Well that told me

[Katie33]

After previous post about my horse that I have on loan I decided it was time to face up to things and talk to Dino's owner.
It did not go well

she asked to see me ride him and basically tore me apart saying that it is not his fault it is mine for not being truthful about my abilities

I'm so upset as I never intended to mislead her and I was honest about my abilities, I told her I was self taught but was sorting this out with regular lessons.
She then got on Dino and had him going lovely to prove that he was schooled and it was just me

She told me I had ruined him and let him get away with things which would now take her a long time to sort out. He is now being moved next Tuesday and she has terminated the contract

I feel so sad, has anyone else had someone tear their ability to shreds, if so, how did you get back from it?
I just feel as though although I have been around horses most of my life that I will never ride like others on my yard. It does feel sometimes as though people are laughing at me behind my back. I'm just waiting for the ' I told you so's'
as people warned me not to get such a big horse as I am only 5ft 2in and not to jump in to the first loan I come across.
Sorry for the long moaning post

 

[jumpthemoon]

Oh poor you - that sounds awful! What a nasty thing to do to someone

I'm sure your riding isn't that bad - we all have faults! {{{hugs}}}

 

[jumpthemoon]

I've just read your other post and it sounds like it's for the best, anyway. Have some more lessons, keep looking for another horse if that's what you want to do - it's just a matter of not rushing in and waiting for the right one

It will work out...

 

[Hollycat]

She must have seen you ride him before she loaned him to you so she would have known your standard of riding. If she didn't see you ride him before loaning him then its more her fault than yours! You explained you were not experienced and she should have known better and taken better care to make sure the loan home was right. She is only being nasty as she is upset that things didn't work out so try not to take it too personally. You did the right thing for both you and the horse and hopefully you will find a nice loan horse that you can have lots of fun on.

 

[merlinsquest]

Well that is the decision taken out of your hands then.

Brush yourself down and join the club of those who would dearly love to be better riders

Me being the founder member!!!

Find yourself a nice horse that will not abuse your shortfalls and start to enjoy that horse, have lessons on that horse and form a long and meaningful bond with that horse.

Dont waste your time and emotions on something that is never going to work.

But also dont forget that his owner knows all of the buttons to press to make him go beautifully and has a distinct advantage over you in this department. Do not lose heart, I am sure there is a lovely horse out there waiting for you to find it.

Where are you based??? What do you want to do with your new friend???

 

[Katie33]

Thanks for the hugs

Thing is I know my riding is not upto much but at least I am trying to improve. She told me to go to a riding school before loaning another horse as I did not have the ability to hack out safely

 

[georgiegirl2]

Dont feel bad!!!! Horse owners (me included sometimes) think that their own horses are the best thing since sliced bread and wont hear anything said that is the contrary.

I've been riding since i was 3 and at the moment I'm having a terrible time with an extremely talented youngster and its been making me doubt my abilities to deal with it, even though deep down I know I'm doing a good job.

If this lady is seriously 'all that' and you are such a terrible rider then she wouldnt have loaned him to you in the first place and I'm sure deep down you know that is not the case. And who cares what other people think??? There have been many people who have 'told me so' and I have proven them otherwise.

You sound intelligent enough to not have mislead someone about your abilities so at the end of the day hold your head up high. its her problem, not yours.

Go find another you can have fun with, there are plenty people who need loans or if you are willing to consider it part share? I have a girl who rides eorge out with me on weekends as its nice to have time off from riding both combined with a full time job - to most people having a loan / sharer is a great help!

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

its hard to pick yourself up after being cut down but you can do it, the right horse will come along
this girl sounds like she was unnecessarily nasty/rude, diplomacy is best but something she clearly knows nothing about, chin up hun x

 

[Flame_]

OMG poor you. Don't worry, you have not ruined that horse - he will be absolutely fine. When you found out you weren't suited to him you stopped riding him and the only reason you didn't return him sooner was because you liked him in the stable and wanted to give things every chance, so there can't have been any non-ridden problems. You haven't done him any harm whatsoever and now he's got the chance to find the right person so be proud of yourself for doing the best thing.

The owner is probably just having a strop because 1. She's put out at having to go through moving the horse and finding another home etc... Just an inconvenience. And 2. She's annoyed with herself for not assessing you more carefully in the first place to find out whether you were right for the horse. Ignore her, look forwards, the right horse for you is not far away!

 

[Nudibranch]

I feel really sad for you. We all make mistakes, don't let this woman get you down, I'm sure she could have been a lot more tactful and not had to wreck your confidence like that. But as others have said, there will be lots of lovely horses out there, and one of them will be just right for you...Hope you find something soon. Good luck!

 

[clipclop]

Aww, you must feel terrible but the owner must be feeling a bit down too.

Sometimes you have to look at bad things in a positive way. So you can choose this time to change your direction. If you want to become a better rider, you can invest in some lessons and take a break from horse keeping? If you're confidence has been knocked as bad as it sounds then you might feel happier going down this route.

Whatever you decide to do next, please don't dwell on this. We have probably all been slated be it to our faces or behind our backs. To make you feel better, Pippa Funnell was slated by Cptn Mark Phillips (I think it was him) when she was already an advanced event rider, she took it on the chin and worked hard on improving her cross country riding.

Remember, most of us ride for fun, don't let it stop being fun for you. (((((hugs)))))

I wish I could magic away the horrible feeling you must be feeling right now.

 

[Katie33]

Thankyou everyone

When I went to view him she rode him first and I fell in love with this lovely horse who really looked the part

and then I took him out for a plod round the roads so she did see me ride but only in walk.
I am based in Dibden, Southampton

I am going to miss the social side of things aswell

I look forwards to going to the yard in the morning and spending time with Dino.
Has anyone else experienced this from owners?

 

[Hollycat]

To be honest she sounds pretty desperate to offload him on someone if she didn't give you a proper grilling and watch you ride him a few times in different circumstances! That's why she is pissed off and nasty - she was the one at fault and she had no right to treat you like that. You haven't done anything wrong and don't be put off. As others have said you've not done any lasting damage - prob no damage at all by the sounds of it. There are loads of people with contacts on this board and a nice suitable horse may come round sooner than you think.

 

[brighteyes]

I think it was unfair of her to let you take him in the first place, as she would have already assessed your capability as a rider. You shouldn't give a good horse to a novice, as they'll only start taking the Mickey (as opposed to being ruined for ever

) but any effort made by the rider should be acknowledged and appreciated. I'm sure you took very good care of him and I wish you luck finding a more suitable friend.

 

[Shilasdair]

No point dwelling on it.
If she terminated the contract and took the horse back (which would be hassle for her) then she obviously was genuinely concerned about your riding.
Perhaps you should 'take it on the chin' and go for lessons at a riding school...you'll be able to tidy your position, learn to ride a variety of horses (which will help when you next try a loan horse) and improve your confidence.
And you may meet someone whose horse you could share?
S

 

[henryhorn]

I am sorry it ended like this, as to be honest it doesn't sound your fault, if she only saw you ride in walk she should have realised it was silly to allow him to go on loan without a proper trial.
Don't let this experience put you off, there are nice sensible horses out there, contact the ILPH and they can help you.
For now go to somewhere decent like Talland for an intensive short course (don't forget you would have been spending that money on your loan horse anyway).
They won't belittle you or laugh at you I promise.
The other thing is can you go on a riding holiday anywhere? riddng all day every day is such a good way to learn.
Cheer up, the owner doesn't sound a very nice person to me, and didn't deserve you as a loaner, especially as you kept paying out for the horse despite not riding it.
Oh and one tip.. being a good rider is mostly an attitude of mind not skills. It's the determination when you get on that the horse will do what you ask not what it likes that tips the balance between Dino doing what she wants and what you want. Once someone teaches you the practical skills, putting the two together is easy..
Don't give up, be determined to show her you can be a cpable good rider, I think you can..

 

[Katie33]

I would of considered myself as an intermediate rider beforehand but this has made me think otherwise.
I have booked some lessons at a local riding school and will ask them what they think and like you say I may find someone who is willing to loan their horse in the meantime

 

[lastchancer]

Don't beat your self up about it. It might just be that the horse is used to her way of riding. Why don't you have a few lessons so that a proper instructor can asses you (you probably aren't nearly a crap as you have been made to believe)
Then get a nice cob on loan for a while, the're usually great fun and easier anyway!

 

[LindaW]

It's a shame, you're not near me love. I've a very well schooled boy who would teach you the ropes. Will be looking for a sharer soon too.

 

[Shilasdair]

[ QUOTE ]
I would of considered myself as an intermediate rider beforehand but this has made me think otherwise.
I have booked some lessons at a local riding school and will ask them what they think and like you say I may find someone who is willing to loan their horse in the meantime

[/ QUOTE ]

Good plan about the riding school - ask them to assess you honestly...then you'll know where you stand. People often change as riders after they have a break to have children...the responsibility thing changes confidence (or should that be stupid risk-taking?

levels).
I read your original post about Dino and you don't sound confident...and intermediate implies a certain level of confidence.
Whereabouts are you, maybe if you add a location to your profile (don't be too specific for safety, just the county, or large city area) then people on here may be willing to help you out in horse shares etc?
S

 

[Rocky01]

Hi, I am really sorry that she was so mean. I expect that you aren't as bad a rider as she made you think you are. I had someone who I thought about shareing with who was really convinced that I wasn't good enough to ride her horse but I rode it better than she or her son did (according to the YO and several of the instructors at the next door riding school) so sometimes owners are just wrong.

Echo Shilasdair about adding a location to your profile (I don't because I'm in 3 different places depending on when you ask me), it might well help a lot.

I think that having an intensive riding holiday (short one) is a great idea.

Good luck

 

[piebaldsparkle]

[ QUOTE ]
She tore me apart saying that it is not his fault it is mine for not being truthful about my abilities

[/ QUOTE ]

<font color="blue"> Erm no, it is her fault for not accessing your riding before you took him on loan. </font>

[ QUOTE ]
She told me I had ruined him and let him get away with things, which would now take her a long time to sort out.

[/ QUOTE ]

<font color="blue">He may have learnt to take the mickey out of you, that doesn't mean he is ruined, what a ridiculous statement for her to make.

</font>

[ QUOTE ]
She told me to go to a riding school before loaning another horse, as I didn’t have the ability to hack out safely

[/ QUOTE ]
<font color="blue"> Yet she was happy for you to ride him out on a road, the 1st time you sat on him!!

</font>


The owner is probably more unset/annoyed with herself that it hasn't worked out and is taking it out on you, by the sounds of it she took like time to find out in the 1st place if you and the horse were suited.

Try not to take it heart, I agree with the others that going to a riding school isn't a bad idea, you can get a honest assessment of your abilities and also get to ride a variety of horses, which will give you an idea once you are ready to loan again as to the sort of horse you want/need to loan.

 

[moneypit1]

We all have strengths and weaknesses in our riding so don't get too upset. It sounds as though the owner was very harsh and blunt but perhaps thats just the way she is. You sound a very level headed person and the idea of taking a few lessons is such a good idea. I have lessons nearly every fortnight on my horse and I have been riding for 30 years on and off and continue to learn all the time! Good luck xx

 

[Hullabaloo]

The owner is probably just upset that she now has the inconvenience of having to make new arrangements for her horse - although this isn't an excuse to take it out on you.
Lessons are a good idea - to improve your confidence at least - and I'm sure there will be a horse out there better suited to you.

The owner of my loan horse gave me a really hard time about my riding when I fell off her horse at a hunter trial - he was being a complete sod. I was gutted until someone else at the yard took me aside and told me about all the times the owner had suffered a similar fate with him. I'll bet this owner has had her issues with the horse too!

 

[mariond]

So sorry that his previous owner was so cruel in her comments to you as I know how hurtful that can be. I went to try a horse (with a view to buying it) many years ago at a riding stables. I felt a bit nervous with the guy stood there watching my riding and when I made the comment that when I purchased a horse I would have lessons on it he told me that I b****y well need them ! and I had ridden since a toddler but Mum &amp; Dad wouldn't entertain me having lessons. Try to put the comments behind you and move on and find somewhere with a really great instructor (HH's suggestion of Talland is a good one) and remember that riding is meant to be fun !

 

[zip]

Hello, i had a part share and i thought the owner was lovely and we got on great. She even said that i was a great rider, better than her she said. Then he bolted with me one morning and i fell. It all went sour from that moment on, she blamed me for him bolting and said that he was a perfect horse and i ruined him. She said i was a rubbish rider and cancelled the agreement between us.

I felt like you a bit lost as i loved the social side of going down to the yard eveyday. She has really made me think that i am a c**p rider to the point that i don't think im going to ride for a long time. I also don't think i could ever share another horse with someone as its just really put me off.

Take your time and look around for a nice, sensible horse.

Nina x

 

[itsme123]

Please don't be disheartened. No-one will be laughing at you, and if anyone does it's only because they're relieved it wasnt them. It's very rare to find a rider who can get along with any horse.

Building a relationship with a horse takes months. Think of it from the animal's point of view, they're uprooted, moved and given a new mum. It's confusing and they've got to get to know you as well as you to know them. Even then, sometimes it just doesnt work out.

I echo what Henryhorn advised. Book a holiday or a block of lessons at a good riding centre. You'll make new friends and have the opportunity to ride well schooled horses of all levels, under supervision.

Someone can buy a horse and ride that horse (and only that horse) for the next 20 years, and be able to get a perfect tune out of it. It doesnt make them a good rider! A good rider has experience of diffeent horses, and you don't get that just riding the one!!

Get out there and get your confidence back.

If you can get on a strange horse and walk it round the block then you're far better than I... and I've been riding since I was 4!!

 

[MagicMelon]

I agree, definately go get some decent lessons at a decent yard where the instructors will be very supportive. You'll soon get a boost and get back on track. It'd probably be best to get the opinion of your instructor as to when you're ready for another horse? Ignore the womans comments, remember that the horse was probably her pride and joy for a long time before loaning to you so she'd probably quite sensitive about it. Im terrible when I see horses Ive sold at shows with their new owners - Im all "why has he got that rug on?" and "his noseband is too low" etc. etc.! Its petty and obviously not my problem anymore however its hard to be detached from a horse! Not sure if that makes sense...?

 

[Happytohack]

Please don't be disheartened - you obviously love Dino and have cared for him well. His owner has just taken her frustrations at having to have him back out on you. You have made the right decision, even though you are obviously going to miss him. It is a shame you aren't nearer me - you could ride one of my two gentle giants and they would soon give you lots of confidence. Don't feel you can't go up to the yard, just because you won't have a horse there for a while. Try and ride as many different horses as you can to regain your confidence and help you decide what sort of horse would suit you.

 

[Mbronze]

It did sound from your previous posts that you weren't entirely happy with the horse as it was anyway.

She has done you a favour really, now you can get your riding back on track (without ruining a horse - not that i believe for a moment that you have ruined Dino) and now you can find a horse to suit your ability and enjoy.

If you let us know your county on your signature then maybe a H&amp;H may loan you one of theirs...?