well and truly pissed off - i hate relying on people

StormyMoments

StormyMoments

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it sounds really stupid that im that pissed off im crying but i have really well and truly pissed off

i rely on lifts from my step dad to give me lifts to and from the yard as my mum works 13/14 hour shift and she isnt around to give me lifts to the yard other then on her days off, my step dad works for himself and he decides when he goes in to work and leaves

so i said to him last night he needs to be up at half 7 so i can turn the horses out and muck them out before he goes to work... so at half past 8 this morning he decides to get out of bed and we get to the yard and we turn the horses out and i say im gonna muck out and he flips at me saying how he doesnt have time rah rah rah so i have to muck out this evening this happens every day- so i call him up at half 3 and ask him to give me a lift to the yard so i can muck out, poo pick, ride etc and he starts shouting down the phone at me how he has to do work, all im asking is 10 minutes of his time to drop me at the yard but no, but its fine for him to spend about 3 hours of his day on the phone and eating lunch drinking coffee etc but 10 mins for me wont happen

so hes told me that he will take me to the yard at 6 tonight to do the horses - by this time it will be pitch black and i wont be able to poo pick, the horses will be stressing and i will be unable to ride again like the last 3 weeks because he hasnt got time to take me to the yard

so basically im paying £300 a month for 2 horses i see for 10 minutes because hes in a rush. im pissed off and im at the point where i dont think its fair me having the horses as i just cant get enough time with them, they probably dont see it like this but its killing me knowing they would be better off with someone else

sorry just needed to let that out no real point to this post tbh :(
 
Oh boo to this :O( x

I also rely on lifts but i've taken to riding my bike, yard is 4 miles away from home x sometimes someone from the yard will pick me up but 9/10 times i ride my bike x Can no-one at the yard help you out in the morning and then you can go up there once? x

Tell your step dad how it makes you feel and tell him what you want....maybe help him out in return x its hard not having enough time with the horses, i hate it when i have to rush with them! x
 
it is in the middle of no where so the nearest bus runs 5 miles away and my step dad was supposed to fix my bike so i could cycle there :/
 
Who pays for the horses? Do you drive? Is there any other mode of transport? If it really only takes a total of ten minutes for your step Dad then that means the yard is probably only around 3 miles away. Could you cycle on some days when the weather is okay?
 
StormyMoments said:
it is in the middle of no where so the nearest bus runs 5 miles away and my step dad was supposed to fix my bike so i could cycle there :/
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well maybe you could remind him that the bike needs fixing and if he does it soon you'll no longer be nagging for lifts. Sounds like it is in his interest to fix the bike!
 
lcharles said:
Oh boo to this :O( x

I also rely on lifts but i've taken to riding my bike, yard is 4 miles away from home x sometimes someone from the yard will pick me up but 9/10 times i ride my bike x Can no-one at the yard help you out in the morning and then you can go up there once? x

Tell your step dad how it makes you feel and tell him what you want....maybe help him out in return x its hard not having enough time with the horses, i hate it when i have to rush with them! x
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there is only 1 other person on the yard and she just chucks their feeds in for them she wont handle taz and i wouldnt expect her to as he is a 17.2hh and he knows his size and a 2 year old 14.1hh who can be a pain and it would be unfair to expect so much when she is often rushed to do her own horses

my bike is broken and walking would probably take about 2 hours

the thing is he is horsey (doesnt have horses anymore) but taz was his and he doesnt care (as you can tell we dont see eye to eye) how much time im at the yard as long as he is happy
 
Is there anything/do you do anything for him in return for the lifts ? When my son asks for a lift somewhere, he normally (or I ask him :rolleyes:) to do a job for me to help me out.

I remember the waiting/asking for lifts when I was younger (30+ years ago) - initally I had a fold up bike so my dad would take me to the stables and I would cycle back and then I got a moped when I was 16 (not sure what the law is now with them though).

Talking and coming up with a solution is the way forward here though.
 
me and my mum pay for the horses, i am 17 and i have my own car and i am learning to drive but i have only just started and im not very good and i need someone in the car with me who has been driving for 3 + years and he is the only one. i broke all on the gears on my bike and twisted part of it (god knows how) so i cant fix it alone. the yard is 6 1/2 miles away from my house and i dont mind cycling there just i dont have a bike and i have reminded him but he is too busy as always
 
Miszeemare said:
Is there anything/do you do anything for him in return for the lifts ? When my son asks for a lift somewhere, he normally (or I ask him :rolleyes:) to do a job for me to help me out.

I remember the waiting/asking for lifts when I was younger (30+ years ago) - initally I had a fold up bike so my dad would take me to the stables and I would cycle back and then I got a moped when I was 16 (not sure what the law is now with them though).

Talking and coming up with a solution is the way forward here though.
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he doesnt want anything for the lifts well mum pays for his road tax so thats her kinda payback for him giving me lifts, he fixes musical instruments and i would be useless for it according to him thats why he gets my brother to do it instead of me :(
 
Couldn't you pick up a cheap 2nd hand bike from somewhere? I remember getting one for about £20 (though this was a while ago) and when a friend of mine started at uni someone gave her one (she was leaving and it wasn't worth her hassle taking it home!). If you've really buggered up your current one, it might be easier than waiting for him to fix it? (IME men often say they'll get round to fixing something like that when they've had a look and realised they can't do it - they don't like admitting defeat!)
 
got to find another bike then wish me luck dono where im going to find one around here though, knowing the people around here though theres probably a stolen one dumped outside my house :o
 
Hi Stormy Moments. As a grumpy person myself with Step Children, I think you are going to have to be the adult in your relationship with your Step Dad, as obviously at the moment his isn't being the adult!!.

So firstly understand that there maybe other things that are going on that are making him a bit stressed (his behaviour sounds like he is a bit stressed at the mo). Could be work, could be other relationships, could be anything.

Start with something positive and try to be non-confrontational - ie, say you are really grateful for the lifts he gives you, etc, etc, but obviously it isn't very convenient for him and does he have any thoughts on how you can solve the problem. Say you are happy to do something in return for the lifts - or if he could help you mend your bike then you would happily cycle, etc, etc. Also, explain that your horses are really important and that you do get upset if you can't look after them properly.

Also, ask him when he can give you 10mins of time - don't just expect him to drop everything. You want him in a relatively relaxed mood if you are going to make this easier!!

Good luck.
 
Put an ad on freecycle, am sure ones got a free bike to give away. I know there is 3 sat outside my house(next doors) that havnt been touched for 14 plus months, they are under cover, am sure someone would ave one
 
When I was a kid.....my dad worked all hours god sent- my mum didn't drive. If I wanted to go anywhere- it was bus, bike or by foot.

Your step-dad may be under work /finacial pressure that you don't know about- sometimes adults seem grumpy/angry when they are stressed:(

Who pays for your horses? No offence- but he who pays the fiddler calls the tune......
 
me and my mum pay for the horses he stopped contributing 5 years ago and he is stressed i know he is, he always unloads it on me as with my mum who also does which then makes me stressed, currently this month has been an alright month our only problem was when vodaphone decided to take £1200 out of my mums account when she only owed them £250, my stepdad pays for the mortgage and electric and then mum pays the rest and he has done quite well this month so i dont see what his problem is but then again am i being told everything?
 
Mucky Shavings said:
Put an ad on freecycle, am sure ones got a free bike to give away. I know there is 3 sat outside my house(next doors) that havnt been touched for 14 plus months, they are under cover, am sure someone would ave one
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I have a garage full of bikes of various sizes :cool: Mostly not mine, but other than my current one, I would happily give any of them away (including the one I picked up for £20 which is in good nick, if a bit old and has a charming yellow and green paint job :D). Shame the OP's not nearby!
 
StormyMoments said:
me and my mum pay for the horses he stopped contributing 5 years ago and he is stressed i know he is, he always unloads it on me as with my mum who also does which then makes me stressed, currently this month has been an alright month our only problem was when vodaphone decided to take £1200 out of my mums account when she only owed them £250, my stepdad pays for the mortgage and electric and then mum pays the rest and he has done quite well this month so i dont see what his problem is but then again am i being told everything?
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You never know.....but don't take it to heart- us adults can be a cantankerous bunch.

I guess its worse because the nights are drawing in- weather is crap and everything. Possibly things wouldn't be so much of an issue in summer when time isn't so pressured?

Chin up- soon be spring:D ( thats me doing positive thinking BTW;))
 
Two things strike me.
1 That you're paying quite a lot for your livery
2. Would it be possible to find somewhere for your horses nearer home (or on a bus route). Not quite sure from your answers whether it is your home or the horses' stabling that's in the middle of nowhere - or both

If you could get somewhere cheaper for the horses you would be able to afford a moped, which I think you can ride at 16 - and you're 17. Or alternatively, crack on with your driving - get some lessons with the spare money and get your test.

It may be that your current livery has a school etc. etc. but in your position you mgiht do better having them on grass livery, where they'd be out 24/7 and so the timing is not quite so important.
 
I do NOT think you should be put in this situation, tell your mum you want HER to support you as it is not working out with your step dad.
She would not need to work so many hours if step dad was supporting you both financially and morally, which is what I think he should do be doing!
as to bikes, this is fine in summer but NOT in winter, it is unsafe.
 
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It's hard to judge from email but what really stands out to me are when you say:

StormyMoments said:
so i said to him last night he needs to be up at half 7 so i can turn the horses out and muck them out before he goes to work...
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StormyMoments said:
i say im gonna muck out
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StormyMoments said:
so i call him up at half 3 and ask him to give me a lift to the yard so i can muck out, poo pick, ride etc
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You do sound like you're demanding lifts at times that suit you with little regard to what his commitments are. He might work for himself but he's still got to make a living and can't just drop everything mid afternoon to take you to the farm so you can ride before it gets dark. Does he have to wait with you or can he go back to work and pick you up later? - but even so, nipping out for ten minutes (each way?) to ferry you about is a disruption.

Why don't you sit down with him and arrange a regular timetable for lifts at times convenient for you both rather than you calling him up and demanding lifts as and when want them? If he can't take you up there till 6 in the week then so be it (many of us can't get to our horses till then in the week anyway as we have full time jobs so you're not alone).

Also, do as others have said and find yourself another bike and show that you're making an effort to be more self-sufficient and you might find he becomes more cooperative too.
 
tings arnt so pressured in the summer as i dont have to do them in the morning as the other lady does them :o i just know if i cant muck out in the morning i certainly cant fit in mucking out and poo picking and riding and grooming in the evening :o hmm will just have to find a bike :) less time i spend at home the better anyway :) horses get worried when i dont come down till gone 6 i usually come down at 4 on the way back from college :o
 
Rose Folly said:
Two things strike me.
1 That you're paying quite a lot for your livery
2. Would it be possible to find somewhere for your horses nearer home (or on a bus route). Not quite sure from your answers whether it is your home or the horses' stabling that's in the middle of nowhere - or both

If you could get somewhere cheaper for the horses you would be able to afford a moped, which I think you can ride at 16 - and you're 17. Or alternatively, crack on with your driving - get some lessons with the spare money and get your test.

It may be that your current livery has a school etc. etc. but in your position you mgiht do better having them on grass livery, where they'd be out 24/7 and so the timing is not quite so important.
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i pay 160 per month for 2 horses who have 24 hour grazing in the summer this is the closest yard to home the rest is bedding insurance hay etc this is the cheapest yard around i was paying 165 for one at a yard with 4 hours turnout a day all year round :/
 
StormyMoments said:
me and my mum pay for the horses he stopped contributing 5 years ago and he is stressed i know he is, he always unloads it on me as with my mum who also does which then makes me stressed, currently this month has been an alright month our only problem was when vodaphone decided to take £1200 out of my mums account when she only owed them £250, my stepdad pays for the mortgage and electric and then mum pays the rest and he has done quite well this month so i dont see what his problem is but then again am i being told everything?
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Such a nice adult that unloads his problems on a kid :shakes head:
Well, he only pays for a roof over his head and heating, sounds like a good deal......... it must be pretty obvious that you need to attend to horses at predictable and regular times, to be honest you should consider getting rid of them and enjoy your own life with your friends: all the teens round here are out every night throwing voddie down their throats, and presumably this is what their parents want.
PS I suggest you tell your mother to tear up her Vodaphone contract and hand back the mobile.
 
Ok I may get shot down for this. But you sound extremely demanding.

I would never ever demand that my dad give me a lift anywhere. And I certainly wouldn't tell him what time he has to get up, he works bloody hard and needs a rest!. You sound a bit selfish. I know that Horses are a big responsibility and need to be mucked out/watered/fed. But complaining because you can't ride is unreasonable. You should be grateful he drops his life and gives you lifts in the first place.

What's going to happen when you get into full time work and then can't ride on the weekdays because it's to dark? It's life.

Get a bike/bus or walk instead.
 
If you can afford it, pass your Compulsary basic training and get a little 50cc moped.
Might not be glamorous but it gets you there off your own steam. My dad is exactily the same as yours. He saus he will bring me to the yard and I am always late them on a time limit :rolleyes:

I now have a 125cc. Its £8 for fuel, £15 a year for road tax and less then £200 a year for third party fire and theft insurance :) Unless it snows, I no longer rely on parents :)
 
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