Thinking of giving up....

[Mongoose11]

So, I am seriously thinking about giving up. I cant stop thinking about it and I don't know whether I am being realistic or whether I will snap out of it.

Got a new job starting at Easter - next step up - Deputy Head. This will mean that the horse will cost more as I will need services as I just can't get out as soon as I can at the end of the day. The yard is in a good routine and I don't really want to bring her out of that.

Too fat to ride my horse and cant seem to stick to anything to shift it. Failing miserably by the end of every Wednesday. Daren't even think about ressurecting my FAT to FIT thread after everyone was so supportive.

Horse costs a lot. I am the main breadwinner. Life would be 'easier' if I didnt have her, I would look a bit more presentable as currently I spend zero on my own clothes etc, I could probably pay off my debts.

Hoping to have a child although this seems a long way off as I need treatment. I can't imagine being able to have the horse/job/child without every spare penny going on the horse and feeling guilty about that. Time spent with horse rather than child when hours will be precious due to my job? I know this scenario is a long way off but if I am going to do it then why wait?

Thing is, I can't bear it. I can't bear the thought of giving HER up. Not horses but her. I adore this mare, she is me in horse form. I try to imagine if I didn't know where she was, or what she was doing, I wonder if somebody would hurt her or not take the care that I do to make sure she is happy and healthy.

She is brilliant, safe, all rounder, everything I have ever wanted.

I just don't know if I want the life anymore. The money, restrictions, more responsibility. I don't want to run the risk of loaning her and losing my space at my yard as if I do keep her I want to stay where I am as it's perfect.

Words of wisdom please. Feeling pretty poo and I can't see round it.

 

[Antw23uk]

Bless you this is not a good feeling but chin up, we all feel like it at some pooint or another.
I wouldnt rule out loaning ... the bad ones get a lot more press and forum time than the good ones and there are some decent loaners out there who would love and adore your mare like they are their own and you are safe in the knowledge of where she is and can keep an eye on her.

How about a sharer? The good ones are like gold dust but then so are good allrounders so thats a plus for you getting the right people?

Dont feel down about the weight, you will get back on track when you aren't feeling so down.

 

[Limbo-the day-]

Sort of feeling the same as you at the minute. I have no solution- for my situation or yours. But just wanted to give you some well wishing.

 

[*hic*]

Firstly congrats on the new job.

As for giving up, I don't think you should do it. Watching friends taking that step up in their careers they have, to a man, found it "stretching" - to be polite about it. I suspect you're going to need to try to find the extra hours from your day to give yourself some downtime and exercise and fresh air time with your horse where you're not worrying about school.

As for the weight, I think if you are not weighing for a week and then being disappointed / shocked that, UNLESS you have had a treated eating disorder in the past, you should weigh every day, possibly three times a day and graph it so that you can see your weight changes hour by hour and is regular each day. Then you can take pleasure that each morning you weigh less than the night before, but not be freaked out that each night your weight has increased. I know it's a very non-PC method but I find it reassuring and enjoy the little pleasure each morning of being that little bit lighter than I was the night before. It also goes to show you that if you do have a slip up and eat badly it doesn't make a huge difference the next day but will in a few days time unless you get right back on track. One of my big things had always been "Oh well, I've eaten 10 doughnuts, I'm going to have put on weight so I might as well carry on eating and start dieting after the next weigh in". I suppose to some extent I still do that but if the next weigh in is later that night the damage is severely limited.

FWIW I was told I'd be unable to have children without intervention because of PCOS - I don't know what your difficulty is - and it was a rather a shock to me that having dieted seriously and lost a quarter of my bodyweight I suddenly started putting on weight again. It took five months to diagnose pregnancy Once I'd lost the babyweight I got caught out again and I guess it's no surprise that all my pregnancies have been when I have lost significant weight. I am sad to say that, yes, I am a serial dieter so my advice may well be best ignored It doesn't take much to see that if your weight is an issue for pregnancy and / or treatment then each Wednesday when you "fail" the despair is worse

I haven't read your previous diet thread as far as I'm aware, but your horse could be a valuable part of your exercise routine. If you're already paying out for gym membership as well cancel it and exercise with your horse. There's a heck of a lot you can do together to improve both your fitness and improve her as a riding horse - not just taking her for walks in hand but transitions within the pace certainly at walk and trot, trotting poles for regularity and improved spring - lead her over them and get the benefit yourself!

I can imagine how attached you are to your horse, I wonder whether a sharer might be a possible interim solution. It takes a little pressure off you time-wise, it also takes some financial pressure off, it also begins to get you used to the idea that someone else can care for your mare according to her needs, but it still leaves you in control, gives you the chance to work with her and gives you an extra incentive to get out riding her.

Good luck, it sounds like you've got it tough atm. Spring is round the corner and things look better then, especially the salary increase

 

[gelderlander]

Just hang on in there for two or three months; your weight will drop off as it gets warmer and you do more with the mare. No one wants to diet in this weather when they have to work outside doing yard duties, but come the spring when you get some sun onto both of you it will be a different story. For her sake, just grit your teeth and look forward to spring. Everything else - the job, the increased hours, the anklebiter, will work out. It always does.

 

[Shadow the Reindeer]

I haven't read your previous posts, so forgive me if I come across a bit thick..
Get a sharer, see how that goes, if that fails, loan out, but I doubt you'll get that far as if you find the right person, who can ride your mare a few days a week and help out when your working long hours, you've won half the battle.
Take it from someone who loves her horse to bits, but is about to go on continental shifts, and will probably not see her horse for up to 4 days at a time, where there's a will, there's a way

 

[Suby2]

Could you put her on loan but with the condition that she stays on your yard?

 

[Flame_]

You've not failed, you've had more set backs! There's no time limit on when you and your life have to be perfect by. Don't give up, its just the end of January and everything always seems depressing. Come on Billie, you don't really want to give up your horse do you? She sounds so perfect for you. The new job is surely a positive? If down the line in your life you can't afford a horse or don't have time for one, then is the time to react and give up. If you act now you might very well regret it. Nobody's got any money this week, we've all struggled with getting back to healthy eating after Christmas, horses in January are more of a PITA than a pleasure, but it will pass.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Congratulations on your new job! Easter is a good time to start it - the evenings are getting longer, the horses can go out 24/7 and the school has already planned how it is going to complete the summer Term. You will have some time to ease into your new role before you need to be up and running ready for September. There is actually a limit to the number of hours that you can spend in school and you need a break before working in the evening, your horse is obviously the perfect way of ensuring that you get that break. Remember that during the school holidays you will be able to organise your work round the horse. Your salary will continue to increase for few years as you go up the leadership scale (subject to PM, I know).

We all feel fed up at this time of the year and its even worse this time because we've had bad weather for so long.

As for the diet, I suggest that you look carefully to see if there is an ingredient that you relly feel that you can't give up, then follow D O'D's weighing advice to see if there is any correlation between that and immediate weight increase (water retention). Then comes the hard part - eliminate that ingredient from your diet. You may find that not only weight loss follows this but a change of heart.

 

[SeasonalSituation]

I can't really comment on much, as I feel I can't because I don't have that experience with my age. But I have resurrected your fat to fit thread since you said you didn't dare. It's helpful for you and we all fall off the wagon from time to time.

 

[TheoryX1]

Ahh bless you, I do feel for you, however. honestly it is doable. First of all a huge well done for your promotion, I could not do your job in a million years, and I think its a fantastic achievement.

First off, the weight. We all feel lard arses this time of the year, its cold and we all comfort eat, but honestly you can do it, you really can. Dont think of it as a diet, just think of it as moving more, eating less and thats where your horse can come into its own with the physical side of things. I have the willpower of a gnat when it comes to food, but I managed to go from 14 stone to 11.5 stones in a year, by not dieting, but eating less and moving around more. My cob really does appreciate it, as do I, my bank account doesnt as I spend even more on clothes than I did before. I know it sounds corny, but I also use a technique that my business coach taught me, its called IVVM statements, which is basically Ideals, Visualisation, Verblisation and Materialisation, or I Am statements. Using this you can programme your brain into telling you that I am gorgeous, I am losing weight, I am, well whatever you choose really. Google IVVM statements and see what happens.

Right down to working hours. Can you not get someone to help, can the coblet not go out more, can you not go onto grass keep for a while? Like yourself, my job is somewhat majorily challenging as I am a Director of a large estate agency chain (well, I own it with my business partner). Working ridiculous hours is part of the deal and somes I dont get to see my horse from Sunday night until Saturday the following week. I am lucky in that athough I am on DIY, our YO will help us out, plus I have Mini TX and my OH will help as well. I also have a deal with another livery in that she helps us out and we help her in return. However, even if you dont have that sort of support, if you really want to keep your horse, you will find a way to do it.

Aso, if you have a very highly pressurised job, your horse can be your only sanity in a mad old world, so dont under-estimate this fact at all. About 18 months ago I considered selling my horse. Work was ramping up very nicely, I was never home, I never saw him and I missed him. I did think sellng was the right thing to do as I was obviously not a good owner to him. Oddly enough I had this chat with my business partner (who is also my best male friend), and he said that I must never consider parting with my horses, as when I spoke about them and my horse in particular my face lit up, plus how could I sell my mate? I have to admit that I did cry my eyes out all over him (he is used to it .......). I was also told not to constantly put my job before other things. I have to admit, thank god for Mini TX who loves him as much as I do, and who spends time with him when I cannot do it.

What about putting your horse on loan, or getting a reliable sharer? All things to consider.

Honestly, it will be fine in the end. As Mni TX always says to me, if its not sorted, its not at the end of it. Life has an uncanny habit of sorting itself out and I am sure you will all be fine and will keep your horse. I do know exactly how you feel though, just keep your chin up and think of how lucky you are to have such a fantastic job and such a lovely horse.

 

[Nohorse]

Sorry to hear you're feeling rubbish. I can't help with the dilemma but if it doesn't feel right then don't do it.
I think in the past you have said you don't want a sharer and I can understand that. I can also imagine feeling very jealous of a sharer if I had a relationship with a horse like you do. However I have been a sharer and while I loved loved loved that horse, he knew who his mum was even though she didn't ride. In fact he preferred her as she was the nice one that didn't come and tack him up and make him work! And from her point of view she was happy that her horse had one more member in his fan club. She liked the fact that she had someone she could talk to about her horse who cared almost as much as she did! And I know I made her life easier on every way when I came on board.
Re the dieting-that's harder to advise on as it's such a personal journey. I am on a journey too and it's going ok. I am absolutely not able to do the whole "I cut out bread and I lost 4 stone thing". Life without bread would have no real meaning for me. I am just trying to eat a bit less of everything that I like. Otherwise for me it is totally unsustainable and punitive.

 

[Tinsel Town]

How awful your feeling so low.
1. It's winter, it's crappy, the weather is bad, everything is made more awful!
I think your answer is a sharer or a loaner but for your girl to stay on your yard, then you can still be involved with her, have help with the costs, not feel as guilty spending time with your family/baby (when the time comes) and you will also then not loose your horse of a life time
Hope you feel better soon, spring is on it's way!!

 

[Landcruiser]

As an ex teacher (got out because of workload and now earn my livery costs and no more, on the farm my horses now live) I know what your workload will be so can sympathize with your predicament.

I'm struggling myself with guilt - my OH brings in the beans and I work to (partly) fund MY hobby. He's on his knees most of the time, and works very long hours. I look after the kids, house (although my stables are cleaner!), animals, but I don't contribute financially. If I gave up the horses I'd have time for a "proper job." I'm grimly sticking with it at the moment and we are belt tightening on a grand scale, but it's very hard....

Regarding the weight though, I may be able to help. I started the 5:2 diet a couple of weeks ago and it's working, it's sustainable, and I'm even quite enjoying it. Lost about 6lb so far. There is a lot of stuff online about it, but I'm going to start a thread about it too.

Good luck, and your mare sounds lovely. Hang on in there if you can.

 

[Gingerwitch]

Slap ! Slap ! Slap! Slap!

Right that has made me feel better

Your bright, your beautiful, you have a horse you adore, your husband clearly adores you however fat your butt may be - you have been promoted which proves how valued you are and your putting WAY too much pressure on the baby thing !

Enjoy what you have, this when you look back is probably the best time of your life - decisions about career, babies, selling horses are a long way off.

You have worked hard to get where you are - life is a journey - you just need a bit of time at the side of the road occasionaly to watch the others zoom past ! and think how nice it is to stop and enjoy the quite of the motorway services with those you love, with a bit of sun on your face and the birds singing in the trees.

Enjoy what you have today - dont take your health and mobility for granted - I did and am now looking like another 12 weeks in plaster - so my life has been on hold for 3 months already and my butt is probably getting bigger as i type !

Now do you need another slap ???

 

[Nicnac]

Tough love (I am far from perfect!)

So, I am seriously thinking about giving up. I cant stop thinking about it and I don't know whether I am being realistic or whether I will snap out of it.

Only you can answer that one by either snapping out of it or giving up.

Got a new job starting at Easter - next step up - Deputy Head. This will mean that the horse will cost more as I will need services as I just can't get out as soon as I can at the end of the day. The yard is in a good routine and I don't really want to bring her out of that.

Doesn't new job mean more money anyway?

Too fat to ride my horse and cant seem to stick to anything to shift it. Failing miserably by the end of every Wednesday. Daren't even think about ressurecting my FAT to FIT thread after everyone was so supportive.

Fat to fit thread is resurrected - read it. It's really really motivating. Read your words every day if it helps.

Horse costs a lot. I am the main breadwinner. Life would be 'easier' if I didnt have her, I would look a bit more presentable as currently I spend zero on my own clothes etc, I could probably pay off my debts.

Yep, those are the positives of not having her; list the negatives as per your paragraph about how you feel about your mare

Hoping to have a child although this seems a long way off as I need treatment. I can't imagine being able to have the horse/job/child without every spare penny going on the horse and feeling guilty about that. Time spent with horse rather than child when hours will be precious due to my job? I know this scenario is a long way off but if I am going to do it then why wait?

It may never happen - plan for every outcome. If you don't have children (and I hope you do); and you don't have your horse; what will you have?

Thing is, I can't bear it. I can't bear the thought of giving HER up. Not horses but her. I adore this mare, she is me in horse form. I try to imagine if I didn't know where she was, or what she was doing, I wonder if somebody would hurt her or not take the care that I do to make sure she is happy and healthy. She is brilliant, safe, all rounder, everything I have ever wanted.

If you can't bear losing her; use her as your motivation to become the person you really want to be. She sounds fabulous; perfect for you.


I just don't know if I want the life anymore. The money, restrictions, more responsibility. I don't want to run the risk of loaning her and losing my space at my yard as if I do keep her I want to stay where I am as it's perfect.

Words of wisdom please. Feeling pretty poo and I can't see round it.

It's winter; it's pants; it's depressing; horses are a pita; alot of us feel like getting rid but are keeping going by thinking of Spring when we are lighter; warmer; days are longer; horses cost less as are out. You have others riding her anyway so can't you make that more of a permanent arrangement by getting a sharer?

Only you can answer your questions - hope you make whatever is the right decision for you

 

[flump]

All I can say is you were my inspiration to start dieting again so don't you dare quit! Or I will go eat cake and you will feel bad then as I will end up a fat lonely cat lady with more rolls than a bakery! I don't know you at all but reading people going through the same things help! (this is jokey btw before anyone shouts at me!)

Re the horse thing I am currently to heavy to ride mine but I'm getting there slowly. Dont give up on her, maybe find a sharer or maybe a short term loan untill you are settled into your routine.

Good luck and you can do it x

 

[littlenordic]

Now there Mrs! Dont you even consider giving up everything you have worked so hard for with that Mare! She is fab! You are fab! Its a winter blip that will soon be over!! Yes know it gets tough sometimes but you have lots of lovely friends who are always there for help and a chat when things get tough! You dont have to do it alone! Mr T would not want you to give it all up - would he!!!! The new job will cover the extra's! You just need to prioritise certian things with her. Like no buying a hay steamer when you have made a perfectly good one!!!! Get my drift?!! As for being fat, i need to shift some pounds for when I get to ride my new boy so we can support each other! Keep eachother strong and remind ourselves why we are trying to lose that weight! Lets talk Saturday! Big hug xxx

 

[Wagtail]

Everyone I have known that has given up horses has put on weight. Having children puts on weight (if you are that way inclined).

Congratulations on the promotion, but I don't think you should give up horses.

 

[Orson Cart]

Cummon Billie - this isn't like you!

I think it's too early to decide whether to keep beautiful horse or not ... what if you sell her, swim through your deputy headship and discover you do have the time for a horse. What a huge shame that would be.

As for families - what will be, will be. Never count your chickens before they've hatched ... your situation when you have children could be completely different to how it is now.

Just steady on, focus back on your weightloss and the end goal of riding that you want to achieve and just enjoy time with Livvy. See how you feel come spring - we're only weeks away now!

xxxxx

ETA: Plus, this cold snap ends by the weekend apparently and then we're warming back up to normal temps again. That should put the bounce back in your bungee a little too xx

 

[elsielouise]

Weeellll...

If it helps any, I have had my horse since I was a NQT through HOD, DH and HT and maternity leave AND I needed IVF.

Sorry, the teaching world can't exist without acronyms. For me, my good all rounder was a sanity saviour. Yes she had to go on full livery for a while when I first got a leadership post but when I had my son we had her back at home and she lives out now with her companion. I loved walking up the field with the buggy and it certainly got rid of the four stone I put on when pregnant.

SMT jobs are full on and stressful but my mare thrived in a full livery routine and I kept her somewhere with a good indoor so rode any time and for me she was a complete stress relief. Ditto when the first fertility tx didn't work.

If you can afford to keep her with or without a sharer I'd say have a go in the first instance, seriously the job is doable with a horse and child and although January is always pretty rubbish spring isn't too far off.

 

[Littlelegs]

Don't you dare give up, you're made of stronger stuff than that, & you know it. Sometimes we all have a crap time, & its easy to then start pulling everything in our lives to pieces. You might be feeling at an all time low, but the only way to go is up. You can achieve the weight loss. Everyones weight fluctuates, so either do as d o' d said & do it 3x a day, or once a month. Isn't your aim to do a dressage test in summer? Picture yourself in summer, at an achievable size, enjoying riding in the nice light eves. Rather than thinking of wet cold evenings & being overweight. If you want more free time, try a sharer. But I don't think its actually the horse that's the issue. You've just found another area of your life, instead of your weight, to blame for your lack of confidence in yourself. Don't do yourself down, & consider yourself told!

 

[Mongoose11]

You lot really are lovely. Thank you all. I have sat and welled up with all of these metaphorical hugs and then winced at the metaphorical arse kickings. I needed them both so thank you very much.

The jury's out. She isn't going anywhere for now. I think if I knew I could say to myself it doesn't matter that I'm not riding right now or even if it doesn't happen for 6 months then I wouldnt feel the need to make any changes but I am being out under pressure to be honest, my lovely instructor and yard pals don't seem to understand that I know her best and I know she shouldn't be carrying me, my heart is hammering out of my chest just pushing a barrow at the minute so riding isn't really an option but I know they think I am stupid for not riding her and most days they mention it. They think they are doing the right thing by encouraging me, they aren't being mean but it just makes me want to go away and hide!

I find myself back at square one weight wise. I just need to accept it and get going again, thanks everyone.

LL is right, truly an all time low. I just need to pull myself out and can't seem to at the moment.

It does help xxxx

 

[PandorasJar]

You lot really are lovely. Thank you all. I have sat and welled up with all of these metaphorical hugs and then winced at the metaphorical arse kickings. I needed them both so thank you very much.

The jury's out. She isn't going anywhere for now. I think if I knew I could say to myself it doesn't matter that I'm not riding right now or even if it doesn't happen for 6 months then I wouldnt feel the need to make any changes but I am being out under pressure to be honest, my lovely instructor and yard pals don't seem to understand that I know her best and I know she shouldn't be carrying me, my heart is hammering out of my chest just pushing a barrow at the minute so riding isn't really an option but I know they think I am stupid for not riding her and most days they mention it. They think they are doing the right thing by encouraging me, they aren't being mean but it just makes me want to go away and hide!

I find myself back at square one weight wise. I just need to accept it and get going again, thanks everyone.

LL is right, truly an all time low. I just need to pull myself out and can't seem to at the moment.

It does help xxxx

Give them a heads up that it's not helpful right now - I'm sure they're doing it to encourage you as you say, so let them know.

I'm trying to start something a bit different locally as am fed up with putting on weight and not being motivated to change and this weather isn't helping much atm. I was going to do a gym buddy but won't motivate myself to go, so am joining a couple of local classes and paying upfront for a while rather than paying weekly so I have a set time and day that I don't think of excuses to stall as it won't wait a day for my next excuse!

Or anyone with dogs you can get out for walks/jogging with? I hate walking/running but can go for hours if exercising dogs. Or out walking with your horse when it's a bit lighter out?

It's easy to get stuck in a rut, so do you have anyone who you can just go out with/sit in with and just talk non-horsey/career/worrying things for a while? I love the fact that I can just talk drivel for hours with some friends

 

[Littlelegs]

I have an idea if you think it will help with the weight loss. You're not super size & I'm not super skinny, but we could do a supersize v's superskinny thread in soapbox. I've lost weight I couldn't spare before xmas. And with the cold, although I'm eating more & lots of it is good, I am filling my face with loads of crap too. Instead of eating more pasta, cheese, bread etc I'm eating more chocolate & crisps, which just gives me a sugar rush & defeats the purpose. But its so much easier than making extra meals all the time. We don't need to do an exact swop as I suspect I eat more than you anyway (I eat more than most people I know). But we could kind of do it as a trade off. Along the lines of if you eat a massive pile of pasta, chips etc then you've eaten my share & I can eat chocolate. But if I don't eat the pasta etc & eat just junk, then I'd be forcing you to. But if I do eat all the chips & pasta you can't. If you don't think it will work or just don't fancy it then no problem. I just thought it might because we'd be letting each other down rather than just ourselves. Entirely your choice though, I won't be offended if you think its a stupid idea.

 

[Highlands]

Teaching is very demanding ( as our most jobs), its great but having to smile, grit your teeth etc , be a social worker, police person, judge, jury and counsellor is hard enough. Will you still be teaching or is your work load management/ leadership based?

Don't give up your horse, we need a release... Why not try weight watchers or slimming world online and say out of the staff room.... Biscuits....

 

[daisydoo]

I don't know if this helps but I have lost weight without dieting, and I have a huuge appetite! By cycling and walking to the yard and back, it's tough with the cold and dark but it really gets the endorphs going, could you do something similar incorporated in your daily routine?

 

[Honey08]

I find myself back at square one weight wise. I just need to accept it and get going again, thanks everyone.

Hey, I've been there a million times. Accepting it and getting back on with it is half the battle. Most people trying to lose weight have blips. Its normal, its human!

I've just restarted weight watchers and have a fair bit to go. If you want a buddy, feel free to pm me.xx

As for everything else, give yourself a break, its mid-winter, cold and dark. We're all tired and fed up. Let things slide a bit, less lessons, less riding, whatever, and reassess in June when you've started the job.

 

[fatponee]

Haven't got loads of advice to offer but your original post made me cry! Just wanted to tell you not to give up! You're obviously working really hard and you deserve to have your horse! Chin up, we're all here supporting you

 

[BeesKnees]

First off, Jan is probably the worst month of the year. Despite what everyone does, it's really not the best time to think of making big changes. Try to coast through, and give yourself a break. Taking the pressure off will actually help you get back on track faster.

Wait until you start the job before you make a decision re. Horses. We always worry in advance but sometimes the reality is not As bad.

DON'T weigh yourself daily. Weight can fluctuate by a couple of pounds day to day, depending on lots of factors, such as where you are in your cycle, water retention etc. it bears little relation to your actual weight. Much better to weigh weekly if you want to weigh. OR don't weigh at all. Just try to eat better, exercise more, and let your clothes tell you how you are doing.

If you need structure why not try Slimming World. My sister is looking amazing having lost 1 and 1/4 stone on with SW in a few months. She says it doesn't feel like a diet, but it just makes you think about what you are choosing and how much, which long term is much more sustainable.

Exercise! It really will help lift the Jan blues, make you feel better and like you are doing something constructive, and help with weight reduction and toning. Do whatever you enjoy. Take up dance classes, swimming, ride a bike. Doesn't matter just do something.

The chances are if you lose weight you may get pregnant naturally, so use that as a motivator. Even if you do need help, you still want to be a fit as possible before you get pregnant.

Have a big hug, accept this month is poo, but it will get better.