Very nasty livery?

[Ceifer]

I’m probably not the best person to be advising as I am a cynic. However I have worked and managed a few livery yards.

In theory your yard manager should manage the situation and speak to both you and the livery to ascertain what the problem is and sort it out in a calm and adult manner.

However in reality this rarely happens.
As others have pointed out, the livery client = money. So the YM maybe reluctant to deal with her for fear of losing her custom.

Also the YM may not be capable of actually dealing with the situation.
YM’s are generally employed on their horse care experience. They aren’t trained on people management.

Having moved out of the industry and had training in managing people and conflict management has made me aware how lax the equine industry is with these matters.

Unfortunately for you OP I’m guessing there isn’t robust way of complaining and if you aren’t happy with the situation you’ll be advised to find something else.

To deal with it I would do as others have suggested and be adult about things. Keep in communication with your YM and explain that everything you are being asked to do by the livery you are doing. I would advise against having her text you and she needs to communicate via the YM.

Also I would ask for a sit down with all of you to discuss the problems and come out of it with a resolution (hopefully for the livery to wind her neck in )

I would love to say I’ve had positive experiences. But I didn’t. It was a very tough 12 years I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s how it is.
I have been screamed at as a junior groom and had to call the police when I was a YM when a livery client was verbally abusive and threatened a groom with violence.

I wouldn’t change the career I had as I met some great people, rode some awesome horses and travelled with my job.
But it’s hard and horses attract some of the best people in the world and utter ar*eholes very few in between

 

[sport horse]

In the dim past when I used to have liveries I had one who always complained that the girls had not fed her horse. I would check with the girls and keep a good eye and the horse was always fed. It would be beyond belief that the staff would take a barrow of hay/haylage around the yard and miss one stable but occasionally everyone can make a mistake.
However, one morning I was doing the yard myself. Said livery arrives and sure enough complains that her horse had not been fed. I said that it had and she continued to run staff down and assure me her horse had not been fed. I let her rant, then quietly told her that actually I had done it myself that morning so I knew 100% that it had been done. I told her she had obviously lost trust in the quality of the care in my yard and suggested that she move her horse within a maximum of four weeks and there would be no bend to that.
Despite her pleadings she left and shortly afterwards I let the other liveries go and never again will a livery cross my threshhold!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Who on earth gave this woman your phone number?

Bullies often do lack self-confidence and are only happy when they perceive that others around them feel worse than they do. The way to deal with them is not to let them see that you are upset, as that will simply encourage their behaviour, but to simply appear to ignore the in appropriate behaviour. Fake your own self-confidence, if necessary. Take control of the situation.

1)Get the livery to write down her instructions, so that there can be no 'misunderstanding'. Tick off each thing on the list as you do it, so that you can show it to her.
2) Tell her that you can no longer accept texts from her - you don't need to go into any more detail than that - and block her from contacting you.
3) If she is rude to you, ask her 'Did you mean that to sound so rude?' I doubt very much that she will say yes, you will probably get an apology, even if she doesn't really mean it!

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

Having contributed earlier to this thread, and also now read the latest comments, I just wonder whether it might be an idea for the OP to undertake some kind of Assertiveness/People Skills training.

When I was working as a civilian for one of the Blue-Light services, we had plenty of "difficult customers" and we were given the benefit of this kind of training.

I guess now it is possible to find something on-line; Assertiveness (or People Skills as it is more-often referred to now) is simply a set of skills that can be utilised in difficult situations like OP refers to.

It is just about giving yourself options and "scripts" that you can use to respond to a situation with: i.e. "broken record", where your "script" would be to say (repeatedly if necessary), words to the effect of "I'm hearing what you're saying and can sense your frustration". Then say it again if they kick-off again, and again and again as needed! The person then just gets sick of it and goes elsewhere with their ire. It works! There are other Scripts such as Stonewalling, where you'd respond by saying "thank you for sharing this problem with me, and I really feel the YO is the best person to talk to about this". And again, you'd repeat it till they get sick of it.

All of these Scripts are about protecting YOURSELF, not just from someone's nastiness, but also about (important!) being seen to be polite and professional - and thus protecting you against any accusations of rudeness or impropriety basically. After all, at the end of the day, OP still needs a job.........

 

[tristar]

your description still sounds like ranting to me that's why! and it appears I'm not the only one so.[/QUO

you sound like a record that got stuck, or maybe you just want to think the worst, despite being nursed along

 

[tristar]

I worked for a very good manager once who told me that using anger in certain situations was the right thing to do and as long as I used it at the right time in a controlled and measured way, then he would always be willing to support my decision. He knew that I dealt with some very difficult bullies in my job and just saying I had his support and that he trusted me to handle the situation authoritatively made so much difference. I felt stronger and interestingly I found I then I had less incidents of bullying than before it had been said. I must have come over much more confidently from then on, which the bullies sensed and weren't so ready to mess me around. It might be worth having a conversation about this with your manager OP to agree exactly how assertive you can be with this person without jeaopardising your job.

thats very interesting!

 

[indie1282]

Block her number. Ask YO to assign her horses to another staff member.

 

[ester]

No need to be rude

 

[indie1282]

No need to be rude

Is that comment meant for me?

 

[ester]

nope tristar

 

[Lyle]

Sounds like you are dealing with the situation with maturity and tact, and I can understand that it has totally worn thin! Perhaps suggest that a whiteboard out the front of each of her horse's boxes, and she can write down any 'extra' care requirements. Perhaps ask your YO to back you up on this, alluding that it will actually help her ensure that her extra instructions are acknowledged and executed. (not implying that you haven't been!! but she seems to think they haven't...) You could have a 'tick' box that is ticked when the task is complete, which gives you the support that you have seen, acknolwedged and executed the task. If she still feels they haven't been completed, she needs to speak directly to the YO, not you.

 

[Honey08]

It sounds lile you've tried very hard to be polite and reasonable with this livery. Your boss needs to step in and speak to her. Three horses or not, she shouldnt be doing this. Id rather lose an awkward livery with three horses than a good groom. Stables easily fill up on a good yard but good employees can be hard to find. Your boss should swop you to a different section of the yard so you dont have to deal with her or set up the diary for her so everything is written down.

 

[Jinx94]

Agree with what everyone has said about getting her to write down any instructions. A diary or notebook would probably be a better option as whiteboards can easily have things rubbed off!

 

[Shilasdair]

There are nutters everywhere - and the horsey world is amply blessed with them.
My strategies (and I have done everything from yard managing to being a livery) are;
1. Always be polite with a 'good morning' (even if they don't answer).
2. If they are rude to you start by asking them to repeat it 'I beg your pardon, could you say that again?'. That sometimes triggers basic self awareness and they slowly falter to a stop.
3. If they are asking for something, repeat what they have said to show that you understand it 'Ok, so you are going to ride Dobbin first, and therefore don't want me to feed him'
4. If she then goes on to change her mind/the facts - apologise for having a terrible memory and tell her to contact the YM with her instructions every morning. If she tries to give you orders, say 'Oh, don't tell me, I'll only forget' and block her.
5. Block her on every social media you use, and your phone.
Then, the YM (who has the power and responsibility to deal with her) gets the joy of the texts, you remain apparently polite and helpful - situation resolved.

Or - run her through with a pitchfork on a dark night. Wipe your fingerprints off the handle.

 

[tristar]

nope tristar[/QUOTE

very honored, thank you

 

[tristar]

There are nutters everywhere - and the horsey world is amply blessed with them.
My strategies (and I have done everything from yard managing to being a livery) are;
1. Always be polite with a 'good morning' (even if they don't answer).
2. If they are rude to you start by asking them to repeat it 'I beg your pardon, could you say that again?'. That sometimes triggers basic self awareness and they slowly falter to a stop.
3. If they are asking for something, repeat what they have said to show that you understand it 'Ok, so you are going to ride Dobbin first, and therefore don't want me to feed him'
4. If she then goes on to change her mind/the facts - apologise for having a terrible memory and tell her to contact the YM with her instructions every morning. If she tries to give you orders, say 'Oh, don't tell me, I'll only forget' and block her.
5. Block her on every social media you use, and your phone.
Then, the YM (who has the power and responsibility to deal with her) gets the joy of the texts, you remain apparently polite and helpful - situation resolved.

Or - run her through with a pitchfork on a dark night. Wipe your fingerprints off the handle.

oh god that made me laugh! thanks

 

[D66]

There are nutters everywhere - and the horsey world is amply blessed with them.
My strategies (and I have done everything from yard managing to being a livery) are;
1. Always be polite with a 'good morning' (even if they don't answer).
2. If they are rude to you start by asking them to repeat it 'I beg your pardon, could you say that again?'. That sometimes triggers basic self awareness and they slowly falter to a stop.
3. If they are asking for something, repeat what they have said to show that you understand it 'Ok, so you are going to ride Dobbin first, and therefore don't want me to feed him'
4. If she then goes on to change her mind/the facts - apologise for having a terrible memory and tell her to contact the YM with her instructions every morning. If she tries to give you orders, say 'Oh, don't tell me, I'll only forget' and block her.
5. Block her on every social media you use, and your phone.
Then, the YM (who has the power and responsibility to deal with her) gets the joy of the texts, you remain apparently polite and helpful - situation resolved.

Or - run her through with a pitchfork on a dark night. Wipe your fingerprints off the handle.

Wish I could like this twice.

 

[MagicMelon]

I'd just take her aside one day and ask her if there's something you've done to upset her as she's being rude / aggresive. If you be brave, just get it out in the open. She might be embarassed enough to sort out her nasty behaviour.

 

[majors]

Your manager is letting you down, you are being bullied your work environment is becoming hostile. This will impact your health if it goes on. Trust me I know my mental health suffered greatly. This situation needs to be dealt with by the yard manager. Remember ‘ don’t kill your self for a job, that would replace you in a week if you died’.

 

[ElectricChampagne]

I hope everything is OK OP, would love to hear how you are getting on.

*Hugs*