What to do when the yard bully

Fools Motto

Fools Motto

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is the yard manager?

She knows she has got to us, and she is enjoying it.
Whatever we do, something is wrong, and we are either told about it through others, a letter or given the silent treatment until evasion isn't an option and we're shouted at. If we were correct before, and then repeat it, we're wrong.
Can be anything as silly as feeding X amounts of hay, filling up water using the wrong tap/trough or having the dogs on/off lead in the right/wrong places!!

The place is so suitable, the horse is settled, the price is affordable and moving is surely just letting her win this petty battle.

Other liveries get away without poo picking, feeding at random times or not feeding at all, leaving their horses without water, and not reporting broken fencing. On one memorable occasion ym moaned to US about that livery NOT paying her bill! She is still here. Logic? Can't think of one apart from she doesn't like us.

Anyway, like a grown up, I have had words. Turns out she doesn't like my family member who looks after my horse when I can't. Charmed! Also turns out, she says different things to different people. I think she could be quite the candidate for story telling.
However, she is the YM, and we don't have many options, do we? Just feel for my family member who is doing ME the favour, and used to love doing so, now doesn't and from a strong brave person she has 'shrunk' back and it's horrid to have to think about, let alone deal with.

Suppose just want a hug. Sorry for ramble.
 
Not petty to move, you are lining her pockets with your money to be treated like that, then you run the risk of losing someone who was happy to help you. No doubt in my mind I would be gone asap
 
Simply vote with your feet and move, but make sure she knows why before you go. I couldn't put up with that and clearly you can't either.
 
Does the YM own the yard, or is she a manager ? If I had employed a manager to run a yard, I would want to know if they behaved like this. Very unprofessional
 
I would point blank refuse to give my hard earned money to someone who shouted at me (instructor excluded :P ). This should be a hobby, not a chore. The premises and facilities may be convenient, but surely it isn't worth giving up the enjoyment of your horse?
 
It's horrible when from an outsider point of view I would say move to, just seems so hard to let go of what should be, such a lovely place.
I'm giving myself my own advice!! And not wanting to listen. Grrr. It's not easy finding other places is it? I only found this place by luck, and have 1 horse who lives out. Not many want 1 living out??
 
Awww thats horrible. There are so many really awful livery stables where people are unhappy. Horse owning is supposed to be enjoyable but it can start to ruin your life when there are bullies on the yard. Why cant all the bullies just be sent on a one-way ship to the South Pole and dumped there ?? I think you ought to just leave. Wouldnt even give the silly cow notice. I would start sneaking out bits of equipment each day then one day just load up and go. Balls to her !! Even if you have to move to a yard a bit further away, it will be worth it to get away from her. dont forget you are a paying customer and shouldnt be treated so badly
 
Feeling Merry said:
is the yard manager?

She knows she has got to us, and she is enjoying it.
Whatever we do, something is wrong, and we are either told about it through others, a letter or given the silent treatment until evasion isn't an option and we're shouted at. If we were correct before, and then repeat it, we're wrong.
Can be anything as silly as feeding X amounts of hay, filling up water using the wrong tap/trough or having the dogs on/off lead in the right/wrong places!!

The place is so suitable, the horse is settled, the price is affordable and moving is surely just letting her win this petty battle.

Other liveries get away without poo picking, feeding at random times or not feeding at all, leaving their horses without water, and not reporting broken fencing. On one memorable occasion ym moaned to US about that livery NOT paying her bill! She is still here. Logic? Can't think of one apart from she doesn't like us.

Anyway, like a grown up, I have had words. Turns out she doesn't like my family member who looks after my horse when I can't. Charmed! Also turns out, she says different things to different people. I think she could be quite the candidate for story telling.
However, she is the YM, and we don't have many options, do we? Just feel for my family member who is doing ME the favour, and used to love doing so, now doesn't and from a strong brave person she has 'shrunk' back and it's horrid to have to think about, let alone deal with.
Suppose just want a hug. Sorry for ramble.
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Leave - sorry this is not the way a Y/O -Y/M should behave with liveries I would be moving my horse elsewhere
 
If she owns the yard move, if she doesn't have a word with the owner, but like the others have said move, because things aren't going to improve and when you do move put the whisper out why you moved.
 
I believe the owner of the premises lives over seas.

Is there anyone here, who thinks we should just stand tall and get on with it? Trying to get YM to realise she isn't going to have the last laugh? Surely leaving is admitting defeat? Btw, YM isn't always there, so there are days when all is peaceful.
On a slightly seperate note, this latest 'abuse' stems from another livery (non poo picking one!) asked us to feed her horse EVERY DAY. I simply replied with please give us a financial gesture in lue, and we would. Ton of bricks stemmed from that! -Whose is right/wrong there? Be honest! I'm doubting myself over everything and analysing it all too much I think.
 
Feeling Merry said:
I believe the owner of the premises lives over seas.

Is there anyone here, who thinks we should just stand tall and get on with it? Trying to get YM to realise she isn't going to have the last laugh? Surely leaving is admitting defeat? Btw, YM isn't always there, so there are days when all is peaceful.
On a slightly seperate note, this latest 'abuse' stems from another livery (non poo picking one!) asked us to feed her horse EVERY DAY. I simply replied with please give us a financial gesture in lue, and we would. Ton of bricks stemmed from that! -Whose is right/wrong there? Be honest! I'm doubting myself over everything and analysing it all too much I think.
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Well it is up to you. You could stand up to her and tell her in no uncertain terms you are a paying customer and she will treat you with respect or you will move your home. You could tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable and rude and then see what happens.
 
Four weeks ago I moved off the perfect yard in terms of price, location and facilities because the Yard Manager was bullying me and other liveries in various ridiculous petty ways. (Eight of us have now left in 4 months due to her behaviour)
I can hold my head up high, I wouldn't say I admitted defeat.
I pay a lot of money to have a horse. I work a stressful job my horse is my relaxation and I wasn't about to have that ruined by a ridiculous woman picking on me.
I'm 35 for gods sake not 15.
What she thinks about "winning" over me is not my concern. I'm now happy and don't have to avoid the yard I am on.
I really don't know what you would be achieving by standing tall and tolerating what is actually abuse.
Why would she have the last laugh if you moved somewhere where you didn't have to tolerate school yard behaviour and what would it matter if she thought she had one over on you?
I too had "peaceful" days when she wasn't there, then realised every day should be like that.
I really don't see what you would gain from "not letting her win"?
Oh and I'm now on a yard with such a lovely YO and it's like a weight has been lifted.
 
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Move. Doesnt matter if you view this as loosing. I had this with a psycho loony and her mother. I ended up on a small holding with the most lovely owner. Ive been there 3 years now and in a way im glad that i went through what i did. I appreciate what ive got now.
 
This is not about winning or losing, this about whether you are prepared to accept such shoddy service, and pay for it! This is about taking control of the situation - removing yourself and your horse from a toxic environment is not "giving up" but a very positive action. I would personally be concerned about escalation, and it can be exceptionally wearing trying to exist in such a bullying environment.

Get yourself out of there!
 
I think you are on a hiding to nothing. You have nothing to bargain with apart form threatening to leave which she would like anyway. Either you take the decision to let it wash over you or bide your time and move when the right place comes up. To be honest I've come across a fair few YO/YM that treat liveries differently and unfairly and there is nothing you can do about it.
 
Conflicted about this as OP's horse likes the yard I understand her reluctance to move .
However what I would not do is allow this to intimidate me if I decided to stay to do this you need a very forthright manner and a very cool temper and can never put yourself in the wrong ever you would have to be the neatest , the best poo picker etc etc etc .
Is it worth it if you can find another nice yard, I don't think so on balance it is but what if you can't find as good turnout for example locally .
Why are so many livery yards dysfunctional ? The forum sometimes makes it seem it's impossible to find a nice yard fun sane people .
 
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Poor you. You do have choices. Stay and suck it up, move asap or set a deadline to change things then reassess. You should try to understand why she is doing this then question each comment. You might put up with rude hotel staff for a night or so but you wouldn't keep going back month in month out.
 
In no way, shape or form is removing your business from someone "admitting defeat" or letting them have the last laugh. They offer a service which you pay for. You aren't happy with the service so you stop using and paying them.

They're getting the last laugh if you stay!
 
I used to be on a yard with someone like this. In the end karma caught up with her and she was booted off by the owner because several liveries threatened to leave.
 
Feeling Merry said:
I believe the owner of the premises lives over seas.

Is there anyone here, who thinks we should just stand tall and get on with it? Trying to get YM to realise she isn't going to have the last laugh? Surely leaving is admitting defeat? Btw, YM isn't always there, so there are days when all is peaceful.
On a slightly seperate note, this latest 'abuse' stems from another livery (non poo picking one!) asked us to feed her horse EVERY DAY. I simply replied with please give us a financial gesture in lue, and we would. Ton of bricks stemmed from that! -Whose is right/wrong there? Be honest! I'm doubting myself over everything and analysing it all too much I think.
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In that case, it's important to remember that the YM is an employee, who is behaving in a disruptive way, that will have consequences for the YO business.

Personally I would tackle this head on, with another meeting with YM, and name her behaviour. i would explain that unless set rules are made for everyone, you intend to take this up with the YO.

What do you have to lose ?
 
Asha said:
In that case, it's important to remember that the YM is an employee, who is behaving in a disruptive way, that will have consequences for the YO business.

Personally I would tackle this head on, with another meeting with YM, and name her behaviour. i would explain that unless set rules are made for everyone, you intend to take this up with the YO.

What do you have to lose ?
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And take your family member. Cite areas where the YM has been unfair/treated you differently. Can you contact the YO or will fellow liveries stand with you? I'd want a proper sit down with her to allow both sides to air differences, but ultimately, this is your horse, your money, your enjoy,net and if things can't be resolved because she's basically a horrible cow, then I'd be off.
 
Bullies only bully those who allow them to do so. Either stand up to her, each and every time she has a go at you, or leave. Which ever course of action you choose, I would let the YO know about the unprofessional behaviour.
 
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