Too scared to ride after fall - considering selling

[QueenT]

Two months into new horse now. She's a little more forward than when I tried her, and a couple of weeks ago she bolted in the indoor arena. I have no idea why, and it was five laps of flat out panic. So rationally I know that there is no harm in her, she scared of something in that moment, might never do it again, she is checked by vet/chiro and saddle fitted. I suffered just bruising, and cramped muscles. Reality is that I have a hard time even getting on. A good day is when I walk for 20 minutes, and I am never alone in the arena, if my instructor is at all available, I'll be riding on a lunge. I dread going to the stables, almost to the point of nausea, and when something gets in the way of riding, I get an immediate sense of relief. Like today, my share rider (excellent rider) calls in sick, and it's 'oh, no' rather than I won a day - but my daughter has a chemistry assignment, so we will get there too late to ride - relief! The horse is of course sensing all of this, and is generally nice about it, although rather alert. I am considering selling her, as fear has completely taken over the joy of riding. So, now I have this stupid focus on all the money I paid for her - for this! I am thinking that my strategy of getting back in the saddle - as the old saying tells us to do - might have made it worse.

I was wondering if if anyone has ever tried getting beyond this kind of anxiety? What kind of help did you get?

 

[rextherobber]

Have you tried riding a different horse? Worked for me...

 

[nagblagger]

Is there another horse you can ride that is bombproof to get your confidence back in the saddle and enjoy riding again. I think most of us have been apprehensive, looking for excuses not to ride, I certainly have.
Could you go out for a ride, just a walking ride, with another horse as chaperone, on a lead rein if you felt nervous, she can feel your nervousness so it may be making her feel more uneasy... 2 months is not a long time for a new horse to settle.

 

[AmyMay]

Get yourself back in the saddle on a kind sensible plod.

Chances are, if it had just have been a ‘silly’ tumble you’d have got straight back on your horse without a second thought. A bolt is scary.

 

[Red-1]

Although I do think it is possible to get back from this situation with your horse, in my experience, it is quicker, less fuss and possibly cheaper to sell and buy one that inspires confidence.

My previous horse was blameless, but was a sporty model, which I have had for years. But, at the time, mum was ill and I was lacking resilience in all areas. I sold sporty horse, who is doing great with her new owners, and bought old Rigsby Cob. He was ace for me. Just what I needed. He brought me back up (along with mum sadly dying so the immediate pressure went) to being able to buy a 4yo straight from Ireland.

Right horse at the right time.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

After my accident I had to go right back and set myself very small goals I also had a friend that gave me 2 short lessons each week sometimes we only walked and did a bit of trot, sometimes she would ride him first then me hop on and inbetween I arranged to ride in the school when she was schooling one of hers.

It really helped me and after a few months I felt so much better and was riding in the school on my own and did a few hacks, I also have another friend that does lessons on one of her horses so I did that when I could afford it which also helped.

I would get an instructor or friend to help you and organise your week and don't be afraid to not expect to ride and go back to how you were straight away, it takes time and yes it takes effort and sometimes tears and set backs but it's so worth it.

I also did a days confidence course at the combat riding center in Hemel Hempstead it was really brilliant, you can follow carl on Facebook and he sends lots of encouraging emails and he also does some recordings that you listen to regularly to keep you on track I would throughly recommend it.

 

[Wishfilly]

It sounds really scary and I can fully understand your confidence has been knocked. My confidence has been very wobbly this winter, but ultimately I trust my boy to look after me in most scenarios. Something like that, two months in, I think would make it really hard for me to build a relationship with a horse.

I'd try to stop worrying about what you feel you should do, and focus on what you want to do.

 

[asmp]

All good advice above. I’d add that after I had a fall I invested in an air jacket and I’ve used a monkey strap in the past, all to make myself feel more secure.

 

[Rumtytum]

So I’d been riding a friend’s TB mare for some time, had a fall in the school which was fine but I was too inexperienced for her and she picked up on it and things went downhill fairly rapidly. Out on a hack she spooked and spun, I came off and broke a rib and bruised a kidney. Tried hypnotism which didn’t work but made me realise the problem was I actually dreaded riding that horse. It was a huge relief three weeks later to go back to my lovely riding stables, get on a horse I trusted, and feel really comfortable. I am a far more competent rider now but nothing would ever get me back on that mare.

 

[Rocky159]

Definitely sell her. Bolting is the worst and it will be very hard to ever trust her again. As others have advised, regain confidence on a known good thing before deciding to buy again. Life is too short to be fearful. All best wishes.

 

[Waxwing]

Hi I could have and did write a very similar post to you; we bought our horse last year; after a slow started we started to make progress but I then I had few months off riding due to Covid and some other health issues. When I stated riding again I had a fall out hacking which was not her fault; she was spooked by someone driving very recklessly, but it still undermined by confidence significantly and I haven't really regained it. I stared getting very panicky about riding so I have decided to give myself a break for few weeks and then see. There are some stressors in other areas of life that I need to sort as well but I don't start to regain my confidence relatively shortly then I will be selling her.

 

[Skib]

I cannot tell you what to do but what works for me.
Yet as I write that, I realise that one only can discover what works and what does not by trying and switching to what feels comfortable.
I had a crashing fall from my share just after Christmas. My Doctor daughter's rule is to wait 6 weeks before risking a further blow to the head. Having bought a new hat, I went back at week 7 taking my 10 ft line and did ground work with the mare in the school.
The next week I rode her in the school with lots of serpentines and lots of transitions but no canter. It felt OK to be back in the saddle and she heeded me and I managed to mount and dismount which is no laughing matter at my age after a long break from riding.
Next week I feel fine to return to normal, and to hack in company. And I will ask to take a route that avoids the track junction with a tarmac road where she was spooked by cantering horses.
I have always done this after a mishap. Taken it very very slowly.
I remind myself that I can get off any moment.

 

[Catbird]

My confidence absolutely crashed when I bought my horse and I felt like I forced myself to do anything with him. I was going to send him back after 4 weeks as I couldn't face getting on, but for various reasons I didn't. I found a brilliant instructor who rode him for me and I'd just get him ready and watched at the sidelines. I started getting on for a brief walk and slowly worked up to riding a bit longer and then trotting.
Unfortunately I had a fall last year in the school which meant I had enforced time off, but I ended up giving him the winter off and it was the best thing I could have done as we've got to know each other without the pressure of riding.
I haven't been in the school or cantered him since coming off but I've decided that hacking in walk and trot is enough for us for the time being and I'm trying to do as many boring uneventful rides as possible. We're doing the same routes in company, and this is really working for us. Helps that he's not bothered by much and not spooky etc and calms down quickly if something startles him.
If you want to persevere then essential oils can help with nerves, but I'd take some time to work out what you actually want and whether you want to put yourself through trying to get over your nerves with her. It can be a lot to put yourself (and the horse!) through and can be exhausting. Don't feel bad if you decide to sell as you need to do what's best for you both

 

[Flame_]

I was wondering if if anyone has ever tried getting beyond this kind of anxiety? What kind of help did you get?

I bought a horse that used to panic and bolt because you got on. While you were half on or walking round at the beginning, she'd gasp and set off like a cannon ball, ricocheting of the arena fencing until I'd misjudge which direction she was going to launch in and we'd part company. I sent her to a very good, no nonsense pro who could ride her then teach me to ride her. I got to where I could confidently get on and ride in an empty arena but I just couldn't come to terms with the worry trying to hack or ride in arenas with other people. I couldn't trust her not to just revert and set off out of control. She had to have a layoff due to lameness and when the time was coming to get her her back in work I just dreaded the idea and decided it wasn't worth the stress and danger for me, and misery for her (because she was genuinely panicked off her truck at being ridden with no trigger whatsoever). It was weird and I gave up, which is very much against my nature so I must have been really psychologically done in by trying to solve it but never believing we had.

 

[Nasicus]

I had a horse from weaning. Raised her, taught her, loved her to bits and she loved me (as much as a horse can!). Got her backed lightly at 4, progressed further at 5, riding out fantastically, going up the gallops, in the woods. Always said she was with me for life.
And then, one day, we'd been having a few small teething issues that were slightly chipping my confidence, but I was having some coaching that day to help tackle these issues. A visiting pony came cantering along the fence line. Horse suddenly reared and bolted, down the path, across the stony carpark and down towards the yard. Absolutely no breaks, control or steering despite my best efforts to haul her into a contained area. Scared the ever loving out of me, how I stayed on I'll never know. When I finally got her stopped, I had decided before my feet even hit the floor that I was never getting back on her again.

Long story short, I sold her pretty quickly, and she's now with a fantastic owner, they're both kicking ass and loving life, and she's never done anything like that since. But I knew that any confidence I had in her was completely shattered, and I would never have that trust in her again. That spark of 'she's done it once, she could do it again' was now there. If I had continued, I would have been so scared and anxious that it would have made things worse and ruined her if I tried to force myself to do it.

Couple years later, I'm enjoying riding again on a much more predictable older cob. She's nappy, can be spooky and throws the odd tantrum. But she's predictable and nothing she does is dangerous or scary. The worst she does is stop and reverse or try turn around if pushed when something's upset her (pigs, miniature ponies). I'm not scared of her, and things she does that would have had my heart in my mouth with previous pony, I just laugh at! Me! Queen of Jellylegs!

Point of that diatribe being, it's meant to be fun, but we need to stay safe. Once that trust is gone, sometimes it's just not worth trying to force yourself through it, especially if it'll always be in the back of your mind. It takes a certain type of mentality to be able to move on from these things, a mentality I personally do not have as a person prone to anxiety, worry and catastrophising. There's no shame in admitting the partnership is no longer working and parting ways.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Please look up Karl Greenwood! He and his methods got me from panic attacks on the mounting block to happily riding and hacking out alone

 

[Widgeon]

Definitely sell her. Bolting is the worst and it will be very hard to ever trust her again. As others have advised, regain confidence on a known good thing before deciding to buy again. Life is too short to be fearful. All best wishes.

Depends on what sort of a person you are, but sadly I'd be inclined to agree with this. If she really did bolt, as others have said, the trust will be gone. And that's really, really hard to get back. I found it impossible. Plus, if you're worried, you'll worry the horse, so it's a vicious cycle that isn't helping her either. When this happened to me I spent six months riding at trekking centres until I could canter again without wanting to throw up. Then I bought a nice kind middle aged horse.

She sounds like a nice horse or you wouldn't have bought her, and with horse prices as they are at the moment, you can probably sell without too much financial loss. There'll be someone out ther who'll love her. I'm really sorry you've found yourself in this situation though, best of luck getting things sorted out.

 

[Hallo2012]

first off you need to get back, tack, teeth, checked and knock all extra feed on the head for a few weeks too.

2 months in to a new routine is prime time for issues and she could be sore, which once solved knocks the issue on the head.

you then need a second opinion from a pro over whether this is bolting or that the horse set sail and you didn't have the skill set to stop-big difference.

having worked through all that you will have a much clearer picture of what to do.

 

[Petmurf]

Please look up Karl Greenwood! He and his methods got me from panic attacks on the mounting block to happily riding and hacking out alone

Same here, his methods have completely changed my riding and attitude

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

Two months into new horse now. She's a little more forward than when I tried her, and a couple of weeks ago she bolted in the indoor arena. I have no idea why, and it was five laps of flat out panic. So rationally I know that there is no harm in her, she scared of something in that moment, might never do it again, she is checked by vet/chiro and saddle fitted. I suffered just bruising, and cramped muscles. Reality is that I have a hard time even getting on. A good day is when I walk for 20 minutes, and I am never alone in the arena, if my instructor is at all available, I'll be riding on a lunge. I dread going to the stables, almost to the point of nausea, and when something gets in the way of riding, I get an immediate sense of relief. Like today, my share rider (excellent rider) calls in sick, and it's 'oh, no' rather than I won a day - but my daughter has a chemistry assignment, so we will get there too late to ride - relief! The horse is of course sensing all of this, and is generally nice about it, although rather alert. I am considering selling her, as fear has completely taken over the joy of riding. So, now I have this stupid focus on all the money I paid for her - for this! I am thinking that my strategy of getting back in the saddle - as the old saying tells us to do - might have made it worse.

I was wondering if if anyone has ever tried getting beyond this kind of anxiety? What kind of help did you get?

I felt like this after my mare fell twice on the road with me, one time I have been left with a permanented disability, permanent dislocation in my shoulder. I too get wary even now after all these years of riding.
When my brain fires me up into nerves, I take rescue remedy or the best thing for me even though horrid taste is CBD oil, it really works. Take your time don't rush things. You may not get back to where you are, but with time and cbd you will get close to it.

Some have the go pro to remind myself I am lucky to still be alive.

 

[Tracking_up]

I could have written a lot of that...

My horse used to run with me - we'd have a moment, or a spook, and my hands would come up, I'd lose some balance and he'd be off until we'd meet an arena fence and he'd go one way, I'd go the other, invariably into the arena fencing. I was lucky in that he never truly bolted, but the runs would normally last a circuit or 2. I also had a couple of falls when getting on him, those 2 resulted in hospital attention, and the first one was probably only a few months after i'd got him as a 6year old. I had a very supportive yard(s) with staff that would ride him to keep him exercised.

But i've had many a journey to the yard with a sinking stomach, and then a 'oh, it's too windy to ride to day' feeling of relief.

But I'm lucky, in that apart from these few episodes, my horse is a gentleman, and I've had him for 10years now. And he and I are happy to just do what I feel safe doing, and if that means i get on in the school walk a few circuits each way and then get off, then that's fine.

he's been thoroughly wasted on my and i did have dreams of competing him up the dressage levels, but my confidence never really let me, or indeed I've never truly over come my confidence issues.

i guess I'm saying, is there anyone at the yard that can keep riding your mare so you can take a step back to work only in your comfort levels. It's early days with a new horse, and it's always a tough time of year to ride, especially if confidence is low. i have done some NLP to help me, as well as reading Karl Greenwood's book.

You are not alone is another thing I would say. Be kind to yourself.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Mine used to panic if the rider was nervous (me!) and would run. If you didn't grip and tense, you could stop him , but as I used to grip and tense , he'd just run and bronc until I came off.
We have worked on his fear of the rider and I have worked on myself psychologically. It has taken 18 months but he's a fantastic horse now and I absolutely adore him!
If you were able to stop your horse , this wasn't a bolt , this was running , probably in panic.
If there are no physical issues with the horse , I would get a calm and confident rider to ride her , so that she starts to relax and trust the rider
Getting on a fearful horse when you are nervous is the worst thing to do - sorry.

In the meantime , work on yourself psychologically and maybe try and ride a calm and quiet horse.

To start with my instructor rode my horse 90% of the time , to calm him and increase his confidence, and i only rode him under instruction.

 

[littleshetland]

Lots and lots of excellent advice above, but have you changed her feed? What they eat has a massive impact on their behaviour. You don't mention what your feeding her, but perhaps remove all hard feed - just try her on hay/grass and take it from there...?

 

[Shilasdair]

It's a strange thing, but there are some horses that you feel safe on, no matter what they do - and some that you feel unsafe on even if they are hoof perfect.

Sell your horse - and buy something you 'click' with.

 

[Birker2020]

Two months into new horse now. She's a little more forward than when I tried her, and a couple of weeks ago she bolted in the indoor arena. I have no idea why, and it was five laps of flat out panic. So rationally I know that there is no harm in her, she scared of something in that moment, might never do it again, she is checked by vet/chiro and saddle fitted. I suffered just bruising, and cramped muscles. Reality is that I have a hard time even getting on. A good day is when I walk for 20 minutes, and I am never alone in the arena, if my instructor is at all available, I'll be riding on a lunge. I dread going to the stables, almost to the point of nausea, and when something gets in the way of riding, I get an immediate sense of relief. Like today, my share rider (excellent rider) calls in sick, and it's 'oh, no' rather than I won a day - but my daughter has a chemistry assignment, so we will get there too late to ride - relief! The horse is of course sensing all of this, and is generally nice about it, although rather alert. I am considering selling her, as fear has completely taken over the joy of riding. So, now I have this stupid focus on all the money I paid for her - for this! I am thinking that my strategy of getting back in the saddle - as the old saying tells us to do - might have made it worse.

I was wondering if if anyone has ever tried getting beyond this kind of anxiety? What kind of help did you get?

I'm getting this anxiety with my new horse who nearly decked me when I first had him because the saddle didn't fit although it had been fitted by a saddle fitter, it had come down on him hurting him. I'd not realised and perserved with his behaviour until we realised it was the saddle.

So I've been rehabbing him for the last four months, the pro riders been riding him since a new saddle fitter came out three weeks ago and fitted a better saddle and now he's started reacting a little bit, we think its due to the saddle again. The pro rider weighs about half of me so I'm getting increasingly worried when the saddle fitter comes back out that the new saddle is going to hurt him again, despite him saying if it presses down he will be able to see it and adjust it. I'm not sure Lari will give me the grace to 'see' anything but the ground coming up to meet me if it hurts.

I can't stop thinking about being hurled off and injured and just feel the whole thing is inevitable.

I don't know what the answer is to it all and the issues you are dealing with, but I just wanted to say your are not alone. You are scared for a different reason and its not an unreasonable reason to be fair.

Years ago I had terrible competition nerves due to a fall and went and got CBT cognitive behaviour therapy and that really helped me so you could try that and see if it works. They help you 'replay' a bad event in your mind so it has a positive outcome and instil this into your sub-concious so you only think positive things. I have to say it did work at the time.

 

[QueenT]

Just thought I'd give an update, since so many people offered so much support and advice...
We have been taking it slow, really slow, so haven't really had any major set-backs as such - in any case I haven't come off since, objectively not even close, but I have been afraid of it. But I have found out a few things: I realised I wasn't actually afraid of getting hurt, it was more about the loss of control and be carried off at both lenght and speed as a crash test dummy. My old horse also did a star fish on the spot once in a while, and she bolted once but oddly that didn't scare me at all. It is seriously, seriously difficult for me to trust this horse will not bolt again, or just that I can stop her if she lunges forward. So, I've agreed with myself that it's actually ok to sell, if I make that decision - all it took was a talk with my husband, where he said "well, if this one doesn't work for you, you can probably find one that does". I have been doing more groundwork, which is excellent for bonding and which the horse is learning fast, and actually enjoys - don't think she's done much of that before, and very good at parking to the mounting block now. I have been taking lots of lessons, first only on the lunge, we're trotting solo now, even over poles which also works as a distraction from nerves. I am nowhere near ready to cantering on my own, which really hurts my pride sometimes. I am riding with a safety vest indoors at walk, and don't really care anymore if someone could have any thoughts on that. The horse is still skittish indoors if she can hear other horses riding outdoors, cars driving in the gravel etc, but a lot better than before, so also settling into the environment. I have been in contact with the seller, who also reminded me that we actually had really good chemistry when I tried the horse - we did, and it was nice to be reminded of that. The horse is in better conformation now, getting more muscle in the right places, even with so much walk, which my trainer reminds me not to undervalue. Honestly, I don't think we will have a long-term relationship but it truly is a day-by-day feeling

 

[BeansNsausages]

If this was a true blind panic bolt, I wouldn't want to get back on either.

 

[Wishfilly]

Just thought I'd give an update, since so many people offered so much support and advice...
We have been taking it slow, really slow, so haven't really had any major set-backs as such - in any case I haven't come off since, objectively not even close, but I have been afraid of it. But I have found out a few things: I realised I wasn't actually afraid of getting hurt, it was more about the loss of control and be carried off at both lenght and speed as a crash test dummy. My old horse also did a star fish on the spot once in a while, and she bolted once but oddly that didn't scare me at all. It is seriously, seriously difficult for me to trust this horse will not bolt again, or just that I can stop her if she lunges forward. So, I've agreed with myself that it's actually ok to sell, if I make that decision - all it took was a talk with my husband, where he said "well, if this one doesn't work for you, you can probably find one that does". I have been doing more groundwork, which is excellent for bonding and which the horse is learning fast, and actually enjoys - don't think she's done much of that before, and very good at parking to the mounting block now. I have been taking lots of lessons, first only on the lunge, we're trotting solo now, even over poles which also works as a distraction from nerves. I am nowhere near ready to cantering on my own, which really hurts my pride sometimes. I am riding with a safety vest indoors at walk, and don't really care anymore if someone could have any thoughts on that. The horse is still skittish indoors if she can hear other horses riding outdoors, cars driving in the gravel etc, but a lot better than before, so also settling into the environment. I have been in contact with the seller, who also reminded me that we actually had really good chemistry when I tried the horse - we did, and it was nice to be reminded of that. The horse is in better conformation now, getting more muscle in the right places, even with so much walk, which my trainer reminds me not to undervalue. Honestly, I don't think we will have a long-term relationship but it truly is a day-by-day feeling

I think that loss of control thing is really scary- the "wall of death" flat out panic is no fun at all.

The rest of this post may not be helpful, depending on how you are feeling, so I apologise in advance for that!

You talk about knowing rationally it was a one off, or trusting she may never do this again, but I'm curious as to why you think that- She's still a pretty new horse to you, right? What do you actually know of her history? Equally, something healthwise might have changed which may have caused this as a new behaviour?

Have you done any investigations to see if you can find a cause of the behaviour? (Bear in mind, even if it's due to pain, you now know this is/could be her response to pain).

It sounds like you've made an assumption this won't happen again, but I think your fear is actually really rational, because it could?

Personally, I'd want to investigate possible causes before just persevering with lessons. I'd also consider the seller's agenda here?

However, it seems like even though you've admitted you could sell her, you're carrying on, despite feeling like you don't think you'll have a long term relationship. So what's your goal here? If you're clear about why you're carrying on, that might make things easier?

 

[Ratface]

Have you had an experienced and reputable equine vet look at your horse? A reputable equine dentist? A reputable equine physiotherapist? A reputable saddle fitter? Farrier? Checked her feed ration is appropriate for her weight/breed/exercise regime?
Sufficient and appropriate turn out? Contact with other horses/ponies?
Your mare is not, for whatever reasons, suitable for what you want to do.
I believe that we owe our animals a duty of care, and information from the above checks will provide you and subsequent owners with a clearer understanding of her needs, going forwards.

 

[ponynutz]

All good advice above.

My worst fall knocked my confidence too and a combination of riding on the lunge in lessons and having more frequent lessons (or starting some for a while if you can) really helped me! I'd give this a go first... seems like an otherwise sweet horse and could just be teething problems!

Good luck, do let us know how you get on