Those with non-horsey OH.

Ex OH and I split up 4 wks ago, might have something to do with the fact he said no more horses, so I hid my new 3yr old until after I'd had him about a wk.... I think that contributed to the split.. :rolleyes:

He was never interested in my horses, never came and helped me, never watched me compete etc. we were together 5 and a half years, but he had his own quad bikes, boat etc. so no I never felt guilty because he had his own interests, and we were 2 very independent people which was nice, because it meant we didn't have to see each other all day every day :D
 
My oh wasn't horsey before he met me. I had my sisters on loan and he would come up but not really interested, however, we went on holiday and got a phone call from sister saying she had sold horse. Didn't tell me it was for sale, didn't ask if I wanted to buy her (which I would have done). Mean sister. Anyway, after lots of crying and being devastated he said 'right that's it, you're having your own and then nobody can take it away from you'. So after searching for months we found my beautiful boy, when I decided I wanted him OH pulls out money for a deposit and says he's buying him for me. He has been there through colic, trips to the vets, he watches every lesson and most times I ride, walks with me on hacks and generally just enjoys being on the yard. I am grateful every single day to him for never complaining and being so supportive. Must be why I'm marrying him in may :) x x x
 
laurah1986 said:
My oh wasn't horsey before he met me. I had my sisters on loan and he would come up but not really interested, however, we went on holiday and got a phone call from sister saying she had sold horse. Didn't tell me it was for sale, didn't ask if I wanted to buy her (which I would have done). Mean sister. Anyway, after lots of crying and being devastated he said 'right that's it, you're having your own and then nobody can take it away from you'. So after searching for months we found my beautiful boy, when I decided I wanted him OH pulls out money for a deposit and says he's buying him for me. He has been there through colic, trips to the vets, he watches every lesson and most times I ride, walks with me on hacks and generally just enjoys being on the yard. I am grateful every single day to him for never complaining and being so supportive. Must be why I'm marrying him in may :) x x x
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That's really nice. I had a similar reason with mine, I had a bad year, and he knew I always wanted a horse, after seeing me at many lessons, he forced me see one and we got him a week later. Horse is perfect, and is loved by OH! He'll always pay if I somehow am short, he looks at rugs and things and always suggests going to a tack shop! He now wants another for when he joins the navy as a present to me! That's the reason why I think, one day, there's no reason why I shouldn't say yes to marriage!

And congrats!!
 
Mine is like that too! We're going to your horse live and he's said I can kit my boy out properly for winter when we go as he's trashed most of his rugs! Thank you for congrats, I'm so excited and a little bit scared. He's amazing, he talks to his friends at work (he's a nurse and so mainly women and quite a few horsey) if I'm having any issues with pony and comes back with suggestions. Like when he had colic he came home saying - have you tried pink powder cos apparently that's probiotics and is meant to be really good for a healthy gut and condition and stuff' do now the boy us doing very well on pink powder. God love him, he's a star. X x
 
It seems rather apt that I just read your post after what happened with my OH this weekend....
Asked friend to do horses on Saturday, so OH and I could have a nice Saturday like other couples, read paper, drink coffee and hangout together.
- boyfriend wakes up at about 9.30, I had been stalking round the house waiting for him to rise for about 2 hours.
- First thing he says is, "what's wrong? why are you still here? You feeling unwell?". I explain I am fine and thought it would be nice for us to spend Saturday together.
- He says: "Why?" I explain that I feel bad that I run off to the stables every early am, eve and all weekend and I thought it would be nice.
- He again asks me what is wrong. I said nothing just want to spend time with him etc...
- He then asks if we are breaking-up and do I think we need to work on our relationship etc etc.
- I again say no, everything is fine, just want to spend time with him etc.
- He says: "Well I'm meeting the boys for breakfast at the cafe and then I was gonna go round and check on my mum and poss head to the golf range if you are still at the stables."
- I said "Oh."
- He said: "don't worry about me, I like having my own time on a saturday and I can do all the things you find boring or would prefer not to do. I thought that was why our relationship worked so well."
- "Right" I said. "Err, I'll go to the stables then."
- He said: "Yeah, see ya later, and by the way take the apples out of the fruit bowl for the boys, I think they are on the turn."

Well that told me. Stop worrying and just let it all be. Our relationship works and he is happy.
 
My husband watches and plays so many sports that we barely notice the other one is gone ;) He plays golf 3 times a week, football on sunday mornings and darts thursday evenings - so I am totally guilt free! :D
 
The mere mention of horses manes my husband come out in hives!! I an lucky to have a reasonably well paid job (at the mo) so we both have 2 accounts, a house, bills account and our own. It's great as it means that I can buy what I want with my money, nothing worse than having to justify why my horse needs a new rug etc. Although my wardrobe is crap compared to my horse wardrobe - something wrong there I think!!!
 
Helbert said:
It seems rather apt that I just read your post after what happened with my OH this weekend....
Asked friend to do horses on Saturday, so OH and I could have a nice Saturday like other couples, read paper, drink coffee and hangout together.
- boyfriend wakes up at about 9.30, I had been stalking round the house waiting for him to rise for about 2 hours.
- First thing he says is, "what's wrong? why are you still here? You feeling unwell?". I explain I am fine and thought it would be nice for us to spend Saturday together.
- He says: "Why?" I explain that I feel bad that I run off to the stables every early am, eve and all weekend and I thought it would be nice.
- He again asks me what is wrong. I said nothing just want to spend time with him etc...
- He then asks if we are breaking-up and do I think we need to work on our relationship etc etc.
- I again say no, everything is fine, just want to spend time with him etc.
- He says: "Well I'm meeting the boys for breakfast at the cafe and then I was gonna go round and check on my mum and poss head to the golf range if you are still at the stables."
- I said "Oh."
- He said: "don't worry about me, I like having my own time on a saturday and I can do all the things you find boring or would prefer not to do. I thought that was why our relationship worked so well."
- "Right" I said. "Err, I'll go to the stables then."
- He said: "Yeah, see ya later, and by the way take the apples out of the fruit bowl for the boys, I think they are on the turn."

Well that told me. Stop worrying and just let it all be. Our relationship works and he is happy.
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That's brilliant! I think you're probably right... hope so anyway *trots off happily to plan further outings for the grubby grey mare*
 
Very funny Helbert. My OH is definately not horsey but I do find this strange as his dad was and he is from a farming family. Anyway he is obsessed with cricket and football, my obsession is horses. It works well and we do meet in between, sometimes! :0)
 
I know exactly what this is like :/

Luxkily for me my OH is a saint- and actually really likes my horse.

But i know it annoys him that i spend my time and money on her....i think you just have to be honest from the start. I think itd be worse if you had the OH before the horse...
 
Mine had never touched a horse til we met!
I introduced him slowly and now he practically lives at the yard fixing stuff, making stuff and comes to all my shows! Even comes to support my friend! He thinks me and my friend are mad how we obsess about our horses and everything horsey but that's how he met me so he totally supports! I am conscious to spend non horse time with him which helps! So this weekend will be a non horsey affair after spending all this weekend with horsey!
I tend to feed in morning while he's fast asleep so he like the morning jogging the bed! Lol
Remember your horse makes you the person you are and ge has fell in love with that person - a horse geek : )
 
Funny I met mine building stables at the yard I was at. He cant stand horses but he will do DIY work down there for me, Poo-pick and muck out for me.

He dont moan how much time i spend with them cause he spends lots of time on his show car so all fair in love and war I say
 
I totally get where you are coming from. I really tried to get mine involved, brought him the "soon to be returned for the winter" black cob but he really isn't interested. He also doesn't have any hobbies either. It does lead to rows where I inevitably say 'get a hobby' or 'get a life'. I've been through the whole not riding to please him stage and now I find I just have to be really direct. If he knows when I am riding and for how long etc he is much better. I am just back from a weekend away and he fed my mare and foal for me which is a big step as foal is quite boisterous and a bit dangerous. Progress I think
 
I had 3 horses when I got together with my OH. I had 1 advertised who sold and I am now looking for a new home for my youngster.
This is for reasons of my own, I want more time for me and more money. My OH works away and contributes most of the money so sometimes I do feel a little guilty but as he says he is happy as long as I am.
I would never sell my gelding and although my OH doesn't like touching him he will walk out on a hack!
 
My hubby is quite anti horse.. hates coming down, is quite nice to her when hes actually there but hates to admit it. Would prefer staying at home or doing his own thing.
Sometimes i wish he was more involved and just had a better attitude towards it all.
had my mare 3 years which was just before i met him but had other horses nearly 25 years.
He knows that i wont change but have to compromise now and where id be riding we usually go out for the day.
I didnt want it like that but didnt see the point in marrying a guy and having seperate lives?
He will never "get" the horse relationship so ive given up trying!
ive told him he'll go before her!
 
scarymare said:
I totally get where you are coming from. I really tried to get mine involved, brought him the "soon to be returned for the winter" black cob but he really isn't interested. He also doesn't have any hobbies either. It does lead to rows where I inevitably say 'get a hobby' or 'get a life'. I've been through the whole not riding to please him stage and now I find I just have to be really direct. If he knows when I am riding and for how long etc he is much better. I am just back from a weekend away and he fed my mare and foal for me which is a big step as foal is quite boisterous and a bit dangerous. Progress I think
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Good work.. i get faced with this too. Once i ask him to directly help out he will happily. I just think he likes to moan lol. Mine does have hobbies and i have to clock watch now when im at the yard whereas before and ex's didnt seem to mind! I think some are just more needy than others!
 
I do feel extremely guilty about the horses, my OH doesn't like them and though he is quite patient on the whole he goes through stages of really resenting the time I spend caring for them and going to shows with my daughter. So far they haven't cost him any money directly but he knows that I'm quite skint and have a large cc debt that has built up over the last few years(not all to do with horses-very little to do with them in fact).

We've ended up with 3 horses, daughter pays for 1.5 and I pay for 1.5. I realise the situation isn't ideal but he does take every opportunity to let people know what he thinks of this irresponsible living. Judging by recent comments made by his mother and stepdad I think his family completely agree with him too, I find myself avoiding them.

He pays half of the household bills and does a small weekly shop and I am grateful for that. He isn't my daughter's father (we split years ago, he never bothered and now he is dead) so when she was still at school/college I wouldn't have expected him to contribute to the extras, nor would I now, especially now she's 19, but at times it has been hard not to ask for help.

Sometimes I feel envious when other people's OHs help them with stuff, especially with keeping 4x4s and trailers etc on the road, and even if they're not involved they seem quite happy to help financially, but he didn't choose to live like that and so can't be expected to pay for it really.

I feel sorry for what I've done, never should have got into a situation where I had 3 horses, and how it's effected him, but sometimes I feel so alone, no one to turn to when things go wrong.
 
I'm quite lucky in that my OH loves being around the ponies and likes taking them for walks (he always leads Chloe, who really takes HIM for a walk). He offers to feed them before I ask and loves showing them off to his workmates when he feeds them during the day (and one of his workmates was caught hugging a pony, so I provide a free therapy service to them, too!).

Plus, as a mechanic he's very smelly. Me being very smelly means we can have a mid-day hugga smoocha and not worry about dirtying the other one's clothing!!
 
Thanks guys for making me feel like I am not the only one with a non-horsey hubby. I have had my horse in livery since last August and apart from repairing the stable, he has not come down to see my boy at all, even when I have been to an event he never asks how I got on!! When I first met him, he would nearly always come to watch me, am sure it was to try and impress me, after 9 years together, I have accepted that he has no interest in my hobby. Since he asked in a roundabout way whether I would choose my horse over him and didn't get the answer he wanted, he has resigned himself to the fact that it us better to not ask such silly questions!!! :) :) :)
 
My boy freind and I have been together for nearly a year, he despises the horses, says he would rather eat them, I hate him for it! When we first got together he would muck out lead my old mare take the wheel barrow etc etc, but when I sold her (I had my gorgeous competition mare for 5years but had to sell her because at the time I was working part time and couldn't afford to keep her) he turned to hating them when I started riding other horses for people, but had to stop for about 3 months because I had appendicitus then was in a car accident and got really bad whiplash, anyway within the time of riding other horses I relized I just cannot not have my own! Me and my mum now have 3 horses 2months later! Only just got my baby yearling yesterday and going away with him for 3 days and left mum to look after my yearling and the other 2 horses, there was a point he said to my freind he was going to make me choose between him and the horses, my freind who is also horsey said if you want to loose her go for it, you won't win! She knows this! And he didn't believe her at first but soon relized when I got upset when he said I will get annoyed if you go play horses if I want to do something with you, I said don't you dare ever put that on me! He knows that my new boys are going to take up the time and come first and always will do! recently has been really good with it, but my god I don't ever feel guilty! If he wants to spend time with me he has to come up to the horses!
 
I really get what you mean Skint1, about being seen as irresponsible by spending money on horses and being in debt with it... The thing that OH and his family simply don't understand is how it's not a luxury to me but a way of life, and I guess I feel bad that my poor old OH has inherited all the bad aspects of my way of life (ie no money and never seeing me and I always smell and have hay in my hair) but sees none of the benefits. Unfortunately however much he may actually like the animals he can't see further than the fact they are a giant money pit. And to be fair he does have a point!
He never would ask me to choose between them and him (he knows what I'd say), but sometimes I wonder if I'm being fair - we want to start a family in the next couple of years and if I am working less I won't be able to afford a horse without his help, and maybe he won't be able to support me, a child and my horses.
Fingers crossed I'll have won the euromillions by then. Aghh doom!
 
Aaaaaah men!!!! They really are a complex bunch of people!!!! The saying "women are from Venus and men are from Mars" has never made a truer comment.
 
Mine went through spells of being a little resentful but is now resigned to it. He gets up early anyway so week days I get up early and ride before work so that most evenings are spent with him at home. I ride 2 evenings a week which is fair enough as my social life.

He is actually quite encouraging now after I had a spell riding for a living (just 6 weeks when I was made redundant) and he could see how happy and relaxed it made me but that I choose to work a better paid job in an office so WE can have nicer things (I am main earner, just).

He actually came with me to see new fugly-bug boy and encouraged me to get him when he saw how well we clicked. He has asked that I seriously consider reducing numbers before we start a family (I have 3 and help look after a 4th) but now I am sharing the new one with my friend who will take him on when I get pregnant, the 4th will go to uni with her rider around the time we are planning to try, dear old Lottie may or may not be here but is not expensive anyway or time consuming and Beau will be my only ridden horse then. I could handle her and Lottie 9 months pregnant no problem and OH is quite fond of them and able to handle them while I am laid up as it were!

He doesn't join in so much but will help if asked and comes to major things like when I sold my previous, veiwing and collecting Fugly-Bug.

Give and take seems to be the key.
 
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I'm a golf widow so NO I don't feel guilty. He left for a day to freaking China to pick up a special handly thingy on his golfing watchimidoole - ON OUR DAUGHTERS birthday this Saturday no less!!!!!! Now that is obsessive!:cool:
 
my OH bought me a horse instead of an engagement ring 14 years ago ( I sold the horse after 8 yrs and have bought a couple of others over the years) but he blames the horse for everything that happens. He says I am being selfish as we could have lots of holidays and go on day trips if I didn't have the horse. I have 2 children and as they are growing up (age 5 and 11) they want more things and I feel really guilty when I can't afford to buy them nice things that they would like but I always make sure my horse has hard feed and pay my livery. My OH does not pay towards the horse but he financially supports the whole family. Whenever he has a moan about it I just sneek out of the room and hope he forgets about it. It is financially hard and I do think of all the things I could do with my wages if I didn't have the horse but I am not a girly girl and don't do shopping or going out or smoke and I convince myself that I need the horse so I can stay sane. I love competing but have had to cut that down to one competition a month now and try to make savings wherever I can. I love being with my horse and it can take over my world sometimes but my kids need me and they will be around longer than the horse............so hard. :confused:
 
Just thinkhow your OH would feel if you were spending £100 per month on make up (as, I am told, people do) or spending £500 on a Gucci handbag. your happiness is worth it!
 
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