Those with non-horsey OH.

scatty_mare

scatty_mare

Well-Known Member
Joined
17 June 2010
Messages
514
Visit site
Do you feel guilty for spending all your time and money on horses?

Just feeling a bit down about being so damn skint all the time. When it was just myself to consider I didn't mind living on nothing and making sacrifices to have my horse (like... clothes... food... basic sanitation..) but lately I've been feeling pretty selfish and rotten that me having horses means I am poor, which in turn means that OH (who doesn't get to enjoy the horses) also is poor, by default.
He doesn't complain, directly, much, but it really doesn't seem fair...

Anyone else in the same boat?
 
Before being with me, my partner has never touched a horse. And for first 2 years i didnt have my own, i just rode friends now and again.

I then got my own.

And he adores her, he likes grooming her, helps me poo pick, acts as camera man, and will generally help me do bits a peices, all other than ride her, when i was breaking her he used to lead her around with me on her and acted as leader when we first hacked.

Can you get him involved a little???
 
scatty_mare said:
Do you feel guilty for spending all your time and money on horses?

Just feeling a bit down about being so damn skint all the time. When it was just myself to consider I didn't mind living on nothing and making sacrifices to have my horse (like... clothes... food... basic sanitation..) but lately I've been feeling pretty selfish and rotten that me having horses means I am poor, which in turn means that OH (who doesn't get to enjoy the horses) also is poor, by default.
He doesn't complain, directly, much, but it really doesn't seem fair...

Anyone else in the same boat?
Click to expand...

It is more the time factor for me that gets me down sometimes as both me and OH have very busy stressful jobs that involve long hours and his hobby is motor racing which i enjoy too but he has absolutely no interest in horses (despite being from a horsey family) it sometime is frustrating as he doesnt think i need to do my mare before we go anywhere or about getting home in time to turn her out hes very much a free spirit and doesnt like to be tied (can you guess we havent got kids!!! :D)

I sometimes get extremely frustrated about it as it means on the weekends i have to get up v early run round ragged sorting everything out in order to spend sometime again then OH will moan (in a joking way) he didnt see me for breakfast which can sometimes get to me but hey i love him and my girly so wouldnt swap either of them!!!

K x
 
I am just careful that my OH doesn't have to pay anything for the horses, and I try, as much as possible not to let them impact on his life. Mind you, hes a dab hand at fence repair! I work a seperate part time job which pays enough to keep the horses (I am lucky, they are at home) and don't spend anything on myself. At all. Ever!
 
Nope, not one bit. I had them before he met me :)

I dont go out at all, and dont wear the latest fashions or have my hair done everyother week,, so i am not high maintence, so I think he got a good deal.

If you saw the picture of my non horsey OH leading my daughter on her pony, you would hav seen that he is deffinatly not fading away :D
 
Mine is the same, but ive had my girl for 17 years- far longer then when he was on the scene, so he knows nothing will change (and dosnt expect it too either!)

Some things we do to keep him involved:

He loves feeling as if he is contrubuting- so will help fix stables, repair the arena- he can then be found sneaking a quick cuddle with them when im not looking!

Does your OH have a bike? I ride and he cycles and we go off for a hack- usually finishing at the local pub :-)

If time is an issue- ask if he can help muck out whilst you ride- so that you can then go off and do something together- even if its going home and watching a film together

If you got together when you already had the horse, then he cant expect to change things.... trust me- the horse will always be there for you and more understanding than anyone else!!

xx
 
Tried getting him involved... He's not interested in riding - I think he's afraid he won't be any good!
He also hadn't had anything to do with horses before he met me but he is very fond of my 2 mares and often comes up to the stables and scratches their necks- he calls it giving them a massage! Trouble is he sees it as a very expensive hobby, nothing more than that, and doesn't really get why I 'need' them, and I really feel they are a way of life and I can't just give them up!
Unfortunately he was put off last year by a horrible experience. We bought a project horse together, with the intention selling the horse to pay for our wedding - and long story, but basically the horse was kicked in the field and fractured a stifle, and after a lot of expensive treatment it was clear he was never going to be sound again, and we decided that the only option really was to pts. Sadly for various reasons we couldn't claim on insurance for lou so we lost a lot of money, hence no wedding yet, and also, OH was really really attached to that horse! So the whole thing put him off quite a lot.

ETA: He knows nothing is going to change - had horses looong before he came on the scene! He also isn't putting any pressure on me to change - I don't think I would put up with that. But I can't help feeling that there is stuff he'd like to do, and because of my horse habit we can't.
I also have a part-time job which is meant to pay for the horses (and full-time to pay the bills) but lately it's not been so lucrative, which is probably why I'm feeling the pinch!
 
Last edited:
scatty_mare said:
Do you feel guilty for spending all your time and money on horses?

Just feeling a bit down about being so damn skint all the time. When it was just myself to consider I didn't mind living on nothing and making sacrifices to have my horse (like... clothes... food... basic sanitation..) but lately I've been feeling pretty selfish and rotten that me having horses means I am poor, which in turn means that OH (who doesn't get to enjoy the horses) also is poor, by default.
He doesn't complain, directly, much, but it really doesn't seem fair...

Anyone else in the same boat?
Click to expand...

Totally!

Fortunately my OH is a saint, and a fairly well-paid one at that, and is fairly happy picking up the tab. I do feel guilty that a large chunk of my money goes on the horse, but also make a real effort to contribute my fair share to the household expenses. This leaves me with zero money for clothes or going out, but I'm not particularly fussed on that.

I did raise it with my OH before making the decison to move to a more expensive competition yard with better facilities (where I am now) and he pointed out to me that before I got back into horses, I was stressed, anxious and neurotic. Now I am tired, smelly, dirty and poor, but more importantly I am happy, and that makes his life with me happier.

In fact, I think if it wasn't for the horse, we probably wouldn't be together anymore. My OH has many and varied hobbies that occupy his attention utterly for hours (he writes music, is writing a book and spends hours out on his mountain bike). Before I got back into riding, I used to get extremely lonely and needy, whereas now we really make a point of having quality time together doing things we both enjoy like walking and going out for meals because we both feel fulfilled by our own individual hobbies.

I would suspect that your OH is just happy that you are happy, because that will make you more pleasant to be around (albeit a bit smellier :D) and really, what is money at the end of the day??
 
Flicker said:
Totally!

Fortunately my OH is a saint, and a fairly well-paid one at that, and is fairly happy picking up the tab. I do feel guilty that a large chunk of my money goes on the horse, but also make a real effort to contribute my fair share to the household expenses. This leaves me with zero money for clothes or going out, but I'm not particularly fussed on that.

I did raise it with my OH before making the decison to move to a more expensive competition yard with better facilities (where I am now) and he pointed out to me that before I got back into horses, I was stressed, anxious and neurotic. Now I am tired, smelly, dirty and poor, but more importantly I am happy, and that makes his life with me happier.

In fact, I think if it wasn't for the horse, we probably wouldn't be together anymore. My OH has many and varied hobbies that occupy his attention utterly for hours (he writes music, is writing a book and spends hours out on his mountain bike). Before I got back into riding, I used to get extremely lonely and needy, whereas now we really make a point of having quality time together doing things we both enjoy like walking and going out for meals because we both feel fulfilled by our own individual hobbies.

I would suspect that your OH is just happy that you are happy, because that will make you more pleasant to be around (albeit a bit smellier :D) and really, what is money at the end of the day??
Click to expand...

This is a lovely post :)

I have been encouraging him to get some better hobbies than his current ones which are:

watching F1

darts

digging.

Is it normal for someone to love digging? I think he was a labrador in a past life.
 
Mine was non-horsey until he met me :)

Before I got a horse he was willing to have lessons (he was better then I thought), he contributes towards the horse, and has now started to riding him. He wants another now all of his own!

I still class him as non-horsey, just cause he doesnt get it really, why I love them so much, but he's understanding and luckily he's ususally willing to shell out for rugs (and me saying we'll get the cheap one, but no "his boy" gets the best!).
 
scatty_mare said:
This is a lovely post :)


digging.

Is it normal for someone to love digging? I think he was a labrador in a past life.
Click to expand...

Bless! What does he dig? Does his digging have purpose or does your front lawn look like the moles have moved in?

:D

I suppose you could always channel the digging into something useful - like digging poo out of the stable, or fence posts or something.
 
lol scattymare i got some gate post holes need digging can i borrow your OH?? waiting for mine to do them could mean the gate never gets hung:rolleyes:

It was my hubby that encouraged me to get my own horse and in the beginning he was quite involved, even got himself boots and hat so he could ride our old TB himself:eek: He was as heartbroken as me when we lost her and even though he likes the 2 horses i have now he has no desire to get on them:( He was off work for a while when he put a chainsaw bit too close to his hand, he spent a lot of time then with the farmer on the farm where i keep the horses so was very involved even though he could only do stuff one handed:rolleyes: But in the last 2 years since working as a gardener and tree chopper the last thing he wants to do is come down to the horses and do more grass cutting and tree chopping etc:( I actually miss sharing my hobby with him now and even my daughter has moaned that he doesn't see her ride very often, he did get very involved in choosing her latest pony for her but whereas 5 years ago he happily dove 5 hours to get her foal , he said that this time it had to be within 2 hours away, luckily for daughter we found the perfect one an hour or so up the road:p
 
When I met my OH I was horseless so consequently I spent a lot of time with him other than going to work. When I decided to get into the saddle again and acquired my first horse he got very jealous of the amount of time I spent down the yard even though he pays for my livery. He's got a lot better lately, I think he has got use to it now and the fact that my horse is here to stay!
 
I have my horses, my oh has his football. It's great as I don't feel guilty as he is usually out either playing or watching football.
 
I was horseless for 3 years with my OH but was lucky enough to be able to look for a horse so I bought my boy Billy this year and wow I forgot just how much I had missed it! OH loves him to bits but the time is a bit of an issue (I have my boy on livery 22miles away!!) so I have now found someone closer to home which I will be moving him to in a few weeks, i think then he won't mind so much.

PS he has even bought his own riding hat and hat a walk on Billy, watch this space!!
 
Mine told me to get a hobby, he regrets the day he said that lol. I had a horse when I was a teenager and sadly had to give her up. So I decided to have riding lessons, well that wasn't enough so now I have my own again. I work to pay for my boy, my OH pays for everything else, although he's happy most of the time. It is thrown back in my face on occasion, but only when I refuse to go on holiday because of leaving my horse.
 
My mare used to "bitch slap" my ex everytime she saw him so he never really enjoyed being around her, i think she was trying to tell me something!!!!:D
 
Not got my own horse yet (although was loaning when I met OH) but he has always known I was on count down until I could afford my own!

Think it will work well when horsey arrives as he works evening plus he spends lots of time practising with his band and playing gigs! So he can't complain about me spending lots of money and time down at the yard!
 
My OH was non - horsy before meeting me, and then I was only sharing. Now I have two of my own and they both live at home, and my OH is truly an angel. The only thing he everso slightly complains at is when my little mare takes a nip at him!!!!

He has learned soooo much that I'm really proud of him, and he drives the lorry, helps to maintain my land, even built me a manege. But I must say that although he doesn't ride, he does love them. I often catch him whispering sweet things into their ears and petting them, so I know in his way he enjoys having them in his life as well. But I couldn't do what I do without him really and I'm very grateful for his support.
 
Flicker said:
Bless! What does he dig? Does his digging have purpose or does your front lawn look like the moles have moved in?

:D

I suppose you could always channel the digging into something useful - like digging poo out of the stable, or fence posts or something.
Click to expand...

Well it is quite sweet. He has taken to buying lots of plants so that he has to dig holes to plant them in. And then he decided to dig a patio, so that was quite a few days' worth of digging. Now that's done he is talking about levelling the rest of our garden to match (not as big a job as it sounds, it is about the size of a telephone box).

Ibblebibble said:
lol scattymare i got some gate post holes need digging can i borrow your OH?? waiting for mine to do them could mean the gate never gets hung
Click to expand...

Of course you can! Anytime you want!
 
Fallenrose said:
Plus I can't tow on my licence as passed my test after 1997 but my OH is 3 years older so he can so I'm hoping . . . hahaha!
Click to expand...

yes this is a big plus, my diggerman also does tow me around, and although he makes lots of fuss about it (my eventing times always seem to clash with grand prixs) secretly he loves being involved, and he always gets a bacon butty for his trouble!

It's lovely to read how your menfolk get involved, and it makes me realise that diggerboy does also enjoy the horses in his own way. Although he is scared of their feet.

And channelling his diggerness is the best idea ever! Together perhaps we can banish my ditchy demons!:D:D:D
 
with my OH it was def love me love my horse. if my horse didnt like a boyf then they would get the heave-ho. forget about impressing family it was about making the right impression on my horse.

now he works so hard and if you didnt know you would realise he didnt have a proper full on horsey background.
 
My OH is jealous of my horse and pony.I sell things on ebay to pay for them.He says I put the horse before him and kids (him yes,kids no) and says hes paying to keep them which hes not.
Yet if I needed to go up there in a emergency he would take me.
He doesnt really have interest in horses,he wont get involved because I put the cobby before him lol buthe needs to realise they have to be fed. ive had ponies most of my life. Ive had these two for 6 years now.
 
I've been on the hunt for the ideal horse for a while now which has coincided with me and my OH moving in together so unfortunately he has had to tag along.

The first thing he asked me
was "do they bite?" as he was surrounded from all sides in the field and a general look of fear on his face - most hilarious thing I've ever seen!

I share now and I'm determined for him to love her as much as I do seeing how many football matches I've had to sit through :D
 
Mine doesn't like them cos they have even bigger feet than his size 14s!

I got into horses after we got together so it's been a bit tricky. However, he works shifts and accepts that I'd be sat twiddling my thumbs if I didn't have the horse.

He tells me to buy quality stuff as cheap rubbish won't last. He tells me to spend as much time at the yard as I like on weekends and makes an appointment to see me, so he says. :rolleyes:. I have to say, he's brilliantly tolerant, bless him.
 
Hmmm good question ...

My (now fiance) isnt really interested in the horses. We're both lucky that we have good jobs and have our own seperate lives - I have my horses and he loves the gym!

He will come up a few times a week and 'pat' them over the stable door, give them mints and take a full wheelbarrow to muck heap once in a while ... oh and mess with my friends horse who likes to play 'lick everyone he sees for hours on end' ...

I had my arab a long time before i met him but I bought my TB recently so he was involved in the whole going to see him/bringing him home etc so I think he feels a little bit happier with him - plus he's a big muscly man horse so he has been known to lead him to the field once or twice :eek: although sometimes he doesnt quite go in the field direction :rolleyes:

Someone else said about the bike - if he rides a bike cant you ride your horse with him? My arab loves going out with Wez whilst he's running ... he sets off sprinting and I just let her gallop off after him along the bridles ... so funny as soon as he slows down so does she :D then does it all again!
 
I do feel guilty about the time I spend up at the yard away from my lovely OH, but, and this is a big but - my old horse had to be put down in April and I was SO miserable for months that I just had to get another (which OH bought for me - well, about 80% of the price anyway!) - he is now really really glad that I am my normal happy self again and is delighted that I am back to normal! Oh, I had my old horse before I met my OH so he's only really known me with a horse, apart from the miserable months between horses recently!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top