advice.

Instead of breaking her little heart, speak to her grand parents and set a day like a sat morning when she can visit the horses, explain your time is valuable and after work you just want to get on with the jobs so you can go home.

You never know maybe her beady eyes might see something wrong with your horses whilst you are at work. Tell her no one else is allowed near the horses and she should tell you if she sees someone.

No one is asking you to babysit her, just that she can visit the horses for 5mins on a sat when you are there only. A polite hello how are you today, thank you the horses are happy. Okay off you go now bye bye. Doesnt hurt anyone

 

[YorksG]

This may not be helpful, at this stage, but it would never have got to this if it were me. I do not offer any form of social care out of working hours, so the child would have been given short shrift at the first visit. I would have told her it was private land, not told her my horses names and ignored all the silly questions. This child is desperate for attention and the OP has been manipulated by the child, into giving that attention. The child is the responsibility of parents/grandparents and as such, mean spirited or not, I would have sent it packing.

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

OP, it would drive me insane too!

Go back and speak to the grandparents again ,mention much of the stuff that twobearsarthur has posted a couple of posts above. If necessary, go back to them a repeat time (just like their child is doing to you).
Finally, if necessary put it in writing to the grandparents so there is no reason for any doubt.

Anyone who thinks you should be taking child for instruction/handling or jobs etc needs their marsh-mallow head examining quite honestly!
Things are NOT the same as they were even 10 years ago, with liabilities & child protection etc.
Also, OP has a right to privacy in her own place without unwanted visitors or trespassers of any age.

OP, hope you can sort it out sooner than later before the longer evenings really set in

 

[RLS]

I think some posters are being rather unfair to the OP. What if the little girl gets kicked by one of her horses? And injured? You can bet the grandparents will suddenly take a great interest at that point. Along with lawyers and lawsuits.
The child should be supervised by her own parents/ grandparents, not by the OP. And then possibly be allowed to visit the horses.

 

[WelshD]

I can see why the OP doesn't want the child there. Its far from a time saving situation, yes she could do jobs but then needs teaching and supervision. There are plenty of people out there that do like kids and will spend the time with them. I don't know why the OP is getting a guilt trip over this

I have a 13 year old that comes to see my ponies each week, she is great but she was already horsey and is mature for her age and just slotted in perfectly, she is capable and nice to have around. All other children that come to the gate are politely and firmly rejected. No one has been inconsolable. Kids bounce back.

If the kid is genuinely interested in horses she will find her niche or beg for riding lessons

 

[putasocinit]

The OP can insist the child does not enter the field and touches the horses noses through the gate, just by insisting on that she is setting boundaries and there is little chance of the child being injured. As one poster said seems she is lonely and curious about what you are doing and will soon become bored. Good luck either way

 

[Fides]

OP where in the country are you? Perhaps one of the posters who would be happy to take this girl on are near you and can help her?

What a really good idea!

Another thing that no one has mentioned - is it a good idea for a 12 year old with no experience to be handling 16-17h horses? Surely a pony would be more suitable.

 

[twiggy2]

Is it only me that finds this post rather sad? I was once that 12 year old, as was my daughter, and we both found lovely people who were very patient and kind to us.

Why not tell her that you don't want her there every day but she is welcome on specific days when she can 'help'? A little bit of patience and kindness might change that childs world.

I find it very sad.

Fides it takes a community/extended family to raise responsible kids not just parents, everyone expects kids to know how to behave in different circumstances and social groups but how can they learn what they never experience.

maybe speak to the people responsible for the kids and say not the 6yr old due to responsibility and safety but give set days and times that the 12yr old can help if you are there, make the boundary that the field is off limits when you are not there known to everyone then everyone can take responsibility for it in your absence

 

[twobearsarthur]

Ok, I get that I am a very mean person, I'll send the kid to you.

Now - Back to the point of this post.

I have spoken to the grandparents, who seem totally un phased by the whole thing, so obviously that's why I would like to find another way, which preferably doesn't include letting her have one day a week with my horses. I am not a baby sitter and I only have a limited amount of time to give to my 2 horses and I don't want to be bothered by a child that has no understanding of the word 'no'. In fact, it feels like I spend more time watching over and keeping an eye on what this child is doing than with my horse. I constantly have to go and check the gate is closed (as she has already let herself in once and left the gate open when she was in the field), every time my back is turned I feel like something disastrous will happen.

And finally, I admit, I just hate having someone yapping at me non stop and following me about and asking questions, which no answer you could possibly give is satisfying, I can't even tie my horse up and pick out his feet without her getting in the way. Is that really that bad ? Is it really that terrible for me to want to spend some quiet quality time with my horses after a long stressful day at work ?


I'm really starting to dislike posting on HHO.

As a fellow member of the mean spirited children eater clique I feel your pain as I already said I would have my own if I wanted them and honestly can't think of anything worse than being bugged and mithered during my "me time" my horses aren't cheap and I don't want it spoiled by anyone.
If the grandparents aren't taking on board your gentle nudges maybe a more formal letter would do the trick. I know it may sound harsh but you really need to stop this as it is affecting your enjoyment of your horses. I know I'm a selfish person but hey ho I can live with that.
Maybe try and catch the parents if they are on the scene. If not I think you might have to bite the bullet and explain to the girl that she can't come over anymore. I'm sure you'll need to give her reasons. Do you know anyone that would welcome a chatty prepubescent girl? That you could direct her towards? If all else fails hope she gets interested in boys sooner rather than later!!!!

 

[abb123]

If the child is a liability and is not willing to do as she is told then the only choice you have is to tell her that she is no longer welcome.

I would be very firm and tell her that she has broken too many rules and can't be trusted around the horses. I would say this to the grand parents in writing and make it clear that she is not allowed on the land.

It is nice to be able to give an opportunity to a horse-mad kid but that has to be within acceptable boundaries. Ignoring clear instructions is rude, naughty and dangerous and in that situation I wouldn't be feeling so generous with my time either.

She isn't your responsibility to get stressed about and nor should you feel duty bound to 'raise' this child. Ironically, by doing the above you will be teaching the child a valuable life lesson not to throw away opportunities by not doing as you are told.

 

[Crazy_cat_lady]

I'd be the same, I can't stand spending time with kids, even if I know they aren't trying to be annoying. I'm grumpy too like that, horses are for quiet time. If it was me I'd go to the guardians and say I know the little girl is curious but that horses are dangerous and I don't have time and am not qualified to teach her to do everything safely, especially as your horses are so big. I'd give them the details of a local riding school and say that if she really wants to learn to do everything properly maybe she could go there. That way you've given the parents another option. It may be that they've seen you talking to the child and think you are happy to let her play.

I'd also be like this, say how the riding school environment will be a lot safer for her but again I was also this child but was luckyeenough I was able to go to and help out when old enough at an rs.

 

[Horsewithsocks]

Poor lass, what an introduction to the horsey world. Maybe this is the only equine and human interaction she gets, not all grand parents, guardians are chatty people to children otherwise she wouldnt be looking for something to fill that hole. Agree OP wants to get on and do her horses without being interrupted, and i am the same.

I have found when children of this age have come to be in my presence i have enjoyed explaining to them why we do the things we do with horses and explaining the dangers and setting the rules and they have been more than grateful for the advice.

Instead of breaking her little heart, speak to her grand parents and set a day like a sat morning when she can visit the horses, explain your time is valuable and after work you just want to get on with the jobs so you can go home.

You never know maybe her beady eyes might see something wrong with your horses whilst you are at work. Tell her no one else is allowed near the horses and she should tell you if she sees someone.

No one is asking you to babysit her, just that she can visit the horses for 5mins on a sat when you are there only. A polite hello how are you today, thank you the horses are happy. Okay off you go now bye bye. Doesnt hurt anyone

Yes and she may, leave the gate open when you are not there, go into the field and get injured - cue police etc. Also do you know what else she may be up to when you are not there. If the child does not appear to be going to school I would report to social services and then find somewhere else to keep my horses.

 

[Goldenstar]

Ok, I get that I am a very mean person, I'll send the kid to you.

Now - Back to the point of this post.

I have spoken to the grandparents, who seem totally un phased by the whole thing, so obviously that's why I would like to find another way, which preferably doesn't include letting her have one day a week with my horses. I am not a baby sitter and I only have a limited amount of time to give to my 2 horses and I don't want to be bothered by a child that has no understanding of the word 'no'. In fact, it feels like I spend more time watching over and keeping an eye on what this child is doing than with my horse. I constantly have to go and check the gate is closed (as she has already let herself in once and left the gate open when she was in the field), every time my back is turned I feel like something disastrous will happen.

And finally, I admit, I just hate having someone yapping at me non stop and following me about and asking questions, which no answer you could possibly give is satisfying, I can't even tie my horse up and pick out his feet without her getting in the way. Is that really that bad ? Is it really that terrible for me to want to spend some quiet quality time with my horses after a long stressful day at work ?


I'm really starting to dislike posting on HHO.

No reason to dislike posting just because people disagree with you.
You get a range of views here that what's good about it .
What happens when say to the child I need to be on my own please will you go .
Have you tried explaining this to her about how you need time on your own .
What did the grandparents say about the six year old that I would not tolerate .

 

[Penumbra]

In some ways it is sad for the girl, but on the other hand, if I were the OP, I also would not be keen.

At many riding schools, an inexperienced 12 year old wouldn't be allowed to go into the field with horses, especially if she wasn't very safe and didn't listen to the word "no". It sound like looking after this child is really hard work for the poster, and is really stressing her out. I would also be worried about the implications if she decided to go into the field by herself, especially as it sounds like she doesn't have much common sense (e.g. making sure the gate is properly shut).

There are lots of excellent riding schools around the country which are so much more set up to teach children how to look after horses- so she would be much better going to one of them. However, it sounds like that would be too much effort for her (grand) parents. Ultimately it's not the OP's responsibility to make up for this.

I would perhaps say to the grandparents that she is not allowed into the field without a hat and some safe footwear for her own safety and insurance reasons. I imagine that they will not want to go to this level of effort and expense. You could also recommend some local riding schools.

However, it is not the responsibility of every horse owner to pander to every horse mad child- if it's something you want to do that's fine, but if it's bothering you, you don't have to do it. Personally in this situation I would be very worried about the girl going into the field when you weren't there and potentially getting hurt.

 

[twiggy2]

at 10-12yrs old I used to hover about at a little private block of stables where there were 4 Arabs, 3 mares that foaled each year and one stallion (Horace)-he was stunning, I never went in the field alone but would just stand around stroking the noses of such beautiful horses, Horace was an amazingly well mannered stallion and was turned out in his own paddock next to the mares every day and stabled next to them at night-I never saw him put a foot out of line but was always told to stand the other side of the yard post and rail fencing whilst he was out of the stable- I shall always be in the owners debt for the contact he allowed me with those horses, I did ride at a yard but could only get there with a lift for about 7 months of the year and my mum did not always have a car.

give a youngster of 12 some responsibility and the chances are they will rise to the challenge

 

[Mince Pie]

at 10-12yrs old I used to hover about at a little private block of stables where there were 4 Arabs, 3 mares that foaled each year and one stallion (Horace)-he was stunning, I never went in the field alone but would just stand around stroking the noses of such beautiful horses, Horace was an amazingly well mannered stallion and was turned out in his own paddock next to the mares every day and stabled next to them at night-I never saw him put a foot out of line but was always told to stand the other side of the yard post and rail fencing whilst he was out of the stable- I shall always be in the owners debt for the contact he allowed me with those horses, I did ride at a yard but could only get there with a lift for about 7 months of the year and my mum did not always have a car.

give a youngster of 12 some responsibility and the chances are they will rise to the challenge

I bet you didn't talk incessantly, have an answer for everything and disobey the owner though, did you? I also was given opportunities as a child, the first one I blew because I thought I knew more than I did and nearly caused an accident. I was given my marching orders, learned my lesson and made the most of my second chance.

 

[Gwyntbryn]

Ok, I get that I am a very mean person, I'll send the kid to you.

Now - Back to the point of this post.

I have spoken to the grandparents, who seem totally un phased by the whole thing, so obviously that's why I would like to find another way, which preferably doesn't include letting her have one day a week with my horses. I am not a baby sitter and I only have a limited amount of time to give to my 2 horses and I don't want to be bothered by a child that has no understanding of the word 'no'. In fact, it feels like I spend more time watching over and keeping an eye on what this child is doing than with my horse. I constantly have to go and check the gate is closed (as she has already let herself in once and left the gate open when she was in the field), every time my back is turned I feel like something disastrous will happen.

And finally, I admit, I just hate having someone yapping at me non stop and following me about and asking questions, which no answer you could possibly give is satisfying, I can't even tie my horse up and pick out his feet without her getting in the way. Is that really that bad ? Is it really that terrible for me to want to spend some quiet quality time with my horses after a long stressful day at work ?


I'm really starting to dislike posting on HHO.

Don't givre up OP, I'm entirely with you! I am not just a parent but also a grandparent - but while I love my grandchildren there is no way I'd want someone else's grandkids pestering me when I'm doing the horses. In fact there is a housing estate going up adjacent to my field which is why I am moving out - as I just kjnow that this sort of thing is going to happen. You are quite within your rights to ask that this child does not come into your field. Why should you be treated as an unpaid babysitter? The child is not your responsibility. Tell the grandparents that you are not prepared to be responsible, lock the gate, and if she comes back ask her to leave.

 

[samleigh]

Just wanted to say I feel the OP's pain would feel the same and I have children of my own, some children are lovely some are not, same as adults.
Unfortunately the Grandparents are using the OP for a bit of babysitting & a break from the 12yr old, probably desperate themselves for some peace. I would make the child wait at the gate, access to the field is 100% NO GO even with you there, and try to move/do the horses out of ear shot for a while, she'll soon get bored of standing there on her own. If Grandparents say anything, just say safety 1st don't have the time to supervise.

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

really?

my attitude towards kids has softened with age but I wouldn't want a random kid hanging about constantly. I didnt have kids for a reason! So certainly don't want other people's hanging about. So if being polite, then setting boundaries didnt work Id be paying the guardians a visit.

^ this, I too chose not to have kids for a reason, why should Op be pestered every time she goes to see her horse. I would be really irritated after being at the office all day driving up for some horse time. Only to have children going on and on asking questions.

Some off us don't like being pestered by kids, and it looks like the other side cannot see it from our point of view, so if OP is being mean spirited then you better tar us all with the same brush.

 

[niagaraduval]

That's true, but calling me mean hearted isn't actually helping in anyway !

I have read every reply, Thanks all for your input, I will try and have another go, I'll write out a note, that might get through better.

I agree, my bad, shouldn't have answered her questions and told her their names. It's just annoying I have to pass in front of her house to get to them, so no escaping her.

 

[Woolly Hat n Wellies]

In the short term I would get a padlock for the gate. It doesn't solve the problem, but you sound like this situation is really stressing you out, so at least a padlock may stop you worrying about the gate being left open while you're not there and relieve a little bit of the stress? I can't suggest anything other than what has been suggested above as an actual solution to the problem, but knowing the horses can't be let out might at least make you feel a bit better?

My sympathies. I'm terrible with people, particularly those I don't know very well, and I, too, NEED my alone time. I would be absolutely tearing my hair out in your situation.