The annoying child - How to deal with this ? Calling all parents

[Hackie]

That's true, but calling me mean hearted isn't actually helping in anyway !

FWIW I don't think you are mean. Horse owner is not synonymous with babysitter...

 

[onlytheponely]

Niagaraduval, if you are in France, just go and speak to your Maire. If yours is anywhere near as helpful as mine they will take the safety issue seriously and visit the family, explain the situation and reinforce your request for her not to pester you.
I had a problem two years ago with the grandchildren of a lovely neighbour. They come every summer and stay for a week with her and because we are so rural they are just left to roam the countryside without worry. They climbed the gate into one of my fields with my broodmares and foals and the youngest who was 4 at the time got kicked in the head (a glancing blow and he was absolutely fine I was assured) by the dominant mare who is a nasty girl with a foal at foot.

Our fields do not surround our property and are all over the place, out of view of everyone so no-one knew what was going on until this happened. I felt terrible but it was not my fault, all fields had a sign clearly saying no entry and that they were electrified but they still went in. They don't go anywhere near my ponies now unless I invite them to come with me. It's a real treat when I get one in for them to have a ride round the school each but it's only ever on my terms and the Maire gave them a real talking to and our lovely neighbour!

 

[windand rain]

Actually although I love kids and dont mind having them about I do understand how annoying it would be to have one hanging around when she isnt wanted I too enjoy my ponies for peace and quiet and again although I usually dont mind them being around and always offer to let the little darlings have a sit on the pony when I say no I mean it and it is the first thing they learn. I dont suffer badly behaved children at all and I am old fashioned enough to have very strict house rules which a lot of kids don't understand but are made to comply with its my way or the highway I am afraid

 

[ezililaur]

I really feel for you OP. It would also drive me to distraction!

I had a similar problem with a previous neighbours child who would follow me around the park with my dog! I would politely say "Does your parents know where you are?" She also had an answer for everything! She was only 9 and suddenly I had a scary thought that the parents could accuse me of kidnapping her. One day on my return, with her in tow, her dad saw us and said, "She's not driving you mad is she?". I couldn't believe how unconcerned he was that his daughter was with a stranger!

This child is NOT your responsibly. No way should you offer to give her a day with your horses. She sounds the type who would take a mile, given the chance. I am always perplexed at how some people think that everyone must indulge a child's every whim. I suppose it's upbringing, I know my parents would have been mortified if I was doing something like this, not that I would have ever done it.

I would padlock your gate. Say hello when she approaches and then just ignore her. She has obviously not been taught any manners or been coached on not talking to strangers!

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

I am more than happy to tell kids to sod off! Im not having any because I don't like them!

I had someone stop at the end of my driveway and send their kids down to my stables to talk to my ponies. Luckily I saw the damned things from my window and fetched them back and went and gave their parents a mouthful!

People have no respect these days and seem to think that they can leave their kids to do as they please - if something goes wrong then it's always someone eelses fault.

Tell her your insurance doesnt cover her and tell her to bog off.

 

[Vinney]

Without adding fuel to the fire, if you were working with children you would have to be CRB checked. No matter what any one says, a child of this age should not be your responsibility nor should you have to lose the enjoyment of your horses. My grandchildren are about this age and if they were pestering someone in this way they would be made to stay away. They are lucky and have two horses to enjoy and I can understand the fascination of this young girl with your horses. Most riding schools have clubs that girls can join where they learn about horses and how to keep them and if this girl is so keen her parents/grandparents should be looking into getting her involved where she is insured, shown how to do things properly and has someone qualified to teach her. Imagine the outcry if she were to get hurt whilst in your field. In this day and age of "where there is a claim there is a gain" society I would be very careful. Check your insurance. Are you insured if anything happens to her while she is in your care? If she persists in entering your field, send her parents/grand parents a letter stating your objections just to cover your back. (keep a copy of it). I dont want to sound harsh regarding a young girl, but no one should have to put up with other peoples children if they don't want to.

 

[stormox]

I must admit I haven't read all the posts so I could be repeating something already said. But as a horse owner, I am only too happy to see children interested in horses. Too many kids are only interested in playing virtual computer games and checking their mobiles. I was once a horse-mad child without my own horse. I was so grateful if anyone let me stroke theirs, or let me (attempt!) to help them. Horsey children should be encouraged, or there'll be no riders in 50 years time.
Also, I think horse owners have a snobby reputation. Being friendly to kids is the one way to prove we're nice people!

 

[Suelin]

I must admit I haven't read all the posts so I could be repeating something already said. But as a horse owner, I am only too happy to see children interested in horses. Too many kids are only interested in playing virtual computer games and checking their mobiles. I was once a horse-mad child without my own horse. I was so grateful if anyone let me stroke theirs, or let me (attempt!) to help them. Horsey children should be encouraged, or there'll be no riders in 50 years time.
Also, I think horse owners have a snobby reputation. Being friendly to kids is the one way to prove we're nice people!

I really don't think the op needs to prove anything. Her horse, her time, to do with as she pleases and that doesn't have to include other people's children quite honestly. If this child has an interest it is her family's responsibility to foster it, not other random folk. I'm sure the op wouldn't mind if this child only put her head around the corner occasionally, it's the constant plaguing that is getting on her nerves. It would get on mine as well.

 

[el_Snowflakes]

OP I think some of these posts are quite unfair to you. It's not up to you to try not to 'break this girls heart'. You have obviously been really generous with her and it's now getting on top you. TBH the girl doesn't really sound like the most well mannered if she is rummaging around in your things. If anyone should be responsible for making sure she isn't left heartbroken it's her family. I would have been that child when I was that age but my parents wouldn't have let me harass some adult/stranger & certainly wouldn't have been left around a stranger & some large horses either. Perhaps a firm & polite letter might hit home to the family. At the end of the day you are not responsible for the kids.

 

[BBH]

I haven't read all the posts but wanted to sympathise OP.

I don't like children all that much and don't have the patience for all the questions. My horse time is my quiet personal time for me and I would not want kids spoiling that.

I would go across and speak to the grandparents to say you don't want the responsibly of them and are distracted from your horses because you are having to worry where they are and what they are doing . If the kids are genuinely interested in horses they can find an insured controlled riding centre for lessons in riding and stable management .

 

[Mardy Mare]

I don't think OP is being mean at all. I love kids and will happily chat to them about horses. But it would start to grate on me if they were bugging me everytime I went to see my horse and were leaving field gates open etc.

OP, I would take some headphones on the days you arent in the mood to converse!

 

[3OldPonies]

I've been lurking on this thread, and while I haven't read everything the one message that did stop me in my tracks was the one where OP was thinking of not posting on this board anymore.

Please, please, please OP don't leave us. The forum is all about discussion and some people do get a bit near the knuckle with opinions with which you may not agree, but that is the nature of things.

However, that aside, I just wanted to sympathise with you. My field has a footpath running through it and I live in dread of finding myself in a situation like yours. Like you and several others on the thread I too am not that keen on children and certainly wouldn't be happy if any just decided that they were going to get involved, rummage about and behave how they like around my horses.

I think you need a big padlock, a written note to the (grand)parents telling them that the little girl is no longer welcome as she cannot behave properly, give instances if you feel it necessary, and then to be totally hard hearted and just ignore her if she still turns up at the gate. If necessary, even take her back to the grandparents a few times if she climbs over or anything like that.

Sorry to go on a bit.

 

[putasocinit]

I do believe children are not stupid, far from it, and if explained to them why they should close a field gate behind them, then they would and if explained to them why they should not go in to the field on their own, then they wouldnt. Reading OP's original thread the child entered the field when the OP was already there in the field, the OP could have stopped her in her tracks and told her to get out, so in fact it is not entirely the childs fault, she is just a child after all.

Its those who think that children and adults for that matter have a crystal ball which explains all about life and dont ever need to be told why things happen and why they dont, maybe this childs carers are unaware of her love of horses or do not know where to find out about riding schools, so I ask you, please do not taint this child as being badly brought up with no manners and very annoying, speak to her like an adult and explain that you cannot have her at the horses incase she gets hurt, tell her it is not allowed by the police. Children have heard of the word Police before and usually listen. Then get hold of the grandparents or whoever they are and do what you think is best.

Agree with your post Twiggy2

 

[Eggshells]

I've not read all the replies so my apologies if I am repeating what others have said. My sympathies lie both with the OP and the child. I once was that child, although I hope I respected peoples rules and regulations more than this one seems to. I was desperate for any contact with horses and therefore feel giving her some access to your horses would be a kindness.

However, I have also been in the position where every time I set foot outside of the house with one of my foster dogs I was waylaid by a young girl. It started off being lovely as she would simply run over and say hello to Sascha whenever she saw us and then head off again, but after not very long it began to feel like every time we set foot out the door she was there, she began to get really demanding and possessive of the dog and stopped listening to what I was saying. It did get very exhausting and I started to dread bumping into her and tried very hard to avoid and deflect her. Dog found a new home and I ended up stopping fostering so the problem was solved.

End of the day: your horses, your time, your decision. If you want to sever all contact with her you can, but you risk her going there when you are not to keep seeing the horses. I would suggest maybe trying to reduce it to certain days of the week, or only 5 minutes a time to give you some space and hopefully stop you constantly looking over your shoulder waiting for you to appear. Precocious children are very full on! And definitely speak to parents/grandparents!

Good luck.

 

[putasocinit]

reading the threads so - broke-but-happy you made a mistake once and learned from it, if no one is prepard to teach the child what she isnt being taught at home, then how is she going to know she is making a mistake.

one poster suggested she may get interested quicker in boys, well thats nice, just go and get yourself pregnant girl and lets have another unwanted child on this earth who would no doubt become like the girl its mother because how could she teach it when she wasnt taught herself.

with nothing to take your mind off your pain and misfortunes at home whilst you are doing the horses you are leaving yourself open to think too much, use this time to make a little girl happy, your 25yo might enjoy some attention from a little one too. Just my feelings

Amymay i agree with your posts. I do believe that everything we do on earth is seen from up above, and is recorded in the big book of life.

 

[ClobellsandBaubles]

I don't think OP is being mean at all. I love kids and will happily chat to them about horses. But it would start to grate on me if they were bugging me everytime I went to see my horse and were leaving field gates open etc.

My thoughts too I think it's great to see kids interested in horses and it reminds me of being a horse mad child but I never went and bugged strangers or trespassed. I have worked in a kids pony camp several times and some kids are lovely and so helpful and other I could happily strangle. This child appears to be the latter, OP hasn't asked to be a baby sitter, she isn't set up for it at all and it's driving her mad.
If it was just the odd time I am sure that would be more bearable but at the end of the day it is the OP choice how she spends her time and having someone elses child thrust upon them isn't it and they do sounds a little trapped which isn't a nice situation to be in and it needs to be sorted. We live in a litigious society unfortunately and I would hate for this to end badly especially as the girl doesn't seem to want to listen or learn.

 

[Fides]

I find it very sad.

Fides it takes a community/extended family to raise responsible kids not just parents, everyone expects kids to know how to behave in different circumstances and social groups but how can they learn what they never experience.

maybe speak to the people responsible for the kids and say not the 6yr old due to responsibility and safety but give set days and times that the 12yr old can help if you are there, make the boundary that the field is off limits when you are not there known to everyone then everyone can take responsibility for it in your absence

Twiggy 2 - I am not the OP.

but why should OP take responsibility for teaching morals to someone else's kids? Yes a community raises a child, but that community should be the ones immediately involved with the family ie an extended family, not a random stranger who just happens to have a horse...

OP - could you explain to the parent that loans/shares usually involve a financial contribution and a contract and without either the child is not welcome.

I too was that horse mad kid but I would never have imposed-I helped a lady with 4 who's children had lost interest... There are plenty of people wanting help - she could go to them and it's win-winl.

are any of the ones that are for the OP having the child around local to the OP and willing to take the child off her hands?

OP you really shouldn't be in this position

 

[cheeryplatypus]

I wouldn't be keen on kids hanging round my ponies but I was once a pony mad little girl who would think nothing of entering a field near my grans and grooming someone's horse. The horse was old and pretty much abandoned as had been too much for the owner to ride. The owner popped down to see what I was up to and after that pretty much left me too it. I was grateful for the escape from the rather miserable time my parents were having and appreciated the kind ear of the old horse to talk to, when he was bored he would walk off and I would just watch him for a while.

However things were less litigious back then (we knew that if a dog, horse etc bit us then it would be considered our fault! ). I think probably easiest to speak to her family about the visits and say you aren't insured for others to help with your horses.

Ps
I was totally mad and had saved up my pocket money to buy brushes and hoof oil for the old chap who kindly stood and let me smarten him up!

 

[teabiscuit]

I'd be very worried that the child would get hurt. I'd find it very stressful as horses are large, unpredictable and I still get injured after years of experience.
I once saw a toddler,seemingly on her own, and went to check she was ok, only to get a vicious glare from the mother who was some distance away.
I'd do the same again, but I am damned if I'd volunteer for more responsibility.
I was a horse mad kid, my parents didn't allow me to bother anyone.

 

[shadowboy]

I think some posters are being rather unfair to the OP. What if the little girl gets kicked by one of her horses? And injured? You can bet the grandparents will suddenly take a great interest at that point. Along with lawyers and lawsuits.
The child should be supervised by her own parents/ grandparents, not by the OP. And then possibly be allowed to visit the horses.

This was my thinking too!

Plus when you're tired and need to unwind after a tough day at work the last thing you'd want is worrying about where someone's child is and if they are safe. I'm pregnant and would hate to think any child I bring up would be a pest to someone else! It's a bit like someone trying to sit watch a movie or read a book in order to unwind and a child coming along asking questions about what's going on every 2 minutes! You'd get no peace! Pony mad or not it's not up to the OP to dedicate her free time to this child - it's for the carers to organise!

 

[Runaground]

OP I totally agree with you.

Infact I think you have been more than patient. I don't like children either and while I always try to be polite with them, ( too well brought up not to be) I am quite happy to tell them to leave me alone.
If being polite isn't working however, I think you may need to be more blunt to both the Grandparents and child. A written request to be left alone, with explanation of the dangers perhaps, to the guardians, (keeping copy) and telling the child to her face to go away and leave you alone and not come back.

I would back this up with a notice on your gate, something like "private no entry" and as it's children involved I think you might be wise to add a non verbal notice like the ones used on building sites to warn off those who cannot read, (look up Occupiers Liability Act) a padlock would also be a wise precaution.
If you still get pestered, then I think you will have to shout, swear, get angry, anything to scare her enough to get her to push off permanently.
Ultimately a solicitor's letter although hopefully unnecessary could be considered later if things do not improve just to cover yourself, and before people jump up and down at the idea, it's a last resort and better than being sued later.

I support your position completely, you are far from unreasonable, your life, your choice, don't feel bad if you have to "upset" the poor little darling, other people's children should not be anyone else's problem. I don't subscribe to this very odd," society is responsible" idea. Parents chose to have them, THEY should look after them

 

[Goldenstar]

OP I totally agree with you.

Infact I think you have been more than patient. I don't like children either and while I always try to be polite with them, ( too well brought up not to be) I am quite happy to tell them to leave me alone.
If being polite isn't working however, I think you may need to be more blunt to both the Grandparents and child. A written request to be left alone, with explanation of the dangers perhaps, to the guardians, (keeping copy) and telling the child to her face to go away and leave you alone and not come back.

I would back this up with a notice on your gate, something like "private no entry" and as it's children involved I think you might be wise to add a non verbal notice like the ones used on building sites to warn off those who cannot read, (look up Occupiers Liability Act) a padlock would also be a wise precaution.
If you still get pestered, then I think you will have to shout, swear, get angry, anything to scare her enough to get her to push off permanently.
Ultimately a solicitors letter although hopefully unnecessary could be considered later if things do not improve just to cover yourself, and before people jump up and down at the idea, it's a last resort and better than being sued later.

I support your position completely, you are far from unreasonable, your life your, choice, don't feel bad if you have to "upset" the poor little darling, other people's children should not be anyone's else's problem. I don't subscribe to this very odd," society is responsible" idea, parents chose to have them, THEY should look after them

It's France the legal situation will be different to here .

 

[Floxie]

I guess from the tone of some of the replies that the suggestion "turn the hose on her" wouldn't be universally appreciated..

 

[niagaraduval]

I guess from the tone of some of the replies that the suggestion "turn the hose on her" wouldn't be universally appreciated..

Now there's an idea !

Regarding France - I think it is the same here, I haven't seen many differences between here & England and can say the French are just as good at suing people as anywhere else.

 

[littleshetland]

Well you know what they say about kids - they're a bit like farts, you don't mind your own, but other peoples, blleugh!

 

[Honey08]

As I said previously, I can see both sides and I would try and compromise and let her spend a limited time there, but if that's not your thing, fair enough, its your yard and your life.. Its not mean spirited. Direct her (via her parents/grandparents) to a local riding school or something. As I said, I was her once upon a time and was shooed away and told not to even stroke the horses over the fence. It was a shame, but I found other ways of being involved with horses and found my own path... She will too.

And don't go off the forum just because someone has said something that stung you. We've all had it at some point. At the end of the day we are just strangers and it doesn't matter what we say.. You can get a lot of help and support on this forum, you can also get a lot of criticism. You have to filter things a bit!

 

[missk]

Not sure of your set up but think of the benefits, you could pop into Grandma's and use the loo, have a cuppa, surely the Grandparents won't mind in return for letting their Granddaughter help out . Do they drive? Maybe they could be kind enough to give you a lift home and save your OH having to collect you when he can no longer take the horsey chit chat and goes home. All these things would be of a great help to you especially if you spend longer there at weekends and when the weather turns warmer.

 

[Meowy Catkin]

I think it's got lost in the thread that the OP is struggling with possibly having to have two horses PTS shortly. She has every right to want to enjoy the time she has left with her horses.

I really think that the girl needs to be directed towards a proper horse riding establishment, so she can get her horsey fix.

 

[dieseldog]

It wouldn't bother me.

Sorry, I think the op is quite frankly, mean spirited.

Amymay you live in South Wales don't you? A lady I work with has a ponymad 12 year old daughter who is desperate for some horse time - I live 50 miles away and the wrong side of the bridge so cant help, she is going to come help when I go to Broomies. Reading your posts on this thread can you PM me your number and I'll pass it on to her. Thanks!!

 

[AntxGeorgiax]

Just a suggestion for your letter - can you insist if the child is intent on persisting on coming into your field and questioning you, that they have independent insurance taken out and that they MUST under no uncertain circumstances wear boots, gloves and correct attire if they are to even get within 3 feet of your field and it's gate, and that if they do, they must show you proof of the insurance and be in the correct gear, I would hope the expense of purchasing all of this plus a fairly abrupt 'you may only visit if I am here and if you are welcomed by me' would put them off.