Un-supportive Other Half's

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saraho

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Or should I say Supportive.

I have posted this on another forum, I was just interested to see how many people have supportive or un-supportive other half's when it comes to horses.

I have a 1 year old son and had to sell my pony when he was born due to time and money commitments.

I have allways had ponies and ridden when I met my other half and he did not seem to mind at first, but as we have been together more and now I have had a baby he is very much against the whole horse stuff.

I've allways paid my way, and allways paid everything for the pony I used to own, but now even if I vist my friends yard I get moaned at??

How is it for everyone else??
 
Pretty supportive...unless I take the piss and bugger off for hours when theres other stuff to be done at home.

He moans on occasion, but is always there for me to wield a hammer and what not.

And he was a rock when I had to have one of my horses put down- even though we had had a row about something silly that morning, when the chips were down he came along and dealt with the grim stuff.
 
He's very supportive, very lucky in that way, ok so he's not horsey but he understands how much they mean to mean, they are my world and he will do what ever he can financially to help...not much good physically mind but he's stuck in with a pitch folk in the past, I can't complain.
 
Mine's pretty good within reason. There are things he won't do and he's not overly enthusiastic about winter dressage competitions (unless the club house is doing tea and butties).
I certainly wouldn't be able to afford a horse if it weren't for him and am extremely grateful for all the support I do get from him, considering he'd never sat on a horse before he met me.
I also measure that against my support for his hobbies (mountain biking, tramping around the countryside, looking at archeological stuff), which is probably about the same as his for mine, so I think we balance each other off mostly.
 
He's got Chelsea football club and Ive got my horses !! We have no problems. He helps me with the horses but i dont like football very much lol
 
Considering mine is horsey he isn't always wildly supportive. Does help with the horse but then one is his anyway. Not keen on riding out, usually leaves me to get his horse fit and never brushes, washes or clips his horse! Having said that he can be very good and will come to events and stuff with me which he doesn't enjoy and at the MK 3 day he was fantastic so on the whole not too badly off!
 
Not that supportive but on the other hand he isn't unsupportive. If you know what I mean....

He huffs and puffs and has a bit of a "quiet" grumble if I so much as ask him to put a nail in for me or come up the stable because it is on our way home from somewhere for 5 mins.

But he doesn't moan about money - though I don't tell him...

And he doesn't moan about time - but he is a fanatical golfer and we haven't got into winter yet....
 
For those who are single - find yourself a football fan or a computer geek! Then you will never get moaned at. The ones who are unsupportive tend to be the needy ones without a hobby of their own...
 
With mine it is swings and roundabouts.

He doesn't like me spending hours and hours with the horses at the weekend, especially as we both have demanding jobs and don't see much of one another during the week.

He doesn't like me spending all my money buying new rugs, bridles, things I don't need etc...

He doesn't help with day to day chores.....

But, he does do the horses when I am away working

He has sourced/made all my haylage for me (savings me hundreds of pounds)

He has helped me putting up/taking down fencing, harrowing school, fields, poo picking etc

He is in the process of buying a yard for me, so that I can have my own land/stables/arena etc rather than rely on livery

He built a stable and fenced a small paddock at home so that I can keep horses at home the night before a show (easier to get ready) or if they are ill etc.

He encouraged me to spend a fortune buying a new horse rather than just keep buying cheaper project horses. He then gave methe money for said new horse.

All in all I can say he is pretty good. Sometimes things get to me, but on the whole he does a fair bit to help me with the horses, and without him I would never have been able to buy Charlie.
 
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Mine hinted that I should get rid of mine to support his drinking... Needles sto say that will be the last time he ever thinks of making such a suggestion again and why come Monday he will be ex.

One of many reasons but my view is this. You rode when you met so horses are a part of who you are and the who the person he fell in love with is. Ergo to want you to give up is a bit silly because then you will not be the perosn he fell in love with...

Tell him your thighs will get fat if you stop all together so you need to go to your friends yard. ;) His comments sound a touch selfish to me to be honest. You have already compromised alot what compromises has he made?
 
Mine is pretty supportative considering he was not horsey untill he met me. Comes to all my comps and "grooms" for me, he now knows how to tack up put studs in give me legs up, calls dressage tests, services my horse box, my money has to pay for my horse but he pays more bills than I do to help. I am lucky really.
 
My OH doesnt really get involved - we have been together a long time and he never begrudges me time with them - he doesnt really come to the yard much but if I am competing he is there - up at the crack of dawn 100% supporting me, unless its dressage then he takes a bit more convincing!

I pay for them so the money doesnt affect him and Im sure he is very aware that if he put pressure on me to choose the horses or him they would win. I think when we have children things will change but for now he is fab.
 
It works equally - I spend money and time with horses, he does the same with music and guitars... I also do most of the housework so he can't complain that he does all the work there either, and I walk the dog most of the time, and the shopping, and feed the cats...

hmmm, I tihnk I need to start complaining! Lol
 
saraho said:
Or should I say Supportive.

I have posted this on another forum, I was just interested to see how many people have supportive or un-supportive other half's when it comes to horses.

I have a 1 year old son and had to sell my pony when he was born due to time and money commitments.

I have allways had ponies and ridden when I met my other half and he did not seem to mind at first, but as we have been together more and now I have had a baby he is very much against the whole horse stuff.

I've allways paid my way, and allways paid everything for the pony I used to own, but now even if I vist my friends yard I get moaned at??

How is it for everyone else??
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Sorry to hear this - is it a case of you giving an inch and him taking a mile!
Perhaps you should tell him you are getting a PT job at a yard/doing some volunteer work at RDA or sharing, then perhaps the thought of you visiting the yard wont be so bad.

My OH likes to moan but when the chips are down he is supoortive.
 
Mmmmmmmmm I had a wicked flash-back reading this........my ex husband wasn't very supportive, he liked to call himself tolerant..the truth was he resented any time I spent with the horses. If I was going to a show and was going to be away all day I had to prepare his lunch and put it in the fridge for him, and whatever time I came home I ad to cook dinner....it was a bit like if I was going to be "playing with the horse" all day I had to earn it.....nothing really to do with the fact he is now ex...but ex he is.
If someone is so insecure they can actually be jealous of an animals' place in your affection, or that it takes your time and attention away from him then its never going to work.
My husband now (hardly new we have been together 17 years) is absolutely terrific. He is not in the best health but he can muck out if needed, change a rug extremely efficiently, fill haynets better and quicker than me, and bring in/turn out if needed. If I have to go away with work he takes over both horses care without a qualm.
Mind you he is a cricket fantatic and during the summer I hardly ever see him, but he doesn't resent the time I spend with them and we each give the other the freedom to enjoy whatever hobby we both have.
I am not kidding but years ago I knew somone whose ex-husband cited her horse as co-respondent in a divorce!!!!!!!
 
When you get married,pretty much everything changes for the woman.All of a sudden she has three times the amount of laundry and filth in the house,dinner now has a rigid timetable,all his banking etc is now the woman's job-I could go on and on.If all you want from your life is a horse and some time to spend with it,this is not unreasonable.He probably doesnt help around the house,or help very much with the children so you have sacrificed gigantic pieces of your life and yourself for him and he has the audacity to be an ******** about your horse habit?? Take a stand here and put your foot down about your life,otherwise in ten years time you will look back and you will hate him for taking away the parts of you that make you,you.We dont have children yet but this is the deal-I burst myself keeping the house and the farm going so he can work himself-before children arrive I want a horse walker and a nanny fund because I have no intention on god's green earth of giving up my horses and that is absolutely final.I love my husband more than anything or anyone,but I am not sacrificing me for him-it is possible to work together and find a halfway house with this.
 
I was riding a long time before I met my boyfriend and was actually working in a riding school when we first started dating. He doesn't like the horses but has never stopped me having them (he grumbles I smell when I come in etc).

He was really emotionally supportive when one of my horses had a suspected broken leg a few years ago and when I broke my leg last month he has been driving me to my youngster's field so I could give a pat and a carrot! My youngsters rug had slipped and there was no way I could do anything to help so bf for the first time in nearly 6 years made contact with a horse I owned and adjusted the rug!! I am so please my horse is so well behaved as he just yanked the rug but at least he helped! On the drive home he then just moaned that he smelled! :rolleyes:

In desperate times he will help but otherwise will stick to his motorbikes!
 
I'm doing her horses for her for the 10 days she is on holiday. All 13 of them! The plan was to just check and feed twice a day - unfortunately the autowaterers have broken and the waterboard won't talk to me as I'm not the account holder (they don't care that there are animals that need water). So I have been having to lug containers of water twice a day to fill up their waters. Well yesterday I did my shoulder in being hauled around by her shiteland (he got out and needed putting back where he belonged) so basically I can't lift anything :( Other half helped me yesterday evening and when I got up this morning he had already done it all for me! Love him so much!
 
Mine is a star :D

Not at all horsey, would (maybe!) be quite happy if he never saw one again, but he:

Brings in/turns out;
Feeds;
Rugs on/off;
Mucks out;
Leads;
Takes them to graze in-hand;
Goes with us to everything and takes pictures :D ;
Will clean tack if I ask;
Etc. etc. etc.

Doesn't whinge about the time I spend at the yard, or about rugs drying on the bannisters, or tack in the dining room (much lol).

We're selling up and moving to 'wherever!' to get a house with land so the horses can be at home. He'll look after the land and buildings :D

He drives me nuts at times, but I have to say, on the whole he's a goody :D
 
MrsMozart said:
Mine is a star :D

Not at all horsey, would (maybe!) be quite happy if he never saw one again, but he:

Brings in/turns out;
Feeds;
Rugs on/off;
Mucks out;
Leads;
Takes them to graze in-hand;
Goes with us to everything and takes pictures :D ;
Will clean tack if I ask;
Etc. etc. etc.

Doesn't whinge about the time I spend at the yard, or about rugs drying on the bannisters, or tack in the dining room (much lol).

We're selling up and moving to 'wherever!' to get a house with land so the horses can be at home. He'll look after the land and buildings :D

He drives me nuts at times, but I have to say, on the whole he's a goody :D
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Ah! When we bought our first house with land for our horses it also had 3.5 acres of garden knee-deep in weeds. It went like this - they are your horses so you are responsible for them; we had to buy the house for YOUR horses so the garden is your responsibiity; he doesn't like cooking; didn't use an iron till he was in his mid 30's. Forgets to pay the bills!!!

I am retired now but worked full time for 27 years - I didn't bring my sons up to believe that one half of the marriage works full-time AND does everything else!!!

I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with horses but a lot to do with male expectations of what they should do. I worked for a Danish company and can certainly believe that Danish husbands are great at sharing the chores.
 
Mine is a superstar too. He rode before we met, years ago, but hadn't ridden for years. He started riding again on my mare, who hates him, and pushed him around like you wouldn't believe when I wasn't around (I hid one day and watched!) He finally learnt to stand up to her, and now she's polite to him. When we moved my horse home, after full livery, he started looking after her, and the pony we got as a companion. When we got engaged he bought me a lovely ring, I bought him a lovely gelding, and now we all ride as a family.

He won't compete (shame as he rides much better than many that do), but always comes with me to shows and events, even if it means a day off work for the mid week BE events.

He looks after the whole lot when I'm at work (air stewardess, so away most weeks for some days) despite having his own business and having to do school runs too. I'm now facing a shoulder op that will mean I can't do anything with my arm for most of winter, so he has even more work to do, yet is nothing other than supportive. He is my total hero and I wouldn't swap him for anyone. (Of course I have times when I could murder him too!!)
 
JVB said:
It works equally - I spend money and time with horses, he does the same with music and guitars...
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Same. My other half is generally quite supportive so long as I give him the same support for his music and guitars.

I pay everything for my horse hobby. He makes it very clear that my hobby= my time and money. He will normally come down to pat the pony and sometimes I can rope him into taking photos of me riding. He isn't even slightly interested in horses so isn't keen when I try and get him to groom etc (the very few times when he will come to the yard with me). He has said that when I am ill then he will do the horses but I have to be VERY ill and unable to leave the bed!

In the 6 years we have been together I think I've got him on a horse twice, and he wasn't that bad! could do a nice rising trot after having had a few lessons as a kid then thought horses were for girls :p

He wants me to be happy and knows that horses make me happy. So long as I am happy then he is happy :)
 
Forgot to add. He does the cooking (I did it all until four years ago :)). And the accounts (again, I did it all until four years ago :)).

He also runs half the company and writes the websites and is developing the software :D

Oh, and he does the yard runs for D1.

I'm a consultant, so am often away for days at a time (have managed not to do the weeks at a time yet :D).
 
mine is supportive on the whole but does get frustrated at times mainly the cost and time spent on them .luckily i had a horse when we met so ive always said he knew what he was letting himself in for .when i sold a horse i was so awful to live with he encoraged me to get another . he will muck out ,help practically but after years of attending shows with me would rather pull teeth than watch competitions even with daughter.his idea of hell .i pay for most things but he does help out and has always supported my passion for them .think im very lucky although i do feel guilty at the restrictions they give us .what has helped is buying a minature filly who he adores and considers to be his horse .
 
Supportive. He was never around horses really until we got together and I have to say he is an absolute gem. Picks up feed after work, mucks out, poo-picks, changes rugs, makes up feeds, grooms, takes them out for walks, picks up our hay, does any repairs or building that need doing, is there for the horses through the good, bad and sad and in all weathers. He doesn't have a lot of knowledge but he tries very hard and tries to take it all in. In the depth of all the snow last year, he hauled containers of water back and forth across a park when our water froze and then went back and carried all the feed over on his shoulders, not easy in deep snow. It does help that he loves animals though. He is also a very good cook! :)
 
They are ours not mine or his or the childrens, no question.

He does it when I cant, I do them when he cant, otherwise we sort the 8 of them out together with the 3 children in tow.
 
Mine is a superstar as well even though he is a little bit scared of horses. He had a nasty accident a few years ago (friends horse reared up and flipped herself over, coming down on top of him, breaking his nose, bad concussion and a night in hospital :()

Once he gets into the swing of it then he is fine but he's happier the other side of the stable door!! BUT when I need help he is always there. I dislocated my shoulder and he mucked and turned out 2 of them for 4 weeks and I am due to have an op just before Christmas and he will muck my girl out each weekend for a couple of months. He delivers to tack shops while at work and often comes home with presents for me or Cropi.

He never moans about the amount of time I spend down the yard as it gives him his 'playstation' time :D

I pay totally for Crop myself but if I needed any money he would give it to me for sure.

My hubby is my Superstar and I love him to bits :D
 
i'm very lucky. my OH would support me if i said i wanted to move to the moon and learn to dance like MC Hammer. he'd 100% support me in whatever i want to do...

so, when i told him i was retraining to do saddle fitting and bowen therapy, he said 'you'll be great' and never questioned me... when i lost my confidence after a crazy mare tried to kill me, he sold his car to buy me Raff... when i really can't be arrsed to get out of bed and do early morning stuff with the horses in the winter, he'll happily get up and do it... i'm very blessed, but i don't think i could be in a relationship that wasn't like that, cos it's all about being a partnership...

now, i'd better go help get the kids to bed before he changes his mind! :D
 
My hubby is completely non horsy but as supportive as he can be. No complaints about time and money- ever- he has plenty of his own hobbies and we both earn our own money and spend it as we wish (equal amounts in a bills account) so theres no issue there. I'm really lucky.

He will bring in, change rugs, groom, hay and feed if I'm late at work. He helps when I go to shows and lessons but I am starting to build up the bravery to do these on my own as it must be pretty boring standing at a show if you aren't horsy!
 
Mine is a star, he is roofing my shelter this weekend (having paid for it)
He is an outide kinda guy and although he is slightly scared of my beasties (wont admit it) he will help rug in the blizzards, feed in the dark, poo pick in the snow and realises that gifts should be horsy orientated! (saddle for my birthday...)

But, I have taken on his kids when he has them, support him in his business, help out when he needs it, so its very 50/50

My ex wasnt helpful at all - hence the fact he is my ex!
 
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