Those of you who have lost horses...

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Flicker

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...what convinced you to get another?

When I had my mare PTS in December, I felt extremely jaded with horses and it was a long time before I even felt strong enough to go to the yard to see friends or get my stuff.

I am starting to feel the ‘green shoots’ of wanting to ride again, and when the Covid thing finishes I will be looking at taking some lessons. I just wondered, what has helped others put a sad loss behind them and carry on with horses?
 
Hi, I lost my horse tragically on Christmas Eve 6 years ago when she escaped the field and was killed on the road, i was working part time with a hunt yard so I still rode regularly but missed the looking after of my own horse even missed poo picking. My livery owner held my place for 6 months so I could decide what to do, summer came and I borrowed one of the hunters to look after for just the summer months, he was so lovely I bought him and I’m so glad I did, he is blind in one eye but the most loving trustworthy horse, I’ve had him 5 years now and I’m 68yrs old but he will be my forever horse, give it a little time, try and get a horse on loan and see how you feel. I’ve never regretted getting Barney (left in picture) go with your heart. Good luck
 
I've mainly had 2-3 horses so when I've lost one I've still had the others to do.

When I lost TPO back in 2010 she was my only one (having started with 3 and lost one 2008 and the other 2009...had a great run ?). I had borrowed an unridden (ex trotter) mare as a companion so after losing TPO in the June I returned the companion (another regret as she ended up in a not great place).

I decided that I was going to have my first ever winter without horses to enjoy the novelty of sleep, time and money for the first time in my life.

I was absolutely devastated at losing TPO, still am all these years later, so I cried for 2wks solid more or less. Online browsing habits had me on the usual sites that advertised ex racers and I ended up with the total opposite of what I wanted or needed; an ex racer that had been abandoned in a field and had very swollen sad eyes...

He came home 10 August having lost T at the end of June.

So yeah, basically habit is why I got another at that point and had another exhausted, cold and skint winter (2010 was also the worst winter in forever up here with weeks of snow and not being able to drive anywhere etc.)
 
Bereavement counselling, 6 months distance, and a project horse "to sell on" .... The project never went any where and managed somehow to exceed every expectation. Other came and went (two pts), but this one has stayed. Now, when I lose him, I don't even know how I'll go on ... except now I am fortunate enough to have several horses, so I suppose I'll keep going for them.
 
It's a bit like not realising just how much you love your husband until you have been married to him for a while. The new big brown eyes you look into may not be the old eyes - but you will have fallen love just the same. Try it!!
 
Shay said:
Time - its a cliche but its right. When it is time for you it will happen - and isolation is a great time to vitrula shop and dream!
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It is a healer, isn’t it! And sunshine. Coming home from work in the driving rain, the last thing I wanted was to go up to the yard to look at a lame horse. Now the sun is shining, it feels different...
 
Sir barnaby said:
Hi, I lost my horse tragically on Christmas Eve 6 years ago when she escaped the field and was killed on the road, i was working part time with a hunt yard so I still rode regularly but missed the looking after of my own horse even missed poo picking. My livery owner held my place for 6 months so I could decide what to do, summer came and I borrowed one of the hunters to look after for just the summer months, he was so lovely I bought him and I’m so glad I did, he is blind in one eye but the most loving trustworthy horse, I’ve had him 5 years now and I’m 68yrs old but he will be my forever horse, give it a little time, try and get a horse on loan and see how you feel. I’ve never regretted getting Barney (left in picture) go with your heart. Good luck
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He is gorgeous. You are both lucky you found each other!
 
TPO said:
I've mainly had 2-3 horses so when I've lost one I've still had the others to do.

When I lost TPO back in 2010 she was my only one (having started with 3 and lost one 2008 and the other 2009...had a great run ?). I had borrowed an unridden (ex trotter) mare as a companion so after losing TPO in the June I returned the companion (another regret as she ended up in a not great place).

I decided that I was going to have my first ever winter without horses to enjoy the novelty of sleep, time and money for the first time in my life.

I was absolutely devastated at losing TPO, still am all these years later, so I cried for 2wks solid more or less. Online browsing habits had me on the usual sites that advertised ex racers and I ended up with the total opposite of what I wanted or needed; an ex racer that had been abandoned in a field and had very swollen sad eyes...

He came home 10 August having lost T at the end of June.

So yeah, basically habit is why I got another at that point and had another exhausted, cold and skint winter (2010 was also the worst winter in forever up here with weeks of snow and not being able to drive anywhere etc.)
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Is TPO the horse in your photo? She was so pretty.

How is your ex racer with the sad eyes? Lucky to have found you!

It is interesting that, even though the work is hard and cold, it gives structure, which is what I think I am starting to crave again - especially now!!
 
MissTyc said:
Bereavement counselling, 6 months distance, and a project horse "to sell on" .... The project never went any where and managed somehow to exceed every expectation. Other came and went (two pts), but this one has stayed. Now, when I lose him, I don't even know how I'll go on ... except now I am fortunate enough to have several horses, so I suppose I'll keep going for them.
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I had counselling too. My counsellor was amazing and sent me the most lovely message on ’the day’.
 
Having horses at home and needing more than one really. I’m not sure how I’ve ended up with 5 though but in fairness, out of the ones I have now I haven’t gone looking for any of them. They’ve been offered to me and pulled my heartstrings.
 
Trouper said:
It's a bit like not realising just how much you love your husband until you have been married to him for a while. The new big brown eyes you look into may not be the old eyes - but you will have fallen love just the same. Try it!!
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I love this!!
 
meleeka said:
Having horses at home and needing more than one really. I’m not sure how I’ve ended up with 5 though but in fairness, out of the ones I have now I haven’t gone looking for any of them. They’ve been offered to me and pulled my heartstrings.
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I really want my next horse to ‘find me’. I guess that way it will give some meaning to what I am doing - that I am doing it for the good of the horse not just to satisfy a hobby.

I felt so jaded after losing my mare, who had persistent lameness issues. It was only after my OH pointed out that, if she hadn‘t come to me she could potentially have gone someone who just ‘kicked her on’. So, even though I hurt like hell over it, she had come to the right home for her.

Hope I never have to deal with one of those again though!!
 
I lost my beautiful big Hicamaffe last Monday. I will never get another big horse. I still have Gray and a multitude of ponies so I am never without equines. Plus I work in racing so I am surrounded by them and ride year round.
 
Elf On A Shelf said:
I lost my beautiful big Hicamaffe last Monday. I will never get another big horse. I still have Gray and a multitude of ponies so I am never without equines. Plus I work in racing so I am surrounded by them and ride year round.
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Oh I’m so sorry! So you were, quite literally, back in the saddle afterwards. Did that make it harder or easier to deal with the loss?

I think I may need to look at type, when I am ready. I am tall, but haven’t had much luck with sports horses. I may look for something a bit more cobby or draughty next time, if only to break the associations..
 
I imported a connemara unseen within a month of loosing my boy. Actually think it was a matter of weeks. I didn’t view, was only a project to fill the stable.

He made it worse and made it better all at the same time but I honestly think if I hadn’t got another then I’d have walked away from horses and never looked back.

He is now the absolute love of my life, just as much as Basil was, but different.
 
Flicker said:
Is TPO the horse in your photo? She was so pretty.

How is your ex racer with the sad eyes? Lucky to have found you!

It is interesting that, even though the work is hard and cold, it gives structure, which is what I think I am starting to crave again - especially now!!
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No, that's my current horse Chip. TPO was The Precious One aka Tanith a chestnut ex racer mare.

Emm, hes dead too ? he was pts May 2016. I already had Chip at that point so kept going with him.

I think if I had done the sensible thing and taken the winter off I possibly woulsnt have gone back to it. I definitely would have gotten used to time, money, sleep and no stress!!
 
I bought one unseen 2 weeks later. Didn't really care what turned up, just couldnt bare the empty stable. Still had to go up and see the empty space every day as had a young one on box rest.
Best and worst thing I ever did, I adore her now but was a very rushed decision
 
I lost my 9 year old last June, he was the most amazing huge character. I had had him 6 years, 3 of these were mainly rehab, with the help of my chiro and vet I made the decision to put him out of his pain. I was at home alone but still going to the yard to look after my retiree, my other half was on a course during the decision and event and my parents on holiday. I was on sick leave for a few days as I couldn't pull myself together, I spent this time searching for my next partner. I lost a 17hh bright bay TB gelding and within 2 weeks brought home a little grey 15.3hh ID mare, I am totally in love and it is the best thing I did for my sanity.
 
10 years ago I had my scatty, beautiful, loving, thoroughbred mare PTS after two years of lameness, surgery and failed rehab. I'd bought her at a point in my life when I was very low and needed something to get out of bed for in the morning. After she was PTS I was heartbroken but I immediately started looking for a new horse and it took me three months to find one. I bought the polar opposite to my mare - a cob cross gelding who is safe and sensible, leg in corner type who looks after me. After two years of lameness I wanted a horse I could just get on and have fun with. He's certainly fulfilled his role and we've had a go at everything over the last 10 years. He's always up to try anything new and takes it all in his stride. He's not affectionate and cuddly like my mare was but I love him just as much for all his other virtues and I've never regretted buying him for a moment.
 
I still had my retired boy when mine was PTS which helped, as I had to keep coming to the yard. I had a share pony at the time so I kept riding. Honestly, I didn't start to feel better about it at all until I got my current boy... It took me a very long time to grieve for my mare, even with my new boy, but having another helped me realise that I had enough room in my heart for another one.
 
I had Tinner pts last month. He was diagnosed with ems on 9th January and the vet said he would never even be able to walk around the block and was on borrowed time already. I had ridden him three times in 2019 due to his ongoing problems.

I tentatively sent a message out to friends saying I was looking for something to loan or buy, gelding, been there done that, who would settle into my gelding herd of three. Someone told me of a rising six Highland mare, bulletproof (literally - OH fired his shotgun 20 feet from her last week, she wandered closer to find out more).

Tinner went down hill very quickly and I called time. Devastated. Had already arranged to try the mare, so rode her the day after Tinner was put down. Mentally very wobbly and thank god the view from the saddle was completely different. I think if I had left it a couple of months I could quite easily have given up riding completely.

She is currently in the field with the other two, one retired and one companion, just chilling and waiting for the pandemic to ease.
 
Flicker said:
Oh I’m so sorry! So you were, quite literally, back in the saddle afterwards. Did that make it harder or easier to deal with the loss?.
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Nothing makes it easier in a sense. But at the same time Jeff gave me no option in the outcome. He had been with me for 12 years, I rode him in his work for the 4 years before that. We had been through hell and high water together both in racing and out of it. And whilst I would give anything to have him back I know I did right by him. I made the decision a long time ago that I would not get another big horse. I have Gray and I have the Welsh cob to ride as well as whatever shetlands I feel like hopping on so I don't need another.

Racing hardens you to certain aspects of life but it is always different when it your own you are holding and not one that belongs to someone else.
 
i lost my mare to cushings in 2016 and before she was pts, i was sure i would not have another. after 2 weeks of being horseless, the house was clean(thats a first) dogs walked lots, garden tidied and i was then like a ship without a rudder, had no purpose as i had horses for over 50 years. i then got my loan horse who i had for 2 years but had to give her up as i couldnt physically cope with DIY and couldnt afford to pay for the heavy work to be done. if my lottery comes up with enough to buy my own place and pay for a groom ,i will have another horse or 2 or 3 etc.....
 
Michen said:
I imported a connemara unseen within a month of loosing my boy. Actually think it was a matter of weeks. I didn’t view, was only a project to fill the stable.

He made it worse and made it better all at the same time but I honestly think if I hadn’t got another then I’d have walked away from horses and never looked back.

He is now the absolute love of my life, just as much as Basil was, but different.
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Was this Boggle? How is the newbie?
 
TPO said:
No, that's my current horse Chip. TPO was The Precious One aka Tanith a chestnut ex racer mare.

Emm, hes dead too ? he was pts May 2016. I already had Chip at that point so kept going with him.

I think if I had done the sensible thing and taken the winter off I possibly woulsnt have gone back to it. I definitely would have gotten used to time, money, sleep and no stress!!
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Do you regret getting back into it, or are you glad you did?
 
Hannahgb said:
I bought one unseen 2 weeks later. Didn't really care what turned up, just couldnt bare the empty stable. Still had to go up and see the empty space every day as had a young one on box rest.
Best and worst thing I ever did, I adore her now but was a very rushed decision
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I know people who have done this. I wouldn’t dare - there is no way I woukd have the knowledge or experience. Would you do it again, knowing what you know now?
 
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