Blythe Spirit
Well-Known Member
Ok so this is a bit of a long story... I have never been the worlds bravest rider but given a sensible enough horse this has not stopped me hacking for many miles, jumping 85cm, xc schooling over small fences and riding up to medium dressage unaffiliated. 18 months ago my father was killed in a riding accident (no one knows what happened but in short he fell and despite wearing a hat was knocked out and never came round) my father was a good pal and often a riding pal. He was not a super duper rider but was riding a horse who he had ridden several times a week for 15 years without any major mishap. I was conscious that I might suffer a confidence wobble at at first I didn't in fact I did more, Happily taking over the ride on his horse and doing more jumping with my horse than I had ever done. Then at Christmas I had a bad fall (my first nasty fall in some 20 yrs of riding) and got knocked out and lost a good chunk of memory - apparently my horse over jumped (which he has always done on occasion) I lost my balance, my horse panicked and accidentally kicked me on the way down. Since then I have just got more and more anxious about it. Hacking out terrifies me - I can just about force myself to walk and trot round the village so long as I lead back over the last fields. I have gone from enjoying jumping 80cm to just about managing 1foot6. but for a while I could still hack my older horse (the one which was my father's) but about 6 weeks ago I had a close shave with a tractor who didn't slow down on a main road, horse span and almost collided with traffic behind him - saved by the fact the car behind saw what was going to happen and had stopped. Now the horse is terrified of his own shadow and I am in no position to help him. so I have this old horse who we have had since he was 6 who I have hacked miles and miles and miles on and never had a wobble and I am terrified to hack him out now too. so I have two horses who I can only enjoy riding in the school mostly on the flat - this is no life for them - they both loved to hack and have both covered many miles with me and in reality neither horse is too much for me. But I just get terrified, this panic just wells up - last week I rode to the yard gate and my horse jogged just jogged ONE step, that was it I couldn't do it, I turned round and got off. So many tiny short hacks have ended with me leading back in tears. I am 40 and perfectly sensible but I just cant get passed this.... Any ideas? anyone else overcome serious confidence issues? Should I just give up? swap my younger horse who is a nice talented forward all rounder for something which is 900% bomb proof? I just have no idea how to get passed this....