Want to cry, so mad at sharer!

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RollOnSpring

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Husband bought me a brand new bates saddle for my 30th birthday. Today, which is 4 weeks later, my sharer falls off and the stirrup tread has taken a big lump out of the saddle and scratched it all down the seat. I could cry. Sharer is ok physically and so is horse and other than being upset about falling off she hasn't hurt herself. She hasn't apologised for the state of the saddle and I don't know what to do. Do I point it out (she always knows - you can't miss the damage) or do I just ignore it and carry on with a ruined saddle?

So annoyed. I know it was an accident but I can still be upset can't I? Just think these things wouldn't happen if I didn't have a sharer and if I'd damaged it myself I wouldn't be so mad.
 
This is why I make my loaners ride in a cheap synthetic and keep my nice leather dressage saddle for myself.

You're entitled to be annoyed but there wasn't much the loaner could do. Is the damage repairable?
 
I would be annoyed too, I know accidents happen but as she would of known the saddle is new I would of expected an apology and offer to try and get the damage repaired how frustrating.
 
Polar Bear9 said:
This is why I make my loaners ride in a cheap synthetic and keep my nice leather dressage saddle for myself.

You're entitled to be annoyed but there wasn't much the loaner could do. Is the damage repairable?
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^^ this.I had a sharer for a very short period while at uni and my super lovely bridle got broken during that time. No apology, no offer to replace - and my sharer wasn't even paying towards the horse's keep. |Needless to say I got rid of sharer. I find a lot of people don't take the care with other peoples belongings that I would do.
On the other hand, perhaps she has noticed and feels incredibly awkward and just doesn't know what to say/do? (just possible ;))
 
You're entitled to be annoyed but there wasn't much the loaner could do.
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Have to agree with this. If she was shaken up she probably didn't think to apologise, and really, there's nothing for her to apologise for anyway. It was an accident, it's not as if she dropped it or something.

It's up to you to ensure that you write in the agreement what happens if the tack gets damaged, or to find something else that's suitable and cheap to replace if something gets ruined. There's not really much you can do here except try to repair the saddle yourself. If I were the sharer I'd probably have apologised by now and bought you a bottle of wine or something, as a gesture of goodwill.
 
SpringArising said:
Have to agree with this. If she was shaken up she probably didn't think to apologise, and really, there's nothing for her to apologise for anyway. It was an accident, it's not as if she dropped it or something.

It's up to you to ensure that you write in the agreement what happens if the tack gets damaged, or to find something else that's suitable and cheap to replace if something gets ruined. There's not really much you can do here except try to repair the saddle yourself.
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^^ This. It's not like she did it intentionally - accidents happen. Take it to a saddler, they may be able to help remove the scratch.
 
My first sharer 'dropped' my new WoW saddle and it still has the marks now. I say 'dropped' because it came out a week later that she handed it to her boyfriend to take to the stable who rather than put it neatly down somewhere, dumped it on a concrete flow against a brick wall. Annoyed doesn't cover it. 1st loaner told to not bother anymore.

My second loaner, admitted she'd had a whoopsy and in her bid to stay on had scratched the knee roll. it couldn't be helped and I was glad she and my horse were okay.

It was an accident - these things happen. Take it to a saddler and see what they can do as the scratch from the second loaner came out and is not visible unless you know where it is :)
 
I had the opposite but in a much more minor fashion. Horse I once shared was on DIY. Owner had the most pathetic, doll-sized broom. It snapped while I swept yard. I immediately bought a new, much better one. Never even got a thank you. Perils of sharing, I guess.
 
An apology would have bee nice, but just chill. It's horses. It happens!

Agree that saddler should be able to remove the mark.
 
RollOnSpring said:
Husband bought me a brand new bates saddle for my 30th birthday. Today, which is 4 weeks later, my sharer falls off and the stirrup tread has taken a big lump out of the saddle and scratched it all down the seat. I could cry. Sharer is ok physically and so is horse and other than being upset about falling off she hasn't hurt herself. She hasn't apologised for the state of the saddle and I don't know what to do. Do I point it out (she always knows - you can't miss the damage) or do I just ignore it and carry on with a ruined saddle?

So annoyed. I know it was an accident but I can still be upset can't I? Just think these things wouldn't happen if I didn't have a sharer and if I'd damaged it myself I wouldn't be so mad.
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It sounds like you would be better off without a sharer, it does not sound like it is working for you.

I have had 2 sharers, and shared with OH, and I would have been more concerned at the fact that she fell from the horse than the saddle. It is a piece of work equipment, or, as someone else says have a synthetic for her to keep your saddle. I don't think it is "ruined", it just has a scratch, which probably will not be visible when you sit on it.

When I shared wth OH he did have a synthetic, he never tack cleaned and my posh dressage saddle was not going to be treated like that! Life is too short. If she does not suit you then have someone else, or don't have a sharer. I would have been more upset f she had left it on the floor, or covered in mud. It was an accident.

Did you discover what had caused the fall, and how she is to prevent it next time?
 
Annoying, especially as the saddle was new,but at least the horse was ok. Could have been a lot worse.
 
I don't really understand why you are upset at your sharer at all or why you expect an apology for something obviously accidental, not to mention trivial. Maybe she would apologise out of courtesy but you aren't owed an apology by any means. Did you ask her if she's ok? You said she's ok - but did you ask? Cause that I most certainly would expect!
 
its understandable that your upset , i know ive been in this situation a few times now, but poor sharer was probobly shaken up, it was an accident not a milicious act or negligence. I would just be thankful that she and horse are ok tbh
 
No point in being 'mad at sharer' as you put it, she probably didnt want to fall off! Do you have 'cheese grater' treads? Theyr well known for causing scratches on saddles, leather boots etc.
These things happen with horses, it could've been you who fell off, or the horse could've galloped off and wrecked the saddle,or worse!
As long as horse and rider are OK, does it matter?
 
Frustrating, yes. If I was the sharer I would be apologising profusely and asking what I could do. However ... accidents happen, it wasn't intentional or malicious. Perhaps she's shaken up, gutted and embarrassed. You might hear differently from her tomorrow, and perhaps keep your best equipment for you in future.
 
Goldenstar said:
It's was an accident ,better a scratched saddle than a harmed sharer .
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This.

Would you rather a sharer with a broken limb or a stratch on your saddle with there is a 99% chance of being able to be removed? I'd be far more worried that my horse had dumped its sharer than there being a scratch on the saddle! With all due respect, if the latter is more of a concern for you, then you having a sharer might not be the best option for you.
 
My other half dropped my brand new saddle once and took a chunk out of the cantle. I was upset for a bit but it was an accident and it didn't affect the use if it. Plus it ended up getting plenty more scratches over the years!
 
Reminds me of a few years ago when OH was changing the wheel on the side of the road of a 55 tonne fully loaded lorry. It was extremely hot and had been for a few weeks. Under the lorry, he felt it begin to tip and only just got out as the lorry crashed through the tarmac on the road!!!

He calls for help and the first thing his boss said was 'I hope you haven't *****ed up the jack, it's a new one!'

OH put the phone down was was plied with hot sweet tea for the shock by the lorry driver as they waited for the recovery truck to arrive. The road was a mess, it had given way because of the heat and guess what?? The jack and all other bits of equipment were fine!

On arriving back to the depot, he got a call from the area boss who asked him if he was fine and told OH he had 'had words' with his immediate boss about his attitude towards it. OH got a heartfelt apology, as he should.

Yes, it's slightly off topic but highlights the fact equipment can be replaced. Equipment can be insured..maybe you should think about doing that in future? Live's can't be replaced....
 
When my old sharer first started she borrowed my tack until she could get hers out of storage. She decided to use my eventing saddle one day, popped it on horses back but obviously hadn't bothered to girth it up. She then decided to put the horse bridle on, even though he didn't have a martingale so girth should have been done, and he must have moved in the process which resulted in my pristine saddle falling over 6ft onto concrete and getting a huge scratch/chunks missing from the back on the saddle. I know accidents happen but in this case it could have been easily avoided! She didn't even apologise and jut plonked it back on and she didn't even think to check the tree. Luckily the saddle survived but she was never allowed to use my tack again!
Unfortunately falling off cant be helped but I would at least expect an apology and an offer to try and get it repaired.
 
RollOnSpring said:
Husband bought me a brand new bates saddle for my 30th birthday. Today, which is 4 weeks later, my sharer falls off and the stirrup tread has taken a big lump out of the saddle and scratched it all down the seat. I could cry. Sharer is ok physically and so is horse and other than being upset about falling off she hasn't hurt herself. She hasn't apologised for the state of the saddle and I don't know what to do. Do I point it out (she always knows - you can't miss the damage) or do I just ignore it and carry on with a ruined saddle?

So annoyed. I know it was an accident but I can still be upset can't I? Just think these things wouldn't happen if I didn't have a sharer and if I'd damaged it myself I wouldn't be so mad.
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Be upset about your saddle in private, she had an accident, fell off, nothing done deliberately. She most likely feels bad or may not have even noticed if shocked by her fall.

Don't make her feel worse.

Take it to a good saddler who may be able to rescue it.
 
I have to say I'd be more worried about my sharer falling off - what happened, why fell off, whether hurt, how we manage the next ride safely etc. than a scratch to my saddle.

My saddles do get the odd scratch from stirrups / branches / brambles / handling and that is just the way it is from my point of view.

If there was visible fresh damage on one of my saddles, I might expect my sharer to have a go at polishing it out, and to maybe offer to deep clean tack as an apology. [any tack cleaning offers are a great thing from my point of view!!]

I'd never expect one of my sharers to use different cheaper / older tack. I pay good money to have good saddles and to have them adjusted and fitted well to my horses. I dont want anyone riding in a less well fitting lower quality saddle! That said one of my sharers rides in a different saddle to me most of the time, as my saddle hurts her hips, so she rides in the GP instead.

And if I cannot trust my adult sharers to take good care of my tack, why on earth would I trust them to hack / school / handle my horses in my absence? My horses and how they are ridden / handled / treated, is a million times more important than superficial damage to my tack!

I am clear that one of my horses throws saddles off his door, and no one is to leave saddle on his door, and so far so good.

IME all saddles that are regularly used hacking and competing will suffer some scratch damage, it is what it is. Most scratches clean up pretty well.
 
I can sympathise. Whilst your foremost concern is obviously for your sharer and your horse, I would also be upset about the saddle. They cost a lot of money and it is still so very new. Venting on here will help you to get it out of your system. I hope a saddler can help to restore some of the damage.
 
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