The environment you're in = the results you get out.... Thoughts?

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SWE

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Having a bit of a reflective day today for some reason but I thought I'd share my experience which might encourage others who were in the same situation as I was last year.

So I'll start with yesterday... I had a lesson, horse went well (very fresh but a good girl), but I felt I didn't have my best day. That's fine, we all have our off days and it's all stuff I can work on. Nothing bad happened...

Rewind to last year... had I have had an off day, I would have been in peices, told myself I was crap, replayed the whole lesson in my head a million times, beaten myself up about it for days and then probably consequently ridden worse for a while afterwards due to the pressure I'd put on myself.

The difference? The people around me.

I don't have any family that are interested in my riding or competing so I solely rely on the people on my yard for moral support.

Last year I was on a big yard with people who I was friendly with but not a single one of them genuinely was interested in us doing well. It's not that they wanted us to do badly, and I know it's not their job to want me to do well, but I just didn't feel like anyone was 'Team SWE'. I felt total alone and it was a perfect situation of surrounded by loads of (perfectly nice) people but still feeling so lonely.

Now I am on a yard where the owner pushes me to be the best I can with my girl. I've got a new trainer who she uses too, and they both are genuinely interested in how I got on at competitions etc. I've never improved and grown so much in such a short space of time and it all boils down to having a tiny little support team around me.

It's made me appreciate how hard it is 'going it alone' and how much people like that can mean to someone like me!

And it's also totally made me appreciate how much pros must reply on their support crew.

I'm not really sure why I've written this post ? but if you're feeling alone in your riding, it's not forever and maybe we can share ways to help, or use this platform to create little support networks for people?

And 'big up' if you are that support to someone - you don't know how much you mean! ❤️
 
So true, I keep my horses at home and with a non horsey but lovely husband and horsey-but not-interested-in-my-horses family. I have really made a commitment over the past couple of years to build a tribe around me who are interested and supportive and I really try to reciprocate that to others around me. It makes a massive difference ??
 
That’s great to read. Sounds really positive.

I’m lucky and also have a very supportive and much braver pal who I ride with a lot. And a supportive and interested instructor. Plus support in my wider network. It does mean a lot and I’m very grateful for that.
 
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Yep it makes a big difference to me too.

I'm the only livery where I am now so on face value it could seem quite lonely, but just the other side of the indoor school there's the pro yard of someone super positive, whose grooms are also ultra helpful, YO has her head screwed on and trainer is next door. Even on a bad day it all just feels positive and productive.
Plus in normal times there are friends coming and going for lessons 3 + days a week so its fairly social.

I feel very lucky to have landed in this position, its the best place I've been at livery for about 10 years.
 
Sounds like you’ve found a really supportive yard.
I’m on my own really. There are 5 of us but 3 don’t ride and my friend does very occasionally but I only see her at the weekend and she just potters round the fields.
I quite like doing my own thing though I enjoy my lessons immensely. I do miss having a conversation about schooling and things with like-minded people.
 
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I find this interesting, I keep my horses at home, so I am totally alone with them, no one horsey here at all, and I've been alone with them for a very long time, I have some great friends, but they are not really into what I do, I have one friend who is a rider, but we dont talk about horses that much. So I've learnt to rely on myself, and learnt to teach myself how to cope with things when I have a bad day etc, I think my coping mechanisms are pretty good, but I've always wondered what it would be like to more support, and how much of a positive difference it would make.
 
I can assure you it’s just as bad being alone as it is surrounded by people who aren’t actually rooting for you! I’ve had both. It’s sucks!

Competing on your own is tough. No one to reflect with at the most important moment. And it’s a hard slog going to lessons on your own. Been there, done that.

I do quite enjoy the yard on my own as my little sanctuary. But have a great network of training / hacking / etc of people that help me be my best. That is so important.
 
I have experienced both ways, i have been there and done it with friends/support and also coped ok on my own. I think as long as you have goals and can meet them you keep happy.
 
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I was on my own before, when I had them at home, that mostly just made me lonely because there wasn't anyone in the area who shared my interests. The freedom was great but I did also really miss the good natured competitive rivalry I used to have at one previous yard. It was really motivating to see your peers doing stuff. And always nice to share pole moving duty etc.

The issue I have had recently is mainly around having a really difficult horse and covid buggering up my usual opportunities to deal with her! So moving to a better environment has helped me to keep going, basically.
 
I can relate to this so much.

I've thought about selling the horse, but really it's the people. I don't foresee escaping this for the next 2 years...when I move again (job stuff), at which point I will either sell the horse or bring it to a different country with me.

Idk what makes people so miserable around here.
 
Interesting thread. I am at a really wonderful yard where everyone is so supportive, however up until recently I have been the only person on said yard with a horse in consistently full work. Many ride once or maybe twice a week and most are happy to hack around the village only (not disparaging this at all, but very different to my ridden life) . A month or two ago a very good friend moved to the same yard and it has been wonderful. We are both working at the same level when it comes to schooling, both are keen to compete when covid allows again and very much have similar goals.

I have realised how much I value her counsel, it's been fantastic to bounce ideas off of each other and plan competition or clinic schedules. We have shared schooling sessions where we will video for each other, or jump on each others horse if one of us is getting sticky with a movement. I didn't realise how much I missed this level of support. I've been at my current yard for 3 years and have never really had it here. At a previous yard I was surrounded by like minded people all working towards a roughly shared goal and it does really make a difference.

Equally wonderfully, my fellow liveries are brilliant at telling me I have done a fantastic job even when I have gone out and had a shocker of a competition ?
 
I was on my own for 13 years at my parents farm but I am surrounded by some amazing horse friends. Most of who I met through HHO in the days when it was a lot smaller and we used to meet up. Even now we will work our competition schedules out around each other and book days off work etc so we can groom for each other out eventing, go to the same events, ask for similar times and go to stay away shows together etc. It is pretty social and I actually hate competing by myself now if friends are not going to be there as part of the fun is surviving the day and having a gin in a tin at the end of it, or in the case of The Mule and I at 11am after one young horse drama filled ODE.

In 2018 I moved my horse to a livery yard where I had been riding the owners horses. I am completely and utterly spoilt now as everyone works round me..... The competition horses and liveries are kept separate but everything is geared around what my plans were on our yard with each horse. I have regular help with everything as staff to help me and its pretty great. We closed the livery a couple of months ago and its pretty quiet now but nice to have the arenas left how I want them. We are just about to move to a brand new yard and new arena will be put in the spring. My riding has improved exponentially in the last few years since moving. Having great facilities really helps and nice horses to ride. My competition results have also improved though sometimes it doesn't feel like it.
 
Interesting thread.
I think it has clarified for me that horsey people do like you to show an interest in their horses and ask about where they are at. I seem to always have in the back of my mind that some horsey people are a bit anti social and i dont want to appear like i’m being nosey, but actually i think the vast majority would love you to show an interest.
I’m used to competing alone but go to a fair amount of training, i think more to gain feedback and have someone on your side and interested in your progress.
I’m realising I need to be more social! My family arent horsey at all. Hopefully now restrictions are lifting i’ll be able to buddy up with like minded riders.
 
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Sociologically, they do say that “you become the company you keep”....as your experience testifies.

If we’re surrounded by moaning minnies, we find we become that too after a while...if we’re in cahoots with energetic upbeat folk we’ll also find that rubs off on us.

Hence the wisdom; “choose your tribe carefully”.

its great to hear you’re getting more from riding and expanding your talents with a supportive team! ?
 
I think some of it is mindset too, which doesn’t always correlate with the people around you but where you are mentally yourself.

The yard I’m on now has far more people competing and going out doing stuff, and we’re all supportive of each other, it is lovely. However, it’s still my close knit group of friends from my last yard I’m more likely to reach out to for a pep talk, along with mum.
 
CanteringCarrot said:
I can relate to this so much.

I've thought about selling the horse, but really it's the people. I don't foresee escaping this for the next 2 years...when I move again (job stuff), at which point I will either sell the horse or bring it to a different country with me.

Idk what makes people so miserable around here.
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ditto...with a cherry on top! Im seeking a move for various reasons, including a rural network that appreciates mutual support.
 
3 years ago I was on a yard that had an awful atmosphere; there were many times I’d dread going down there but I had to to make sure my horse was cared for (I’d sometimes end up going multiple times a day because the quality of their ‘care’ was at best poor, at worst non existent). I didn’t fully realise the impact of the stress this had on me or my horse, or even my relationship with my husband until we finally left. My horse has gone from a fence-running, stressy, and unpredictable ride to “the most chilled out TB ever” (a friend’s description!) I’m now on a yard with far less fancy facilities but friendly, supportive, like-minded people; my confidence has grown and I get to enjoy spending time with my horse again.
 
I am on a big yard but we have quite a few separate blocks of stables. I think in our block there are three who compete, we don't do the same disciplines but everyone is interested and want others to do well. I do a lot on my own - I spent years competing on my own (show jumping and then showing). When I got together with non horsey OH he did a lot of the lorry driving and came to shows, assisting and grooming as in coming into the ring. He started to get bored at the hanging around and some of the "interesting" showing results but okay with dressage as you get a time, so turn up, do it, leave. I then morphed into doing much more on my own again and I think last year (2019) he only came to 4 shows (picked the big ones like Windsor and Hickstead but that is good as those are hard work on your own). I had my horse in a pro yard for a while and that was nice in that if riding in the school you'd get some help and tips outside of lesson as you'd be working together and that was great but you don't get the satisfaction of having produced the horse yourself. So in summary good support good, bad support no good!
 
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Mrs G said:
3 years ago I was on a yard that had an awful atmosphere; there were many times I’d dread going down there but I had to to make sure my horse was cared for (I’d sometimes end up going multiple times a day because the quality of their ‘care’ was at best poor, at worst non existent). I didn’t fully realise the impact of the stress this had on me or my horse, or even my relationship with my husband until we finally left. My horse has gone from a fence-running, stressy, and unpredictable ride to “the most chilled out TB ever” (a friend’s description!) I’m now on a yard with far less fancy facilities but friendly, supportive, like-minded people; my confidence has grown and I get to enjoy spending time with my horse again.
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I have been there - ended up moving horses to two different yards to get away from the bad atmosphere. One of my horses hated the yard I moved from as there was always shouting and just tenseness all the time. Glad you found somewhere nice.
 
Great thread, and it's not just about yard environment, anything that sits on your mind can play a role.

I left a job in May that had a massive impact on my riding confidence/knowledge/self belief, let alone general wellbeing. Six months on my riding is unrecognisable to myself, let alone others!
 
It makes alot of sense.
I don't need supportive people on the yard around me, I'm independent and have a good trainer so happy to crack on.
But I do notice a big difference in my motivation when I'm around miserable, whingey, b*tchy people. No matter how much you try to ignore an atmosphere it does have an impact.
Equally, I have been at yards before where I either have no hacking or no school and managed fine. I'm now at one where I have neither, there is limited road based hacking or I can use my field ground conditions permitting. Having to add an hour or two on to each ride to box out is rapidly becoming very draining! I try and do stuff at home 3 times a week and box out twice. But one of the times at home is usually only a short walk around the 20 minute block so doesn't count for alot and I could really do with getting some better quality work in her than I do.
Being at this yard has been interesting - for the first time ever I've managed to manage her needs entirely in a way that works (pet companion for separation anxiety, overnight turnout and track for waistline) and I've never had her so close to home.
But I can't wait to be able to move, I have her to ride and frankly that isn't very fun where I am. (Trying to stay put until we move house next year...)
So whilst I get OP post is about people/support network, I do agree but facilities can make a massive difference too!
 
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I could have written this myself, having discovered this very thing myself recently. It's amazing what a difference it makes having the 'right' people around you.
 
This is so true. I have a lovely 9 year old horse - sound, ready and willing to do great stuff, but I have no school, no horsey friends and no one to ride with. I share a private yard with one other lady with a retired horse. I'm really lucky to be on my little yard, but I miss the support, company and comradery of livery so much. I find riding out on my own all the time can feel really miserable.
 
Flame_ said:
This is so true. I have a lovely 9 year old horse - sound, ready and willing to do great stuff, but I have no school, no horsey friends and no one to ride with. I share a private yard with one other lady with a retired horse. I'm really lucky to be on my little yard, but I miss the support, company and comradery of livery so much. I find riding out on my own all the time can feel really miserable.
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That does sound rotten. Maybe post the area your are in and see if there are other HHOers local to you? I’m sure there are plenty of people around who would welcome a buddy
 
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