To buy, or not to buy?

[Above the snowline]

There are no pockets in a shroud. If you can afford it then go for it. Owning a horse can be a rollercoaster ride and there are no guarantees. Don’t expect to ever see your money again. Better to buy an expensive horse (within reason) that you know than a bargain unknown. Yes it could drop down dead soon after purchase but it could also enrich your life and make you cry with happiness. Happy Birthday! Don’t forget you can always give up if you find you’re not enjoying it. Follow your gut instinct.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

Explain to OH just how much you want the horse and how happy it makes you. The stable work will keep you physically fit and your mental health will benefit. My OH is happy to mend fences, paint, fix things, while I ride so perhaps your hubby would secretly enjoy getting involved. Buy the horse then we need photos

 

[lynz88]

We've started chatting and he's not totally against the idea - just doesn't want me at the stables all the time! Tell me, how does your husband see things now ... if I may ask?

I don't have a husband but I got my horse when I was dating someone about 16 years ago. It caused a rift as he was deathly afraid of horses and just...didn't work (it also didn't work for other reasons, not just the horse but horse and first real job were the ultimate killer).

I already had my horse (same one) when I met my current OH so it's the only thing he knows of me. He has boys from a previous marriage and had an expensive hobby himself so understands in a roundabout way what it is to have a horse. I manage to see horse between 1 and 5 times per week depending on my schedule. OH is supportive and we've gone on walks together (me riding, him walking) and he comes along to the yard every so often and says hi to said horse. He knows horse is my first "boyfriend" and accepts this (even jokes about it)

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

If you get on with the horse and the price is right go for it, I had an oldenburg mare she was beautiful and one of the best horses I ever owned.

I'm an Arab horse person really but when a horse grabs you I think you need to go with it.

 

[alibali]

Carpe diem

 

[Dust Bunny]

Decisions, decisions! After long contemplation and talks we've decided not to buy. If only I were 20 years younger! I've offered to take over the livery costs in return for being able to ride her. So, more or less like sharing. She's a beautiful dressage horse, ridden successfully in competitions and of course the price reflects this! At my age I don't need a horse of this calibre. OH was not at all anti, but weighing up the pros and cons, we've made our decision. I hope that my offer will enable my instructor to keep her. Saying goodbye will be heartbreaking.

 

[lynz88]

It sounds like you've come to a good decision either way, weighing reality vs fantasy

 

[Dust Bunny]

It sounds like you've come to a good decision either way, weighing reality vs fantasy

Thanks. I think so. It's no use painting rosy pictures. I recon I've another 10 years of active riding if I don't have healthy problems along the way. The responsibility of owning is massive and the welfare of the horse always comes first. I hope my offer is an option and if not, I can only hope she goes to an excellent home.

 

[Errin Paddywack]

Heart breaking but very sensible, I do hope it works out that you can keep on riding her.
This is the part of aging I really hate. You think of something you would really like to do then have to face the practicalities. A friend of mine who is 80 but still very active and was competing with her dog, lost him very suddenly. Being someone who can't be without a dog she went looking and has ended up with one much younger than she was looking for. The much younger friend of hers who found it for her was one of those who when you point out your age just says but anyone could drop dead tomorrow, go under a bus etc. However once you get older you realise that however good you feel this minute, realistically it can't last and you only have x or y active years left. In her case she is actively working on turning the dog into a good citizen who will be re-homeable if she becomes incapable of looking after it. Taking on a horse who may well long out live me is now out of the question so much as I would like another there won't be one.

 

[teacups]

My aunt took on another dog age 88 as she was fit and healthy and could not imagine life without a dog. She made sure it was a small to medium size dog, and she made sure that if she could not manage due to illness/age the dog would have a home (my father, and my cousin, said they would have her - the dog that is).
She did the same with her previous dog when she took that dog on, age 79…but outlived the dog.
In the end she remained fit and healthy and had some very good years with the dog, but dementia got to her and she did have to give her up at age 95.

Anyway, the upshot of that tale is: Errin P, in principle if you made provisions for the horse’s next home, why couldn’t you have another one?

 

[dorsetladette]

I watch a film the other night and one character kept saying 'why save the good stuff' I'm another that says - buy the horse!

It sounds like you'd be purchasing a cracker! I doubt you'd have any trouble finding a sharer for him.

Good luck with him!

 

[Kirstineridesagain]

Thank you! I know my husband wants me to be happy, but it's not that easy!

I've been in a similar situation. Although my husband actually loves horses, can ride and loves to just be with them. But for years it was a firm "no" from him. Not just because of the money, but because we have quite a few children and other commitments. I didn't want to push it too much, because he was right, really. But then time passed, the children are a bit older (youngest is 7), and he realised that I was serious about it, and that it meant a lot to me. It's going to be something the whole family (more or less) will enjoy and share, so it's not just an ego trip for me (nothing wrong with that though!).

Hope you find a way to make the dream come true.

 

[Dust Bunny]

I've been in a similar situation. Although my husband actually loves horses, can ride and loves to just be with them. But for years it was a firm "no" from him. Not just because of the money, but because we have quite a few children and other commitments. I didn't want to push it too much, because he was right, really. But then time passed, the children are a bit older (youngest is 7), and he realised that I was serious about it, and that it meant a lot to me. It's going to be something the whole family (more or less) will enjoy and share, so it's not just an ego trip for me (nothing wrong with that though!).

Hope you find a way to make the dream come true.

Thanks Kirstin, in a way our situations are similar, but you have the added advantage of youth and the fact that the whole family will profit. I wish you all many happy 'horse' years If my offer can't be accepted by my riding instructor it doesn't mean the end of riding for me, it will just be having to say goodbye to a beautiful horse

 

[Dust Bunny]

Heart breaking but very sensible, I do hope it works out that you can keep on riding her.
This is the part of aging I really hate. You think of something you would really like to do then have to face the practicalities. A friend of mine who is 80 but still very active and was competing with her dog, lost him very suddenly. Being someone who can't be without a dog she went looking and has ended up with one much younger than she was looking for. The much younger friend of hers who found it for her was one of those who when you point out your age just says but anyone could drop dead tomorrow, go under a bus etc. However once you get older you realise that however good you feel this minute, realistically it can't last and you only have x or y active years left. In her case she is actively working on turning the dog into a good citizen who will be re-homeable if she becomes incapable of looking after it. Taking on a horse who may well long out live me is now out of the question so much as I would like another there won't be one.

You've hit the nail on the head Errin. Currently I'm riding four times a week and training for a half marathon - fit as a fiddle. However, I notice that it's not as easy as say five years ago. I'm the only rider in the family, so it's not like my daughter or son would be able to jump in. Thanks for sharing

 

[Errin Paddywack]

Anyway, the upshot of that tale is: Errin P, in principle if you made provisions for the horse’s next home, why couldn’t you have another one?

It isn't just my age, much as I love the idea of riding I am not at all sure I would have the nerve or be physically able to ride now, just having my mare who is just a sweet natured field ornament seems to be sufficient for now but she will almost definitely be the last.

 

[Dust Bunny]

Feeling tearful. Just returned from our last long hack. Beautiful countryside, steady trot, collected canter and a short gallop. My instructor on her second horse didn't tell me before that the horses would be leaving the stables on Monday. I'm pleased, otherwise I would have been upset on the ride. My offer to take over the livery she said was generous, but her situation is so dire that it wouldn't be feasible. Now the sun is shining after a cloudy start and I'm going to go for a long slow run and try to focus on my half marathon next weekend. Thank you all so very much for all the advice, the 'open ears' and the understanding you've shown.

 

[splashgirl45]

How sad for you , hopefully another will come along for you in the future

 

[Kirstineridesagain]

Feeling tearful. Just returned from our last long hack. Beautiful countryside, steady trot, collected canter and a short gallop. My instructor on her second horse didn't tell me before that the horses would be leaving the stables on Monday. I'm pleased, otherwise I would have been upset on the ride. My offer to take over the livery she said was generous, but her situation is so dire that it wouldn't be feasible. Now the sun is shining after a cloudy start and I'm going to go for a long slow run and try to focus on my half marathon next weekend. Thank you all so very much for all the advice, the 'open ears' and the understanding you've shown.

I know how this feels, you get your hopes up and everything seems to (almost) fall into place, then at the last minute it doesn't work out. But trust me, there will be a horse for you if you don't give up looking. But maybe this one was so special that that's a big part of why you wanted him. Big hugs to you.

PS I have a friend selling an amazing horse in Germany, send me a message and I'll pass on the advert.

 

[fidleyspromise]

I'm sorry to hear that was your last ride with this beautiful horse but how sweet you got to enjoy it without realising it was the last ride.

 

[Dust Bunny]

That's so true. The lovely memory remains.

 

[Dust Bunny]

I know how this feels, you get your hopes up and everything seems to (almost) fall into place, then at the last minute it doesn't work out. But trust me, there will be a horse for you if you don't give up looking. But maybe this one was so special that that's a big part of why you wanted him. Big hugs to you.

PS I have a friend selling an amazing horse in Germany, send me a message and I'll pass on the advert.

Thank you, but I think you've misunderstood a bit. I've made the decision not to buy. Sharing would be perfect.

 

[Caski]

Feeling tearful. Just returned from our last long hack. Beautiful countryside, steady trot, collected canter and a short gallop. My instructor on her second horse didn't tell me before that the horses would be leaving the stables on Monday. I'm pleased, otherwise I would have been upset on the ride. My offer to take over the livery she said was generous, but her situation is so dire that it wouldn't be feasible. Now the sun is shining after a cloudy start and I'm going to go for a long slow run and try to focus on my half marathon next weekend. Thank you all so very much for all the advice, the 'open ears' and the understanding you've shown.

I hope that you will stay with the H&H forum, there are quite a few on here who no longer have a horse after a lifetime with one.

Enjoy the marathon!

 

[Tarragon]

I have a non-horsey (and not very horsey-tolerant!) partner, and I do have to compromise. Finances isn't the biggest problem, it is my time that is the issue. My solution was to always ride early. I ride before work Monday to Friday, and at a weekend I get back home between 10 and 11 so that we have time to do something else on that day. It would help if my partner had his own hobby, so we could agree to have one weekend day doing our own thing and one doing something together - but he doesn't! It is a tricky situation, but you may find that in fact your partner is more tolerant than you predict, and may even find the extra time to do something else liberating!

Sorry - just read all the posts and realise you have moved on!

 

[Dust Bunny]

I have a non-horsey (and not very horsey-tolerant!) partner, and I do have to compromise. Finances isn't the biggest problem, it is my time that is the issue. My solution was to always ride early. I ride before work Monday to Friday, and at a weekend I get back home between 10 and 11 so that we have time to do something else on that day. It would help if my partner had his own hobby, so we could agree to have one weekend day doing our own thing and one doing something together - but he doesn't! It is a tricky situation, but you may find that in fact your partner is more tolerant than you predict, and may even find the extra time to do something else liberating!

Sorry - just read all the posts and realise you have moved on!

I'll still be riding, probably just not as often until the opportunity arises where I may share a horse. At the moment there isn't any option to do that at the yard I go to. We have something in common and that is early riding - I do that at weekends too and then we have brunch and the rest of the day together. I start work too early to ride in the morning. This week I'm riding Wednesday and Friday after work.

 

[Dust Bunny]

I hope that you will stay with the H&H forum, there are quite a few on here who no longer have a horse after a lifetime with one.

Enjoy the marathon!

I'll be stayingi on H&H - I enjoy the chit chat back and forth! I know I'll enjoy the half marathon up to km 18 ... then I'll put some good music on to see me through the last 3.1 kms!