Too particular??

I'm happy for people to be as picky as they want as long as they can back it up with a healthy budget. For me it's about being realistic. As others have said I'd rather people didn't over-horse themselves and held out for the right horse.
What does annoy me is 'All I want' followed by a huge list of the perfect horse in every situation and then a budget of 2k. I'm not sure why it doesn't cross people's minds that 'all' they want happens to be what a lot of people want.
 
Abi90 said:
I’ve given up now, I really want to help her as she’s really missing having a horse but she’s not being at all realistic!
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I had a friend like this but not about horses. She was desperate to get a house having been chucked out of hers by ex. (long story). She had the equity from the previous house to use and I really thought it would be easy as her most basic requirements were big garden for her dog and close to town as she can't drive and has to walk everywhere. I was so wrong. Lots of houses out there fitted most of her criteria but she kept changing just what she could compromise on. She was lucky in that the Council found her a ground floor flat that allowed dogs. She has now been there over 4 years, still says she wants out to the extent she won't totally unpack or use all the kitchen cupboards but she is now priced out of the market. I have totally washed my hands of helping her. Some people are their own worst enemies.
 
Meowy Catkin said:
Everything you say is absolutely true. I would add though that IME the number of people who genuinely need a gelding due to being on a 'gelding only yard' for example are absolutely drowned out by the number of people (who sadly have often been women) who are simply sexist towards mares and generally can't come up with a genuine, logical reason for feeling that way when asked. The sexism towards mares has been so deeply entrenched that it made me a bit miserable at one yard I was at for a time, basically trying to get me to sell my mare simply because she's female. She is genuinely the perfect horse for me and it is super hard finding the right horse when you are disabled. Add in the fact that she's chestnut too and the bigotry really ramps up.
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i look for geldings only, i have ridden/viewed hundreds of horses during various horse searches and never found a mare i like or get on with enough to want to buy.

if mares suit you then don’t let anyone talk you out of it but they are simply not for me.
 
When I was looking I was picky about some things (no TBs, around the 15-15.2hh mark) but flexible on others (any sex, any colour). I was willing to try a green horse.
However I ended up with a 16.1hh sport horse who is nearly all TB. I nearly didn’t view him because he was too big but my friend persuaded me and I’m so very glad I did...I love him!
Im also very glad I didn’t try bringing on a green horse, I think I would have scared myself.
 
I do agree that people can be prejudiced against mares for no good reason, and writing off about 50% of the market is silly unless you have a good reason to do so.

Humans often aren't rational though, and sometimes allow one bad experience with a mare/particular breed/particular colour to cause them to write off all horses like that!
 
A musing for everyone - If someone presented a horse for you (and by 'you' I mean anyone who is reading this) to ride, didn't tell you if they were a mare or a gelding/stallion and they had a lovely jousting caparison (so no quick peeking to see if there's a sheath) would it make a difference to how you perceived that horse? Would it make it easier to judge the horse for the qualities it actually had? Would stereotypes go out the window?

I honestly think that in some cases the fact that people think 'I don't get on with mares' comes out in subtle ways in their body language and that that is picked up by the horse, so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Why would a horse be comfortable around someone who appears not to like them?
 
My point was less about people being sensible about their own abilities and more being very specific about the horse itself. So my friend’s shopping list is along the lines of

Must be 16hh, cannot be an inch bigger or smaller
Must be grey
Must be between 9-10, will not go a year either side
Must be a weight carrier, but not a cob or Irish draught as she wants a sports horse or Connemara
Must be under £4,000
Must be safe and sane and sensible with no vices, a fair enough wish but she won’t compromise on any of the above to get it

And she’s not willing to wait, she wants it now. That’s what is frustrating as I’ve found multiple horses just outside those parameters.

Incidentally if anyone knows anything that might fit, can you PM me?
 
Abi90 said:
My point was less about people being sensible about their own abilities and more being very specific about the horse itself. So my friend’s shopping list is along the lines of

Must be 16hh, cannot be an inch bigger or smaller
Must be grey
Must be between 9-10, will not go a year either side
Must be a weight carrier, but not a cob or Irish draught as she wants a sports horse or Connemara
Must be under £4,000
Must be safe and sane and sensible with no vices, a fair enough wish but she won’t compromise on any of the above to get it

And she’s not willing to wait, she wants it now. That’s what is frustrating as I’ve found multiple horses just outside those parameters.

Incidentally if anyone knows anything that might fit, can you PM me?
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Well the first three points are ridiculous.
 
I feel like the way people ride seems to have changed since I was younger. "Back in the day" everyone I knew was almost exclusively a happy hacker. Possibly a bit of fun jumping in the summer field, schooling once or twice a week maybe. We all wanted first and foremost a safe, personable type of horse, bonus points if it was pretty.

These days more people seem to want to compete, but they're only really capable of doing so on an exceptionally produced school master type, and that's unfortunately (but rightly!) going to be out of most people's price range. Plus, there's a big potential for that sort of horse to go backwards in the wrong home anyway, but that's another matter.

In my own (probably contentious!) opinion, people place too much emphasis on scope/ability/potential, and not enough on safety/sensibleness. And to get both, well that's worth its weight in gold!
 
Cortez said:
Why? There are plenty of 16h grey 9 or 10 year olds in the world.
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Obviously not or OP and friend wouldn't be having problems finding one.

ETA - apologies, this was not the OP, but another poster in the thread.
 
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holeymoley said:
Obviously not or OP and friend wouldn't be having problems finding one.
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There are literally 1,000's of horses available, it is not ridiculous to want a horse that meets the first 3 requirements. The people searching may have an unreasonable idea of what they will have to pay, however, or be incapable of riding those that they are looking at.
 
Abi90 said:
Must be a weight carrier, but not a cob or Irish draught as she wants a sports horse or Connemara
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This is probably the real sticking point isn't it? Maybe you/she means something different by a weight carrier to what I do- but I would never consider a Connemara a weight carrier and I think very few sports horses would fit the bill as well, and would probably be bigger than 16hh.

Abi90 said:
Must be under £4,000
Must be safe and sane and sensible with no vices, a fair enough wish but she won’t compromise on any of the above to get it
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I think this is pushing it price wise as well.

I do think that's a bit of an impossible list- If you take out the weight carrier point it's possibly more achievable.

I suppose my original point in the thread was more about someone saying something like:

14.2-15hh, 7-12 must be good to hack alone and safe to jump for a novice adult, no mares, no greys, no arabs/TBs. FWIW, I'd expect someone to need £4k+ as a budget (probably more in the current market).

Which on the face of it, I don't consider unreasonable.

(FWIW, I know some lovely grey arab mares, so it's not a particular dig at them or the breed, just the sort of thing people unfortunately tend not to want).
 
Wishfilly said:
With regard to gelding vs mare, you don't always know people's set ups. If they're e.g. bringing the horse to live with an established group at home, they may know a horse of the wrong sex is likely to upset the dynamic. Equally, people may specifically want a mare because they'd like the chance to breed in the future etc. Obviously by limiting yourself by sex, you're cutting the number of available horses roughly in half, so in theory it will take you twice as long to find something but I don't think this is unreasonable.
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Exactly. In my recent horse search I specified no mares. that was because I owned a gelding who was extremely possessive of me, who I felt would also be extremely possessive of a mare, potentially causing big problems with another gelding who had previously been used as a stallion.

When it became obvious that the possessive gelding wasn't going to be around, I changed my criteria and did end up buying a mare. I would still prefer a single sex herd, but I wasn't daft enough to turn down a great horse in the right place at the right time at a good price.

.
 
Meowy Catkin said:
I honestly think that in some cases the fact that people think 'I don't get on with mares' comes out in subtle ways in their body language and that that is picked up by the horse, so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Why would a horse be comfortable around someone who appears not to like them?
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I think this is a very good point. I happen to like mares - I do think it can be quite a different experience to having geldings because most of mine have been more complex than most of the geldings I've had or ridden. But I completely agree that a horse will pick up on the rider/handler having already made up their mind about them.

I do prefer mares personally, I've had some crackers and I find them really interesting but the last one I picked up is a gelding and I'm enjoying him for what he brings too :) There's mares and mares. When searching for yards it's frustrating when the YO says "no mares" because they've had one bad one and that's it... if everything is individual turnout anyway I can't see why it matters.

I'd love to be able to pick and choose sometimes, but tbh having to just accept whatever comes your way does make for an interesting and varied horsey life :) I feel like it's equipped me fairly well for whatever comes next ;)
 
holeymoley said:
Well the first three points are ridiculous.
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I know. That’s why she hasn’t found anything. And she needs a cob or an Irish draught because she needs a weight carrier but she wants a sports horse or a Connemara.

I’ve given up, I’ve suggested lots of suitable horses that compromise on one or two of her points but mostly meet the criteria and even some that meet nearly all of it but she just takes a disliking to them.
 
Wishfilly said:
This is probably the real sticking point isn't it? Maybe you/she means something different by a weight carrier to what I do- but I would never consider a Connemara a weight carrier and I think very few sports horses would fit the bill as well, and would probably be bigger than 16hh.



I think this is pushing it price wise as well.

I do think that's a bit of an impossible list- If you take out the weight carrier point it's possibly more achievable.

I suppose my original point in the thread was more about someone saying something like:

14.2-15hh, 7-12 must be good to hack alone and safe to jump for a novice adult, no mares, no greys, no arabs/TBs. FWIW, I'd expect someone to need £4k+ as a budget (probably more in the current market).

Which on the face of it, I don't consider unreasonable.

(FWIW, I know some lovely grey arab mares, so it's not a particular dig at them or the breed, just the sort of thing people unfortunately tend not to want).
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Oh I agree with you. I’ve even found some fab Grey Irish draughts in budget that would do the job but she doesn’t like them. She needs a cob or a draught type but wants something flash but doesn’t have the budget to do it. It’s difficult. I have politely suggested that she saves her money and waits until she has a bigger budget
 
holeymoley said:
Obviously not or OP and friend wouldn't be having problems finding one.

ETA - apologies, this was not the OP, but another poster in the thread.
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It’s not my list. I think it’s a ridiculous list. And actually I have found several that fit the bill but she decides it’s “too hairy” or “too cobby”
 
When I last went horse hunting I wanted a 15hh gelding, not coloured or grey and maybe a nice native x tb/arab or sports horse type.
I had that on LWVTB and had to send him back as he was not good in traffic.
I ended up with a 14.1hh coloured lw cob/ cob x mare.
Initially bought to sell based on her absolutely fabulous temperament, she broke so ended up staying but I've done so much with her. She's a go anywhere, do anything horse and I love her.
Next time I go horse hunting I will be a lot more open minded (although I will stick to no greys due to melanoma risk, and they have to have that temperament and be sound. They could be blue for all I care and it wouldn't matter)
 
Abi90 said:
It’s not my list. I think it’s a ridiculous list. And actually I have found several that fit the bill but she decides it’s “too hairy” or “too cobby”
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That does sound really frustrating. Is she not willing to clip something out? I feel like anything that might pass for a weight carrying sports horse is still going to potentially have some feather etc.
 
Bonnie Allie said:
However, I hate seeing the ads that start with “wanted for 14 year old/teen” and then goes on to specify significant performance achievements (must be jumping 1.4m etc, etc). Ads finish with “healthy budget for right horse”.

Are these parents going to buy their children a relationship and a job in the future?

Its all about instant gratification. Maybe post Covid things will change.
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Some years ago a very wealthy family bought a couple of FEI team ponies for their two daughters. Ponies arrived at first training session in a fab lorry. I really felt sorry for the pressure these two girls were put under, there was a lot of jealousy and general nastiness from both children and their parents. People tended to be rather pleased if things looked as if things were going a bit pear shaped but both girls rose above it, learned to ride the ponies very well, one got on the team and to memory I don't think the other did. If parents have the cash, the children have the ambition and willingness to work and put up with unpleasantness. why shouldn't they? Someone is going to buy these top class horses and ponies but they still have to be ridden and "instant gratification" is often a long time coming!
 
TBH, I find that some people aren't fussy enough! Not about colour or age, but about the horse

1. Being serviceably sound.
2. Being of a suitable temperament.

I was looking for almost a year when I found my current horse. TBH, I didn't want a mare, didn't want a youngster and didn't want a grey... but she is all 3 :p Nice horse though.
 
Wishfilly said:
That does sound really frustrating. Is she not willing to clip something out? I feel like anything that might pass for a weight carrying sports horse is still going to potentially have some feather etc.
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Yes, I just told her to clip it. Tbh I’m not sure how much she actually wants a new horse, as she’s grieving for her old one and it seems like she’s trying to replace him like for like. I do feel bad for her which it why I haven’t given up yet! But if she would just go and view one she might find she likes it
 
I do think there’s a real issue with buyers being unrealistic about what their budget will actually extend to.

The last time I was looking, I wanted safe, sound, and a nice person, who would hack without issue and could do a bit of low-level schooling. My preference was for something older and more established, but my budget was never going to stretch to that.

Instead, I had a think about what I was realistically going to be able to afford. Safe and sound were both criteria I wasn’t willing to compromise on, so that meant looking at younger and less established horses. I ended up coming home with a very green four year old, but that fabulous temperament I glimpsed in a gangly, uncertain baby horse has made her worth every penny in the long-term.

If I’d stuck to what I wanted without budging, though, I might still have been horseless now!
 
Abi90 said:
Yes, I just told her to clip it. Tbh I’m not sure how much she actually wants a new horse, as she’s grieving for her old one and it seems like she’s trying to replace him like for like. I do feel bad for her which it why I haven’t given up yet! But if she would just go and view one she might find she likes it
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I do think there's often an emotional element to these things. It sounds frustrating for you, but sounds subconsciously she is not emotionally ready for a new horse yet- hence rejecting everything? Grief is a weird thing and people often process their emotions strangely!

I agree that if she would go and view a few she might realize she doesn't need to replace her old one exactly like for like.

Personally, if it was me, I'd probably stop trying to find her a new horse, but just offer emotional support, and be willing to go along to viewings if she did find anything she liked.
 
Red-1, your three criteria that you didn't want - grey, youngster and mare - were the same as mine. I also ended up with a grey mare, she was only four when I got her 18 years ago. I've never regretted it
 
Meowy Catkin said:
I honestly think that in some cases the fact that people think 'I don't get on with mares' comes out in subtle ways in their body language and that that is picked up by the horse, so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Why would a horse be comfortable around someone who appears not to like them?
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I love mares. I’ve had plenty of geldings too but I do seem to click with mares more. It always fascinates me how many people don’t like them. I have a friend who has never owned a mare in her life, but is dead against them and says she’d never consider one. I assume she has a preconceived idea about them or she assumes they are going to be difficult.

If I was buying another now, I would buy a mare as it would be out with my 2 other mares and a gelding really wouldn’t work with Polly (she’d be the village bike if she had the chance) but I have successfully mixed mares and geldings in the past.
 
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