Upset, unbiased opinion needed on tricky situation.

MadGreyMare

New User
Joined
24 April 2016
Messages
4
Visit site
I'm not a troll I promise, but I cant post under my real username as it would be too obvious who I am and make the situation worse.

I've been on a yard for 5 years, didn't know YO before then but we instantly because close friends. Helping each other when times were tough
Fast forward to this year and my dad has come back into my life after a long absence. Him and his partner bought a horse and has been keeping it at ours.
Turns out once his partner got her feet under the table, she turns into mega ***** from hell. Spreading all sorts of rubbish about things me/my family have supposedly done to her, not to mention the web of lies I've repeatedly caught her out with.
My family no longer feel welcome and neither do I :(
Even YO has been acting funny with me, if dad/partner have to leave she loses 2 full livery, if I leave its 2 DIY.
To make matters worse my boy has gone down with laminitis (yes my own fault) but I've had no support from anyone, if anything I'm being kicked while I'm down :(

So what do I do? I've been offered spaces in two other places (although one wont work now as would be living out), it breaks my heart to leave as I think I'll be burning bridges. But I feel ill at the thought of going to see my horses at the mo :( not to mention my boy needs a slow easy introduction back onto grass and as he's bottom of the pecking order he gets chased around alot. Concussion is what has brought on this episode so very reluctant to turn back out when the time is right.
 

jrp204

Well-Known Member
Joined
3 July 2007
Messages
4,340
Location
cornwall
Visit site
Have you spoken to the YO? If you have become good friends surely she is the first port of call. Explain the situation to her, don't over dramatise anything but be factual. Have you spoken to this woman? She sounds a bully and is probably threatened by you, she has your Dad and doesn't want to share him. If you can get the YO on your side would she have a meeting with you all and set some ground rules?
It's a rubbish situation, don't get upset get angry!
 

MadGreyMare

New User
Joined
24 April 2016
Messages
4
Visit site
Have you spoken to the YO? If you have become good friends surely she is the first port of call. Explain the situation to her, don't over dramatise anything but be factual. Have you spoken to this woman? She sounds a bully and is probably threatened by you, she has your Dad and doesn't want to share him. If you can get the YO on your side would she have a meeting with you all and set some ground rules?
It's a rubbish situation, don't get upset get angry!

YO promised she had my back/would put me first but appears to have switched. You probably know the type, lovely person, brings up presents/cake, plays the innocent victim to Oscar worthy standards. They've all fallen for it and can't see the wood from the trees, I know eventually they will, but I can't stomach it any longer. This woman is 60 ....
 

Cowpony

Well-Known Member
Joined
17 May 2013
Messages
3,028
Visit site
It sounds an awful situation but it sounds like the YO is a good friend so why don't you sit down and have a chat with her? Even if she has to put economics first and keep your dad and his partner`s horses, at least she can give you some moral support. But even ignoring the lami situation (and it sounds as though your horse needs a different set-up than is possible where you are currently), I would leave. Being with your horse's should be fun and it doesn't sound as if it is right now. But do it on good terms with your YO. Friendship can survive a bit of distance.
 

madlady

Well-Known Member
Joined
3 October 2006
Messages
1,654
Visit site
For your own peace of mind move. Tell your YO that it's not because of her and that you would love to stay but can't because of this woman, that way it leaves the door open for you in the future.
 

ycbm

Einstein would be proud of my Insanity...
Joined
30 January 2015
Messages
58,747
Visit site
Move.

As for changing your user name to avoid being identified, how many DIY and full livery yards can there be where a couple in their sixties move two horses in on full livery to be withtheir (step)daughter who keeps two DIY, one of which has lami?

I think the next time you see them they are likely to know that you posted and you will have to move anyway.

I hope you don't lose your Dad too. Families can be hell.
 

Goldenstar

Well-Known Member
Joined
28 March 2011
Messages
46,584
Visit site
As mad lady says go and talk to the yard owner explain why you are not enjoying your horse and move
Best to find a suitable yard first though
 

MadGreyMare

New User
Joined
24 April 2016
Messages
4
Visit site
Move.

As for changing your user name to avoid being identified, how many DIY and full livery yards can there be where a couple in their sixties move two horses in on full livery to be withtheir (step)daughter who keeps two DIY, one of which has lami?

I think the next time you see them they are likely to know that you posted and you will have to move anyway.

I hope you don't lose your Dad too. Families can be hell.

They all know how I feel, just don't want YO/Yards reputation affected. It would only take looking at a few photos of my horses on other posts to work out where I am yard Is very distinctive.
I have had a chat, also sent her a very long text detailing the stuff that's difficult to get out face to face but if anything it appears to have had the opposite effect and its now me causing her trouble
 

Fifty Bales of Hay

Well-Known Member
Joined
8 February 2006
Messages
556
Location
Staffordshire
Visit site
Are you otherwise happy with the yard - and it wasn't the cause of the laminitis for your boy (why was it your fault?), and you could re-habilitate him at the present yard, with the right help and support (just standing aside from the politics atm and trying to separate both issues)?

Or do you actually NEED a different set up anyway for your horses? Obviously the yard offering living out 24/7 as you say isn't an option. So just leaves you with the other one. Or stay where you are.
 

glamourpuss

Well-Known Member
Joined
18 January 2006
Messages
2,836
Visit site
I have to agree with ycbm it takes more than a change of username to make your situation anonymous.

Talk to YO & see if you can smooth things over but in no circumstances start slagging off your step mother, that can only go the way of backfiring on you.

If not then move, you don't have to burn any bridges, it could simply be a case of finding somewhere more suitable for your horse's rehab.
 

hypopit

Well-Known Member
Joined
23 July 2015
Messages
67
Visit site
Move..... life it too short and it is no good feeling like that over something that should be ENJOYABLE. I hated yards with a passion. I worked my butt off every hour God sent in my Twenties to get a small place of my own and went on from there. That was all down to my hatred of Yards and all the bitchy woman you find on them, sorry to non Bitchy women;):D
It's expensive and hard work enough looking after horses without some prat trying to make your life any harder, or miserable. I found either very big yards or just a few of you at a place a lot better than the medium sized yards. Sometimes it amazes me how people get on in life while they still have the playground mentality.

Hope you get some help and support of someone, and you will move on and how you feel now will just be an annoying memory....Leave em to it!!!!!!
 

fatpiggy

Well-Known Member
Joined
1 December 2006
Messages
4,593
Visit site
Leave. You clearly aren't happy. Your father is blind to what his new partner is doing. Blood may be thicker than water, but you managed perfectly well without him for years, so don't worry about removing yourself (presumably he was the one who left you before?) from his circle again. As for your YO, well she sounds like a really good friend - not. I think she only saw you for ££ and back up for her. Now she sees even more ££ from your father and has switched allegiance. You don't need her!

As for the OP changing her username, well I certainly don't study peoples' details and pictures so I haven't got a clue who they really are and I can be pretty sure I don't live in the same area as them anyway. These days having a step-parent is nothing unusual and many of us here have parents between 50 and 70. If you can recognise someone here by their style of writing or whatever, then you must have too much time on your hands.
 

glamourpuss

Well-Known Member
Joined
18 January 2006
Messages
2,836
Visit site
Urrrrrm no one said anything about writing styles, pictures. I haven't a clue who the OP is normally (& I'm not actually bothered either).
It's more like the scenario described is pretty unique & if I was one of the other parties being discussed I'm pretty sure I'd recognise myself & therefore the OP in real life.
 

Kezzabell2

Well-Known Member
Joined
9 April 2014
Messages
2,975
Location
Basingstoke
Visit site
I would suggest leaving! you could always use the excuse of needing a starvation paddock for the lami pony and say that the other place has offered you somewhere that he can go out with other horses who also need starving
 

Pinkvboots

Well-Known Member
Joined
25 August 2010
Messages
22,591
Location
Hertfordshire
Visit site
What a horrible situation to be in, if you feel your yo has now switched to there camp she was never a true friend anyway, so I would just tell her how you feel about the situation and say you want to leave and go, sorry about your horse getting lami that is stressful enough without so called family being horrible I would get away from this woman, I hope your horse makes a full recovery.
 

Asha

Well-Known Member
Joined
25 February 2012
Messages
6,047
Location
Cheshire
Visit site
I personally wouldn't move. Why should you if you are happy there ?

I would ask the YO for a chat, and explain how you feel. I would suggest the YO knows you well enough by now to know what sort of person you are. Also talk to her about your horses situation, and see what she can recommend. You sound quite down at the moment, so may well be seeing things worse than they. Sometimes a good chat is all that is needed
 

fatpiggy

Well-Known Member
Joined
1 December 2006
Messages
4,593
Visit site
Urrrrrm no one said anything about writing styles, pictures. I haven't a clue who the OP is normally (& I'm not actually bothered either).
It's more like the scenario described is pretty unique & if I was one of the other parties being discussed I'm pretty sure I'd recognise myself & therefore the OP in real life.

There are people here who seem to enjoy doing exactly that - go and look at the post on trolls in the Clubhouse.
Who says the OP's family read this forum? If other liveries at the yard do, then it is none of their business and they should keep their noses out.
 

ester

Not slacking multitasking
Joined
31 December 2008
Messages
60,655
Location
Cambridge
Visit site
I'd just go, if the family are going to stay there it doesn't really matter if the YO realises you are the better egg.
 

Damnation

Well-Known Member
Joined
25 February 2008
Messages
9,663
Location
North Cumbria
Visit site
Leave for your own sanity.

Explain to YO in a civilised manner that you feel very alone, bullied and upset with the new liveries appearing. Tell her it has no bearing on the yard as you love it but you can't continue to be somewhere where someone spreads lies and makes you feel outcasted. Also tell YO that you don't want to loose your friendship over it and you are leaving so that she doesn't get caught up in any family mess and you just need to be removed from the 2 people not from YO or the yard.

Then go, if YO continues to keep contact or even tries to get you to stay then you have a friend. If not.. then just leave it all behind.

Focus on your horse and his recovery.
 

McFluff

Well-Known Member
Joined
19 April 2014
Messages
1,794
Visit site
Leave for your own sanity.

Explain to YO in a civilised manner that you feel very alone, bullied and upset with the new liveries appearing. Tell her it has no bearing on the yard as you love it but you can't continue to be somewhere where someone spreads lies and makes you feel outcasted. Also tell YO that you don't want to loose your friendship over it and you are leaving so that she doesn't get caught up in any family mess and you just need to be removed from the 2 people not from YO or the yard.

Then go, if YO continues to keep contact or even tries to get you to stay then you have a friend. If not.. then just leave it all behind.

Focus on your horse and his recovery.

Well said - really good advice. Good luck OP - horrid situation.
 

cowgirl16

Well-Known Member
Joined
11 March 2013
Messages
491
Visit site
I personally wouldn't move. Why should you if you are happy there ?

I would ask the YO for a chat, and explain how you feel. I would suggest the YO knows you well enough by now to know what sort of person you are. Also talk to her about your horses situation, and see what she can recommend. You sound quite down at the moment, so may well be seeing things worse than they. Sometimes a good chat is all that is needed

This^
 

Achinghips

Well-Known Member
Joined
1 December 2009
Messages
3,744
Visit site
Oh dear, what a horrible situation. Can't say, I'd enjoy family being that close to my only "me" time and hobby but is there not a way you can try and get on with your fathers wife, if not for her, but for his sake and happiness? It sounds like she's upset with you and talking to anyone who will listen.
Id move yards, giving the reason being, the need for a starvation paddock, so as not to cause further upset
 

_GG_

Well-Known Member
Joined
3 August 2012
Messages
9,039
Location
Gloucester
Visit site
All I can think here, like a niggling itch, is that your yard owner isn't actually a great friend and won't be a great loss to you if you leave. A great friend will support you no matter what but it doesn't sound like she is at all.

Move on...life is too short for this kind of drama. If the YO really is a friend, she'll still be there, but I can't help feeling the friendship was secondary to her business. Sorry
 

mytwofriends

Well-Known Member
Joined
11 June 2010
Messages
1,381
Location
SW
Visit site
OP, what's your relationship like with your father? Is it worth sitting down with him and explaining what's happening and how it's affecting you? You clearly don't want to bad mouth his partner to him, but surely he won't appreciate the situation, and maybe there's something he can do to smooth the way a bit.

As for the YO, if she's that shallow and thinks of £££ over her friendship with you, what kind of friend is that? Do you have anyone else on the yard - a third party - who can see what's going on, but without emotion involved?

I be tempted to move, but I wouldn't roll over. Say your piece, calmly, and move on.
 

Booga22

Well-Known Member
Joined
9 February 2009
Messages
273
Location
Somerset
Visit site
Leave for your own sanity.

Explain to YO in a civilised manner that you feel very alone, bullied and upset with the new liveries appearing. Tell her it has no bearing on the yard as you love it but you can't continue to be somewhere where someone spreads lies and makes you feel outcasted. Also tell YO that you don't want to loose your friendship over it and you are leaving so that she doesn't get caught up in any family mess and you just need to be removed from the 2 people not from YO or the yard.

Then go, if YO continues to keep contact or even tries to get you to stay then you have a friend. If not.. then just leave it all behind.

Focus on your horse and his recovery.

^^^ Exactly this - don't let the buggars get you down, your horses are far more important & they'll need their mum happy :) Good luck with your lami guy - been there myself & know what it's like xx
 
Top