Well we had our lesson and I still don't know what to do

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Grumpymoo

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My new instructor was fab! Dealt with both me and D so well and put up with my tears!

Unfortunately our lesson didn't go as well as I had hoped. :( I did think that my riding was crap but he was happy with my riding and position etc but my lack of confidence is just massive. He said that D has an attitude problem and 6 months of giving him proper boundaries would sort most of our problems out. The problem is its me that needs to do it and ride him through his tantrums. We tried this today when he refused to stand still when my instructor walked away. He started to listen to me and then he pushed it up a level and I just panicked and wanted to get off. He made me stay on but had to help me from the ground.

After a long chat he said he is happy to work with me and that I can do it but its a long road. His honest opinion was that he might not be the best horse for me. So I am back to deciding what to do.

I just don't know, I think I know what is best but not sure I can deal with selling him.

His other advice was to get someone else to ride him for 6 months/year to get him past this and then get on him. He thinks we would still have a bit of a battle but he would be better having had someone else lay down the boundaries previously. :(
 
I have had same kind of situation, once I sold as no way was it going to get better, but with new boy have stuck with it taken it slow and we are 99.9 % better and the sense of achiment is huge. Only you know if you can get through it and if you feel it's worth it
 
Could you put him on loan to someone for 12/18 months, maybe a teenager who's off to uni in a year or so (they seem to have no fear!) if you keep a close eye on him and pick the right person he could really mature in that time.
At the same time you could look for something on loan youself, look for something old that has been there and bought the t shirt - I have a 20 year old out on loan doing just that (used to BSJA and team chase - he's now happy babysitting his very novice rider twice a week) - So while he is learning you can be working on your condifence at the same time. Then your not making a final decision but you both can hopefully move on
 
To be honest I just want to make a descision. It's been going on for ages and my confidence is fine evening ride other horses, I just have an issue with him. I know the right thing to do but I don't want to do it nor do I know how.

Thank you both for your help. I am just going to hide under my blanket and pretend none of this is happening x
 
I was in a similar situation a few months ago, I totally lost my confidence on my cob, Jasper, to the point where I would dread riding and really wasn't enjoying it any more. He needed a confident rider, and I felt he was just going to waste with me. I made the heartbreaking decision to sell him. In early September I found him a lovely home with a caring, confident rider which was just what he needed. He was looking to me for confidence and I just wasn't able to give it to him anymore.

I now have a new horse, Bob, who has done wonders for my confidence! He is so laid back and tries so hard to please. I totally look forward to riding again now and think nothing of hacking out on our own (something I totally panicked over with my old boy).

Deciding to sell Jasper was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I loved him so much! BUT it really has been for the best. He is happy and settled in his new home and is out having fun, and I am really enjoying riding again.

Horse riding is meant to be fun! It's a blummin expensive hobby to not enjoy it! There's no shame in admitting that this horse isn't the right one for you (if that's what you decide) and finding one that is.

How about setting yourself a time frame (3 months??) and seeing how it goes with your new instructor? If you can see progress and positive changes within that time frame then stick with it. If not, then maybe you should think about finding him a new home and yourself a new horse?

Feel free to PM me if you like, I know how hard it is, and I really feel for you.

Whatever you decide, good luck! x

ETA, you could try this http://www.confident-rider.co.uk/nervous_rider_action_plan.html Confident Rider Self-hypnosis kit? I have their "Hacking with Confidence" CD and it did help.
 
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the problem is that if the horse is pushy andyou are panicy, you or him or both of you will almost definately end up in a dangerous situation at some point.
You can either
a) understand that this is the wrong horse for you and sell him, loan him etc etc or
b) use this information to force yourself out of panic mode whenever he does anything and make yourself more mentally strong so that you will not let him put you both in a 'situation'.

only you can know whether you can do plan b).
 
Hi again....
Ok ...you did your thing....and you are still a broken combination....
It is probably time to say enuff is enuff. You are supposed to be having fun....and this 'ain't happening...and TBH...pony probably 'ain't enjoying it either.
What you might do is 'swop' your boy for another horse with reputable dealer.
I had a horse on hunting livery which at 17.2 and a rearer if he wasn't first...was no fun for his owner....so I swopped him for a 15.3 seen it all done it all...leg at each corner...and the owner went from a 1 day a month to a 2 days a week hunter.
The 17.2 went on to be a fab Huntsmans horse....
You would need to ask around locally...and be prepared to travel....and once again....my advice would be to go to a Welsh/M&M yard as they may well swop you if they think your boy has potential for them.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Bryndu :)
 
I am in Hampshire Ruth.

You sound the same as me jingle bell. I don't know how I will sell him when I can't even ride him myself. I have been looking at sales livery but I just don't know what to do. Your story has given me done hope! I just want to be able to go out on a hack and enjoy myself! I would pm you but I am on my phone and they never send :(

Thanks cuppatea. I have thought about hypnosis but I don't really know if it would work. I really did try today and my instructor was please. He said I was about to win and he could tell he was going to back down but I just folded and gave in.
 
Bryndu said:
Hi again....
Ok ...you did your thing....and you are still a broken combination....
It is probably time to say enuff is enuff. You are supposed to be having fun....and this 'ain't happening...and TBH...pony probably 'ain't enjoying it either.
What you might do is 'swop' your boy for another horse with reputable dealer.
I had a horse on hunting livery which at 17.2 and a rearer if he wasn't first...was no fun for his owner....so I swopped him for a 15.3 seen it all done it all...leg at each corner...and the owner went from a 1 day a month to a 2 days a week hunter.
The 17.2 went on to be a fab Huntsmans horse....
You would need to ask around locally...and be prepared to travel....and once again....my advice would be to go to a Welsh/M&M yard as they may well swop you if they think your boy has potential for them.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Bryndu :)
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This - horses are meant to be fun. There is the perfect partnership out there for you - and there is the perfect partnership for D out there as well. xx Tough decision to make xx
 
Thanks Bryndu.

I know he has got to go I just don't know where to start. A swap would be perfect! I don't mind something older I just need something that can hack happily on its own and maybe do some fun rides etc. I'm not worried about jumping to be honest and my boy has a massive jump and seems to love it too so would be perfect for a home where he could do this.
 
I understand that you 'love' your horse (at least, I sort of understand), but if he's not the right horse there is no shame in stating this to yourself and letting him go on to another rider who may be able to get along with him better, while you find another horse who suits YOU better. How come we can get divorced/remarried and it's more or less accepted, yet we go into paroxysms of guilt/remorse if we happen to have the wrong horse? There is always another horse (husband, whatever). Unfortunately you can't sell unsuitable husbands........
 
If you just have a problem with this horse, difficult to see how anything other than selling will work out. I no nothing of your circumstances or how much you paid for him/ would need for another horse but if you're paying livery/ having lessons etc. in Hampshire I'd guess he's costing you several £100's a month.

Why not therefore advertise him as 'sold from the field' be honest with people that want to come and see him that because of 1) his breed 2) his age 3) what he's done you will not be riding him for them but they are welcome to get on and try him themselves. You won't get as much for him but even a few thousand is only a few months of what he's costing you to keep for you to be unhappy!

Forget;/ ignore anyone who talks about what you've 'lost' in selling him, I was in Berkshire and on full livery for five years I suspect I paid £15k in livery so what I sold my horse for at the end of it was totally irrelevant in the grand scheme!

If he's really not for you the sooner you move on the better for both of you. Maybe try his breeder, old owner, your insturctor etc. who might consider him for a bargin price.
 
Grumpymoo said:
You sound the same as me jingle bell. I don't know how I will sell him when I can't even ride him myself. I have been looking at sales livery but I just don't know what to do. Your story has given me done hope! I just want to be able to go out on a hack and enjoy myself! I would pm you but I am on my phone and they never send :(
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Not to worry, PM me anytime!

I was really lucky, my YO helped me to sell him. She showed him off for me, I didn't want to ride him in front of anyone :o Once I knew the lady that eventually bought him was keen, I met her there a few times just so I could satisfy myself she was the right person and she could ask me any questions etc. I was honest with her about my reason for selling him, I knew he could be fantastic with the right rider! Do you have a friend/YO that would show him off for you at first?

I couldn't bring myself to be there when he went. I spent the whole day with him the day before, rode (and he was foot-perfect, it was like he knew!) and pampered him so he went looking his best. It was a sad, sad time but looking back now I know it was the right thing to do.

I really hope it works out for you. x
 
Thanks everyone for the advice and think I will take the sold from field route.

Thanks for the hugs shysmum, I really need them. Luckily my instructor was a very attractive man who was also happy to give me hugs!

Gonna let him just have a chilled December then look to sell him in the new year. I never thought it would come to this but guess I just have to deal with it.
 
lots of hugs to you! and tissues to if needed
everyone seems to have given the story of 'i gave up and sold it'
my 17.3 mare was on box rest for 4 months with walk work for 20mins a day. riding her one evening she p**sed around and i landed in a heap and she galloped off....
well i didnt ride her for 2 months after that, but mum eventually gave up and gave me the 2 options, either i get back on, or the horse is sold. so i decided to give the horse one more go.
we moved her to my trainers yard and the prof rider rode her for 7 days.
my trainer then told me to get on her, because....whats the worst thats going to happen...she may give a buck and a pull on the rein, but thats it. throughout my first times of riding her again i had my trainer constantly talking me through everything, but at the same time constantly challenging me, pushing me to show that actually what my horse did wasnt so bad after all..... and i now understand that and feel fully able to deal with it.
its very sad when anyone has to sell their horse because they're frightened/scared of riding it.
i found that griting my teeth, shoving the butterfiles out of my stomach and getting on was incredibly hard, but well worth it in the end, as i now love riding my horse and wouldnt change her for the world!!!
 
It's great to hear a positive story and I know that it is possible to do I just am not enjoying it one bit. It took me so long to be able to afford to buy a horse after such a long break I can't carry on without any enjoyment. My friend is insistent that she can sort him for me so I said she can ride him until I find a buyer but I don't see it will make much difference.
 
i have been in a very similar situation as well.
i decided to sell, as my confidence was in tatters, but only with that horse. i had my instructor ride him once a week until he was sold, and she also showed him off during the viewings. i was honest with people when they phoned up about him and explained why she was riding him and not me - no one seemed to think it was a problem or put them off.
could you do something similar with your friends help, at least then he's not 'sold from field'?
 
You sound like you are being very sensible about it all. If your friend is prepared to keep riding for you then I would take her up on it, even come to some deal with her about selling - maybe ask her if she would show horse to buyers and in return give her % of sale price - even though she may do it for nothing it will make it easier to ask her.

I had a few moments with my youngster and in the end found that the only way over it was to get cross rather than scared - all that emotion has to go somewhere - by cross I dont mean nasty . more "you will do it you beep - get on with it - one hour out of 24 is all you have to behave for !!" Got me my confidence back but if the horse is not right for you, then there will be another one out there that will be.
 
after 7 days of a confident rider riding my mare, pushing her through the 'naughty moments' and taking no messing, i had a different horse!

let your friend have a go, see if she can get him to stop 'questioning' everything, you may be suprised by much better your horse may behave. while you find a possible buyer, you still have time to change your horses behavour (and your mind)!
 
meesha said:
- all that emotion has to go somewhere - by cross I dont mean nasty . more "you will do it you beep - get on with it - one hour out of 24 is all you have to behave for !!" Got me my confidence back
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ahah meesha!!! im not the only one who does this then? although i find a threat with the meat man normally makes her stand up straight and sort herself out!
 
mavandkaz said:
i have been in a very similar situation as well.
i decided to sell, as my confidence was in tatters, but only with that horse. i had my instructor ride him once a week until he was sold, and she also showed him off during the viewings. i was honest with people when they phoned up about him and explained why she was riding him and not me - no one seemed to think it was a problem or put them off.
could you do something similar with your friends help, at least then he's not 'sold from field'?
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This would be ideal.
 
There is a big difference between a horse you can ride through and a horse you are genuinely worried about and no longer enjoying. My youngster can test me but he never scares me so his antics don't bother me. My previous horse became a battle of wills. He had professional schooling, he had other people riding him. I didn't enjoy him. End of. He is now ridden by a big man who thinks the horse is great. So, if you are not enjoying your horse and it is becoming an unpleasant tie and not a joy.. then sell. This is your HOBBY not a life choice. This is meant to be fun. So its not working out for you. You have tried...

I have no idea what your horse is age/type/ability. If your horse is older and more of a real project horse then selling from the field might well work but you will not get much back. If its younger, has some ability then sales livery might be the answer. Sales livery will either charge you £x for livery, prep advertise and sell the horse or £x for livery and x% commission of the sales price. If you do go down that route, definately ask for recommendations (your trainer perhaps?) then work out how long to prep the horse. Also, selling now is really hard. Its coming upto Christmas, everyone is expecting a big freeze so I would not think about sales livery now. That could just eat up money with no clients in sight. Good luck, but put yourself first. What would you rather have... a horse you dread or a horse who makes you smile? Finally.. if your horse is not really bad, maybe try to find a good dealer who will part ex. Again, check on here for recommendations!
 
One of my friends is coming to ride him tomorrow but my friend who I yard share with has just turned her youngster away and wants to ride him. She is off work till the new year so will have plenty of time to work with him. She is going to try him next weekend so will just see how it goes.

Thanks everyone
 
Im watching someone in this scenario at the minute - shes taken umbridge at advice to sell the horse, rather than taking it in a sensible way like you are OP.

What she cannot see is that for the horse she is the wrong owner - therefore she is not a good owner as such. She isnt doing the horse any favours, theyve already had a coupe of accidents one of which resulted in the horse galloping down a road and falling over badly. Its just a matter of time til there is a repeat.

So if you take your worries and fears out of the scenario - how about the horse? Does he take confidence from you? Is he calm and safe? If the answers are no then there is a big risk to his health and mental well being, as well as your own.

As has been said - theyre damn expensive and time consuming - too much so to spend all the time worrying :)
 
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