Those of you with horses and small children....

[HammieHamlet]

I know there have been posts about this before, but I wanted to find out how many of you rely on family to enable you to be able to ride.

I'm currently very lucky in that I have lots of family and friends around who will push my 6 month old around in the buggy for 30/45 mins whilst I ride so I can manage to ride most days.

However my husband wants us to move away so that he can be closer to his work which means losing this support network, so horse would have to be on full livery. He wouldn't be around in the week to help (long hours/ travel etc) plus its painful dragging him out at the weekend to come with me to shows.

I thought that a lot of you would rely on family yet he disagreed.....

So, how do you do it? X

 

[spookypony]

I don't have kids myself, but from the experiences of various friends, I would say that a family/friends support network is absolutely essential if you plan to do anything at all, horses or otherwise, besides looking after the children. If I were you, I'd be extremely reluctant to give that up.

 

[HammieHamlet]

I don't have kids myself, but from the experiences of various friends, I would say that a family/friends support network is absolutely essential if you plan to do anything at all, horses or otherwise, besides looking after the children. If I were you, I'd be extremely reluctant to give that up.

I am reluctant to give it up but not sure I have a choice

 

[ecrozier]

I couldn't cope without my mum tbh. Mine is only 3 months but still needs entertaining, and my husband works away a lot. I generally manage to ride 4/5 days a week, but full livery would help! I would say unless you can get a couple of days a week with a childminder... It might be tricky. Some little ones might nap in a car perhaps if you can park next to school?

 

[Orson Cart]

Until school years started at age 4 (Sept last yr for me), I relied on family to look after my daughter whilst I rode - all other elements of horse and paddock care I did with her around. When family wasn't available I simply didn't ride and horses would have to be field ornaments during the week until the weekend. I always made most of mornings at weekend - up yard by 6 am, back home at 9am for family mornings.

If husband was away working, sometimes it was weeks of not riding - just chilling in the fields with the little one and the horses.

HTH

 

[kobi]

Even on full livery you would need somebody to look after your child when you rode. Maybe diy and an au pair might be more do-able than full livery?

 

[Polos Mum]

I couldn't do it without my OH who;s more than supportive

If you explain to you OH that 5 days a week he'll need to look after the kids for 2 hours (travel time, tack up ride etc, ) does it still make the move worth it?

You might find a great neighbour, you might find another riding mum who you could swap sitting with, would your OH be happy to pay for babysitter 10 hours a week?

 

[glamourpuss]

I have 2 children & no family nearby. I rely on my husband, paid childcare & lovely friends.

When they were very young I just did the riding while they slept in the buggy.
Now they are older I get up very early & ride as they sleep. I get back in the house for 7.30 am to get ready for work & school.
I take them to lessons & let them play with an iPad.
Now I can even take them to shows

 

[HammieHamlet]

I couldn't cope without my mum tbh. Mine is only 3 months but still needs entertaining, and my husband works away a lot. I generally manage to ride 4/5 days a week, but full livery would help! I would say unless you can get a couple of days a week with a childminder... It might be tricky. Some little ones might nap in a car perhaps if you can park next to school?

mine tends to nap for about 30 mins when down yard currently but he is happy watching me groom / muck out - so diy is quite manageable. I have tried the whole 'ride whilst napping' but found it near impossible to do any decent work with horse as felt under too much pressure and he'd almost certainly wake up 10 mins after I got on - that's why it's so much nicer knowing someone is looking after him.

 

[HammieHamlet]

Until school years started at age 4 (Sept last yr for me), I relied on family to look after my daughter whilst I rode - all other elements of horse and paddock care I did with her around. When family wasn't available I simply didn't ride and horses would have to be field ornaments during the week until the weekend. I always made most of mornings at weekend - up yard by 6 am, back home at 9am for family mornings.

If husband was away working, sometimes it was weeks of not riding - just chilling in the fields with the little one and the horses.

HTH

Hmmm....trouble is I'm keen to event horse so weeks of not riding wouldn't work. Yard work is fun though with baby - he loves staring at the horses and having a cheeky spin in the wheelbarrow

 

[HammieHamlet]

Even on full livery you would need somebody to look after your child when you rode. Maybe diy and an au pair might be more do-able than full livery?

Funnily enough I was thinking about the au pair route - someone today told me that they provide all living accommodation and food etc, they pay £360 per month?! Seems very cheap but could be an option. Just seems a bit weird as never thought about it before....

 

[HammieHamlet]

I couldn't do it without my OH who;s more than supportive

If you explain to you OH that 5 days a week he'll need to look after the kids for 2 hours (travel time, tack up ride etc, ) does it still make the move worth it?

You might find a great neighbour, you might find another riding mum who you could swap sitting with, would your OH be happy to pay for babysitter 10 hours a week?

There's no way hubby could look after him in week. The option of finding another mum would be ideal - would need it as part of criteria if searching for a new yard

 

[PorkChop]

I have never had help with my children and always managed, you just do if you want something enough.

However I was happy to park them in their prams when they were babies in the field when I was riding!

 

[Patterdale]

I thought I would 'just manage' but in reality I don't know ANYONE who manages to do it without the support network.
I don't have any family or child-competent friends nearby, and the truth is I just can't ride much. Husband works away a lot and when he is here his hours are very long and erratic (he's a farmer) so I can't rely on him for childcare.

In theory, the 'park baby up next to the school' method sounds great. In practice, they don't generally sleep when you want them to and usually wake up at a bad moment.
Plus, the actual riding bit wasn't all I struggled with. I couldn't even get the horse in without help. My horse was 4 when I had my first baby and although he's good I just wouldn't lead him (or any horse) to and from the field with a pram with a newborn in, or lead him with newborn in a sling. It's not safe.
So, unable to even catch the horse the riding part was all academic.

The only time I managed to ride were a few times when OH was around, or if I paid for a childminder, which makes it a very expensive enterprise.

I have loads of friends who ride with small children (but none near me) and they all claim to 'just do it' but on further investigation I am yet to find anyone who actually DOES manage to ride with no help.

I'm pregnant now with number 2 and OH is usually around more in summer so should hopefully be back in the saddle before the years out!

I'm always very honest with people who ask about managing the child and horse. I remember feeling a complete failure for not being able to do it all on my own, as so many people claim to do. It made me feel like crap, but what you have to remember is that these people ALWAYS have help of some kind - which I usually don't! So I don't feel too bad now.

 

[MissCandy]

Exactly what Patterdale said! I don't manage to get much horsey time and it would be impossible without somebody watching my kids.

 

[Feisty Mare]

Paid childcare once a week, grandparents (varies as to who) once a week, husband at weekends and evenings. Occasional help at weekends from grandparents but none live very close by so although within an hour can't just pop over there! Have a few friends who will help out if really stuck. I return the favour for those who have kids too or grovel with wine/food etc if they don't! I manage to ride 4 times a week min plus the odd ride/lunge in the evening to make it 5 and horse is fit on that (dressage). Takes military organisation and I've never done the park next to school thing although the way our yard is set up it wouldn't work anyway.

Family and friends very supportive and even though they are mainly unhorsey recognise that I would go insane without this part of my life so do try to help 😉

 

[TarrSteps]

Children are far outside my skill set but I have to say my observations dovetail with Patterdale's post. I do meet people who SAY they manage completely alone but the reality doesn't support that. I also meet people who, frankly, rely a lot on the long suffering and often unwilling "assistance" of other people on the yard, who "don't mind" a crying child next to the school or, in one repeated instance, the child left unattended in the locked stable!

It obviously depends a bit on the kid and the horse. I have taught someone with a baby but basically I tacked the horse up and often warmed the horse up, the baby stayed next to the school but outside the gate and, if he needed something, she got off. He was a super well behaved baby and she often got most of a lesson in but that was hardly "without help". Someone else I know has a literally bomb proof horse and is comfortable leading him with the child in the stroller etc. Although I was on a yard the other day where someone had done that and had to let go of the the horse, not for the first time. The yard owner was working herself up to have a chat with the livery about it because others on the yard had expressed their concern.

People who have a yard on their own of with a friend or two, often seem to manage the best on their own, I suspect because they don't have to take anyone else into account and can work completely to their own schedule.

Honestly, I don't think assuming you will be fine on your own is super realistic. Better to make a plan/have some options re how you will cope and then factor those costs into your moving expenses.

 

[prosefullstop]

I live in America, and all of my family is back home in England. My husband's family is close by, but small, and only willing to help out in small increments. I currently have no horses, but I do have children--a two-year-old and a ten-week-old--and I have just employed a lovely "mother's helper" who comes two days a week. I'm also about to loan a horse for two days a week, and plan to be at the barn one afternoon when my kids are napping, plus one weekend morning when my husband can hold the fort. This is the most I can do right now.

At the end of this year, we are going to build a barn at home, which I'm hoping will make integrating horses into my life much easier. But without family around, I'm telling you, scoring any sort of free time is HARD!

 

[buddylove]

It is very difficult, another poster put it perfectly on another thread, "you can juggle horses and children, but chainsaws are safer!!"
I have 3 kids one is nearly 6 and at school, and then I have twins who are nearly 2. The horse/ponies are at home which makes a huge difference, so I can nip out with the monitor to do jobs whilst the girls nap. But I would never ride because I am worried that there would be no one there for them if I had an accident. I decided the best route for me was to pay someone to ride and I do weekends and evenings in the summer. If you have the spare room an au pair could well work in your situation. I am just looking forward to January when they can start pre-school !!

 

[AliceCrail]

I am just coming out the other side of this (to a certain extent)
My kids are 3 and 6, the last few years have been hard. Until recently I had no family near by, I would have to time everything to fit in with naps, sometimes driving for twenty mins extra just to get the baby to nap. Yard work was ok, all the yards I've been on I could park the car on the yard, so even if baby was screaming, at least it was safe! Of course I never left them screaming, but if I was having to get the horses in, they would just have to wait the two minutes. Get used to guilt, because you feel guilty for dragging the kids to the yard in the middle of winter/summer for your hobby, and you feel guilty for not giving your horse the attention you think it deserves.
Recently I did an xc clinic. I had to drop my kids at a friend's at 7am on a Saturday morning with a packed breakfast and promise of a return favour.

 

[MagicMelon]

It's hard work with a child have to admit. I only have one family member (my mum) who can babysit and comes with me to events to amuse my 2yo while I ride. Without her I couldn't do it as my OH works full time and most weekends. At home, I have a horse I'm in the process of backing - I normally feed her in the morning (they live out so I just poo pick the open stables) before my OH goes to work, then my son normally has a sleep after lunch for an hour or so which means I can mess about with the horses (currently lunge etc.) or if son doesn't sleep then I just do that once son goes to bed at 6.30, its handy my horses are literally beside my back garden. I will have to be careful backing of course, I can only really start getting on her properly when OH is around, probably not wise to do it when I'm on my own (we live in the middle of nowhere). I've got my other horses at my mums house so when I go there, mum babysits my son while I ride, I'm very lucky that she is happy to do them morning/night (feeding-wise). If mums not around when I want to ride there then I usually just put my son in his buggy and park him by the edge of the paddock fence where I ride and stay close to him chatting away to him to keep him amused. Both horses there aren't 100% sound so I only ride them for 20 mins max. Doubt son would last long otherwise as he's ridiculously active.

It really depends on your child and how old they are I guess. If young enough, you can try parking them in a buggy wherever you're riding (ideally they'll fall asleep if you have one of "those" easy children!). Otherwise, if the horse is on livery - just go up in the evenings or early in the morning while your OH is still around?

 

[lme]

Ii you have space, an au pair could be the way to go. Especially if you go to an agency that specialises in au pairs who want a placement in the country and / or have a background with horses. We had a variety of au pairs over the years, both in London and after we moved out, from French gap year students to a Swedish girl, who was a qualified riding instructor. They work best, when you use them as they are supposed to be used, an extra pair of hands to help round the edges children, not as a cleaner or a cut price sole charge nanny. They need to be treated as a family member and to have fun as well as work 25 to 30 hours a week. Mine used to do things like load the dish washer / washing machine, take children to the park, help them ride, entertain them for a couple of hours after school or for a few days / half days in the holidays etc. If they were horsey they were able to ride the kids ponies if / when they wanted to and do a bit of competing. Looking after a baby while you were riding / doing something with your horse or coming to a show and generally helping out would be well within an au pairs capability.

 

[MagicMelon]

I do meet people who SAY they manage completely alone but the reality doesn't support that.

I disagree completely. It totally depends HOW you keep your horse. I think a horse on livery would be more difficult. However, I keep mine privately (in 2 different places) and generally have trustworthy horses (although never get complacent). At both places, the stable yard / tackroom etc. open out directly into their field so if I need to catch one or something then I simply put child in buggy and park him somewhere safe (other side of yard fence so watch me traipse up the field). Same with riding, yes you have to adapt your riding to suit so you might have to make it a short session if child gets bored etc. All mine live out which helps hugely as its far less effort on my behalf and they keep themselves ticking over fitness wise. So actually Id disagree that it literally CANNOT be done with a child, it can IF you can get the horses living right in the first place. The only thing you definately can't do with a child is compete on your own...!

 

[TarrSteps]

I didn't say it was impossible and I went on to say it's more doable when you have your own/a small place and horses that will fit in around the child and/or children that are relatively straightforward and not, for instance, ill or otherwise needing extra attention.

My point was that there are people, usually on the internet, but sometimes in real life, saying how they're doing it all on their own, making other people feel guilty or insufficient, but you often have to take those stories with a grain of salt. The woman locking her child in the stable is obviously an extreme example.- okay, she's getting time to ride but at the expense of everyone else's nerves - but I certainly know other people who.ARE coping but, for instance, maybe ride once or twice a week and are lucky to have horses and ambitions that allow that to be enough. I know people whose fellow liveries are happy to watch their kids but your can't PLAN on that being the case.

It certainly is possible. I know people who get it done. But it's not a failing if your circumstances don't allow it, it's just one of those things. If the OP can reproduce a situation like yours and her horse is suitable she obviously has a much better chance of being satisfied with the situation and it's good advice to point that out

 

[AliceCrail]

As usual Tarrsteps is spot on. I have just moved to a yard with better facilities, but I could only do that as my best friend is there and has offered to help out here and there. Would be impossible otherwise. It is one of the reasons I have moved to a yard further away than I would like, as genuine help like that is few and far between!

 

[Llanali]

My daughter is just over six months.

I do manage largely alone, but it is hard. I am on a friends yard, so only two of us but five horses. I do make sure I fit in to the evening routine, but we take it in turns to feed in the morning, which I do and then come home before husband leaves for work.

I have a very very sweet horse, I've had since a youngster. I wouldn't do it with just any horse and I know some will cringe, but I do just push baby in pram and lead horse etc.

If baby sleeps or is happy awake I ride, if she needs talking to etc. Then I lunge as easier to stop and tend to her. If she's grumpy then no, I don't ride, unless friend offers to watch her in her pram whist she mucks out; I don't ask, so only if she offers- maybe max once a fortnight?

I don't jump alone anyway, so whoever is helping with poles also helps with baby.

In general I do manage alone except I have help to jump and I book lessons when husband is here. Husband also works 5/6 days a week and is out from 7-9/10pm ish, so very much all day.

My horse is not as fit or muscles as I'd like. She's not as clean, nor is my tack. It depresses me a bit, but it's not that important. She's fed, healthy, happy. I can't imagine getting one fit enough for eventing because the one thing I really can't do is hack. Mare is fit enough to SJ and D though - ok so we are back at prelim and disco very level again but we came third on Sunday at dressage and won the jumping on Tuesday so we ARE doing it. I do ask someone to come and watch baby whilst I ride at a show, but I do all the prep and take baby in te lorry with me alone,

It is doable, but there are so many sacrifices, it never feels like enough and you always feel like you are not doing anything properly and getting half of it wrong- but isn't that motherhood anyway?

 

[glamourpuss]

Well I've been on livery yards & have always ensured my choice to have children & horses doesn't impinge on others. (I firmly fall into the 'children are like farts, you only like your own' camp)
I did school, hack & compete when they were very little. Yes sometimes I had to cut a session short because my child wasn't happy sat in the buggy. [shrug] not a problem, try again another day. As I posted earlier going for a hack is easy if you do it first thing as your family sleep (keeps the peace with the OH if they don't feel like that they are being dumped with the child all the time!)
The main thing to remember is compromise. Personally my situation meant it wasn't worth me forking out affiliated membership when there was every chance my training & preparation wouldn't have me going into a competition feeling confident. But I did compete unaff.
I clearly remember trotting down the centre line at an event feeling a little 'odd' until i realised I'd forgotten to fasten my boob away into my nursing bra.
Or the time by the time the final halt came in my dressage test the judge was wiping away tears as my son had yelled 'MUMMY, MUMMY I NEED A POO!!' from the deathly silent spectator gallery throughout my whole test.

 

[Booboos]

I've found it very very difficult. I've got the horses at home and some days the baby was so unco-operative I couldn't even pop out for 10 minutes to hay the horses. I've gone from riding two horses every day to riding one 2-3 times a week and that's only because we have a nanny/groom who can help out a lot (no family or friends who can help in this country). MiniBoo is now 3 years old but there are still days where she won't 'play ball' so I don't get time to myself, e.g. she's sick, or tantruming, or wants her mummy. MiniBoo2 is on the way so I expect things will get a lot worse before they get better!

 

[apachediamond]

My 2 are 6 and 4, I started riding again when they were 4 and 2, at that time I was on DIY and had an arrangement with a friend who turned out am and I brought back in pm.

Now I'm on part livery which makes things so much easier, if kids are poorly, DH is working away or I'm working late I know he's looked after.

Mon - fri I ride on an evening once the kids are in bed if DH is home, if not my dad comes to sit with them (although not every night) weekends I ride both days and DH is usually home and if not the kids would be at grandparents.

I tend to have a lesson once a week during the day when the kids are at school.

I'm very lucky with the support I have available to make it all feasible.

 

[Polos Mum]

Or the time by the time the final halt came in my dressage test the judge was wiping away tears as my son had yelled 'MUMMY, MUMMY I NEED A POO!!' from the deathly silent spectator gallery throughout my whole test.

PMSL - they are great aren't they, I bet the judge remembers that one too!
We had - "daddy, dinners in my bed", first thing one morning last week - beware that is toddler code for I was sick overnight, tried to clear it up myself by wiping it over everything, then given up and gone to sleep in it and it's dried all over everything!