The annoying child - How to deal with this ? Calling all parents

[Cinnamontoast]

I was a horse mad 12 year old - I had responsible parents. The future generation of equestrianism does not depend of lax parenting, IMO.

Nor on a harassed woman who wishes to enjoy her horses at the end of the day. The child is harassing the OP and if it were an adult, I'm sure lots of people would be outraged and horrified for her and tell her to call the police for advice!

 

[spookypony]

I think it's not that the child is horse-mad that's the issue, it's that she's badly-behaved and hasn't been taught to respect other people's privacy, land, or possessions. I get that she wants to interact with horses, and that's lovely and should be encouraged (preferably by her family), but she also clearly needs to learn some very basic lessons regarding the appropriateness of interfering with strange animals and bothering strangers. At 12, she really ought to know better, and I'd be tempted to go with her and talk to her and her family together, and explain quite bluntly what is bothering me about her behaviour. I too was a horse-mad, precocious, obnoxious, talkative girl, but my parents didn't have on rose-tinted glasses, and taught me pretty early on that constantly imposing on strangers is plain rude.

I can see arguments in favour of a specified horse helping time once a week, for no more than an hour, in the interests of neighbourliness and community spirit, but you're certainly not obliged. In the meantime, a padlock on the field is probably not a bad idea if she can't be relied upon to stay out of the field and keep the gate closed.

 

[shannonandtay]

^ agree

I too used to feel I was strange at never liking kids or babies. You know I only held one of my nieces when they were babies that was it and only 5 minutes and I said that is enough. I don't like the sound babies make and walk out shops if one starts (don't get me started on kids on planes) .


We can't all like kids or we would be more over populated than we are, friends say oh isn't my baby beautiful. I just smile, but inside I think its like all babies bald and fugly. That is me i cannot change like the rest of the non bearing children people. Having a kid is not the b all and end all.

I have had winging kids go on and on, I tolerate about 15 minutes then have to walk away. When your tired after a days work, all you want to do is chill- groom your horse and spent quality time of an hour or so. Not spend and hour answering mundane questions.

The sad truth is we get slated and labeled as mean etc to not liking children, and the people wanting kids wont see our point of view or understand why we don't like them.

I bet most of the non maternal group here understand why others want and love kids, but when the shoe is on the other foot, we are not given the same respect.

It's an individual's choice as to whether they want children or not. I think maternal people can understand why a non maternal person doesn't want children, it's just some people can speak about children and babies as if they shouldn't exist that maybe doesn't quite sit right. Now going back to the ops problem I can completely understand as even someone like me who likes children can find it annoying and tiresome if it becomes bit too much. Definately a chat with the grandparents is needed its ashame for the little girl and hopefully they might find her a nice riding school to help out at, maybe even suggest it .

 

[Lambkins]

I say put the child to work ..get her poo picking ..cleaning troughs ..cleaning ur grooming kit ..cleaning ur tack ..cleaning ur headcollars etc ..that will get rid of her ..and if it doesn't get rid of her then she is worth keeping around
But if u really don't want her around ur horses then speak the her grandparents ..simples

 

[Howe Street]

I haven't read all of the replies but just because she's horse mad, that's really not your problem! You have been accommodating and polite thus far and perhaps her parents or grandparents should indulge her obvious interest in horses by taking her to a riding school.

If she had come over to your field once or twice then fair enough but if it's on a regular basis, i.e. every day then I really don't blame you for feeling fed up! You're not a 'kid' type of person and that's absolutely fine, I can't believe some people are giving you a hard time and implying that you're the one in the wrong here. I like kids but even I couldn't be bothered to make conversation every day with a random child, when I just want a bit of quiet time with my horse.

I'm not really sure what the answer is, but maybe you could come to a compromise, talk to her for 15-20 mins or whatever and then suggest that it's time she heads off home as you want some time alone with your horses. Alternatively you could go and see her parents and tell them that whilst you don't want to appear unkind, you don't appreciate being bombarded with questions and quite frankly it's really annoying you!

I was also completely horse obsessed as a youngster but I would never have behaved like this and asked non stop questions, I would have considered it inappropriate, even at 12 years old.

 

[teabiscuit]

I'm struggling to understand why anyone would think the OP should feel obligated to take on a child that just happens along and wants to play horses.
I'd like to see this discussed on a motor bike forum.
Neighbours child wants to play with my motor bike, I don't want the hassle.. .ooo you selfish man, where will the next Barry sheen come from. ..

 

[YorksG]

Surely not badly behaved. Just not understanding some of the boundaries and 'rules' around horses. The child described in the original post sounds eager to learn and eager to help.

I consider that this child does not respect other peoples boundaries at all, which in my book is bad behaviour, this may be the result of poor parenting, unless the OP is going to take the child home with her there is little she can do about this. Not eager to help, eager to show off.

 

[Moomin1]

I consider that this child does not respect other peoples boundaries at all, which in my book is bad behaviour, this may be the result of poor parenting, unless the OP is going to take the child home with her there is little she can do about this. Not eager to help, eager to show off.

Kids like to show off. It doesn't make them badly behaved - just kids!

I'm not saying that this particular kid isn't badly behaved - I don't know them so can't judge, but I think to call a kid badly behaved because they are over enthusiastic and a bit of a show off maybe is a bit harsh.

 

[AmyMay]

Not eager to help, eager to show off.

That's certainly not the child described in the original post, unless there's another one running somewhere with a different description.

Either way, the point is moot. OP has no interest in extending any goodwill or friendship towards the child. So further discussion is pointless.

 

[YorksG]

The child the OP is having problems with will probably grow up to be a rude adult.

 

[Moomin1]

The child the OP is having problems with will probably grow up to be a rude adult.

Good grief what a bold statement.

 

[AmyMay]

The child the OP is having problems with will probably grow up to be a rude adult.

That's a ridiculous thing to say.

 

[teabiscuit]

It's about being responsible for someone elses child and all that entails.
It's a whole big can of worms.

 

[MerrySherryRider]

Poor child. OP's description didn't illustrate a badly behaved little girl, merely an over keen one.

She'd make me smile, little sweetheart.

 

[Lambkins]

The child the OP is having problems with will probably grow up to be a rude adult.

Geez really ? What a horrible thing to say ! She is a 12 year old child .. U don't know her from Adam .. U don't know anything about her or her life . How very sad

 

[Howe Street]

OP has no interest in extending any goodwill or friendship towards the child. So further discussion is pointless.

Over the past few weeks the OP has been friendly, answered a barrage of questions day after day and more than indulged this child so I think your comment is somewhat inaccurate. If you feel that there is nothing left to discuss then by all means, go and impart your wisdom on another thread.

 

[ester]

I think the children that live on our yard tonight perhaps highlight the differences here and from the descriptions I would not consider the OP's 12 yo to be well behaved.

'Can we watch you ride Frank' (yes of course - with the odd 'he is being good isn't he' - yes he is ... thrown in)
(slight hiccup when the football ended up in one end of the arena but they even checked it was ok to come in fetch that!), asked if they could watch him be washed off and put back in stable and the 3 year old even came out with 'you did well tonight' praise indeed! .

They are allowed to come say hi/the eldest do some brushing etc sometimes (I have asked when we can train poo picking ) but on our terms/usually at the weekend not when I've been at work all day and want to get in the house. I don't like children but am much better with them and horses .

It seems to me that OP has been more than patient so far but child is taking it further than the OP would like too!

 

[Lambkins]

Over the past few weeks the OP has been friendly, answered a barrage of questions day after day and more than indulged this child so I think your comment is somewhat inaccurate. If you feel that there is nothing left to discuss then by all means, go and impart your wisdom on another thread.

Maybe that's half the problem ..maybe she should have never indulged the child at all ..start as u mean to go on and all that jazz

 

[Howe Street]

Maybe that's half the problem ..maybe she should have never indulged the child at all ..start as u mean to go on and all that jazz

If the OP had told the girl to b"gger off on day one then I could perhaps see the point of AmyMay et al but I find the numerous suggestions that she is 'mean spirited' 'unkind' 'unfriendly' and whatever else has been banded about, quite frankly, ridiculous.

 

[abracadabra]

I bet most of the non maternal group here understand why others want and love kids, but when the shoe is on the other foot, we are not given the same respect.

I'd have laughed, but reading this it appears to be all too true

I cannot believe that the OP is being accused of being mean spirited on this thread.

I thought the comment saying that was incredibly mean spirited in itself, actually.

To those who feel that the OP should encourage this badly behaved child, do you open your house to random children and allow them to rummage through your belongings, while they demand information about your life? If not why not?

Of course they would...until something like it happens to them and they don't like it, no doubt
If people are actively looking for a helper or sharer, they would do just that...look for one. It's not a position available for the first person that turns up on your land hassling you enough till you let them.

 

[Capriole]

If the OP had told the girl to b"gger off on day one then I could perhaps see the point of AmyMay et al but I find the numerous suggestions that she is 'mean spirited' 'unkind' 'unfriendly' and whatever else has been banded about, quite frankly, ridiculous.

Ditto

 

[Lambkins]

But had op nipped it in the bud ie day one ..there would be a need for a thread

 

[Howe Street]

Indeed and I bet she wished she had now!

 

[mle22]

She doesn't sound like a horrible child - just a child. I don't mind children, I've had two myself - but I do understand where the op is coming from.

 

[MadJ]

Either way, the point is moot. OP has no interest in extending any goodwill or friendship towards the child. So further discussion is pointless.

Why should she?
I was in a similar situation to the op and now I've been a big meany my stress levels have plummeted and the yard is safer for it. I can totally understand where the op's coming from. The whole time I was at the yard I was holding my breath waiting for an accident to happen, there were many near misses, until it got to one near miss too many.
The parents have a responsibility to this child. What would happen if the child had a horse related accident when the parents weren't there?
This was my dilemma, despite numerous discussions about appropriate behavior and what areas to stay away from I was repeatedly ignored. Would I have been negligent if child had been injured on say the harrow or would the parent be at fault for not keeping an eye(another frequent occurrence)?
Sadly times have changed and "accidents" don't exist in the same way they used to. There now HAS to be someone to point the finger at.

 

[Bedlam]

Has OP tried telling the child what to do?

For example......

'Hi - I've been waiting for you to come to do the horses and I'm here to help'

'Thank you - but I don't need your help and would rather you didn't hang around here quite so much. I haven't got time for you today so please go home. Now.'

 

[Bedlam]

By the way - that's not how I personally would have dealt with it.

I would welcome a helper that I could educate.....assuming that I felt I could educate him/her. Another pair of eyes locally when I am a few miles away from my horses would be extremely useful.

I think I would try to get a happy medium somewhere here.....

 

[Voxhorse]

If you were nearer N, i'd lend you my gelding. He'd corner the child (not in a nasty way, but he's super friendly and hard to get rid of) and keep her occupied and she'd probably not want to go near him again.


Laughing my butt off....reverse psychology seriously though it's not the OPs fault, and you have been more than polite. Speaking to the Grandparents is not easy as you may get a negative response but you do have a right to speak up!! Good luck x

 

[Pebble101]

I'm with OP on this, the odd day is fine but every day is just not on. If nothing else it's so time consuming. I know this from when we have nieces and nephews around.

I met a new neighbour last week with his son, probably about 10. I was getting one of my boys out of the field and he seemed to think I would be OK with his son having a ride. I stopped that one by telling him that the horse is retired due to injury and he isn't ridden any more. It's true but I don't know why parents think it's OK to offer their children rides on other peoples' horses. If I put him on my other horse he would probably end up in hospital and no doubt it would be the horses fault.

 

[MissCandy]

This is ridiculous!

I don't encourage my own children to come to the yard with me, unless I don't plan on actually doing anything with my horse while I am there. I don't get much 'yard time' and I don't want to spend it checking that my children are safe every 2 minutes. Why should OP, or anyone, do it for children that don't belong to them and whom they don't even like?

OP, I would speak to the grandparents and be clear that the girl can't spend time at your field/with your horses. You don't need to give a reason or make an excuse but if you feel it is necessary I would go the safety route. Good luck!