Thread #1: People interfering!

*MoodyMare* said:
Thank you :)
She's happy to be next to me and to eat from my hand. She's wary of me touching her muzzle again and she tends to lose focus quickly and walks away. I follow her and when she stops, I stop but after a quick nuzzle she's off again. Can someone tell me if i'm going the right away about this?
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You are doing the right thing, take your time let her make the move towards you and sniff or nuzzle you, her inquisitive nature will overcome her fears eventually, once she is stabled she will rely on you for food, have a safe environment which means she will let you in and once she builds that trust in you her confidence will come on very quickly, it just takes time, no rushing her unless there is an absolute need to, such as vet care, her feet will require doing at some point but it will not be the end of the world if that waits a few weeks longer than you would prefer.
 
be positive said:
You are doing the right thing, take your time let her make the move towards you and sniff or nuzzle you, her inquisitive nature will overcome her fears eventually, once she is stabled she will rely on you for food, have a safe environment which means she will let you in and once she builds that trust in you her confidence will come on very quickly, it just takes time, no rushing her unless there is an absolute need to, such as vet care, her feet will require doing at some point but it will not be the end of the world if that waits a few weeks longer than you would prefer.
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She needs a whole lot of stuff doing from the vet so I can't wait until she's stabled but it begs the question; How do I stable a pony I can't handle?
 
*MoodyMare* said:
Thank you :)
She's happy to be next to me and to eat from my hand. She's wary of me touching her muzzle again and she tends to lose focus quickly and walks away. I follow her and when she stops, I stop but after a quick nuzzle she's off again. Can someone tell me if i'm going the right away about this?
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Well, it's not that you are doing anything wrong, but maybe your expectations are a bit high? What do you think she should be doing at this stage? If I'd left Lucy in a nice field with lots of grazing and went in with a few treats now and then I'd expect her response to be exactly as your pony. I'd let her be until you get her in. She's getting used to you and that's a good thing.
 
doriangrey said:
Well, it's not that you are doing anything wrong, but maybe your expectations are a bit high? What do you think she should be doing at this stage? If I'd left Lucy in a nice field with lots of grazing and went in with a few treats now and then I'd expect her response to be exactly as your pony. I'd let her be until you get her in. She's getting used to you and that's a good thing.
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What a brilliant way to think of it! I'll be honest, I had dreamt of working miracles, having her come to me and want to be with me. I didn't realize how different from a 'normal' pony she'd be. I didn't think it'd take much for her to come round and I honestly thought i'd be grooming her by now. I definitely did set my expectations too high! Excitement took over I must admit!!

I shall carry on with what I was doing - I'm stressing over her, so much to do!!
 
I know I said earlier, but she needs company, the cows etc will be moved eventually. An older more settled horse would show her the ropes. Can't you get her a companion? She needs lots of careful handling, this lady sounds a bit OTT, IMO.
 
cinnamontoast said:
I know I said earlier, but she needs company, the cows etc will be moved eventually. An older more settled horse would show her the ropes. Can't you get her a companion? She needs lots of careful handling, this lady sounds a bit OTT, IMO.
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Getting a companion has been on my mind for a few weeks now. I had a friend ride past on her exmoor gelding and she said that my pony shot down and whinnied and proceeded to nuzzle the gelding. I need to see if I can find something on loan - preferably something rideable. I don't know - what if it sends her backwards?
 
Trouble is, if she bonds then you take her companion away to ride, you'll be in a poor situation, but I do think she needs company. Shettie plus riding horse? Is there enough grass/land?
 
cinnamontoast said:
Trouble is, if she bonds then you take her companion away to ride, you'll be in a poor situation, but I do think she needs company. Shettie plus riding horse? Is there enough grass/land?
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I don't think I can afford one companion, let alone two. I'm trying to think of a way round this. The field is about 1 acre so probably not, although it seems like too much space for an 11hh pony! I don't know yet, i'll have to discuss with mum. :o
 
I still say dont disregard this lady so quickly

I bought a pony last year, he wouldnt let me near him properly for months, if I pushed things he would act terrified so I would immediately back off and go back to the odd touch on the muzzle/neck etc scared of pushing him and worrying him again. even when stabled I couldnt get near his hindquarters and an attempt at 'join up' ended badly because I simply didnt know what I was doing

After nearly a year I realised I wasnt getting anywhere so got some help. I realise now his 'scared' behaviour was just him saying 'yeah whatever I know I can make you back off so I can go back to grazing' and with a bit of kind but firm handling he is now coming on in leaps and bounds

I think you like me dont have much experience of training youngsters and sometimes it pays to take advice and help but obviously you have to settle on a method you are both happy with

Sarah Westons book is excellent and the root of her method is pressure/release. I spent my first year using the pressure/back the hell off method and I would hate someone else to make the same mistake
 
Tinypony said:
Look, don't make excuses. Tell the truth in a nice but firm way. Say you appreciate that she wants to help you (not that you appreciate her help, which is an important distinction), but that you brought the pony as a personal project and you really want the fun of doing it all yourself.
Then, whatever she says - repeat that - "I appreciate that you want to help, but I brought the pony as a personal project and am looking forward to the fun of doing it all myself".
You won't have to repeat yourself more than 3 times as long as you stick to your lines. Make any excuses and she'll counter them, so don't do it.
Then she'll want to come and keep you company. "Thanks for the offer, but I really enjoy a bit of time on my own with pony in the day, so I'll go on my own". Again, stick to it.
Otherwise, when it all goes wrong you've only got yourself to blame.
And of course, she's not really being helpful, she wants to show off how much better at this stuff she is than you are.
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Excellent advice here, other option is to do pony before you go down there, so you can say you've already done pony today
 
Hope your pony came out well, WelshD :)

I just don't want to ruin her and I think i'm putting my barriers up without realizing - I have no idea what i'm doing.
I'd like to see how she'd do with a companion but i'm not sure. Sorry about this everyone - completely confusing myself.
 
She is losing focus because she doesnt see you as the leader, the pressure on then pressure off as one poster said is all to do with how things are naturally in the wild. You wont make her scared, she needs you to be firm to gve her confidence. You are not being cruel by being firm. She will be a happier more confident pony if you become her leader. Can some one you know help you with join up, you do it but they explain to you when to stop and turn your shoulders parallel to her hind quarters and do not look at her etc.

You can put a head collar on her and daily rub her face with your hand, and her ears and down her neck, when she relaxes stop the rubbing because that means to her she has done the right thing by relaxing. This is called desensitizing. Never pat a horse it is the equivalent of another horse kicking them because their skins are so sensitive they can feel a fly. So rub, that is like another horse licking them, which is what their mother would have done. Aways end the session on a good note and never get disillusioned.
 
Brilliant advice, thank you :)

I picked up on the 'end on a good note' and have always left her with either a treat or a stroke on her muzzle. I didn't realize patting was such a bad thing although I haven't got near enough to her to do it yet and will make sure I don't pat her in the future. She already has a head collar on luckily so don't have to take it on or off for the moment.

What do you suggest I do with her tomorrow? I usually go, walk up to her without looking at her and get her to sniff my hand and then walk away and repeat. After she gets bored and walks away I either sit on the ground and let her accept me or follow her and try again, neither seem to be getting me anywhere. She did once swing her bum on me and put her ears back but I was told to drive her on and she hasn't done it since.
 
You should not follow her, she should follow you. I would go see her tomorrow, put lead rope on, even pulling the lead rope through your hands makes a noise, so do it, on oth sides of her head, when she doesnt get a spook from the noise stop. Then i would rub her muzzle and ears and face, if she drops her ead and stops pulling back, then stop. I would rub my hand over her neck on both sides, if she doesnt quiver and relaxes then stop. Lead her around the field, walking next to you, stopping and starting on cue, without plling her, when ts going well, then stop. Eventually you can get a long handled rush and run it over her body, down her legs, when you see she is relaxing stop. By stopping you are telling her well done you are relaxed and that is what i want you to do so i will stop. Once you have got er desensitised to your feel and touching her then you can start the join up.

Oh the bum thing, to sensitise a horse is the same as desensitising but in a different manner, so a finger pushing the flank when the horse moves you are sensitising it to move off your finger. So if you turn your neck and head and look at her hind quarters it would be the same as another horse giving her an order and if you stand parallel to her and do this she should move her bum away from you, but this really comes when you do join up. By join up you are making your place as leader and from there she will obey you and follow you and look up to you etc.
 
Find someone local to you who is very experienced with unhandled horses or even youngstock who would be willing to help you and also show you the ropes. Good luck with her she is lovely :)
 
doriangrey said:
Find someone local to you who is very experienced with unhandled horses or even youngstock who would be willing to help you and also show you the ropes. Good luck with her she is lovely :)
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This is exactly what you should do.
Is the stable you will be using in October near the field? Have you got a plan to get her into it when the time comes. I know it is too late now but when you got her you should have put her straight from the trailer into a stable and then you could have been spending time close to her. While she is in the field and able to eat grass she has no real need to be near you and although she is getting used to you being around she also knows that she can just do what she likes. If you put a companion in with her it will be nice for her but will give her even less reason to want your company.
 
You want to get her following you, try pressure on, this could be walking into her space, or for some simply eye contact, when she looks at you go submissive. If she takes a step towards you reward her by backing out of her space. She learns that being with you makes you go away, eventually. If she comes at you aggressively though you should send her away. You want to be nice but you also need to be her leader.
 
I think she's only trying to help, possibly because you're helping her with her horses and she would like to offer something in return. Maybe she feels like you're not progressing with the pony as fast as you could, are you happy with the progress you've made in the time frame? What you could do is discuss with her her ideas for helping you get your pony handled and then if she makes a suggestion you don't like you can tell her. That way you're not saying no, and you're still accepting help, just more on your terms. It would be a shame to stop your riding as it sounds like your enjoying it.

I know what you mean about not being able to say no. It's very hard, but it's an important skill to learn as it comes along with self confidence. I learned it the hard way, couldn't say no to anyone and made myself very ill with stress. Start with small steps and make a compromise. Don't forget, no-one will dislike you just because you say no to them, and you don't have to be rude about it or feel guilty. After all it's your pony, you have to enjoy her the way you want, don't let anyone else spoil it for you.
 
I appreciate she's trying to help but mum isn't happy that she's going down and i'm too much of a wimp to say otherwise.
Can't get a rope on her, can't even walk near her with the rope or lunge-line, she just bolts. I'd love to know her true past as I think we were lied to on multiple occasions. She strongly dislikes men, whenever my brother or step-dad go to the wall or gate she bolts.

I've tried push/stop but to be honest she's now gotten to the point where she'll just stare at me and refuse to move forward. I'm really confusing myself and probably her with all this.
FO claims to do NH and has offered some advice but everytime I do what she says, Pony just decided she isn't playing ball. Mum has decided i'm not to go see this Lady anymore so i've just had to tell her that I can't go down.

Stable is only a temp one for winter and wasn't up when Pony arrived so unfortunately the only option was to put her in the paddock.
I think i'll just have to carry on as I am and just try to bond with her when she's stabled.
 
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You could try introducing electric fencing and reducing the area she's in to around 10m x 10m. She will fairly soon have eaten the grass down and will be reliant on you for all her food, which gives you a head start:) You don't have to rush out and start buying loads of food for her, giving her a pile of hay in the morning and increasing the size of pen by a foot or so each evening should keep enough weight on her but she has to come into contact with you. You can be quietly going about the poo picking in her pen and she can learn that you are a quiet person who isn't continually trying to get into her space and giving mixed messages. As she becomes more comfortable you could consider making her pen gradually longer and narrower so that she is more used to being in a small space with you in preparation for being stabled.

I think you need to get someone in to help you understand what's going through her head and your part as her herd leader, although I think your mum is right that you shouldn't mix riding for someone else with that person helping you with your pony.
 
Unfortunately it isn't an equestrian property and so there's no arena, no round pens, no small sections I could attempt join-up with her in. I've tried multiple times with her in the field but it's so hilly that she kept stumbling and I wasn't prepared to get her injured so she'd learn to trust me quicker.

I feel that because she's turned out now, she has so much space to get away if she needs to and so she isn't coming to me as she has the space to go to instead. FO suggested cutting a section off with Electric Fence but she galloped through it when it was on full power so she will do it again. I don't even want to think about how she'll cope in a stable - she's never being stabled before so she could completely freak out. Another question/worry I have, is that she was covered in April this year and we haven't had the vet out yet to check if she is pregnant. IF she is, wouldn't all this galloping about and stressing upset the foal?

Luckily FO has bred horses in the past and does have foal experience but refuses to talk about foals unless we know for definite if she is and has offered to help with the whole pregnancy/foaling/foal experience.

Do you think we should be looking at a companion or waiting to see what she's like when stabled and if she's in foal?
 
jemima*askin said:
You could try introducing electric fencing and reducing the area she's in to around 10m x 10m. She will fairly soon have eaten the grass down and will be reliant on you for all her food, which gives you a head start:) You don't have to rush out and start buying loads of food for her, giving her a pile of hay in the morning and increasing the size of pen by a foot or so each evening should keep enough weight on her but she has to come into contact with you. You can be quietly going about the poo picking in her pen and she can learn that you are a quiet person who isn't continually trying to get into her space and giving mixed messages. As she becomes more comfortable you could consider making her pen gradually longer and narrower so that she is more used to being in a small space with you in preparation for being stabled.

I think you need to get someone in to help you understand what's going through her head and your part as her herd leader, although I think your mum is right that you shouldn't mix riding for someone else with that person helping you with your pony.
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Thank you for your reply - That's another thing, I was told not to give her any hay until November time? Is this completely wrong to? She's literally on a handful of pony nuts/cool mix nuts (look the same to me) and an apple/carrot or both cut down and mixed in. This is what she came to us on so we didn't change it (probably a stupid and novice mistake)

The whole issue with my mum infuriates me. She changes her mind all the time, thinks she knows best and then doesn't want to know etc. I've got her nagging in my ear, this new lady nagging in my ear and myself nagging in my head. It's like one big argument and to be quite honest this morning I just feel totally drained. I love this little mare to pieces and I fully understand she needs work but when nobody around me will help without arguing with each other or scaring my pony I feel like i'm drowning with all this!
 
Oh dear, what a pickle! Please don't worry, I'm sure things will settle eventually. We are all made differently and react to certain situations differently. You sound like a real sweet person who possibly has not been put into a situation like this before? Maybe this woman is just trying to help, but comes across as a pain in the bum and a busy-body! Yes, you do have to be brave and speak up or else she'll walk all over you. You have to put her in her place and tell her to back off. It's YOUR pony and you are doing things YOUR way. Only a suggestion, would it be better for you not to ride her (loan) horses? This way you would be putting distance between the two of you immediately, and if you're not around her horses you're not like a 'bait' to her. Put a combination lock on the gate as well, this will deter her visiting the pony especially when you're not there. Get your Mum involved and take her with you when you see the pony. If my Daughter was in a position like this I would most certainly get involved and tell the busy-body politely to back off and 'do one'. Let us know how you get on. Good luck :-) X
 
Put up some electric fencing next to a side of the field where she isn't tempted to gallop through it. She'll then learn about electric fences in her own time but it won't be in a position for her to run through it. When you know she has learned not to go near the fence, then think about putting it in a more open area.
 
I'd just tell her straight - making excuses will only prolong it and she will keep asking which will only stress you out more. I'd just politely say that this pony is your project, therefore you want to try and gain her trust by yourself. Thank her for her 'help' and tell her you will ask her if you need any at any point but at the moment you are fine. That should stop her!
 
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