Timewasting/'joyriding'

[SaddlePsych'D]

How would you define this when looking for a horse to share?

I went to try one the other day and I'm not sure if I just got the wrong end of the stick or if the owner wasn't being clear about their process of finding someone - I left the viewing thinking she was happy to proceed and waiting to hear back from me as to whether I wanted to go for it. When I said I did she let me know she will let me know after some other viewings - this isn't an issue for me, I can understand she has others interested so can have her pick of the bunch, I guess it was just a bit confusing.

In the meantime I want to enquire about another I've seen advertised for share, but worried this might appear to the first owner (it's via Facebook) that I've wasted their time. This is genuinely not my intention, but I'm aware the first one may not go for me anyway so was thinking to just keep looking.

I'm a very genuine person and would never go to see a horse that sounded obviously unsuitable for me, but any guidance on how to approach my search/general etiquette around viewings would be much appreciated as it's all new to me!

 

[Afon_34]

I would go see the other horse, as could be more suitable for you than the first! I wouldn’t see you as a time waster as she has said she’s got other viewings, it’s not as though you’ve agreed anything...

 

[doodle]

Go see the other horse. She has other viewings so why can’t you!?

 

[Equi]

Exactly what Kami said. Its a share, you could have 20 shares and it would not be the owners business.

 

[J&S]

Go see the other horse. You may like it more, less or the same. Perhaps you can share two horses! Obviously depends on what commitments are required and how much time you have to spare. They may have very different natures and offer different aspects of horsemanship.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Thank you for the replies. I thought probably I was worrying over nothing but helpful to have some views on it. Hopefully got another viewing lined up, how exciting!

 

[HashRouge]

Definitely go and see the other horse - you might like not more!

Let us know how you get on

 

[Courbette]

I'd def see the other horse. Remember a share is two relationships (horse + owner) so you want to make sure you get on with both. I usually request a trial so you have a 2-4 week period to gracefully get out of the situation of the horse isn't for you. I've also had owners request this so this shouldn't come across as an odd request. Good luck!

 

[milliepops]

^^ what they all said. I don't think this is timewasting at all (though it would have been nice if the first one was upfront about her process).

 

[Green Bean]

I see this as the same as looking for another yard, you may need to look at 5 or 6 yards before you find the one that suits you, same for buying a horse and loaning a horse. Time wasters are only ones who literally have no intention of going through with anything.

 

[Pedantic]

She see's others, so can you.

 

[Toby_Zaphod]

You need to see other horses to see which one would be the best for you. Don't worry about the 'Time Waster' label because much of the time it's rubbish. Sellers & loaners say this when someone has come to view & decides that the horse isn't for them. There are lots of horses out there, go & try them & then decide which one you want.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Definitely go and see the other horse - you might like not more!

Let us know how you get on

So far not very well! The first owner for the horse I went to see has not got back to me, and the second one had a friend interested but said they would let me know also hasn't got back to me. I'd not be offended if they said 'sorry I've gone with someone else' or that I'm not suitable, it's just a bit frustrating not hearing anything.

I'll keep looking and perhaps make a 'wanted/looking for' ad - although there are lots of these already! I'm not sure if that's a better way to do it?

 

[Toby_Zaphod]

When I was looking for a horse & had a reasonable amount of money to spend, so many sellers I contacted either didn't answer their phone, or I left a message with them & they never got back to me. They are the ones who want to sell their horse but really they can't be asked! When you phone a dealer they get back to you because it's their living to sell horses. I've dealt with private sales & dealer sales in the past & I'd rather deal with a dealer anytime.

 

[Courbette]

I’ve had 5 partloans (I think) and several summer / regular horses to ride as well as a few failed viewings. I found 2 through their adverts and 3 found me through word of mouth.

Do you know anybody locally who has horses as getting them to ask around or putting a wanted add up on local yard may work well. Try local horsey Facebook groups too as often good horses go before they need to be advertised on a site like preloved.

Once you get your foot in the door and get to know people there are always horses to be ridden and owners that need help, this first bit is the hardest ?

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

I’ve had 5 partloans (I think) and several summer / regular horses to ride as well as a few failed viewings. I found 2 through their adverts and 3 found me through word of mouth.

Do you know anybody locally who has horses as getting them to ask around or putting a wanted add up on local yard may work well. Try local horsey Facebook groups too as often good horses go before they need to be advertised on a site like preloved.

Once you get your foot in the door and get to know people there are always horses to be ridden and owners that need help, this first bit is the hardest ?

Just through the riding school at the moment - my instructor, and the owner are the only people I've had contact with so far but they are starting up riding club activities again so hoping to get to know more people through that. Not sure if they have a notice board but will ask when I'm there next, and will make an ad on Facebook once I can get up to date pictures/video of me riding.

To be fair I've only just started properly looking (was going to wait until early Autumn) so I can't really complain. I think it was just the excitement of starting to view then just not getting any feedback at all was disappointing. Never mind, I'm enjoying my lessons for now and hopefully something will turn up for sharing soon.

 

[abbijay]

When I said I did she let me know she will let me know after some other viewings

If she is the type to avoid conflict this might have been a subtle way of suggesting that she didn't feel you are a perfect partner in her share and therefore you should look at other options, as she will. In her head she is not offending you but also isn't signing you up to the share. I think this is a polite (but probably foggy) way of saying thanks but no thanks.
I know from experience that I can't bring myself to say to someone's face that for whatever reason they are not suitable as a sharer. Over the years I have had 2 people come out who said something while meeting me that were red flags but I waited until a day or so later to suggest it probably wasn't the situation they were looking for.
Think of it like going on a date; you go out have a nice time and say "we should do this again." If when you text them the following day they said, "yes ok but I want to go on a few other dates first" you probably wouldn't be waiting for that call to come.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

If she is the type to avoid conflict this might have been a subtle way of suggesting that she didn't feel you are a perfect partner in her share and therefore you should look at other options, as she will. In her head she is not offending you but also isn't signing you up to the share. I think this is a polite (but probably foggy) way of saying thanks but no thanks.
I know from experience that I can't bring myself to say to someone's face that for whatever reason they are not suitable as a sharer. Over the years I have had 2 people come out who said something while meeting me that were red flags but I waited until a day or so later to suggest it probably wasn't the situation they were looking for.
Think of it like going on a date; you go out have a nice time and say "we should do this again." If when you text them the following day they said, "yes ok but I want to go on a few other dates first" you probably wouldn't be waiting for that call to come.

I think you may be right, it is frustrating though because I'm very open/honest and have even said explicitly that I wouldn't be offended if they didn't think I was right just to let me know either way. I think it is more impolite not to say anything at all than to actually just say no thanks.

My partner just made me laugh because he said 'I think you've been ghosted!' which lines up with your dating analogy quite well (although I've been in the same relationship since I was 18 and I'm 29 now so anything dating related is all new to me!).

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Would anyone mind giving a bit of feedback on a wanted ad I've done? I'm not sure whether to post on here or via PM. Thought it might be helpful to see how I'm coming across.

I know there are lots of people out there looking just now, and of course a more experienced horse person is going to be preferred over a novice such as myself. That said, I do think there will be something out there that's appropriate for me and that I have something to offer as a sharer. It's just finding them!

 

[Red-1]

Would anyone mind giving a bit of feedback on a wanted ad I've done? I'm not sure whether to post on here or via PM. Thought it might be helpful to see how I'm coming across.

I know there are lots of people out there looking just now, and of course a more experienced horse person is going to be preferred over a novice such as myself. That said, I do think there will be something out there that's appropriate for me and that I have something to offer as a sharer. It's just finding them!

Sure. I have had a sharer. Don't underestimate yourself, my sharer was quite novice but totally trustworthy. That bit was most important to me!

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Sure. I have had a sharer. Don't underestimate yourself, my sharer was quite novice but totally trustworthy. That bit was most important to me!

Thank you, I will send over a PM now.