To buy, or not to buy?

[Dust Bunny]

I'm not the youngest ... turned 60 on Sunday. However, young at heart and I feel much younger than some of my friends! I rode for years as a child. Had a pony, had a horse, took part in competitions - never won! Loved every minute! Six years ago I got back into riding at my local riding school here in Germany. I haven't looked back since. I have learnt so much and enjoyed every lesson. Three months ago my riding instructor asked me to help her exercise her horse - a beautiful Oldenburger, 5 years old. I have ridden her in group lessons, private lessons and on outrides. Not only have I ridden her, I've also spent hours grooming, cleaning tack, accompanying to competitions and taking down and collecting her from the paddock, always along with my instructor's second horse, a gelding. Unfortunately, my instructor finds herself in the position that she has to sell both of them. I have been approached by the livery owners - in confidence, and today my riding instructor called me and told me the bad news. She wonders whether I would be interested in taking on the horse that I have been riding. Of course I would, the only drawback being my better half, who has no interest in horses whatsoever, has hardly watched a riding lesson and I know, when I tell him, will probably flip out. What should I do? On the one hand, I want to take on the responsibility and costs, on the other hand, I feel I'm being unfair and that perhaps, too the money I would spend on riding and the horse would be better invested for the future. I'm in a real predicament. It's a responsibility I hadn't dreamed of before, and problematic because my hubby is not into horses at all. I've asked my instructor to give me a realistic overview of financial aspects I'll be faced with. The horse has a pedigree, so she won't come cheap, and I need to know the monthly costs involved. Hmm, what should I do? Deep down in my heart I think YES, then my inner voice says NO!

 

[Polos Mum]

You can't take it with you - as they say

You probably can't make a decision until you know all the € in's and out's

I'm not familiar with Germany but is the concept of sharing horses common over there ? That is a great middle ground where you pay a modest amount to 'own/ be responsible' for the horse 2 or 3 days a week.

That said finding the right horse that you like, that you can ride and trust is really hard - so maybe a compromise would be you buying the mare and having a sharer to cover some costs / time so it's less intrusive on your relationship?

 

[Dust Bunny]

Yes, sharing is common in Germany. That's an idea worth considering.Thank you

 

[VRIN]

Life is too short not to enjoy it!! If your heart is telling you 'yes' and you can afford it ... go for it!! I am sure your husband would want you to be happy even if he has no interest in horses.

 

[dreamcometrue]

Do it. I’m 69 and will die happy having had my horses.

 

[Trouper]

Well ,yes, you need to know all the costs involved before you can make a sensible financial decision. Unless you want to continue lessons you will be able to offset those costs but it will almost certainly be a significant outlay. I would hope you would be able to negotiate an advantageous purchase price as the owner knows you and how you will look after the horse and also will not incur advertising costs.

As for your OH - it is difficult for any of us to comment on the impact it will have and only you can judge whether it would be worth it. Does he have a hobby? How much does that cost? If the costs of my hobby were to impact family finances to a significant degree I would struggle to square it with my conscience I am afraid. However, I would certainly be looking at all ways to mitigate the costs or at least to keep them equal to any costs OH's hobby might generate.

 

[lynz88]

If you get clarity on the financial side of it and you can make it work and happy to do so, then when not? I'm a big believer in "my money, my happiness" - as long as there is no detriment to the other person. I think the challenge comes if the other person doesn't have a hobby or passion and doesn't understand what a horse means.

 

[Jojo66]

It’s sensible to get the costs laid out first but you are only here once! If finances allow definitely do it. The owner is obviously thinking you would be well suited and that is a compliment to you. My OH wants very against a completely separate thing I wanted to do but once he realised I was serious and how much it meant to me he soon came around.
Once you know if it is affordable sit down and talk it though with him - no-one knows what’s around the corner and you have to live the best life you can

 

[Dust Bunny]

Life is too short not to enjoy it!! If your heart is telling you 'yes' and you can afford it ... go for it!! I am sure your husband would want you to be happy even if he has no interest in horses.

Thank you for your advice and opinion

 

[Dust Bunny]

It’s sensible to get the costs laid out first but you are only here once! If finances allow definitely do it. The owner is obviously thinking you would be well suited and that is a compliment to you. My OH wants very against a completely separate thing I wanted to do but once he realised I was serious and how much it meant to me he soon came around.
Once you know if it is affordable sit down and talk it though with him - no-one knows what’s around the corner and you have to live the best life you can

We've started chatting and he's not totally against the idea - just doesn't want me at the stables all the time! Tell me, how does your husband see things now ... if I may ask?

 

[Dust Bunny]

Do it. I’m 69 and will die happy having had my horses.

Having had horses, I know what you mean Should I do it again? That's the question I'm asking myself. It's great to have a horse and be able to say "It's mine!" But there is so much responsibility!

 

[Dust Bunny]

Life is too short not to enjoy it!! If your heart is telling you 'yes' and you can afford it ... go for it!! I am sure your husband would want you to be happy even if he has no interest in horses.

It’s sensible to get the costs laid out first but you are only here once! If finances allow definitely do it. The owner is obviously thinking you would be well suited and that is a compliment to you. My OH wants very against a completely separate thing I wanted to do but once he realised I was serious and how much it meant to me he soon came around.
Once you know if it is affordable sit down and talk it though with him - no-one knows what’s around the corner and you have to live the best life you can

Thank you for your honest opinion. It really helps!

 

[Dust Bunny]

It’s sensible to get the costs laid out first but you are only here once! If finances allow definitely do it. The owner is obviously thinking you would be well suited and that is a compliment to you. My OH wants very against a completely separate thing I wanted to do but once he realised I was serious and how much it meant to me he soon came around.
Once you know if it is affordable sit down and talk it though with him - no-one knows what’s around the corner and you have to live the best life you can

I appreciate your honest opinion. Thank you. This evening we started talking about the situtation and he is not totally against it

 

[DressageCob]

If the price is right, buy the horse. It sounds like you've really enjoyed riding her and having her company.

Might there be a possibility for your instructor or someone else to share her? If that's something you'd be interested in, that is. Having a sharer would take off some of the pressure about being at the yard every day and may help with the financial burden, depending on the agreement.

 

[Dust Bunny]

If the price is right, buy the horse. It sounds like you've really enjoyed riding her and having her company.

Might there be a possibility for your instructor or someone else to share her? If that's something you'd be interested in, that is. Having a sharer would take off some of the pressure about being at the yard every day and may help with the financial burden, depending on the agreement.

You are right. It's early days. Your idea is good . Thank you

 

[Jojo66]

We've started chatting and he's not totally against the idea - just doesn't want me at the stables all the time! Tell me, how does your husband see things now ... if I may ask?

Well my ‘other’ thing was actually breast reduction surgery so not entirely horse related although it helped immensely with back pain. He’s absolutely fine about it now I’ve gone through it and all is good. I spend a lot of time with my horses but he has his own hobbies so it works out well for us. Maybe set some realistic time schedules but they’ll probably go out the window once you have your own horse to enjoy Seriously though sometimes you have to let your heart lead otherwise it brings resentment into the equation. Horses are amazing for your soul and I wish you luck with whatever your path takes

 

[Dust Bunny]

Life is too short not to enjoy it!! If your heart is telling you 'yes' and you can afford it ... go for it!! I am sure your husband would want you to be happy even if he has no interest in horses.

Thanks for your input. I think you're right!

 

[nagblagger]

When you get costs, could you also ask for part livery costs so you could budget for them to ensure a couple of 'free days' as, initially, I wouldn't be able to share my new horse.

always along with my instructor's second horse

Have you ridden out and done things with the horse on its own?

 

[Dust Bunny]

Well my ‘other’ thing was actually breast reduction surgery so not entirely horse related although it helped immensely with back pain. He’s absolutely fine about it now I’ve gone through it and all is good. I spend a lot of time with my horses but he has his own hobbies so it works out well for us. Maybe set some realistic time schedules but they’ll probably go out the window once you have your own horse to enjoy Seriously though sometimes you have to let your heart lead otherwise it brings resentment into the equation. Horses are amazing for your soul and I wish you luck with whatever your path takes

Thank you very much for your contribution. I hope that you are both doing well. I take your words to heart.

 

[Dust Bunny]

When you get costs, could you also ask for part livery costs so you could budget for them to ensure a couple of 'free days' as, initially, I wouldn't be able to share my new horse.


Have you ridden out and done things with the horse on its own?

Yes, I am really confident with the horse - in lessons and hacking. Part livery wouldn't be possible.

 

[Dust Bunny]

When you get costs, could you also ask for part livery costs so you could budget for them to ensure a couple of 'free days' as, initially, I wouldn't be able to share my new horse.


Have you ridden out and done things with the horse on its own?

Yes, I have.

 

[SO1]

Are you the only person that your instructor teaches on this horse? If not then perhaps one of the other people who have lessons on her might like to share the horse in return for a financial contribution. That might ease your husbands concerns about the amount of time at the stables and finances.

 

[nagblagger]

You should read some of my previous posts, what my OH has to put up with! 3 times he went away for work over the last couple of years and each time a donkey appeared!
2 weeks ago we both went on holiday and a foal 'appeared'...!
He doesn't always approve but accepts, it's my money and he sees how much I enjoy being with them and it gives him a few hours of 'peace' !

Could your instructor be the sharer?

 

[SEL]

One of my colleagues died suddenly recently. Made us all realise that life can be very short.

Buy the horse!

 

[Dust Bunny]

Are you the only person that your instructor teaches on this horse? If not then perhaps one of the other people who have lessons on her might like to share the horse in return for a financial contribution. That might ease your husbands concerns about the amount of time at the stables and finances.

I'm the only rider, other than my instructor.

 

[Dust Bunny]

You should read some of my previous posts, what my OH has to put up with! 3 times he went away for work over the last couple of years and each time a donkey appeared!
2 weeks ago we both went on holiday and a foal 'appeared'...!
He doesn't always approve but accepts, it's my money and he sees how much I enjoy being with them and it gives him a few hours of 'peace' !

Could your instructor be the sharer?

I enjoyed reading your experience! Perhaps my instructor could be the sharer.I spoke to her this evening. She was really depressed. This is an option that I will talk to her about. I know how much she is suffering and perhaps this would be the perfect solution. She could 'keep' her horse and ride her in competitions and I could work in the background.

 

[Dust Bunny]

Life is too short not to enjoy it!! If your heart is telling you 'yes' and you can afford it ... go for it!! I am sure your husband would want you to be happy even if he has no interest in horses.

Thank you! I know my husband wants me to be happy, but it's not that easy!

 

[Dust Bunny]

Life is too short not to enjoy it!! If your heart is telling you 'yes' and you can afford it ... go for it!! I am sure your husband would want you to be happy even if he has no interest in horses.

Well my ‘other’ thing was actually breast reduction surgery so not entirely horse related although it helped immensely with back pain. He’s absolutely fine about it now I’ve gone through it and all is good. I spend a lot of time with my horses but he has his own hobbies so it works out well for us. Maybe set some realistic time schedules but they’ll probably go out the window once you have your own horse to enjoy Seriously though sometimes you have to let your heart lead otherwise it brings resentment into the equation. Horses are amazing for your soul and I wish you luck with whatever your path takes

Thanks for sharing your honest words. Like you, I try to live the moment, but still have others in mind. I wish you all the best with your horses. I know what you mean.

 

[Dust Bunny]

Are you the only person that your instructor teaches on this horse? If not then perhaps one of the other people who have lessons on her might like to share the horse in return for a financial contribution. That might ease your husbands concerns about the amount of time at the stables and finances.

I'm the only other rider, but there are other riders that I could consider. Thanks for the idea.

 

[claret09]

go for it. you only get one life. my boy chose me eighteen years ago and although poor as a consequence i wouldn't change him for the world.