Think I may have taken on too much too soon

[Carolina24]

well it's about 7 months since I started my interest in horses, 4 months since my lovely old horse that was gifted to me passed away and 3 months into owning my new horse that I paid a lot of money for and thought he was the right one for me.

Now I'm having doubts, why does he keep challenging me seriously I thought horses we're heard animals why would they want to be leader when it's easier for me to be!!! He's started nibbling me on a morning when I try to change his rug then he sometimes turns his bum at me and always has his ears back, it's like he straight out hates me! I'm beginning to resent him and feel like I've taken on too much, no one down my livery yard is ever around to ask questions or help and I just feel so in-experienced it's really getting me down.

I lunged him last night and try to show him whose boss with this which seems to work but why does he everyday try and test me out by nibbling or trying to nibble me every morning!!! I can only ride at weekends now it's dark nights and I'm actually beginning to resent him, resent owning a horse and feeling negative about getting on and riding!

Does anyone else feel like this or had this? Have I really taken on too much and should I give up ?

 

[BillyBob-Sleigh]

I think you really need to speak to your YO about giving you a hand! My guess would be that your new horse can sense that you are nervous around him so he can't rely on you being the herd leader so he's having to take the role on himself which will be causing him stress anyway. As for the nibbling that's not necessarily aggressive (unless he's trying to bite you properly in which case that's different!) he could just be trying to get your attention or thinks that you have something yummy for him . But, honestly you need to get help from either YO or why don't you book yourself some lessons with him so that you can try and bond a bit more with him and they'll be able to advise you on the way forward when they see you both together.

 

[traceyann]

My cob and warmblood were like this push their luck alot but im used to bully boys stood my ground didnt let them put a foot out of place was really quite hard on them. Now their nearly perfect a dirty look from me is enough to know their wrong. I would much prefer to deal with bully then scared horse anyday. stand your ground and be really firm.

 

[Carolina24]

It's a DIY Livery yard and I don't feel I can ask for any help from the YO as she has enough on her plate really - just don't have any one around me that can help or advise me. basically everyone online is my only helper!! I was getting lessons on him but stopped a few weeks ago due to the fact that when dark nights came couldn't get in the arena as it means riding on a main road. the riding isn't as much of a problem as the groundwork issue, it's not that he's been horrible but I just don't understand why a horse would keep trying it on with me I have told him no and tapped his neck and stood up to him but I just feel so lonely with it all, it used to be great in summer everyone down the yard but now I never see anyone and I have to ride out on my own so can only stick to the hack route he's used to as anything new he spooks at unless I have someone with me. just feel totally deflated I've made a massive ball of stress and heartache for myself and feel like my horse is laughing at me.

 

[Carolina24]

My cob and warmblood were like this push their luck alot but im used to bully boys stood my ground didnt let them put a foot out of place was really quite hard on them. Now their nearly perfect a dirty look from me is enough to know their wrong. I would much prefer to deal with bully then scared horse anyday. stand your ground and be really firm.

how though seriously??? I'm 28 years old and only small and how firm is firm I don't want him fearing me as such or becoming head shy ? just how do you be firm without endangering my safety ?

 

[BillyBob-Sleigh]

how big is you boy and how old is he?

 

[*hic*]

Carolina, whereabouts in the country are you? You do seem to need some help in understanding how to deal with your horse and if we know where you are maybe someone will be able to help you out. Certainly if you're near me in North Cambs I'd come and give you a hand.

 

[Carolina24]

he's 15hh and 8 years old , I don't know his exact birthdate so he maybe closer to 9 now.

 

[Carolina24]

Carolina, whereabouts in the country are you? You do seem to need some help in understanding how to deal with your horse and if we know where you are maybe someone will be able to help you out. Certainly if you're near me in North Cambs I'd come and give you a hand.

Hi Jemima,

I'm in North Yorkshire so no where near you I'm afraid ... ; (

- thank you for the offer though x

 

[Miss L Toe]

Without knowing the horse it is difficult to assess, can you take a week off and take him to a schooling yard, explain that you want them to help you work with him, the very basics!
Your YO can only spend so much time with you, and if you are having these difficulties it is likely that you need an education, sort of like pony club but targeted on you and your horse.
For example when he turns his bum on you, you need to have a response, and lots of other tiny things, some horses are nervous and some are rude, some are aggressive, some need tlc, it takes experience to work out how to deal with difficult horses, but it may be that once you have these things sorted you will have a nice horse.
Is he getting enough exercise, I assume you know he should be getting out every day, he may have been schooled every day when you bought him and is now getting a bit above himself.
If I were you I would advertise for an experienced rider to help you out, it might suit a mum with time on her hands mid week.

 

[BillyBob-Sleigh]

Ok, so he's old enough to know better (my boy is pushing his luck at the moment too but he's only 4 and not been taught any different!). Have you got a menage? Why don't you take him in hand and just to some groundwork with him, lead him in a bridle so you have more control and just try and establish more of a bond by spending the time with him when you're not riding and see how you go. Even if it's only the little things that get achieved to start off with like making him stand when you want him to and walking o when you ask etc.

 

[Spudlet]

Can you move him off DIY livery onto full or part livery - then there will be more staff around to give you a hand. It sounds like you need more support from people who can see what's going on - there's not much anyone can do from a forum post as we can't see what's going on. Alternatively, can you find a local instructor to come out and help you with handling on a regular basis? Or find a sharer with more experience of horses that can help you - perhaps someone that hasn't the time or money for their own but who can share some tips with you?

Everyone has to learn, there's no shame in needing help or in asking for it.

 

[*hic*]

Hi Jemima,

I'm in North Yorkshire so no where near you I'm afraid ... ; (

- thank you for the offer though x

How far away from York? My daughter's at Uni there and pretty used to handling different horses, including tricky ones which I suspect yours isn't really, he's just taking advantage. The trouble is she has no transport which is why distance is a bit of an issue and needs to be on public transport. I know she'd be happy to come and help if you felt it would be useful.

 

[Carolina24]

Without knowing the horse it is difficult to assess, can you take a week off and take him to a schooling yard, explain that you want them to help you work with him, the very basics!
Your YO can only spend so much time with you, and if you are having these difficulties it is likely that you need an education, sort of like pony club but targeted on you and your horse.
For example when he turns his bum on you, you need to have a response, and lots of other tiny things, some horses are nervous and some are rude, some are aggressive, some need tlc, it takes experience to work out how to deal with difficult horses, but it may be that once you have these things sorted you will have a nice horse.
Is he getting enough exercise, I assume you know he should be getting out every day, he may have been schooled every day when you bought him and is now getting a bit above himself.

Hi,

I have no other yard so to speak to go to, I work full time and don't have time to travel far everyday plus I do like the yard I'm at I just need more help. When he turns his bum on me it's when he has a rug on in a morning and I grab the front and pull him round, it's when I'm changing his rug to put him out that the nibbling starts and ears back, the other owners down the yard are never down there that early but I have to be to go to work in time so he does have to be put out on his own for sometime till the other people turn there horses out. He wasn't getting daily ridden at the old yard but with me he has turn out during the day and has plenty of space, he doesn't seem to energised as when I put him in the field he doesn't run or prance off he's quite relaxed but he just seems to want to walk on me he respects my space and doesn't turn his bum towards me when I get him out the yard only when he's in the stable and the nibbling is always on a morning. I'm getting so fed up I thought owning a horse would be enjoyment and riding but it's so much hard work and early mornings and for what a horse that try's it on all the time

 

[Herts05]

Sounds like you do need some help. If you YO can't or won't help you then you have a couple of choices as i see it
1. Move to another yard where there is more support for you. Possibly one with a school which doesn't involve using a road to get to it. Now that the dark nights are setting in it probably only leaves you the weekends and any days off to ride him and it sounds like he needs to understand that you are the boss both from the ground and when you are riding. Its also lovely to be able to ride 7 days a week rather than just the weekend

2. Get your instructor back to help you with some basic groundwork whilst you are working around your horse. It will give you a second opinion on the behaviour your horse is demonstrating and whether he is being nasty or whether its normal and you just have to assert some manners in him.

Either way it doesn't sound like a terrible situation, but it is one where I would advise you to get some help very early on before it becomes an issue in your mind.
Remember that a horse in a new environment takes time to settle and you both need time to build up a bond.

I'm sure it will work out right for you.

 

[Keimanp]

Hi Jemima,

I'm in North Yorkshire so no where near you I'm afraid ... ; (

- thank you for the offer though x

Hi Carolina,

Where abouts in North Yorkshire, I'm close to Doncaster so its to far from me to get to the Selby/South York area of North Yorks.

Robert

 

[Miss L Toe]

The problem may be that working in hand etc is good for a horse when it is done by an experienced person, but it is unlikely that someone with seven months experience, and limited "horse education" can know all the signals and "hot spots" on a horse, a bit like the lungeing experience, ..................it is not primarily to "dominate" the horse, the horse may be lunged well by a professional but take the pixel with his owner.
I have a horse which had to be handled in a bridle for two years, mostly because his reaction to "scary things" was to run in to me, and I was aware that kids might bring him in from the field for me, he is now a lot more aware of the "bubble" round my body, but if he is fired up, his training goes out the window and he reverts to basic instincts.
I have a feeling that you will be better suited to taking riding lessons rather than horse ownership, it is a long winter ahead.

 

[traceyann]

Firm i dont mean beating as you already know. My cob used to greet me with his back legs i used to walk smack his bum with my hand and just walk in i think the shock of me not running like his previous owner was enough that he wasnt getting away with it. With my bullys i used to have a short whip with a hand on it anything i thought rude used to get a sharp smack and when behaved loads of fuss Im only eight stone and my WB is 17 hand tank and my cob 16.2 tank neither are scared of me but have respect.

 

[BillyBob-Sleigh]

Hi,

I have no other yard so to speak to go to, I work full time and don't have time to travel far everyday plus I do like the yard I'm at I just need more help. When he turns his bum on me it's when he has a rug on in a morning and I grab the front and pull him round, it's when I'm changing his rug to put him out that the nibbling starts and ears back, the other owners down the yard are never down there that early but I have to be to go to work in time so he does have to be put out on his own for sometime till the other people turn there horses out. He wasn't getting daily ridden at the old yard but with me he has turn out during the day and has plenty of space, he doesn't seem to energised as when I put him in the field he doesn't run or prance off he's quite relaxed but he just seems to want to walk on me he respects my space and doesn't turn his bum towards me when I get him out the yard only when he's in the stable and the nibbling is always on a morning. I'm getting so fed up I thought owning a horse would be enjoyment and riding but it's so much hard work and early mornings and for what a horse that try's it on all the time

Another option would be to advertise for a sharer, they would help with the workload and would be able to help you out with the groundwork?

 

[Carolina24]

seriously thanks everyone for your support - as much as your suggestions are good I think I'm going to sell him - I just can't give him what he needs and don't have the luxury of been able to ride during week days , unfortunately to afford a horse I have to work full time. I'm totally deflated with the situation and close to tears everytime I go down the yard. think this may be my last post on the forum as I'm just so annoyed with it all, didn't realise horses we're like this

 

[Spudlet]

Also, from a forum post one can't say whether the horse is nasty, scared, taking the pee, or confused by inconsistent handling, or anything else. There could be lots of reasons why a horse misbehaves, and each one potentially needs a different approach to solve the problem.

OP, I say again I really think you need to find experienced help to point you in the right direction. Also, if you have not been around horses for long are you confident that you can spot the signs of good ehalth or that show there may be a problem? There's no shame in needing to learn these things, nobody springs from the ground fully-formed into a horsewoman that can quote verbatim the BHS Manual, but you do need to create an environment where you can learn these things, both for your sake and your horse's sake.

Although nothing is going to change the fact that horses, as well as the good stuff, do include a generous helping of mud, dark mornings, cold nights and chilly fingers I'm afraid.... but if you can get confident in handling and bond with your boy, that will make up for it.

 

[Carolina24]

Ok, so he's old enough to know better (my boy is pushing his luck at the moment too but he's only 4 and not been taught any different!). Have you got a menage? Why don't you take him in hand and just to some groundwork with him, lead him in a bridle so you have more control and just try and establish more of a bond by spending the time with him when you're not riding and see how you go. Even if it's only the little things that get achieved to start off with like making him stand when you want him to and walking o when you ask etc.

whats a Menage? I am a total novice in way over my head!

 

[BillyBob-Sleigh]

Menage aka school, arena etc

 

[BillyBob-Sleigh]

seriously thanks everyone for your support - as much as your suggestions are good I think I'm going to sell him - I just can't give him what he needs and don't have the luxury of been able to ride during week days , unfortunately to afford a horse I have to work full time. I'm totally deflated with the situation and close to tears everytime I go down the yard. think this may be my last post on the forum as I'm just so annoyed with it all, didn't realise horses we're like this

Please don't take this the wrong way, but what did you think horse ownership would be like? I'm not having a dig just wondering out of curiosity?

 

[Carolina24]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but what did you think horse ownership would be like? I'm not having a dig just wondering out of curiosity?

well I thought if a horse was already schooled and ridden before I bought it that I would be able to get on and ride it, I didn't realise it would spook at nothing all the time and that my only support at the yard would leave and then I'd be left to my own devices. I thought the horse would like me and realise I'm looking after it and will love it and spend time with it. I didn't think it would challenge eveyr action I make, pin its ears back and hate me, the girl I get to ride for me sometimes is a great rider and she has no problems with me so I think he actually doesn't like me, I am such an animal lover and love all animals but can't stand animals that think there better than there owner I would never mis-treat an animal or give up on it but I'm scared of it starting to get worse and before I know it I'll get kicked or dumped or something, why do you people do this for a hobbie when they give nothing back! sorry I know your not digging at me but seriously as a novice I never realised how much forgiveness is needed

 

[blackbeauty86]

From reading most of the posts, it just sounds like he is grumpy in the stable and doesn't like his rugs being done?

I used to have a mare that, if looks could kill, she would have you 10x over because she hated being brushed, rugged up, tacked up or even touched! It doesn't mean she hated me though "/

I had her 7yrs and loved her more than anything it was just one of her quirks you have to get used to and work around.

I have a 6yr old now who nibbles, pulls your strings on your hoody, chews your zips and burrows in your hair whilst mucking out! But these are his characteristics. If you think your horse is a bit more meaningful with his "nibbles" then just use your voice or shoo him away with your hand and ignore it.

It doesn't sound like you have a dangerous horse on your hands at all, just one that like others have said, taking advantage a little bit?

If he's fine in every other way and if you can hack out on a night time then he sounds like a complete saint to me! Before you commit down the "I'm selling him" route, just try and get over the problems first, rather than giving in at the first hurdle. I think your relationship will be stronger if you get over this.

Good luck!

 

[Spudlet]

They do give a huge amount back. Just allowing a perosn to sit on them means overcoming natural instincts that tell a wild horse that anything on its back is bad news - it's amazing that domesticated horses can accept this, yet they do. Going into a stable means overcoming the instincts telling them that dark enclosed spaces are bad news - again, amazing when you stop to think about it. Animals aren't sentimental though, they love the people that provide for them, and give them fair and kind leadership. If they don't get that, then there will often be problems.

Horses are not machines, they don't come ready made - they need to continue their education throughout their lives. This means having someone that can be consistent and enforce the rules in a fair and firm way. Even the ploddiest cob will start to misbehave if there is no one to ensure that they listen to their rider.

There are things that you can do to learn how to give your horse leadership, but nobody can do that for you - you have to go and find the help that you need. If you are prepared to do that there is no reason that you can't have many years of enjoyment out of your horse. That doesn't mean that the cold and the rain and the mud will go away though. And yes, you will always come up against challenges, because that is the nature of animal ownership.

 

[BillyBob-Sleigh]

I appreciate your frustration it must be very daunting especially when it's your first horse and only experience of owning a horse, but it's not all doom and gloom, horse ownership is very rewarding! Be the sounds he is not the horse for you, for your first horse you need an absolutely bombproof schoolmaster who will teach you the ropes not a horse that needs the teaching. I hope this experience doesn't put you off horses . Was anyone with you when you went to see him for sale?

 

[*hic*]

(((((HUGS)))))

It really has all got to you! Look, he doesn't not like you, he's just realised that he can be a bully and that you don't yet know how to handle it.

Now, my daughter's at home this weekend and I just showed her your post. Having read it she is very happy to get over to you next weekend and help you. He doesn't think he's better than you, he may even in a funny way be trying to make you part of his herd so he can protect you.

My daughter's come up the conventional way through ponies and Pony Club but she has had some difficult animals to deal with. If you think it might be useful then can you PM me and I'll put you in touch with her.

 

[D66]

Do you tie your horse up when you change his rug? If not tie a small loop of baler twine to the tie ring and then tie the head collar rope to that. This will stop him being able to turn round and nibble you. If he tries, growl at him in a cross voice.
Then find some one local to help you - to teach you how to control him and to understand when he's frightened, or in pain, or bullying you. Ask the yard owner or a local saddler or farrier for a recommended contact. My preference is to pay a professional for help - having had similar problems in the past IMO it is usually worth the expense.
It will be worth doing this even if you decide to sell because you'll get a better price/easier sale if you can show you can handle him.

cross posted with Jemima_too
Saying I prefer to get a pro I didn't mean J's daughter help should be turned down! Just don't let one of the other liveries bully your horse for a while and leave you with more problems.