What is a 'Toff'?

[Daisychain]

I think you should see it from her point of view, i am sure she felt very intimidated and under pressure to enjoy your way of life, how would you feel if she made you experience her way of life and the things she does in her free time, yes she hasnt had the privilaged up bringing you have and im sure you made her feel very inferior to you, some people just have different views and values on life, perhaps you should respect the way she feels in these circumstances instead of instantly brandishing her rude and ungratefull, look outside the box a little, thats all...

 

[Irishcobs]

-Living in a village/ on a farm / isolated in the country - Yes- in a village
-Owning a 4x4 - Yes, soon to be 3

-Owning a horse - Yes
-Owning several horses - yes I have 2
-Going/having been to Pony Club - Yes- worst time of my life
-Wearing tweed - Only a hacking jacket at shows does that count?
-Having a shooting stick and a flat cap - Not yet
-Owning a Labrador (or two, or three...) - No
-Preferring boutiques to large chain retailers - Shop is a shop to me
-Speaking Received Pronunciation - You what?
-Liking James Blunt - No
-Holding shooting parties - No
-Being a Hunt supporter - Yes
-Having seen a member of the Royal Family in the flesh - Yes
-Speaking very loudly into your mobile phone whilst on the train - No, don't use a train
-Saying 'Darling' in every other sentence - No
-Owning not just a 4x4, but a Range Rover... No
-Attending/having attended Private School - No
-Going to Oxford/Cambridge - No
-Having a double barrelled name - Yes, but that is not by choice and I don't use it.

8/20, with 2 passes, so I'm a 40% toff.

 

[Daisychain]

When determining what is a toff, i can explain perfectly, many years ago a friend of mine with a farming background went on a days hunting, she doesnt speak with a posh accent or anything, whilst she was at the meet one of the other members of the hunt field bellowed 'when are the riff raff going home' she has never forgotton this incident, people who think they are better than you who have had a education and privilaged upbringing do unfortunately sometimes fit this bracket.

 

[MizElz]

[ QUOTE ]
I think your friend is narrow-minded and rude. What a disgraceful way to behave when you had taken so much trouble to arrange nice things for her to see and do. Does this make you wonder how much of a friend she really is?
(Typed from an ex-council house in the middle of a rough council estate in a dismal part of Kent!).

[/ QUOTE ]

TBH, i dont think she was being purposefully difficult....i just think we are very, very different people, conduct ourselves differently, and so on! I'm sure, if I were to go to where she lives, I would be equally out of my depth, though I would be more likely to go very quiet and shy, rather than loud and brusque!

 

[vieshot]

She sounds like a mouthy chav to me, no offence.

 

[spaniel]

Daisychain, I was brought up to be polite and respectfull. I can assure you that if I was put into a situation where everything was alien to me i wouldnt spend my time openly moaning about it.

Where, when and how you have lived should have no bearing on good manners.

 

[YorkshireLass]

The following apply to me & I am a Romany Gypsy!


Living in a village/ on a farm / isolated in the country - N
Owning a 4x4
Owning several horses
Going/having been to Pony Club
Wearing tweed
Having a shooting stick and a flat cap
Owning a Labrador (or two, or three...)
Preferring boutiques to large chain retailers
Speaking Received Pronunciation -
Holding shooting parties
Being a Hunt supporter -
Having seen a member of the Royal Family in the flesh
Owning not just a 4x4, but a Range Rover...
Attending/having attended Private School
Having a double barrelled name

 

[Daisychain]

Actually posted it incorrectly was ment to go to misunderstood really.

 

[MizElz]

daisychain - thats awful!!

but sadly believable, and rather common, i feel

 

[Daisychain]

Yes it is awfull, and i think it is that attitude that got the hunting ban in the first place.

 

[slivertonics]

Living in a village/ on a farm / isolated in the country - FARM
Owning a 4x4 - YES
Owning a horse - YES
Owning several horses - YES
Going/having been to Pony Club - YES
Wearing tweed - ONLY SHOWING JACKET
Having a shooting stick and a flat cap - NO
Owning a Labrador (or two, or three...) - NO BUT DOES DALMATION COUNT?
Preferring boutiques to large chain retailers - YES
Speaking Received Pronunciation - ABSOLUTELY!
Liking James Blunt - LIKE HIS SONGS NOT HIM
Holding shooting parties - NO
Being a Hunt supporter - YES
Having seen a member of the Royal Family in the flesh - YES
Speaking very loudly into your mobile phone whilst on the train - NO
Saying 'Darling' in every other sentence NO I SAY 'LOVE'
Owning not just a 4x4, but a Range Rover... A SPORT ACTUALLY
Attending/having attended Private School NO
Going to Oxford/Cambridge NO
Having a double barrelled name NO

Think this makes me a middle class wannabe, could pass as a toff on paper till i open my mouth and my lovely south wales accent comes spilling out, oh bloody hell no mun butty mun love!

 

[WeeBrown]

That must have been an awful experience for you and have to echo what others have said, she doesn't seem much of a friend. In fact I don't know how anyone can be quite so rude as to do what your 'friend' did. Your day out (minus obnoxious friend obviously!) seems like my version of heaven

I could say yes to quite a few of those categories but am not a toff; definitely no land or title. However, that doesn't mean that I wasn't born to be a toff, I've just not got there yet

 

[Tinypony]

[ QUOTE ]
TBH, i dont think she was being purposefully difficult....i just think we are very, very different people, conduct ourselves differently, and so on! I'm sure, if I were to go to where she lives, I would be equally out of my depth, though I would be more likely to go very quiet and shy, rather than loud and brusque!


[/ QUOTE ]
Well, I'm sorry mate, I think you're a far nicer person than your friend. Regardless of her background I am in no doubt that she knew she was being a pain in the posterior.
I was once invited to "have a bed" with some friends of friends I'd never met before. Gladly took up the offer, but as I turned into the long gravel driveway I realised that my expected z bed in a spare room wasn't quite what was waiting for me! I had brought wine with me as a pressie, and as soon as I handed it over I knew they were being terribly polite but it was cheap tat they'd never drink. (They were really, really nice by the way

). After being shown to my beautiful room all done out in white, with a private bathroom, they told me they had organised a dinner party as they thought it would be nice. I only had scruffy combats and a cheapie Primark T shirt with glittery writing on the front with me as "clean clothes" - oh the shame! I didn't rain on their parade, I felt really awkward but made sure I didn't show it, I waded through the conversation about articles in The Times and what was on at the theatre "Up Town", and waited in vain for the floor to swallow me when they served up bloomin' fantastic wine (funny - they didn't use mine!). When I left they said what a lovely guest I'd been and be sure to come again. (I just couldn't though - my Primark T Shirt had been leaking glitter over everything all evening...

).
Good manners cost nowt.

 

[Tinypony]

p.s. In spite of my humble surroundings I must be a toff as I am definitely asset rich and cash poor LOL!

 

[JM07]

a chewey brown sweet with it's legs cut off..........

 

[alleycat]

But the friend liked cats. So she was alright really!

 

[spitchwick]

I definately feel that your friend lacks manners, and if she were a real friend, she would have tried very hard to adjust to different surroundings and be appreciative of your hospitality, she obviously felt''out of her depth'', but that is no excuse for plain bad manners, and being rude to people.

 

[Sooty]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Does the fact that she lives in a council flat, as opposed to any other sort of inner city property, have any bearing on this story?

[/ QUOTE ]

i dont think so, Sooty.....would you have preferred me to leave out the 'council' bit? Does this offend you in any way? I can't see how living in council accommodation would have a different bearing on how someone views the countryside.....

Or has it simply got to the point where mentioning 'council flat/house' is unPC?

god forbid i had mentioned in the OP the fact that said friend is of Afro Caribbean descent.....

[/ QUOTE ]

No, it is not offensive or non-PC. I do think it says a lot about you though. I think you and your friend have both pigeonholed each other! It would simply never occur to me to say what sort of accommodation someone lived in, just where they lived. Ido think it is a shame that you and your friend seem to have grown apart though, and from what you say she has pretty poor manners. I hope you can salvage something from this.

 

[Mid]

i own a horsie (and a pony sort of, and my sister has a horse), i have worn tweeds... i own a shooting stick (because i'm lazy and don't like standing up for ages) but no way am i a toff!

don't let it bother you! i'd happily live in huge mansion, own loads of horses and dogs, not to mention a land rover and trailer, Speak The Queen's English, sip champagne... there's nowt wrong with being a toff!

 

[watterh]

i can tick most of those catagories but def don't consider myself a toff just someone who has been fortunate and tried a few things out. Now i have to work full time to keep children in school, horses and dogs etc.. We have no airs or graces like to be friendly to everyone. Having said that a trip into town shopping is my idea of pergatory!!

 

[Mid]

Living in a village/ on a farm / isolated in the country - Not very isolated...
Owning a 4x4 - No

Owning a horse - Yup!
Owning several horses - Throughout the family, yes...
Going/having been to Pony Club - No, but i'd join if i had a pony that could jump (Mr B can jump really well but we might not have him in the spring)
Wearing tweed - Nope. i only have one show jacket and it's blue.
Having a shooting stick and a flat cap - I have a shooting stick!
Owning a Labrador (or two, or three...) - No. used to have a spaniel and a vizsla...
Preferring boutiques to large chain retailers - Yes
Speaking Received Pronunciation - Sometimes!
Liking James Blunt - Boooring...
Holding shooting parties - No
Being a Hunt supporter - No
Having seen a member of the Royal Family in the flesh - No
Speaking very loudly into your mobile phone whilst on the train - No
Saying 'Darling' in every other sentence - Not quite as often as every other sentence...
Owning not just a 4x4, but a Range Rover - Nooo... i wish
Attending/having attended Private School - No
Going to Oxford/Cambridge - No
Having a double barrelled name - No

 

[MizElz]

[ QUOTE ]

No, it is not offensive or non-PC. I do think it says a lot about you though. I think you and your friend have both pigeonholed each other! It would simply never occur to me to say what sort of accommodation someone lived in, just where they lived. Ido think it is a shame that you and your friend seem to have grown apart though, and from what you say she has pretty poor manners. I hope you can salvage something from this.

[/ QUOTE ]

Says a lot about me???? Sooty, you don't know anything about my personal circumstances, and if you did, you would know that my family were on the brink of going into council accomodation three years ago. It was all my mum could do to keep us 'independent'; we are renting a little house now, but certainly would not have the means to buy anything. but, if things had gone down that route, then I would be a 'council house' girl....would that change my opinion of other people, places, etc? I don't think so! There are plenty of people who I know who live on council estates and still own horses. If you were implying that I had used the fact that my friend lives in a council flat to degrade her, you could not be more mistaken. It saddens me that you have read this into my words; nobody else has managed to. Living in a council house is nothing to be ashamed of, and my friend frequently talks of where she lives, hence why it was at the forefront of my mind. I never dreamed that mentioning this would cause it to be thrown back at me. I merely used it as a comparison.

 

[Nickijem]

I ticked all the ones that apply to me! I have been called a toff quite a lot - simply because the number plate on my car says so! And no - it's not a personalised plate!
I'm a toff and I ticked nine out of all the options so it obviously doesn't take much.
Seriously, I would rather be thought of as a toff than many other things.

 

[wench]

Mine are:

Living in a village/ on a farm / isolated in the country - Yes
Owning a 4x4 - yes - brand new ford ranger
Owning a horse - YES
Owning several horses - i did a week ago!
Going/having been to Pony Club - no never had a pony
Wearing tweed - no prefer chavvy brands like Mark Todd
Having a shooting stick and a flat cap - my dad has
Owning a Labrador (or two, or three...) - Def not, horrible beasts.... I have a lurcher
Preferring boutiques to large chain retailers - do tack shops count?
RP - sort of, but then thats down to where i live
Liking James Blunt - no no no
Holding shooting parties - Dad has a shoot
Being a Hunt supporter - YES
Having seen a member of the Royal Family in the flesh - no but been to buckingham palace
Speaking very loudly into your mobile phone whilst on the train - no - rude
Saying 'Darling' in every other sentence - no
Owning not just a 4x4, but a Range Rover... used to have a nice "classic" one
Attending/having attended Private School no but went to a comprehensive that has a boarding house
Going to Oxford/Cambridge no leeds
Having a double barrelled name def not

 

[Mid]

exactly! better to be a toff then a chav!

 

[Starbucks]

Rah rah for the pony club!!!

 

[Sooty]

I apologise; I misread the meaning behind what you said.

 

[MizElz]

[ QUOTE ]
I apologise; I misread the meaning behind what you said.

[/ QUOTE ]

its cool, no probs

 

[SirenaXVI]

Living in a village/ on a farm / isolated in the country - Yes
Owning a 4x4 - No
Owning a horse - Yes
Owning several horses - Urrrmm Yes
Going/having been to Pony Club - No
Wearing tweed - only sometimes
Having a shooting stick and a flat cap - No
Owning a Labrador (or two, or three...) - No
Preferring boutiques to large chain retailers - Yes
Speaking Received Pronunciation - No
Liking James Blunt - Yes
Holding shooting parties - No
Being a Hunt supporter - Yes
Having seen a member of the Royal Family in the flesh - Yes
Speaking very loudly into your mobile phone whilst on the train - Oh noooo darling
Saying 'Darling' in every other sentence - No but yes but no but
Owning not just a 4x4, but a Range Rover... No
Attending/having attended Private School - No
Going to Oxford/Cambridge - Well I have been through both!
Having a double barrelled name - No

Hmmmm what does that make me?

 

[Sooty]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I apologise; I misread the meaning behind what you said.

[/ QUOTE ]

its cool, no probs

[/ QUOTE ]