To return ashes or not? What did you do?

ShadowFlame

ShadowFlame

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It's come to the point where I need to make a decision. Because of the amount of drugs Rodney had in his system when he passed, our only real option is cremation. The question is whether to do group and not have ashes returned, or individual and he'll be returned.

My gut is telling me individual, my head is asking what on earth I would do with the ashes anyway.

I need to decide within the next hour, really.

Help :(
 
Only you can make that choice I'm afraid, but...


...if it were me I'd have a group cremation and (I'm guessing it costs less than an individual) use the difference in money to get a lovely piece of jewellery made with your horse's hair as a memento. I would prefer that as a memorial than a box of ashes tbh.
 
I chose not to-I was able to take some tail hair beforehand though, so have that to do something with once I can bear to. These are always very individual decisions though. Sorry about your horse :(
 
ShadowFlame said:
It's come to the point where I need to make a decision. Because of the amount of drugs Rodney had in his system when he passed, our only real option is cremation. The question is whether to do group and not have ashes returned, or individual and he'll be returned.

My gut is telling me individual, my head is asking what on earth I would do with the ashes anyway.

I need to decide within the next hour, really.

Help :(
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Is there a third way? Is there the option to have a small amount of ashes from the group cremation returned, in which case it might be helpful to you to have small amount of ashes and, say, donate the difference to an animal charity in Rodney's name?

I wouldn't want the ashes back, nor would I feel the need for an individual cremation but I know that some people do need to feel they have something left.
 
I have just replied on your other thread. Im sorry for your loss. I didnt have the ashes back for financial reasons to be honest, as said in my other reply I planted a tree for my old girl. In one way I wish I had her ashes but I dont know if it would have helped or not I have a memory box with hair from her mane and tail, her headcollar etc. whatever you decide, im sure it will be right for you. Sorry again
 
jemima*askin said:
Is there a third way? Is there the option to have a small amount of ashes from the group cremation returned, in which case it might be helpful to you to have small amount of ashes and, say, donate the difference to an animal charity in Rodney's name?

I wouldn't want the ashes back, nor would I feel the need for an individual cremation but I know that some people do need to feel they have something left.
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They mentioned a couple of other options. First, I can't remember the name of, but to put it bluntly he'd be thrown in landfill with all the other farm animals unsuited to entering the food chain. I knocked that off the list. I couldn't do it.

Second was burial. I don't have anywhere to bury him, unfortunately.

They did offer ashes back with both crem options. I chose against returned ashes as a group... if I do have them back, I only want his. I have his tail (vet nurse cut it off for me when I went to visit the body), I also have his shoes. I feel like I should know where his body goes, and unless I have them back I just won't know. There is a £350+VAT difference between group and individual, though.

I just don't know :( The vet bill (I think) will be in excess of £5k... I'm starting to think what's an extra £350 in the grand scheme of things :(
 
I always thought I wouldn't want my girls ashes back but the cremation people I used only did individual and always give the ashes back, it was all a set price and now I'm kinda glad I did have them back.

Maybe some people would think it's weird but she's in our living room under the window, sometimes I chat to her and if the cat sits on the casket I chuckle to myself thinking how she's somewhere watching shouting get that cat off me!

If you have them back, you can then choose to keep them or scatter them in a favourite spot or something you wouldn't have to keep them.
 
For me it would be a no - I wouldn't want the ashes back.

Unless of course you have somewhere to scatter them.
 
It's entirely up to you, only you can make that decision.

I chose not to have the ashes back. To be honest I couldn't really afford it and I wasn't really sure what I would do with them anyway. I have wonderful memories and lovely pictures, I didn't feel that I needed his body too.
 
The thing is, his ashes are only the empty shell of his body... his soul has gone and THAT is the thing that made him YOUR Rodney. I know some people like to have their horse's ashes and I'm not judging anyone for their own personal decision, but for me, I just think that once the soul is gone, do you really need the wrapping in an ash form? Having his tail and shoes would be enough for me. As has already been said, photos and memories are your most prized possessions xxx
 
I decided not to have them back. Like others have said, they were not him. It was purely a sentimental thing and for me the money was too much for sentiment. I'm glad I didn't get them.
 
I didn't have my beloved mare's ashes back. They would mean nothing to me. I have a friend who has 2 tubes of ashes from her horses that passed away and these tubes are huge and now in her garage; she is unsure what to do with them. I would find that more disturbing - the concern over the tubes than not having them to be honest.
 
Coblover63 said:
The thing is, his ashes are only the empty shell of his body... his soul has gone and THAT is the thing that made him YOUR Rodney. I know some people like to have their horse's ashes and I'm not judging anyone for their own personal decision, but for me, I just think that once the soul is gone, do you really need the wrapping in an ash form? Having his tail and shoes would be enough for me. As has already been said, photos and memories are your most prized possessions xxx
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^^^^This for me too, your horse will have gone in the physical sense, that doesn't take away your memories and thoughts. Personally ashes are nothing but that, what is the point of keeping something that no longer really exists and I'd rather look at a good photo of a gorgeous horse than a pot on the shelf. Having said that, it's your horse, your choice though I'm a long way from being convinced that you get back what you've paid for. (and I know that is true for humans!!).
 
Tree planting is a great idea as a memorial, just don't plant it in a field where other horses are. I did this and one of them ate the tree. I hadn't thought to protect it with a proper fence, I'd just taped it off but this pesky horse got it anyway.
 
It would be a no for me too, sadly we have just pts my neighbours horse this morning and he will be going for group cremation with no ashes returned.

Ashes to me are just that, and I'd much prefer to have wonderful memories of better times in my heart than a box of ashes as a painful reminder of their passing. I appreciate that everyone is different though.
 
Thank you all. You're right... it's not going to be him. £350 worth of dust isn't going to make me feel any better. I've just made the phonecall to ask for group cremation, no ashes.

Thank you for the responses x
 
I didnt have a choice when benson died, as i was out of it in hospital!! but his owners decided on an individual cremation, and then his ashes came back, in one large, and 2 small caskets. I had a small one, so di his owner, and they also had the large one which was I think buried in his original field. I had my one buried in a place where he loved, where we used to go with the point to pointed, and had great fun up there. I know its just his ashes, but it means so much to me that i can go there whenever I want, and feel that much closer to him there.
 
We had the ashes of my sister pony back. For a few years they were in their box, by her bed. Then they were put in her built in wardrobe and almost forgotten about. She's now moved house and hasn't taken them with her. If you have somewhere to scatter them, get them back, but otherwise, it's a very heavy box...
 
I find having the ashes back a little bit morbid and it reopens the grieve when you do get them back. I lost my old boy at Christmas and I had him cremated in a group (also a lot cheaper)
 
We have never had the ashes back, being of the opinion that when the animal is dead the body is just a shell and we really don't want the shell in an unrecognisable but very inconvenient form. We have lots of photos and other memorabilia and of course, loads of wonderful memories. We have got some plants in our garden in memory of vrious animals.
The mare we had pts recently always used to have a nibble on a rowan tree as she came out of her stable (if she got the chance). The tree had to be transplanted last Autumn but it is definitely her tree, especially now.
It is a personal decision of course and you must do what comforts you.

It was very much brought home to me that the shell is just that when we had a labrador bitch pts at home because she hated to go to the vet's. We had other dogs who loved her to bits and were always very careful round her as she became frail. As soon as the vet confirmed that she was dead and stood up, the other dogs wanted to talk to the vet and stood on the body as if it were a rug. They would *never* have done that when she was alive.
 
When my old pony died I had his ashes returned to me. We bought a Bay tree ( my boys stable name was Bay) and when we planted it in a tub we used part of the ashes with the soil, some were scattered on my fields and some I took down to Exmoor went up onto the moor at Exford ( we had competed at the Golden Horse Shoe several times) and again scattered the rest over he moors.

His 2 front shoes were cleaned up and made into a candle holder. Each year at certain times we light it to remember him.
 
Its such a personal thing, and I am so sorry about Rodney.

When my 2 went together, I didn't have their ashes back, I didnt need them, but I did have hair from their tails.

But when my 3 cats passed, as each went we chose a curled up cat wooden casket in the nearest colour to them, and now all 3 will be forever curled up together by the fire. I know people will think I am potty, but that was very important to me with my boys.

Can't explain the difference though, just what was important to me at the time

GI x
 
i'm so sorry to hear about Rodney :(

I do think they are worth keeping. We are lucky enough to have our own land so we would spread / bury the ashes wherever the pony was happiest ont he land.

What about a place he loved to go on a hack? Or your back garden? or would your YO allow you to bury / spread on the land??

tons of hugs xxx
 
I've actually just picked up my boys ashes, I always thought it was silly until it actually came down to it and for me personally I needed to have them back.

He was one in a million and to me to always have his ashes is important to me, but it is a VERY personal decision -there really is no right or wrong choice.

They are super heavy, did laugh as I was really struggling to get them out of the car - the old boy still causing me problems even after he's gone!:p
 
With an individual cremation, you only get token ashes, ie part of your horses ashes back. It is very expensive, you have to decide where to place them, and it's quite upsetting. Nice idea to have jewellery made from some of his hair, something nice to keep until you see him again at Rainbow Bridge.
 
I've not kept any. I think that, knowing me, I'd be too attached to them (I realise even as I type that that is unlikely to make sense outside my own head :cool:).

I tend to keep a little of a tail. Tiggs I kept her two front shoes as she was Tiggy Two Shoes (lost them so often!). D made a wooden plaque mounted them on it, complete with a little name plague. That seems to work for me.
 
I didn't have my old boy's ashes returned, but I've kept his nameplate and some pieces of tack, just so I have something physical to remind me of him.
 
So sorry for your loss :(

I'd have been tempted to have them back but for the sheer volume of ash!

Probably more information than you really want but...

Human adult ashes take up roughly the same space as a 3-4L bottle, horses can be up to almost 2 shopping basket size.
 
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