Too scared to ride after fall - considering selling

[mariew]

I have never sat on a true bolt without reasonable cause and I don't think I'd ever want to get back on again either.

 

[Bonnie Allie]

Couple of things that worked for me.

Sports Psychologist - retraining the brain to get rid of the frozen fear and setting small goals, laying down new brain patterns to allow me to act if something went wrong.. Favourite saying “rather than focussing on the fact that something might happen, make sure you know what actions you are going to take when it does happen”.

However this is all useless if you don’t have the tools or practiced skills to act when something goes wrong. I spent a lot of $$$$ and time in the arena training a kill switch into my horse that would shut him down if he kicked off. The process had to be automatic for both of us. Over time, all I had to do was put him into shoulder fore and he knew what was coming next and would just relax.

This experience has allowed me a deeper understanding of how to be more accountable in the partnership with my horse and has removed fear.

 

[Annagain]

Just thought I'd give an update, since so many people offered so much support and advice...
We have been taking it slow, really slow, so haven't really had any major set-backs as such - in any case I haven't come off since, objectively not even close, but I have been afraid of it. But I have found out a few things: I realised I wasn't actually afraid of getting hurt, it was more about the loss of control and be carried off at both lenght and speed as a crash test dummy. My old horse also did a star fish on the spot once in a while, and she bolted once but oddly that didn't scare me at all. It is seriously, seriously difficult for me to trust this horse will not bolt again, or just that I can stop her if she lunges forward. So, I've agreed with myself that it's actually ok to sell, if I make that decision - all it took was a talk with my husband, where he said "well, if this one doesn't work for you, you can probably find one that does". I have been doing more groundwork, which is excellent for bonding and which the horse is learning fast, and actually enjoys - don't think she's done much of that before, and very good at parking to the mounting block now. I have been taking lots of lessons, first only on the lunge, we're trotting solo now, even over poles which also works as a distraction from nerves. I am nowhere near ready to cantering on my own, which really hurts my pride sometimes. I am riding with a safety vest indoors at walk, and don't really care anymore if someone could have any thoughts on that. The horse is still skittish indoors if she can hear other horses riding outdoors, cars driving in the gravel etc, but a lot better than before, so also settling into the environment. I have been in contact with the seller, who also reminded me that we actually had really good chemistry when I tried the horse - we did, and it was nice to be reminded of that. The horse is in better conformation now, getting more muscle in the right places, even with so much walk, which my trainer reminds me not to undervalue. Honestly, I don't think we will have a long-term relationship but it truly is a day-by-day feeling

I know how you feel. I've decided to sell my boy after 18 months of feeling like I was walking a tightrope every time I rode him. He really didn't do much wrong other than the odd buck (only ever one at a time) and one pig related melt down but he always felt like he was one wrong move from me away from an explosion. I came off him once when I first had him but that was entirely my fault and didn't bother me at all. He never got excited, never jogged or pulled, had good brakes etc but he just felt like if I asked him to do something he didn't want to do, that would be it so I always rode defensively and never pushed. In 18 months we'd barely progressed beyond jumping 18" and walk trot dressage as I just couldn't push myself to do more. With my old share horse I evented at 90 (although not for a while) so it's not like I can't ride or am usually that nervous.

I thought it was me (and I still think a lot of it was) but he then had some time off. While he was off, I rode a friend's cob who, on paper I wouldn't have chosen to ride at only 5 and quite green in the school but she'd hurt her foot and he needed riding. I smiled the whole time I was on him. I never had that feeling with mine. When it came to getting back on C, I really didn't want to and that's when I made the decision to sell him. He was meant to be a forever horse and I've never sold one before so I'm very sad about it but it's right for both of us. While neither of us individually was much of an issue and we were a good match on paper, in reality neither of us had quite enough confidence to lend some to the other.

Since making the decision, I feel like a weight's been lifted. He's gone on schooling livery, soon to be sales livery and is doing brilliantly with a more confident rider. I've just entered my first prelim on my friend's cob after riding him 7 or 8 times. It's been best for both of us.

 

[QueenT]

I think that loss of control thing is really scary- the "wall of death" flat out panic is no fun at all.

The rest of this post may not be helpful, depending on how you are feeling, so I apologise in advance for that!

You talk about knowing rationally it was a one off, or trusting she may never do this again, but I'm curious as to why you think that- She's still a pretty new horse to you, right? What do you actually know of her history? Equally, something healthwise might have changed which may have caused this as a new behaviour?

Have you done any investigations to see if you can find a cause of the behaviour? (Bear in mind, even if it's due to pain, you now know this is/could be her response to pain).

It sounds like you've made an assumption this won't happen again, but I think your fear is actually really rational, because it could?

Personally, I'd want to investigate possible causes before just persevering with lessons. I'd also consider the seller's agenda here?

However, it seems like even though you've admitted you could sell her, you're carrying on, despite feeling like you don't think you'll have a long term relationship. So what's your goal here? If you're clear about why you're carrying on, that might make things easier?

It’s all good points that I have considered too, just thought it would be a really long post then… hard part probably was too acknowledge that selling could be the better option. That took off some weight in itself (everybody here helped make that simpler). So one day at a time doing whatever until I’m posting her for sale.

 

[QueenT]

Couple of things that worked for me.

Sports Psychologist - retraining the brain to get rid of the frozen fear and setting small goals, laying down new brain patterns to allow me to act if something went wrong.. Favourite saying “rather than focussing on the fact that something might happen, make sure you know what actions you are going to take when it does happen”.

However this is all useless if you don’t have the tools or practiced skills to act when something goes wrong. I spent a lot of $$$$ and time in the arena training a kill switch into my horse that would shut him down if he kicked off. The process had to be automatic for both of us. Over time, all I had to do was put him into shoulder fore and he knew what was coming next and would just relax.

This experience has allowed me a deeper understanding of how to be more accountable in the partnership with my horse and has removed fear.

I have reflected a lot on what actually happened (where were my hands, legs, seat etc) Truth of the matter is that - not knowing her switches - I responded as I would have on my old horse. Clearly the wrong thing to do. I know better and different now technically, but still don’t trust it

 

[QueenT]

Have you had an experienced and reputable equine vet look at your horse? A reputable equine dentist? A reputable equine physiotherapist? A reputable saddle fitter? Farrier? Checked her feed ration is appropriate for her weight/breed/exercise regime?
Sufficient and appropriate turn out? Contact with other horses/ponies?
Your mare is not, for whatever reasons, suitable for what you want to do.
I believe that we owe our animals a duty of care, and information from the above checks will provide you and subsequent owners with a clearer understanding of her needs, going forwards.

Yes, everything checked. Especially the saddle turned out to be a problem. The pro fitter completely failed the expensive saddle that was part of the sale, so chances are that when I asked for a specific response she was squeezed hard. Gives a hypothesis, but doesn’t remove the fear. And me responding as I would with my old horse didn’t help

 

[tristar]

if you could figure out why the horse bolted you would get past the fear, if you don`t know why its only sensible to not want to repeat the out of control experience

 

[Sossigpoker]

When I bought my cob 18 months ago he was so nervous that he'd run for the slightest of things. He was scared of the rider , leg the hand and anything slightly unusual would set him off , like a bird in the Bush.
My instructor rode him a lot so he'd learn that if he panics , the rider doesn't and also desensitised him to the rider moving in the saddle.
I have come off at a gallop , been thrown into the arena fence, been bombed off with down the track....I've spent a lot of time on the floor ,.crying.

I'm.glad I stuck with it as now that he's trained and bonded with him , he is a fantastic horse and virtually bombproof. If he ever gets worried , he now looks to me for reassurance and when I scratch his wither and tell him he can do it , he trusts me.

So I totally understand that this horse has scared you. I was nervous when I got mine,.and a nervous horse with a nervous rider isn't a good combination !
It would be good if you could put him on schooling livery or something so he can be worked on by someone who isn't scared so he learns to be trusting of the rider. This is assuming that the behaviour is caused by fear or confusion and not pain.
I hate to tell you that the worst thing for a fearful horse is a nervous rider ,which is why I'd recommend schooling livery. Every time a nervous rider gets on, it tells the horse that there is something to be scared of.
Once I'd worked on myself and my horse started to relax with my instructor,.I them basically had to grow a pair and become the calm ,.confident rider my horse needs.

Please don't give up hope- mine is like a different horse now and especially after moving him to a yard with daily turn out , even my vet cant believe its the same horsec

 

[Rocky159]

If you put her on sales livery you shouldn’t lose any money. Don’t keep her. I don’t believe any horse which bolts is a suitable mount. Then find a kind, calm soul who will restore your faith and confidence. Good luck.

 

[Wishfilly]

It’s all good points that I have considered too, just thought it would be a really long post then… hard part probably was too acknowledge that selling could be the better option. That took off some weight in itself (everybody here helped make that simpler). So one day at a time doing whatever until I’m posting her for sale.

Good luck, whatever you decide- as someone who has really trashed my riding confidence at various times over the years, I do think you have to be careful of it.

But equally if you like her I can understand the desire to make it work. If you feel like you are progressing with her, that is a good thing, I think!